Uh, thanks for the nomination, Merinda.
Of course, any thread is only as interesting as the posts that build it up; it's contributors such as yourself (and the other good folks here that post a thought or comment) that keep members coming back to a given thread."Exposing" ourselves is, I think, a major reason for the existence of forums such as this one. By having a chance to share with each other our deepest secrets and vulnerabilities--not just as men or as women or as crossdressers or as transgendered individuals, but as human beings--we remind ourselves that our common, shared humanity (I'd use the word "humanness" here) is, or ought to be, the first thing that connects us, that brings us together. And this, of course, goes well beyond the TG community.
Here, we can tell others (and the world): "I know that you see 'this' (or 'that') when you look at me but, here, let me show you what I look like from the inside." It's not something to run away from; it's something to embrace. But we often remain afraid. We show our true selves only gradually, if at all, for fear of being judged or condemned or vilified. I think many people would agree that, the state the world is in these days, there are bigger fish to fry than figuring whether or not Mr. Smith or Dr. Jones are wearing Vanity Fair underpants and, if so, why.
Carolynn,
Very interesting post, there, about the relation between fetish and fantasy. I've long ago noticed this kinship. Just look at the intersection of crossdressing and Goth fashion, for instance. The meshy clothing, the wild hair, the buckles and straps, the makeup and nail polish, the shiny PVC, and the attitude ("Look at me, World! I'm wearing my deepest heart and soul on my sleeve... and on my cuff... and on my feet... and around my waist... and upon my brow! Look upon me and cower, you repressed lot, you!") Yeah, it's hard to suppose there isn't some kind of link there. But what could this link be? I have a few ideas about this.
I think fantasy dressing (Alice in Wonderland, Shirley Temple, the Geisha, etc.) makes crossdressing more acceptable by "sugar-coating" or even masking (no pun intended) the reality that an erotic impulse lies at the heart of "dressing up" (I'm talking about crossdressers here, mind you). A person who sees a man dressed up as a "typical" woman walking down the sidewalk trying really hard to remain as inconspicuous as humanly possible will react in one way but will react in quite another when faced with a man personifying some recognizable female cultural icon. In other words, it's okay for me to dress like Marilyn Monroe in The Seven-Year Itch or like Vampirella or even like Wonder Woman because it appears that my aim in doing so has (or may have) little to do with sexual motivations (even if it should). It's socially acceptable to indulge in cross-gender imitations of feminine cultural stereotypes because people do understand that I'm playing with culture itself when I do so rather than, uh, playing with myself. So to speak. The Maid, the Waitress, the Dominatrix, the Nun, the Whore, the Geisha, the Schoolgirl, the Rock Goddess, the Movie Star, the Bride, the Nurse, etc., etc., ad nauseam, are all basically members of the Village People crew recast in femme mode. It's camp. That's all it is. Most people won't have an issue with this. But I'd be facing a far different set of reactions were I to try to pass myself off as a real woman, not a cardboard one. The more I hide my maleness from people, the more my motives become suspect. The more I succeed in "erasing" my true sex, in having others believe in my factitious femaleness, the more prurient (or, worse, unlawful) my goals are held to be. This, I imagine, is what goes on in people's minds when they manage to read a passable crossdresser. The solution? Blend fantasy and fetish; draw attention to yourself rather than hide behind a near-perfect emulation. This tells the vanilla crowd that you're doing this for more than merely sexual reasons (or, more accurately, for sexually perverse reasons). Again, I'm supposing that this is what goes on, deep down inside. But who knows, really? Should we ask Blanchard and Zucker? Uh... no. Thanks.
To get back to the original topic, one reason this whole "imprinting" thing resonates with me is that I've also noticed that many adult crossdressers will espouse feminine styles or fashions that were popular when they were but little boys. You mentioned this yourself, Carolynn, in talking about the "Donna Reeds" (what I call the "Dior Set"), i.e., men that would be in their late 50s or early 60s today. Personally, I grew up with pantyhose. Although my mother had a more frilly lingerie stash, she usually wore pantyhose. So, although I do like stockings, I prefer pantyhose. Same goes for girdles, full slips, waist cinchers, longline bras, etc.... what my SO--and probably rightly so--calls "granny undies." But, hey, she's more than fourteen years my junior so her opinion doesn't count!
I'm a child of the 60s and 70s; she isn't. If she were a male crossdresser, I have no doubt she'd be into anything that'd make her look like Cyndi Lauper (or like the artist formerly known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, for that matter!).We incorporate--almost literally, methinks--those things that first turned us on, sensually (if not sexually), into our psychological (or, rather, our psychosexual) makeup. The absent brush of an aunt's silk-encased leg or ankle against our arm as we're playing on the living-room floor? The smell of our mother's clothing as we're submerged in it while hiding in her closet during a game of hide-and-seek? The feel of the soft and pliable vinyl of our older sister's knee-length boots as we clumped around in them during some "let's pretend" activity? Any of these "awakenings-before-the-Awakening" can lead to our fetishizing this or that item. I didn't say "will" but "can." Because, 't ain't necessarily so, I reckon. Maybe events such as these, if they occur repeatedly, will later predispose us to some version or other of fetishism? Again, who knows?
I'm tired now. I'm going to bed. 'Night y'all!
Love,
CJ
I wonder if I should write a book about that...