What would yor do if?

[Robyn Katie]

Merinda, you bring up an important point.

We tend to be terribly slow to react. In the first place we can't believe this is happening. Secondly, most of us aren't street smart, so we don't walk around on a hair trigger.

So we're liable to respond appropriately only long after it's over, while driving home, or lying awake that night, and getting madder and madder, or scareder and scareder, or both.

All this means someone can come on to us and only gradually can we become aware we're really and truly being threatened ...

Then it takes even longer to get past the fear and distress and get appropriately angry ...

Longer than that to get into defensive mode and prepare to act effectively ...

Longer than that to dare to break through our own reluctance to deal with it ... lash out ... etc.

Being civilized beings gets in our way. Because in our fortunate society danger happens only very rarely, we are expecting a high level of safety! Even in male mode we often don't react fully and appropriately while the danger is going on.

Add that we're in female mode, feeling peaceable, gentle and mild, and we are maximally vulnerable and minimally able to respond appropriately.

I think GGs who have been in this position might suggest we would all benefit from a good class in self-defense, which includes clear awareness of where you are and what might happen at every moment, keeping our bodies and minds prepared and ready.

On the other hand walking around like a cop half-crazed with adrenaline is a miserable way to go through life. Some people adopt this kind of armor and then can't shed it when they need to.

It's a dilemma. I think the answer may be that you're sometimes going to be in danger and no matter how you've tried to prepare, you won't be ready, and that probably has to be accepted.

So maybe the best you can do to train for this is cultivate your awareness of the present moment and the quickness of your response. For that, I personally find tai chi and meditation useful.

Others would go further and recommend more advanced forms of the martial arts. The good thing about the martial arts is that they can prepare you while leaving you relaxed, alert and NOT crazed on adrenaline. If properly learned, you can practice them and still be a pleasant, nice, gentle lady.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Merinda]

Robyn Katie ,

Yes , I agree with you

There is one other aspect , whilst out dressed the last thing you want to do is to draw any public attention to yourself , imagine if your response resulted in punches being thrown and the police were called.
Your wig goes flying off during the scuffle and everyone around you laughs at the man in the dress , the police attend , arrest both of you , some family member (unaware of your dressing) has to bail you out and you're still wearing a dress with no wig.
Not to mention the harassment from other people detained in nearby cells.

The best option is to "defuse" or "escape" rather than confrontation at the time , like I said , depending on the severety of what had occured and the chance encounter at a later stage when I'm sober and in male mode , he may recieve a sudden suprise between the eyes.

[Absaroka]

It occurs to me to ask. Sophie, has anything like this actually happened to you? If so what did you do?

Apart from the experience of Carolynns friend has this actually happened to any one here? I know there has been discussion of assaults here, Gee was involved in one a few years ago which lead to unfortunate results for the other people. I don't remember any others though, although there is plenty of discussion of this situation in books by folks who have transitioned both MTF and FTM. Max Wolf maintained he felt less safe in some ways as a male.

Absaroka

[CJ]

Yes, I've been assaulted before. But it had nothing to do with coming out of a bar or being bothered by some dude. The men who committed the assault made a special point of stopping their car when they saw us on the sidewalk near our home. All three appeared to be drunk. My GF (at the time) fended them off. This was a long time ago, now. In the early 90s. I never sought to get the authorities involved.

This event is, in part, responsible for my reluctance to go out en femme. Of course, I have, since then. But I'm much more careful and choose my spots more wisely (for example, by preferring daytime walks to nighttime strolls). Having said this, I haven't dressed fully, and therefore haven't been out, in close to three years. I sorta miss it.

CJ

[Steve]

Stopped under Interstate Bridge to get some sleep. Some moron came up to the window and tried to rob me with knife. His eyes got really big and he ran like a rabbit. I opened the window with one hand and brought up Chrome Plated Combat Commander (45 acp) and flicked off the safety (I had it clocked and locked). I think he could have won the 100 meter dash. Dropped his knife and moved on.

And they were special loads too. Hollow Point hand loaded.


DM

[Sophie-W]

I was once out late at night, I had drove to another town to get some money from the cash point.When I was walking back to the car, a guy whistled at me. That scared me, I walked faster to the car. I was hoping that he didn't follow me.
On Saturday when we go out, we always go to the same bars. The disco was on, about 6 guys came in together, my wife was at the toilet, one started to chat me up. When my wife came back I told her, they then started to chat to her. They was one in particular that was making lewd jesters towards her, but being a woman she knew how to deal with him. The reason I asked this question, is because my wife goes back to the UK each year for 2 weeks, and I said that I would still go to the bars.
My wife said that I could be putting myself in danger. She said that if I had been alone, one of these guys might have stayed in the bar, pestering me. Then I would have had to walk to the car alone. And who knows what might have happened, if the guy followed me out.

[Absaroka]

Find a friend to go with or make friends with the bartenders and regulars. You shouldn't be going alone dressed to unfamiliar places.

When I was younger some of the bars I hung out with were sort of rough. The regulars among the women however felt entirely safe there, secure in the knowledge that they were friends with the bartenders and many of the male patrons and that you would need to be at least semi suicidal to bother them. Folks also used to follow the older men home to be sure they got home safe. I think sometimes people were disappointed that they did not have to rush to their defense but that's another story.

Absaroka

[DeeDee]

This a two part thread...have you been approached by men and the security issue. Yes, I've had men make advances towards me, but thats not my interest so stopped it in the bud. It is a bit flattering though. As far as security...welll...I never gave it much thought at first, since in guy mode just do what I want. But once after a meeting (not wanting it to end) I stopped for gas I really didn't need and noticed some guys looking at me from a few pumps away. Suddenly felt very vulnerable in a dress and heels. I started to understand what a real woman must put up with all the time. So now, I only go out with friends or my SO......gotta be safe. Theres been other situations also, but learned from them all. So, be safe girls bad guys see you as a target from a distance and once they decide to attack thats it!!!!
hugs
DeeDee

[Merinda]

Yes, I've had men make advances towards me, but thats not my interest so stopped it in the bud. It is a bit flattering though.

Unfortunatly many men have the belief that the only reason we crossdress is to attract other men , they dont understand that for the majority of us its just not true.
Also some men who claim to be fully hetrosexual can suddenly aquire a versatility in their sexual boundaries and become more broad range in the pressence of a T-girl.
It would be flattering to be approached , provided the "NO" is understood and accepted.