Am I wrong to think of myself as "Trans?"

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne.

here we go again. LOL,s okay…..

at age 10 I ...KNEW... who I was, okay so no issue there did others say my Mom well she gave birth to me so I spos she did did she know what I was in part yes yet there were a few things she and I,ll only say I don't think she did, though that's open to ? and did she care well she looked after me I know that she brought me clothes worked so we could eat and have a roof over us and a house that was our,s

Did she care wether i was a boy or girl no not really she ....LOVED.... me for who i was and am.

and what difference is there now none i,m still who i am not greatly different just grown up matured have my head screwed on and live life as a normal person. so no drama.

I have a freedom that Mom gave me to be who i am that was there and carried on through out my life she gave to me what i really did ...NEED....

Now how do i express myself a lot better than i did 60 years ago, how i interact with people get on with them far better, and how am i accepted , over the last 25 years i have grown as a woman though i was born female i did have a male ish side and that allso was part of who i am, all that happened is my male and female parts or aspects that makeup who i am are allways present there is no just male or just female both are what makes me who i am i,m not one with out the other,

You can not define me as just a male or female you have to see all of who i am to be able to see the real myself in my compleatness.
I cant say or do ....Oh i,ll be a male today or tomorrow i,ll be a female ,,,,,,its just imposable it cant happen and never will.

You see my point ... none of this is about do i have a side or a divide of myself ...NO...you see its all of myself or nothing. my hormones are female plus some males as well or i would not have survived or lived, my body is made up of both Male female you cant divide those .

When you see your self fully as one person all together as one you can do different things or dress how you like that wont change you one tiny bit when you were born in the nudy what did you bring when you were born and what do you have now,,,,still in the nudy so tell me whats changed from your birth day and now...... nothing, grip it hold it and belive it and live with out that bag you wont let go of, till you do , your real life... wont..... start in full, if your going to wear and really means bugger all,

womens or mens clothes its a so what,,if you think that defines you then time to change how you think if you like womens clothes then give your male clothes away all of them and just have womens clothes and who really deep down gives a damn ,7 min wonder and after youll just be who you are,
And people wont even blink an eye,


...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Hey noleena... We are all unique. I now do see myself as one whole person. Give away all my male kit!? No and the reason is because of this ebb and flow inside of who I am. I really do ... oh boy do I ever love to do my hair make up, put on my jewelry and get into something nice, pretty and comfortable with something on my feet. I shave legs, they are nice and smooth and hairless but because I have no subcutaneous fat and because I am 61 and skin is less plush...you can see the veins as you can in my arms...because I am fit and run every single day, push ups etc too... but I do the best I can with the body I was born with. I put in my forms...foam ones for the sundress because it is not designed to be worn with a bra and the foam ones because they are lighter tend to stay in place more or less. My hair is growing out again...had it cut for my sister's visit back to where a guy would really really need to see the barber cause I wanted it to recover within a few months after her visit. She is 74 and ridiculously devout as a Baptist and with a social rule book right out of the 1950's where there were very hard lines between men and women what they wore, how they looked, and what their role was...men dominate and earn the money or they are not men.... I love her but she would probably never want to see me ever again, or she would be ceaselessly needling me to have conversion..therapy or be on heavy psychiatric drugs and therapy that would be her line of endless attack because she would see who I am as insane rather than accepting I have been this way my entire life...it is sad but I do not want to lose her...so it is easier to just hide half of who I am from her knowledge forever, as I did with my parents who are both now dead and gone and as far as I know had no idea!

I am not therefore fully out, my son's know, one sister knows but does not want to know, and the neighbor??? not sure but I am sure even they would not be happy with a neighbor who is trans in any way at all let alone even part time.

I dress according to how I feel inside and sometimes...usually every morning I am feeling ...well I wear dresses or female things....when I go for my run it is rare I will wear female running clothes that are difficult to tell unless someone looks very close...otherwise just about every day the women's things are hung up, or folded put away and on with my male running clothes...I get back rinse off and usually predominantly I'll move into male clothes cause I am feeling myself to be "there" it is rare that I would go back into a dress again, or might go back into the female in the evening. My appearence is determined by how I am feeling inside myself and how I feel most comfortable and in the afternoons its usually a male kit. I am not even motivated to leave the house in female clothing especially if I am trying to or hoping I might meet a woman's off chance glance hoping I appeal to someone. If I go out with the local Facebook social group...it is definitely male all the way!

I do believe If I felt I could be accepted, or if I met someone or if the facebook social group were extremely accepting and open to me as an openly trans person or if someone would be there to hold my hand ...say the women were very supportive and protective and encouraging to me...I might go in female clothing.

Ultimately If I find a life partner again she will absolutely have to be fully accepting enthusiastic encouraging and attracted and intrigued by my female when it's there inside of me.