For me, the answer is: no.
What was the question, again?
Love,
CJ
What do you think?
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Marlena Dahlstrom
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 217
- Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2005 1:54 am
- Location: SF Bay Area
In my mind-eye I'm Kathleen Turner. But I realize the reality is a bit different. Am I pretty? I don't think I'm a particularly convincing female (too tall, too broad, too fat), but I go out in public and no one's run screaming yet.
Before I went out for the first time, I did do the acid test and put two photos on Hot-or-Not. They averaged about a 5, so a couple thousand people thought I was hotter than nearly half the women there. But I'll be the first to admit that the photos represented "controlled conditions." OTOH, people who visit Hot-or-Not are probably inherently more critical of looks than average. So I figure it kind of balances out.
What was more interesting was to see the distribution of scores. There weren't many, but I did get a few 9 and even 10s. (Bartender, I'll have whatever they were smoking...) Did it make me feel good. Yeah, it did. Particularly since presumeably they thought I was a GG. It was a validation that I could look convincing. And yes, I felt pretty.
As far as honest opinions in the TG world about your appearance, my experience it's pretty rare. Being supportive is good, but too often people don't have any real feedback about their appearance. That's why I did the Hot-or-Not thing. I was rated lower than I wanted, but higher than I'd feared.
I have been out clubbing at a t-bar and had some attention from admirers. That I was fairly ambivalent about. Not the attention from a man (in guy mode I've flirted shameless with gay friends, so that's not an issue). But rather it was a question of whether they were interested because I was an object of their fantasies or because they were interested in me. In a sense, I suspect it's similar to the qualms GGs may have that a guy is just interested in them for a quickie.
Darla
Before I went out for the first time, I did do the acid test and put two photos on Hot-or-Not. They averaged about a 5, so a couple thousand people thought I was hotter than nearly half the women there. But I'll be the first to admit that the photos represented "controlled conditions." OTOH, people who visit Hot-or-Not are probably inherently more critical of looks than average. So I figure it kind of balances out.
What was more interesting was to see the distribution of scores. There weren't many, but I did get a few 9 and even 10s. (Bartender, I'll have whatever they were smoking...) Did it make me feel good. Yeah, it did. Particularly since presumeably they thought I was a GG. It was a validation that I could look convincing. And yes, I felt pretty.
As far as honest opinions in the TG world about your appearance, my experience it's pretty rare. Being supportive is good, but too often people don't have any real feedback about their appearance. That's why I did the Hot-or-Not thing. I was rated lower than I wanted, but higher than I'd feared.
I have been out clubbing at a t-bar and had some attention from admirers. That I was fairly ambivalent about. Not the attention from a man (in guy mode I've flirted shameless with gay friends, so that's not an issue). But rather it was a question of whether they were interested because I was an object of their fantasies or because they were interested in me. In a sense, I suspect it's similar to the qualms GGs may have that a guy is just interested in them for a quickie.
Darla
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Hmmmm... good responses. I'm not sure, exactly, how to deal with this question (and a very good one it is).
If beauty is really in the eye of the beholder, how can I behold myself and still remain objective? I don't think I can (and some who've posted here have alluded to this impossibility).
In the end, I feel pretty (or handsome, when in boy mode) only because other people have told me that I am. The problem is, I'm not sure how universal the standards are by which they judge me to be so. In other words, there are no fixed ways of knowing if someone is being honest with me when they tell me I have a pleasant appearance. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person and there are ways to see if I am or not that don't depend on the opinion of another person (unless you consider, say, the results of an I.Q. test, "another person").
What I'm trying to say (and to move closer to Beauty's point), is that although I may feel pretty when en femme, I don't know that I am until someone says so (or even just blurts it out, in the case of TG-shy hetero guys). Even then, I realize that one person's "pretty" is another one's roadkill. Now, if a man, unaware that I'm also a man, tells me I'm pretty (that's only happened once, by the way, and I quickly set him, er, ah, straight), I immediately suspect him of, let's say, "dishonorable motives"--however much his words may flatter me.
It's a tough question, Beauty. I'll have to think about it. Phone conversation topic, maybe?
Love,
CJ
Hmmmm... good responses. I'm not sure, exactly, how to deal with this question (and a very good one it is).
If beauty is really in the eye of the beholder, how can I behold myself and still remain objective? I don't think I can (and some who've posted here have alluded to this impossibility).
In the end, I feel pretty (or handsome, when in boy mode) only because other people have told me that I am. The problem is, I'm not sure how universal the standards are by which they judge me to be so. In other words, there are no fixed ways of knowing if someone is being honest with me when they tell me I have a pleasant appearance. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person and there are ways to see if I am or not that don't depend on the opinion of another person (unless you consider, say, the results of an I.Q. test, "another person").
What I'm trying to say (and to move closer to Beauty's point), is that although I may feel pretty when en femme, I don't know that I am until someone says so (or even just blurts it out, in the case of TG-shy hetero guys). Even then, I realize that one person's "pretty" is another one's roadkill. Now, if a man, unaware that I'm also a man, tells me I'm pretty (that's only happened once, by the way, and I quickly set him, er, ah, straight), I immediately suspect him of, let's say, "dishonorable motives"--however much his words may flatter me.
It's a tough question, Beauty. I'll have to think about it. Phone conversation topic, maybe?
Love,
CJ
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Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 3662
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
Hi Kay, 
Ok, so I used the wrong title for the thread. If you read my post the title of the thread is deceptive.
I'm really not asking are you pretty. I'm asking more of when you feel pretty where do you get the validation.
I was kind of moved to post this thread because of all the years of reading things from CDrs who say they feel better because of things others say. So I was wondering how much what others say influences, validates, or causes us to feel good. I was also asking because of the things people say to be nice. I was also asking because when men who are hetero respond to females they think of the whole package not just a face. So I wondered if people thought about that. (I'm changing the title after I post this)
Beauty
Ok, so I used the wrong title for the thread.
If you read my post the title of the thread is deceptive. I'm really not asking are you pretty. I'm asking more of when you feel pretty where do you get the validation.
I was kind of moved to post this thread because of all the years of reading things from CDrs who say they feel better because of things others say. So I was wondering how much what others say influences, validates, or causes us to feel good. I was also asking because of the things people say to be nice. I was also asking because when men who are hetero respond to females they think of the whole package not just a face. So I wondered if people thought about that. (I'm changing the title after I post this)
Beauty