typical reaction

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:49 pm

I was talking today to my close work friend about Eddie Izzard as he is close to finishig his runnng challenge , ( what an achivement) and the first reaction , or coment was not that he has just almost ran 1000 miles but the fact that he was a crossdresser so he must be gay . I then continued to explain the facts and figures of cross dressers and the fact that most are married.
its strange that unfortunatly this is the common reaction to a cross dressing .people just dont understand , and this keeps us in hideing which creates a vicious circle , as the more we hide the more odd they think we must be ,

a little understanding all round is all that is needed
,
i was just wondering if anyone else has encounterd this reaction, or has any views on this matter .

Amanda Barber · Post by **Amanda Barber** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 3:09 pm

Why is it unfortunate to be thought of as gay?
What is wrong about being gay that would make it be unfortunate to be thought of that way?
What is so wrong about being gay that people thinking it keeps you hiding?

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Tue Sep 15, 2009 3:33 pm

sorry , i can see i have said something that could upset a few people ,

of cause there is nothing wrong with being gay , gay people are people too and there is nothing wrong with that ,and i respect that ,

if for example i turned up at work as pernille about 200 people would be talking all day and judging me without even talking to me and knowing the truth, but if i stood up in front of the 200 people and told everything then most would understand .

basically i was trying to say that people get grouped or tagged far too easily, and are judged too quickly like judgeing a book by its cover ,its a bit about comunication .

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:15 am

I think this happens because it is mostly gay men who are out about crossdressing., plus men showing feminine mannerisms is associated with being gay.

Zari

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:12 am

Hi Pernille,

Check out this thread:

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=11098

It has two pages of discussion among us about people thinking crossdressers gay.

As pointed out there, about the same proportion of CDers are gay as in the general population — people differ on whether it's 2%, or 5%, or what, but the clear message is: there is NO correlation between gayness and CDing.

You're right, many (perhaps most) people confuse the two. Partly they do this because it's so comfortable to do so. Over and over it's been shown that — regardless of the facts — people believe what they want to believe, and that means they believe what makes them feel superior, and secure, fits into their belief systems and their politics, and explains their fears and hatreds in the easiest, most convenient way.

We each in our own way keep struggling to change that, but it's a slow process. I try to act surprised when people say CDers are gay, and say, "Oh? But that's not true!" and go from there.

Please, don't think you've made anyone mad. This forum is very hospitable to open and frank (but well-meaning) discussion of just such issues. Sometimes the replies are blunt, but believe me, we're a friendly bunch, and mean well, and are grateful for good questions like yours.

Do look at the other thread; there's much more there. And feel free to pursue your question all you like.

Love, Robyn Katie

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:35 am

Hi again,

Just read a comment by Sally in another thread:

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 649#125649

Sally wrote:"... I believe society has a vested interest in making the choice to live as a Trans person, or as a Gay person or any other like person, as difficult as possible. The easier the choice then the more people would choose that life, and society sees us as a destabilizing force in the community, therefore the less the better as far as they’re concerned."

This vested interest is the root of why it's so easy and convenient for people to lump together all those they fear and dislike so that the confusion will persist. They really are terrified there'll suddenly be so many of us deviant people they'll be inundated and their way of life will be destroyed. Not true, but those who lead them like to keep them anxious about that.

Which makes our efforts in changing that belief all the more difficult. So, we try harder ...

Love, Robyn Katie

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:59 pm

Thanks for the link to the other thread , lots of interesting reading and viewpoints.

its a funny world we live in .and in theroi what we wear and how we are is not really a problem to anyone but as we do not fit into one of those groups people are grouped in we are given labels as outsiders , people do not take the time or make the effort to understand us, as well they really do not know how to takle us.

i have after many years come to terms with who and what i am , and i am happy with who i am . and for me its quite simple ,i just like to dress up as a woman and wear womans clothing , as it makes me feel more secure and relaxed . I still keep it from the ones i love for fear of rejection and being miss understood.The old saying says " the best form of defence is attack" and thats the easy way out for many ,its very easy to mock,reject and laugh rather than choose to accept, learn and understand .

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 11:59 am

We all grow up with preconceived notions about everything. The problem is we get our facts from peers, parents, and others. Later in life and we are confronted with a notion and are told it is wrong, we will get defensive. How could so many people be wrong about a certain subject. studies have found it takes decades for the public to change it's mind on things.
It has been almost 50 years since the StoneWall riots and people are just now making the adjustment that GLBT people are OK people.