It's been a busy summer, so I haven't had a chance to post about some of the other coming out stories.
Flashback to July... Some friends of mine, Kris and Ed hosted a Halloween party for the Fourth of July -- just to be offbeat (they've got sort of warped sense of humor). Since I had the Little Red Riding Hood costume I didn't get to wear last year (due to having knee surgery), I decided to put it good use. Plus, I planned to come to Kris and Ed, and this was a good way to break the ice.
(Here's me and Kris, who was dressed as Magenta from "Rocky Horror.") Everyone at the party was quite impressed -- people thought I had the best costume there -- and yes, I found out later I did do a bit too good of a job.... My intended to tell them at the end of the evening, when other folks had left, but unfortunately, my plans were foiled by one of the guests who was so drunk that they had to drive him home.
So I ended up telling Kris by email. Not ideal, but with our busy schedules (we're both consultants) it was going to be a few weeks until we'd catch up again. There was a bit of nail biting for about day until Kris replied -- we work in the same field, so if she gossiped about it, word would spread quickly. But it turns out she'd just wanted to take the time give her reply her full attention. She and Ed were very supportive and flattered that I trusted them enough to share with them.
A few weeks later I even ended up taking them out to the Faux Girls drag show that my friend Patsy and attend regularly. They didn't seem to bat an eye when I came to the door in a dress. Unfortunately, we didn't get much of chance to interact. Kris had taken a nap and slept through dinner, so before the show she and Eric ducked next to grab some food and then after the show ended I needed to take them home, since Kris had a flight out in the morning. The only downside to the evening was that Ed apparently was a bit flustered when some guy hit on him.
Then last month, another friend Erin, who'd been at the 4th of July party, threw her own party where she made a big deal about how good my costume had been. Which caused my neighbors down the street, Geoff and Linda, to comment how good I looked when I did drag last Halloween (I'd showed Geoff and Linda my "Halloween costume" -- actually one of my old avatar photos.) So I decided to tell the three of them, although again it ended up being by email because the moment was never quite right at the party. And cowardliness played a role. It was somehow far easier to do so via email.
Again the reactions were quite accepting. It turns out Erin really didn't have any idea I crossdressed, she was just impressed at the effort I'd put into the costume. I was particularly nervous about telling Geoff and Linda because not only do they also work in the same field, but they're serious evangelicals -- to the point where they'd discussed potentially doing missionary work. Now they seemed to be pretty socially liberal, but I really didn't know how they'd react. But OTOH, I'd driven by Geoff and Linda's house one day en femme while they were out in the yard and could've sworn they'd seen me, and it was likely that would happen again sometime. But the irony is they were probably the most vocal in their acceptance and support. Linda even mentioned that an upcoming conference will be in Las Vegas next spring and wouldn't that be a great place for me to go out dressed.
So with those experiences, I decided to come out to one of my best friends from LA, Cammie, who was back there visiting her folks (after moving elsewhere). I knew she'd undoubtedly be supportive, because when I lived down there one of her friends transitioned. But still it was nerve-wracking. We had lunch at our favorite sushi restaurant and I was sucking down sake until I worked up the nerve to tell her. "Oh cooool!" she squealed. (But it was a little bit of downer when I told her my femme name was Marlena and she giggled and teased me a bit about it because she thought it was a little too dramatic.) But we spent the rest of the afternoon talking about my crossdressing, I showed my photos. She even gave me some make-up advice and wanted me to email her the photos when she got home.
Flash-forward to this week. I was in for my monthly manicure/pedicure where the nail techs know about my crossdressing and always ask if I've got new photos to show them. I did -- had photos from when I got up last month to do the amateur drag contest at the Faux Girls show. (Unfortunately, I lost to the bimbo in the blonde wig who had lots of friends to root for him. <grr>)
By the time, my nails had dried and I could open up the laptop, another woman had come in for her pedicure. But I decided WTF and went ahead and showed the nail techs -- and sure enough the women asked if she could see them too. I didn't say anything, but after the first couple photos, she asked somewhat incredulously, "that's you?!" She was utterly fascinated, and we talked for a good half-hour, with me doing a bit of Trans 101 education. I think part of her being accepting was that I just acted like it was no big deal, so it wasn't a big deal her either.
But it did turn out she's got a thing for guys who wear make-up ala Eddie Izzard in androgynous mode, and thought I should go blonder en femme and try a smokey-eye look. Unfortunately, I realized I was late for my haircut (my stylist just moved to a new salon) and had to run out, forgetting to get her name. But maybe I can leave a note with the nail techs to give to her the next time she's there.
Anyway, each of these incidents felt like another brick off my back.
What's odd now, is that I've developed this feeling like it's important for people to see a photo (or me en femme, even it's a costume) before telling them. I guess maybe it's just feeling like doing so preempts the images I imagine that they'd have in their heads otherwise -- me as a bad version of Tim Curry in fishnets. And somehow showing that I'm "serious" about presenting myself well, seems like it helps me be taken more seriously. Linda was pretty impressed at my apparence and commented that I was far better at my make-up than she is. I dunno... <shrugs>
Standard disclaimer: This was right thing to do for me. It may or may not be right for others. Your mileage may vary.
