When the need to crossdress came back, at age 49, it was the whole package all at once--I knew that if I bought the clothes, (which I did not have), then I would be going out, almost immediately. As Kimberly said earlier,I don't know, Robyn, but unlike Anita, I did go outside. It was the backyard, but it was open to view from the neighbors.
and I somehow felt that, even though 32 years earlier, my teen self never thought of it that way at all.... the house was just a larger jail cell than the closet.
Kimberly wrote:
Kimberly's quote gets back to what I said in my earlier post. Going out as a girl fullfilled my need to be more real as a person--it just happened that gender crossing was the best way to do it, for me.I was presenting an image of myself that I had never shown anyone because of the many things that I thought of that image that were not good.
As far as the "rewards" that come from the risk of being caught or identified--in reading the posts here, I'm still not sure where that would come from. When I was in the closet, I didn't feel that particular impulse.
I do know that my image as a woman out in the world sends the clearest signal to men that I could come up with; it says, "I have laid down my weapons; will you do the same?" There is nothing that can compare with the vulnerability that we show as TG women. It is not the only thing we show, but it's the foundation for the whole presentation.
