Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi girls,

A few days ago I read a post that contained racial slurs. I found it particulary upsetting so I wrote the Site Administrator. However when I returned to the thread, I had found that a few others had already complained openly in their posts. I was more than surprised to find a post from our administrators that explained why she would not remove the offensve post, and then added some more racial slurs, I presume to show it was no big deal.

I then wrote a post in that thread where I stated my disgust with the posts containing racial slurs. At this point I was really upset and angry so I decided to talk to some of my sisters from here. The response was that I was making a mountain out of a molehill and that while the posts were stupid, they were not intended to be racial slurs.

So I wrote our administrator and apologized, since everyone seemed to think my response was not appropriate. She wrote me back a very gracious letter and said that she had decided to move the thread to Hot Topics. This seemed reasonable to me since I don't have access to Hot Topics, I wouldn't have to see it.

But it has bothered me ever since. I was raised by a very racist white man who married a hispanic woman, my mother, but was a racist. He taught us to be racist. But as I got older I figured out that it was all a bunch of crap. I eventually rejected racism and realized that the real line dividing us was $$$$$, not race.

But during the time when I first started thinking it was wrong and the time where I rejected racism, I accepted it. I used to say all the typical things. Like [n-word] just means a type of person, there are white [n-words] too. It's racism rationale. I was trying to pretend I was not racist, while I did and said racist things.

Until one day when the electrician I was working with asked me why I always called my black friends, "my black friend" instead of just "my friend"? Why did anyone need to know my friend was black? Why would that be important information. Was it not enough to just say my friend? I was trying to prove I was not racist by being racist. And then I thought about how condescending that was and I realized that I was still a racist.

This was ridiculous because I knew that while there are some differences between races, there are more differences in people within races and that for anything that really mattered, we where all pretty much the given the same opportunity. So why the conflict?

Because I was afraid that if I just came out as not being racist I would be shunned by the people I hung around with including my own family members. Then is dawned on me that because the racism argument does not hold water, I could not only come clean about not behaving as I believed, but also I could easily prove to people that racism is wrong and we need to stop it.

So I did. And what happened was that most of my brothers and sisters were in the same place as me and were relieved by me bringing it up so they could drop the act too. And after that, I have not put up with racism. I just won't go along with it. If people want to believe that any race is better than any other race, that is there business, but I don't have to associate myself with it.

And so do you see where I am? I am tolerating racism because I value all of your friendship so much. But I can't do it. It makes me feel bad about myself. References to Watermelon, chicken and ribs are not political party jokes. They are racial stereotypes and were intended to make fun of the New President elect not because of his political positions, but because he is an African American.

I don't want this to come off as an ultimatim because it's not. It's how I have to live my life. But the truth of the matter is, I can't live with that thread being here. Even if I can't see it. This forum is really a bunch of loving people and whether we like it or not, it speaks for all of us when people come here. I can't be in a place where the message is that the color of your skin determines if your feelings are cared for.

So I am asking SilverLady to either remove that thread as something not suitable for our forum, or to please remove my name from the membership of this forum.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Thread removed.

This forum is for everyone's benifit and, hopefully, enjoyment.

Regardless of whether it's only one, two or fifty people who find watermelon/black "jokes" as being inappropriate, the number folks, or color of their skin, should not be a deciding factor on whether the "jokes" are deemed appropriate or not.

Hi Elizabeth,

First of all, I plead with you that no matter what happens, please, please please, do not leave us here. You would be doing serious harm to our whole community here. We need you - witness your many posts here.

As for the inclusion of controversal topics on this forum, my general feeling is to ignore them. IMHO discussions of religion, racism, politics, etc do not belong here, and I have refrained from contributing to them. Segregating this stuff to "Hot Topics" is a help, but I still feel this is not the forum for this. There are plenty of other sites, blogs, etc. where one can vent one's personal opinions freely. Fine - this is not a repressive society. No one's freedom of speech is being violated.

Our competent and watchful moderators already have successfully weeded out the trolls and porn seekers. Let them do some more filtering, and keep controversy to such topics as the genetic basis for crossdressing.

Again, I plead - don't leave us Elizabeth.

Love & Hugs,

Lydia

Regardless of whether it's only one, two or fifty people who find watermelon/black "jokes" as being inappropriate, the number folks, or color of their skin, should not be a deciding factor on whether the "jokes" are deemed appropriate or not.

I would say that the "number of folks" who feel something is inappropriate should count for something, and I was going to suggest a poll on this. It was going to be a start toward resolving something that I saw as a continuing problem. Thank you, Donna, for addressing the issue. Thank you, Elizabeth, for having the courage to post about a difficult subject.

George Carlin said it best about racism. "You shouldn't hate someone because of the color of their skin. Get to know them as a person and you can find so many more worthwhile things to hate them for."

Elizabeth, you are an asset to the Forum and I do consider you as a friend, even though we may not always agree. I would ask that you do not leave the forum.

Elizabeth wrote:A few days ago I read a post that contained racial slurs. I found it particulary upsetting so I wrote the Site Administrator. However when I returned to the thread, I had found that a few others had already complained openly in their posts. I was more than surprised to find a post from our administrators that explained why she would not remove the offensve post, and then added some more racial slurs, I presume to show it was no big deal.

Contrary to what you said, Elizabeth, you know that my comments in that thread were made prior to any PM sent by you, and you mentioned that in your PM to me. Further, I moved the thread to Hot Topics without any comments on the move . . . except to you via PM.


Reading the posts in question, and knowing the members who wrote them, I did not feel there was any sort of racial slurs behind them, and I still do not. I responded to their posts with an additional joke, also with no racial slurs behind it. None of those comments were intended to nor did they contain racial slurs unless one chose to read them with that slanted view.

Upon receipt of Elizabeth's PM, I responded to her PM and agreed to move the thread to Hot Topics, as she had requested. The member who wrote the original one-line post had subsequently written - after the thread was already moved and without knowing about any PM's being sent to me about it - apologized for any misinterpretation, and went into further detail, explaining (for those who did not get it the first time around) that it was meant purely in jest, as was my comment and the comments made prior to ours. In other words, people were reading more into the comments than what was intended.


After moving the thread to Hot Topics, and after the 'explanation post' made by the member in question, I was pleasantly surprised to receive additional PM's from other members, some of whom had commented in that thread, and all were apologies for misinterpreting the comments made in the now-moved thread. One of those apologies was from Elizabeth.


If Donna had not already done so, then I would have deleted the thread in question as requested by Elizabeth, above. Thank you, Donna, for deleting the thread.



In closing, if any comments made about enjoying watermelon, bbq ribs and chicken are deemed to be racial slurs, simply because we now have a President-Elect who just happens to be half-African American, and presumably that means watermelon, bbq ribs and chicken are only enjoyed by African Americans, then this country is in even more trouble than it already is.



- SL

SilverLady,

Thank you for your explanation and your's and DonnaT's prompt actions. I don't want to appear as a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because that is not how I feel. Anyways, I really appreciate it and feel the conflict is now resolved. Thanks.

Love always,
Elizabeth