Positive results - perhaps?

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

Periodically we see people posting their positive experiences, while out and about dressed in fem clothing. While I am glad that they enjoyed it and that some of this does truly happen, I always wonder how many of those experiences are read as being positive actually are all of that?

There are those who are very fast on their feet (verbally). I happen to be one of those kind of people. Who can make it sound as though I approve of something in order to avoid the embarrassment etc. of the moment.

I used to do this and then do everything I could to discredit that person behind there back. This has not been discussed here, and I think it should be taken in to the equation.

Your thoughts about this...anyone?

[Elizabeth]

Hey Loretta,

I agree with you. I have on many occasions posted experiences that I viewed as positive that could have in fact been negative experiences. Most recently my Taco Bell experience. This could have easily been a negative experience had I not been in the frame of mind I was in. When the girl broke out laughing, it could have been humiliating and embarassing and viewed as a totally negative experience had I not seen her discomfort and put her at ease.

Part of the reason for my post was to show how one can easily diffuse a situation and turn disadvantage into advantage. In this case, I was able to see the humor of the situation. Because I was able to recognize what was going on, I was able to turn a bad experience for both of us, into a positive experience for both of us.

So much of what we experience is intangable and requires only our perception of what if happening to interpret it. My message is simple, our experiences are ours to create. We can percieve them in either a positive or negative light. We can be offended when people are confused over our gender or we can laugh with them and recognize the humor in the situation. When we let those who mistake our true identity off the hook, we also let ourselves off the hook. When we show others we are ok with who we are and not afraid to see the humor in it, we personalize the experience for both people. It is these personal connections that refute stereotypes and allow people to see us for what we really are, imperfect human beings.

In the end, I want to have a positive experience, so I do. When I post those experiences here, it is to show my sisters that we can go out and interact with our fellow humans, encounter adversity, and still have a positive experience. I can not say whether or not these are typical experiences, only that they are typical for me.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Stephanie W]

Loretta

OK, your first sentence sounded straight forward enough but unless I'm missing the obvious, I couldn't understand how your subsequent paragraphs related to the first. Blonde moment perhaps?

As far as positive experiences go, this is something we all need, regardless of how small they may seem to someone else when we relay them. The key word here is 'positive'. It shouldn't matter that it may only be something small such as a knowing smile, from say, a person on the street, because it's a start (a boost to our self esteem) and something to build on. That little thing may mean as much to that person as something more substantial would to another person.

One example might be one of us walking the street and no one taking any notice. If this happens to be a CD's first trip out en femme, they will see that as an incredibly positive experience because they weren't laughed at or ridiculed. I know I did! To the seasoned public CD, they may see it differently, especially if they are predisposed to 'wanting' to be noticed.

None of us can know what positive experiences we may be lucky enough to have, but regardless, as long as we, the individual, sees it as positive, rather than negative, it shouldn't matter what it is, nor should it matter whether someone else happens to think it's not that big of a deal. The fact that someone might disagree on whether it's positive or not, shouldn't take anything away from from that person's experience. If it makes them happy and feel better about themselves, it's all good.

Stephanie

[Stephanie W]

Loretta

OK, after reading Elizabeth's post, now I see what you're getting at. If you're one of those who is quick on your feet in a difficult situation and that turns the experience into a positive one, then good for you. For those who aren't and the situation becomes embarrassing or difficult, then most will count that as a bad or negative experience. I was talking more about those experiences that happen naturally where one doesn't have to 'think on their feet'. In difficult situations, many people are simply too nervous to speak as that will give them away quicker than anything so better to roll with it and move on. If you have the confidence to talk your way out of it, or better yet, turn it into something positive, then go for it. Not everyone has the confidence to do that. That can only come from experience, which hopefully, can be acquired as one gets out more and interacts with more people while dressed.

Stephanie

[Stephanie H]

Stephanie:
At time time, I define a postive experience as being able to go en-feme outside, do a little shopping with the assistance of the staff in the store, and not be riddiculed, harrased or annoyed.
The assistance that I am looking for is in fabric selection and syle coordination.
The reason for this is to ensure that I am not wearing items that can cause undue attention to myself.
It is with this in mind, that my desire is to "blend in" and not to cause unnecessary stares or conversation.

I have found that as a have more ventures outside, my confidence level increases, my desire to improve my posture, dress, makeup and hair style increases. It is this effort on my part to continually strive to have a better apperance the next time out that I measure the positive or negative aspects of the trip. Each ocassion requires planning, preparation and a great deal execution on my part. I attempt to do each with the best of my abilies. My comfort factor is the apperance of a well dressed person with no signs of flamboyance (sp).

[Virginia]

Well Sis, I guess it is the old adage "preception is reality!" My reality is that if it is a positive experience for me then it is my preception that it went well - how others that I come into contact with may deal with their own preception is really none of my business - personally I don't give a damn what they may think. If they wish a confrontation then that is another topic.
Love,
Virginia

[Anita]

Hi Loretta--
I think you're saying that you're "quick on your feet" as an observer, not necessarily as a CD. So your quick and positive response to me, Ms. Crossdresser, might make me think that you are OK with me. Whereas, you really were uncomfortable, but you made it seem like everything was fine.

There's no way to assess this kind of situation, is there? It will happen, from time to time. If I'm confronted with a sudden encounter with someone I don't know what to make of, I don't necessarily want to put out whatever negative stuff comes up.

Let me put it on the other foot for a moment. I occasionally go to a very politically active Unitarian church, where my liberal and radical views end up looking like the middle of the road. Conversations one-on-one often have an agenda, and some of those agendas are too extreme to appeal to me. I banter around with the person, and excuse myself as soon as I can. Would both of us be better served if I argued with them and/or let them know how much emotion they might have stirred up?

If I had unlimited time in life, I might think about doing that. But I don't, and I move on. So I guess if someone doesn't want to confront me about my CDing, that's OK. Maybe their smiley-face is a form of deception in the short run, but at least I've been who I am around them--I've done my side of the contract. You would be the first one to say that I can't be responsible for their side of it. Who knows? At some point maybe I'll find out their true feelings, and we can start from there. I usually don't second-guess the positive responses I get--I don't look that particular gift horse in the mouth, no indeedy.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Elizabeth,

Your response is very good. It gets right to the heart of what I was getting at.

So much of what we experience is intangible and requires only our perception of what is happening to interpret it.

Yes....as opposed to the thinking that the world or others have to change in order for one to be happy.

My message is simple, our experiences are ours to create.

That is something I have been trying to point out for a long time here. We ether create them or allow others to create them for us. As long as we allow others to create them for us we remain at the mercy of society.

We can perceive them in either a positive or negative light. We can be offended when people are confused over our gender or we can laugh with them and recognize the humor in the situation. When we let those who mistake our true identity off the hook, we also let ourselves off the hook. When we show others we are OK with who we are and not afraid to see the humor in it,

We reverse the tables and put them at our mercy.

In the end, I want to have a positive experience, so I do. When I post those experiences here, it is to show my sisters that we can go out and interact with our fellow humans, encounter adversity, and still have a positive experience. I can not say whether or not these are typical experiences, only that they are typical for me.

The point of this thread is to point out that if one is not capable of preforming like Elizabeth did, you are unlikely to experience the same results. And in fact if you do not have the tools to do as she does the likely hood that you will be hurt is very likely, and your experience may not be as positive.

I guess what I am attempting to make clear is that there is more to this than simply reading these reports and saying if she can do it so can I.

There is a lot more to be understood here than is apparent on the surface.

Hi Stephanie W

OK, after reading Elizabeth's post, now I see what you're getting at. its okay If you're one of those who is quick on your feet in a difficult situation and that turns the experience into a positive one, then good for you. For those who aren't and the situation becomes embarrassing or difficult, then most will count that as a bad or negative experience.

That is correct as this post attempts to point out.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Anita,

I think you're saying that you're "quick on your feet" as an observer, not necessarily as a CD.

I am saying that I am quick on my feet as a person, and yes that includes as a CDer or what ever kind of hat I may be wearing at any given time.

So your quick and positive response to me, Ms. Crossdresser, might make me think that you are OK with me. Whereas, you really were uncomfortable, but you made it seem like everything was fine.

There are people like that in this world. It is one of the ways the week fight the strong. And the strong may not know they are their enemies. In fact they might very well appear as their friends. (in fact impostors.)

There's no way to assess this kind of situation, is there? It will happen, from time to time.

Well I can't lay claim to catching all of them, I think I know who most of them are. (in my life)

If I'm confronted with a sudden encounter with someone I don't know what to make of, I don't necessarily want to put out whatever negative stuff comes up.

I seldom ever do that. Instead I try to find ways of confronting (not arguing) that turns the tables putting them at my mercy.

Let me put it on the other foot for a moment. I occasionally go to a very politically active Unitarian church, where my liberal and radical views end up looking like the middle of the road. Conversations one-on-one often have an agenda, and some of those agendas are too extreme to appeal to me. I banter around with the person, and excuse myself as soon as I can. Would both of us be better served if I argued with them and/or let them know how much emotion they might have stirred up?

If I had unlimited time in life, I might think about doing that. But I don't, and I move on. So I guess if someone doesn't want to confront me about my CDing, that's OK. Maybe their smiley-face is a form of deception in the short run, but at least I've been who I am around them--I've done my side of the contract. You would be the first one to say that I can't be responsible for their side of it.

To me this thing about not being responsible for others (when they are attempting to be responsible for you) is to try and find a way to turn the tables on them. Putting them in a position where they are left with two choices. Ignore it or address it.

Who knows? At some point maybe I'll find out their true feelings, and we can start from there. I usually don't second-guess the positive responses I get--I don't look that particular gift horse in the mouth, no indeedy.

Sorry Anita I have a hard time accepting the actions of an impostor as a gift horse. But that is just me.

[Loretta Ann]

Well Sis, I guess it is the old adage "perception is reality!"

I am not sure that I understand that Sis? I can only guess at the perception of terrorists, rapers, murders etc; and wonder how their view (of things) aligns with reality?