Hi all,
Everyone is welcome to answer the following poll... men, women, SOs, CDs, wherever you are on the (trans)gender spectrum.
I'm curious to know if you consider yourself competitive. Do you love competing? Against yourself or others... doesn't matter. Is there something in you that continually eggs you on to do better or to "go the other guy one better"?
Traditionally, competitiveness is seen as a typically masculine trait. I'm wondering if this is still true today. If you believe it is, how do you then reconcile your competitive drive with the more feminine aspects of your behaviour? Must either your competitiveness or your feminine traits be sacrificed? Or can they coexist? Comments welcome.
For the sake of simplicity, and as a reflection of the board's membership, I've omitted female-to-male TG options.
Love,
CJ
Are you competitive?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
-
Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
Hi C.J.
I didnt post a vote as no options really fit me.When I am in male mode I feel I am competitive,I am always trying to do better than the next guy and I get upset when I get outdone.
When my mind set changes and Jennifer takes over(dressed or not)most of that goes away.I still strive to do my best but when I feel I have been outdone it doesnt seem to bother me at all.
I often wonder if this is actually what happens or if it is just my perception of what happens.We may never know
I didnt post a vote as no options really fit me.When I am in male mode I feel I am competitive,I am always trying to do better than the next guy and I get upset when I get outdone.
When my mind set changes and Jennifer takes over(dressed or not)most of that goes away.I still strive to do my best but when I feel I have been outdone it doesnt seem to bother me at all.
I often wonder if this is actually what happens or if it is just my perception of what happens.We may never know
Understand the voice within
-
Sylvia H
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 201
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 4:21 am
- Location: Colorado
Absolutely non competitive in the definition implied. I do not care one way or the other to outdo someone else or be outdone.
My drive is to do the best possible job at hand for the sake of doing the best possible job. It usually works best when people cooperate, but seldom happens when egos run unbridled.
This view has tended to make me the odd man out in many situations, but I do not wish to participate in meaningless competitive posturing.
xox
Sylvia
My drive is to do the best possible job at hand for the sake of doing the best possible job. It usually works best when people cooperate, but seldom happens when egos run unbridled.
This view has tended to make me the odd man out in many situations, but I do not wish to participate in meaningless competitive posturing.
xox
Sylvia
-
Kimberly Kael
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 576
- Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:43 pm
- Location: San Francisco Bay Area
I've been teased about how competitive I am often enough that there must be something to it. My wife is exactly the same in that we both like to excel at what we do. I honestly think this trait is a healthy thing for either gender.
What I don't think is so healthy is the desire to see someone else fail. I've never understood that desire and have it filed in my "masculine traits I am glad I don't share" folder along with dozens of similarly distasteful characteristics. Someone else doesn't have to lose so that I can win. I'm perfectly happy to do well along with someone else.
What I don't think is so healthy is the desire to see someone else fail. I've never understood that desire and have it filed in my "masculine traits I am glad I don't share" folder along with dozens of similarly distasteful characteristics. Someone else doesn't have to lose so that I can win. I'm perfectly happy to do well along with someone else.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
-
Amelie-Laveau
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 629
- Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 7:20 pm
I voted the last option,, just to mess with you.
NOOoooo,,, I don’t compete for anything, I have never had the need to compete with anyone. I don’t know of any situation in my life where I had to compete for anything. I always felt there was enough room for me to just stay on the sidelines of life while others did all the work. There are always ways of getting what one needs without competing for it. Patience is a better way to go than to compete for something, I just give myself enough time and I get what I need without competing for it.. I hope that’s what you meant, I hope you didn’t mean something silly like compete at sports.
I am quite content sitting in the park and watching others run around like little ants, fighting each other so they can be first to gain the fruits or their competivness. , fighting each other so they can be in the front of the line of life. I am very happy to come into the scene late and take whatever the other ants have left behind, there is always something left behind for me to take without having to compete for it. Competition is a specialization best left for bugs.
Anyway, if there ever came the rare need for me to compete, like let‘s say for a man, then I just cheat and lie to get what I need,, is cheating and lying part of being competitive?.
NOOoooo,,, I don’t compete for anything, I have never had the need to compete with anyone. I don’t know of any situation in my life where I had to compete for anything. I always felt there was enough room for me to just stay on the sidelines of life while others did all the work. There are always ways of getting what one needs without competing for it. Patience is a better way to go than to compete for something, I just give myself enough time and I get what I need without competing for it.. I hope that’s what you meant, I hope you didn’t mean something silly like compete at sports.
I am quite content sitting in the park and watching others run around like little ants, fighting each other so they can be first to gain the fruits or their competivness. , fighting each other so they can be in the front of the line of life. I am very happy to come into the scene late and take whatever the other ants have left behind, there is always something left behind for me to take without having to compete for it. Competition is a specialization best left for bugs.
Anyway, if there ever came the rare need for me to compete, like let‘s say for a man, then I just cheat and lie to get what I need,, is cheating and lying part of being competitive?.
-
DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi CJ,
I need a clarification before I vote. I don't consider the desire to do my personal best as being competitive. Like school for instance, I don't really care what anyone else gets. When I used to work I was very competitive, because I had to be. I needed to make the most money I could. So I did it, but not because I wanted to so much as I felt compelled. In other things I am not competitive. I played in a dart league where I was the worst player. I didn't care, I only played to have some fun with friends. Fishing? I couldn't even cast my own pole and still have no idea how to tie a hook.
I have never really been all that concerned with what others are doing compared to me, except when it came to work, because that was about feeding my family. So if wanting to do my best means I am competitive, I would say I am, but if it means outdoing others just for the privilege of being the best? I really don't care about that.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I need a clarification before I vote. I don't consider the desire to do my personal best as being competitive. Like school for instance, I don't really care what anyone else gets. When I used to work I was very competitive, because I had to be. I needed to make the most money I could. So I did it, but not because I wanted to so much as I felt compelled. In other things I am not competitive. I played in a dart league where I was the worst player. I didn't care, I only played to have some fun with friends. Fishing? I couldn't even cast my own pole and still have no idea how to tie a hook.
I have never really been all that concerned with what others are doing compared to me, except when it came to work, because that was about feeding my family. So if wanting to do my best means I am competitive, I would say I am, but if it means outdoing others just for the privilege of being the best? I really don't care about that.
Love always,
Elizabeth
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Elizabeth,
Let's say, for the sake of this poll, that we'll take the terms "competitive" and "competitiveness" at face value, meaning something like "having a strong drive to compete, to excel, or to succeed (at something)." While there's such a thing as being in competition with yourself--and that, too, is competitiveness--let's assume, again for the sake of the poll, that competitiveness here includes the social, public element, not just the psychological one.
For instance, while you may not care what grade anyone else gets in school (because, presumably, you're there mostly for your own betterment), might you not care if it became a matter of, say, being admitted or not to a narrow-admission UCLA doctorate program? This is the kind of competitiveness I mean.
The idea for this poll came to me as a result of Anita's reply to the latest "excerpt of the week," where the author--a woman having spent a year living as a man--found the ceaseless drive (nay, requirement) to outdo others to be difficult to bear. Anita mentioned that, as far as she, herself, was concerned, she retires from that particular kind of competition, especially when she presents as a woman. Yet, I have no doubt that in her stint as a guitarist for the EME, Anita does, indeed, do her very best. But, to me, that's not the same thing; competitiveness comes from wanting an edge over someone else and wanting it known that you're "gunning" for that edge (or that you've acquired it). Your social status--as a man, as a father, as an employee, what have you--rises or falls or fluctuates depending on the results (or lack thereof) of your competitiveness. This is the kind I'm talking about, I guess.
But my own definition of competitiveness may not be the only one out there. That's why I'm curious to see what others have to say on the matter. I tend to agree with Donna, in that many women I know are also competitive (in the sense I just outlined). But that's just it. Often, those same women are seen as being somehow overly masculine while nothing in their dress, appearance, or mannerisms would suggest this. No, it has only to do with their drive and competitive spirit. Go figure!
Again, any and all comments welcome!
Love,
CJ
Elizabeth,
Let's say, for the sake of this poll, that we'll take the terms "competitive" and "competitiveness" at face value, meaning something like "having a strong drive to compete, to excel, or to succeed (at something)." While there's such a thing as being in competition with yourself--and that, too, is competitiveness--let's assume, again for the sake of the poll, that competitiveness here includes the social, public element, not just the psychological one.
For instance, while you may not care what grade anyone else gets in school (because, presumably, you're there mostly for your own betterment), might you not care if it became a matter of, say, being admitted or not to a narrow-admission UCLA doctorate program? This is the kind of competitiveness I mean.
The idea for this poll came to me as a result of Anita's reply to the latest "excerpt of the week," where the author--a woman having spent a year living as a man--found the ceaseless drive (nay, requirement) to outdo others to be difficult to bear. Anita mentioned that, as far as she, herself, was concerned, she retires from that particular kind of competition, especially when she presents as a woman. Yet, I have no doubt that in her stint as a guitarist for the EME, Anita does, indeed, do her very best. But, to me, that's not the same thing; competitiveness comes from wanting an edge over someone else and wanting it known that you're "gunning" for that edge (or that you've acquired it). Your social status--as a man, as a father, as an employee, what have you--rises or falls or fluctuates depending on the results (or lack thereof) of your competitiveness. This is the kind I'm talking about, I guess.
But my own definition of competitiveness may not be the only one out there. That's why I'm curious to see what others have to say on the matter. I tend to agree with Donna, in that many women I know are also competitive (in the sense I just outlined). But that's just it. Often, those same women are seen as being somehow overly masculine while nothing in their dress, appearance, or mannerisms would suggest this. No, it has only to do with their drive and competitive spirit. Go figure!
Again, any and all comments welcome!
Love,
CJ
-
SandiAnne
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:02 am
- Location: Pennsylvania
Reply to CJ
I don't think you will have to look at sports to find competitive women. I won't bother you with all the international female sport figures by name. You know them.
I feel that the difference in competitiveness between men and women is in the purpose of the competition. Women will compete for a career advancement, for a college grade, for a scholarship, for a mate or for anything that will benefit their children. In other words women will compete for goals that contribute to the betterment of society or our species.
Men will compete for chug-a-lug contests, the size of their sex organs, how many women they have seduced, meaningless bar arm strength contests,
dissing contests with friends and the cost and size of their homes and other purchases. In other words, men will compete just to compete.
I know how to play the male game. I played it successfully my entire life. But my other side is sickened by that behavior.
Sandianne
I feel that the difference in competitiveness between men and women is in the purpose of the competition. Women will compete for a career advancement, for a college grade, for a scholarship, for a mate or for anything that will benefit their children. In other words women will compete for goals that contribute to the betterment of society or our species.
Men will compete for chug-a-lug contests, the size of their sex organs, how many women they have seduced, meaningless bar arm strength contests,
dissing contests with friends and the cost and size of their homes and other purchases. In other words, men will compete just to compete.
I know how to play the male game. I played it successfully my entire life. But my other side is sickened by that behavior.
Sandianne
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi CJ--
I'm definitely still competitive, and it would be true to say that I'm still competitive as a gal, too, if I'm playing/working as a girl guitarist. Men still don't know quite what to make of me in that role, but they know enough to figure that I'm going to be as picky or egotistical as any other rock guitarist. That's one of those jobs where the role dictates the terms, whatever gender you're presenting. I'd say computer engineering is like that, too--if you can do the job, you get respect. It's more gender-neutral than many other professions.
But if I show up at a social function dressed as a girl, well, I've automatically signaled that I'm not playing the competition game as we all know it. I may still be trying to do my best (Elizabeth's definition), but I've already conceded that it won't be on the level of dog-eat-dog that might be expected of either a male self or a genetic woman. I'm taking myself out of both of those conventional roles, 'cause I'm not trying to present as a fulltime woman, either.
As I've noted before, what surprised and delighted me was that men did not just disregard me or ignore me when I showed up as female appearance. I could have never predicted that. I suppose there's an element of uncertainty or even danger that I'm presenting. To paraphrase Violet's signature line:
"He should be ashamed or humiliated showing up like that...but he's not."
So that confuses all the Type A players who are busy jockeying for power and position at the party.
I'm definitely still competitive, and it would be true to say that I'm still competitive as a gal, too, if I'm playing/working as a girl guitarist. Men still don't know quite what to make of me in that role, but they know enough to figure that I'm going to be as picky or egotistical as any other rock guitarist. That's one of those jobs where the role dictates the terms, whatever gender you're presenting. I'd say computer engineering is like that, too--if you can do the job, you get respect. It's more gender-neutral than many other professions.
But if I show up at a social function dressed as a girl, well, I've automatically signaled that I'm not playing the competition game as we all know it. I may still be trying to do my best (Elizabeth's definition), but I've already conceded that it won't be on the level of dog-eat-dog that might be expected of either a male self or a genetic woman. I'm taking myself out of both of those conventional roles, 'cause I'm not trying to present as a fulltime woman, either.
As I've noted before, what surprised and delighted me was that men did not just disregard me or ignore me when I showed up as female appearance. I could have never predicted that. I suppose there's an element of uncertainty or even danger that I'm presenting. To paraphrase Violet's signature line:
"He should be ashamed or humiliated showing up like that...but he's not."
So that confuses all the Type A players who are busy jockeying for power and position at the party.
-
Gaven McLaren
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 697
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 2:29 am
- Location: San Ramon, CA
- Contact:
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi girls,
After conferring with my sisters here, I have voted that I am a competitive female. While men and women compete in different ways, I believe women are just as competitive as men if not more so. Perhaps not directly with men, but certainly for men.
I know it has been brought up many times, but who are women really dressing for? Most men don't know a whole lot about fashion, designers, and what's in style. Notice at formal events all the men dress identical in tuxedos, but heaven forbid someone wear the same dress as another woman.
And that is only one way that women are competitive. Of course there are sports, but women also compete as mothers, wives, and bread winners and in just about everything else they do. If you think mothers are not competitive, try coaching little league. I mean, why do we have terms like "soccer mom" or "stage mother"?
I feel I am as competitive as any woman would be. Like everyone else, I try to play on my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. I only have other women to emulate. Because I am forced, like all girls, to see what others women are doing, it makes me competitive no matter what, because I end up comparing myself to them. Yes, I want to be a good woman and all the things that are implied by that.
I enjoy being a "mom", as it were. I enjoy being married to Raven and want to be a good spouse. I enjoy taking care of my family, to the extent that I am able. In the sense of wanting to be the best I can be, I am competitive.
Love always,
Elizabeth
After conferring with my sisters here, I have voted that I am a competitive female. While men and women compete in different ways, I believe women are just as competitive as men if not more so. Perhaps not directly with men, but certainly for men.
I know it has been brought up many times, but who are women really dressing for? Most men don't know a whole lot about fashion, designers, and what's in style. Notice at formal events all the men dress identical in tuxedos, but heaven forbid someone wear the same dress as another woman.
And that is only one way that women are competitive. Of course there are sports, but women also compete as mothers, wives, and bread winners and in just about everything else they do. If you think mothers are not competitive, try coaching little league. I mean, why do we have terms like "soccer mom" or "stage mother"?
I feel I am as competitive as any woman would be. Like everyone else, I try to play on my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. I only have other women to emulate. Because I am forced, like all girls, to see what others women are doing, it makes me competitive no matter what, because I end up comparing myself to them. Yes, I want to be a good woman and all the things that are implied by that.
I enjoy being a "mom", as it were. I enjoy being married to Raven and want to be a good spouse. I enjoy taking care of my family, to the extent that I am able. In the sense of wanting to be the best I can be, I am competitive.
Love always,
Elizabeth