Not Feminine Enough

[Anne Bonny]

Ok...I do have my limits. Sappy Syrupy Hallmark productions on TV with predictable emotional romantic plot lines. kind of formulaic and very simplistic and idealistic rubbish. Romance Novels. Women will sit on a couch tissues in hand sobbing away then feel better later...well not all women but many.

Another thing Animals...If I am out walking my dog...women will brake and hold up traffic to wave me across the street! Women love animals. Ever notice the number of women working in animal rights groups!?

For one thing I have an old dog and I honor my responsibility to care for it. Though supposedly it was supposed to be my younger son's dog...yeah...right...gone to college never to be seen again but not the animal! I can't say I would pay thousands or hundreds in medical care but after another dog we had suffered a stroke at 18 years we had it put down, it was on digitalis for months prior, now he's in our front yard, another suffered a pulmonary stenosis and dropped dead in our livingroom (Fox Terriers are prone to this defect), also in the front yard, when this one goes she'll join the others. There was a kitten I found in my engine, gave her to a Pentecostal preacher and his family, my old sitter's preacher. My time to have animals is passed but there's one left. This does not endear me to women...
Now, That damn dog has no idea I feel this way...It's a dumb animal and that animal and I have a routine and communication occurs based on expectation at certain times of day. I talk to it and will pet it occasionally but I would be relieved not to have the damned animal anymore it is a burden, kenneling fees If I go anywhere, If not I cannot leave it more than 8 hours. Vet bill twice a year for trifexis and vaccinations...food, the trouble of having to feed it and let it out...vacuuming pet hair...got one of those robovacs for that and it picked up enough hair to stuff the dog with it!!!

I am not prone to crying and emotionally I believe I am rather hard. Oh! Women are very spiritual they believe in the spirit world Dieties, and spirits, reincarnation etc....That is another amazing observation but more women than not.

SO!... I do have my limits Oh I may enjoy movies like Bridget Jones' Diary, or Failure to Launch etc....but I draw the line at Mamma Mia! With old actresses vying for one last fling before they are too old to work! Nothing against ABBA...Agnetha was hot in the late 70's early 80's and the music was popular and not too bad as airy headed pop music goes...

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne.

Geeper.s greepers. you ant no pet friend then are you oh wow, LOL<sssss.
I know what its like and yes we had many different pets, and yes can be a tie I,m down to one cat , so that's okay .


With my going out so much and with our Music section Bands and Orchestra is so much better with out our other pets . do I miss them very much so great family members ,


So,..... not feminine enough interesting how you have applyed that and bringing in about pets .

I know a few men who are not different maybe not feminine in the sense you brought up yet no different than us with pets and Animals for us mad lot of people and our love of animals, what I see is we have them because they are part of our lifes yes Jos and I call us crazzzy and the waking around and for us life is not the same when you don't have them , and count the cost ya I did whats the cost of something else to take their place is it the same …...don't think so .


And.... don't.... think men are all that tough some its a show or as some will say a sign of weakness ….no it brings back what we are all human male or female okay maybe men don't wont to see it as we do, feminine soft caring loving some men are no different in that respect still men and yes can be hard tough and they are still like us in many ways, I know to many men and I think they are lovely ,

Would they wont to hear that if I tell them maybe not, yet deep down ,,,,OH YES THEY DO...… and not in front of their hard out mates so I,d need to be carefull who I tell and when and where,

Don't set your self up as hard its not a good look , I,v been around these so tough hard men oh yes and I have seen then hit the deck because a miner little detail was put in front of them and down they went.


and I thought wow these tough men or was it a show of that I,m tougher than you or something like that along comes this kid went through that detail never blinked an eye and carried on like okay no big,e , and I learnt wow that just goes to show its not about being hard and tough its knowing your limits I knew mine and they did not , you know we may appear soft and weak cant do much yet look at women and what we have done under conditions that women should not have been in and we carried on and came through those detail,s . we can show a hardness and toughness in a very different way yet still be feminine in all of who we are as woman .

I was talking to some one I know and was about those I play with in our Orchestra to me its like family and at end of school year we have a few who leave to get work or more study, when we have spent for some of us a few years playing and getting to know each and the concerts we perform and what I see in them and the last time I,ll see them as family is end of year concert and passing out Parade if you like that is so....so... hard for me I hate it and as I was talking to my friend we both got very emotional I do and its just how I am that is not being tough or hard that is just so emotional it effects me a lot and that is part of who I am in my makeup and how I am,

so you see how importaint it is we have our women friends to talk with.

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Hi... Animals...I spent 10 years tied down as a sole caregiver for my wife, and saw my age cross the 60, then the 61 year mark feeling my entire life is being flushed...Now she is gone but I am still tied down having to care for this dog...I do not want that. I want to clear the decks completely so I can just hop in the car and get out...can't do that with the dog...have to feed and water it, and can't go over 8 hours without letting her out and if I do go somewhere even over night I must kennel her that costs at least $22 a night.

Some of that is desperation and feeling I need to find a life again, and that I have a very limited time to find another woman because Chances are generally I only have 10 good trouble free years left, followed by 10 years in which chronic health issues begin to crop up, followed by 10 years of crashing and burning and then I die.... I have therefore no time left...I have to find someone as soon as possible or I will be miserable to the end of my life,

So... I have a sense of desperation driving all of this.

Hard...well that is probably depression and having lost pleasure and desire to do anything because for myself enjoyment only comes with experiences are shared with someone I love and I lost that...when I did it ruined my life.

[Annie]

Whoa Girl!

You have plenty of good years left. Look ahead with a bright eye on the horizon. I am sure sorts of good things are waiting out there for you if you look.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Annie,

I am going through a difficult adjustment phase. I will share this post:

"Stress...well, being alone, so alone the boredom is stressful, really. It is truly distressing having no one no social contacts, hence no way to enjoy activities and have fun...it's frustrating and l have no idea how to get out of this. It's a horrible predicament to be in. Social support is very important for health.

I do like seeing the beauty of nature. Travel. Sailing. Exploring on foot or by car. A good meal out with a great view. Staying on the beach. Cruising. The missing ingredient is my deceased wife that made everything complete. I dont have that so these activities have no point anymore and there is no desire to do anything but sit.

Right, that's a huge problem. I have no idea how to get out of this. I'll be damned if I go back to work or volunteer I have paid my dues for a lifetime. Dating sites the chances are nil to none so forget that. Guess...I will just have to say screw it and do things by myself...right means I am free to do whatever with no compromising... but also without the benefit of ideas and encouragement. Company? What is the value of company without a bond without commitment? Without shared interests and values? Sigh.... there is nobody there and if there were at our age...what made it all work at the beginning is no longer there near the end...too bad.

It is most unfortunate but this is how it has turned out for me."

I believe I am working through some bad things and it is a difficult adjustment. Lost the love of my life. Gave up over 9 years caring for her by myself. I am different than most people ... my gender which makes me a pariah to most in our society. I have crossed a huge milestone, no one can say someone who is 60 has not entered the threshold of "old age," I also lost in the last decade both parents, a grandmother, and a brother in law. I retired in 2010. The boys are out on their own, one still under some assistance college, car...

It has been years 1991 prior to August 31 that year since I was a relatively young 29 yes, that was young and single but not alone, never alone.

So, Single then is much different than single now and there are a lot of mental gyrations to go through before I am clear of this. I believe I have come through the grief...understand there will always be a wound in my heart that will over time become like scar tissue with decreased sensation but memories and some sadness if I dwell on it. Life has been changed. I have been very lost and trying to figure a way forward...and how am I going to be now as a person? The unresolved part of my grief is this feeling of being bound up by depression, a loss of desire to do anything, a loss of interest and pleasure and hope and feeling I will never ever find anyone ever again. Of course emotionally I am over reacting in equal proportion to the loss I have experienced. But I believe there is a subconscious banging about in my head which will finally bring me out on the other side...I have been thinking about sailing...rigging the boat and cleaning it up after having spent time cleaning it up a month or so ago... If I am to stop the desperation of being alone, and forget about looking for anybody...maintain attendance at local social events and begin to tell myself I am not required to serve the dog and remain here and not get out, feed the dog, let her out and then go walk on the beach if I want to... If desires are beginning to creep up in my mind It is probably a good sign that I am coming out of this wilderness on the other side...my mind after a decade of horribleness is showing signs of hitting a reset button. If I have desires return, If I can experience pleasure and a wanting to get out buy things and do things realizing ...OK, yeah I am alone again, yeah, I may not find anyone who was like my wife even if I do...then I think this is a good sign that I am going to be OK again. The pain and the sadness are still fresh, still there...it will take time for them to fade. 

It is a process and I think I am shaking out the sails and about to let them fill so that I can start making way again into what remains of my life. Yeah, I think it's going to be OK