the pleasures of sex while dressed

[Absaroka]

Rachel Lynn, I have never had sex with a partner while dressed. However I have often had sex by myself while dressed. Often the fantasy is that I am a woman, and the man I am having sex with is myself. From what I've read this is a very common fantasy.

I can also tell you that while having sex and being completely naked, both my wife and I have at times had fantasies that we were the other person. I've never talked about fantasies during sex with other women to that degree, but I suspect that feeling a bit like you are the other person is part of the intimacy.

As for feeling like a woman, as opposed to fantasizing about being a woman, I can't answer that because I don't know what it feels like to be a woman.

I have read a lot of stuff written by folks who have transitioned via SRS. One of the more telling comments was by Diedre McKlosky. She described a dinner party with some folks from Tri Ess and their wives. After dinner the men sat around in their dresses talking about how they felt feminine, while the wives went into the kitchen and did the dishes. It was when this began to irritate her and she felt that she wanted to do the dishes and chat with the wives that she realized that she was more than a crossdresser.

In that vien, I might suggest that feeling like a woman during sex might include feeling like you should get dressed up the way they want, for their pleasure. Perhaps the most feminine thing we could do is dress up in a suit and tie, or motorcycles leathers, depending on our partner's tastes, and attempt to be who they want us to be.

[Paulette]

Having an accepting wife who enjoys me in any clothing or none is wonderful. Sometimes I feel quite masculine, sometimes quite feminine. Each has its own flavor and excitement. So I guess I'm a "switch." Someone who can enjoy either masculine/dominant and feminine/submissive sexual roles.

While young, I didn't know if I was gay or not, and had to do some exploring to find out. I found that, while I could enjoy the pleasures of sexual stimulation regardless of my partner's physical sex, I had to be attracted to them physically as well for it to be a satisfying experience. And in that regard, I am vastly more attracted to women than to men. Perhaps one in several thousand men interest me, whereas it's one in ten or so women. In my fantasies and especially when dressed in women's clothing, I enjoy being a woman, or being my concept of a submissive partner.

Sometimes I can see that my wife enjoys the power of being with and controlling a submissive partner. (It's that wild look and tigerish tigerish smile she gets.) But this is not something she is comfortable talking about, and reverts to pat phrases about her experiences with women in language not unlike straight men talking about being a "pitcher" but never a "catcher." So I don't push it, but enjoy the unspoken and therefor un-examined play. And yes, sex for me is 'play', as is art and culture. Ecce homo ludens: "behold the playing man." (see J. Huizinga, but also Mircea Eliade's 'Shamanism'.)

The pleasure of sex while dressed femme is, for me, quite wonderful. It has helped to shape my concept of the world in much the same way as quantum physics has shaped my understanding of Newtonian physics: they are both true; but one has greater scope than the other, explains more, and reveals mysteries yet unknown in this mundane world. (I.e., it is indeed turtles all the way down.)

Now that I've dipped into the intellectual and relativistic aspects of cross-dressed sex, I'll take it back to earth and mention that I'm also a fan of so-called shemale porn - the topic of which I expect will be deleted by the moderators, even though I'm not soliciting or seeking. It is, however, part of being my kind of cross-dresser, and I'm not the first to mention it here.

At this point I'd highly recommend the movie "Kinsey," not just because of the subject matter, but because it's a wonderful portrayal of real people (some quite Aspie) dealing with the reality of sex. And just as importantly for me, it deals with the moral and ethical issues of sexual loyalty, honesty, and responsibility. I was reminded that many have said "I have no problem with my own polyamory, but my partner's poly can be difficult." (see The Ethical Slut, 2nd ed.) I could see teaching a class, or even an entire graduate program based on this movie; and if I took the time to lay out a complete course outline or curriculum I'm sure I wouldn't bounce so unexpectedly from one subject to another. (Sorry, I know it's disconcerting for some.)

[Dianna]

Out of respect for my wife's feelings we only have sexual relations with me as a man. I never wear woman's clothes to bed also out of respect for her feelings. As a heterosexual & faithful husband I would never consider sex with anyone other than my wife. I greatly value her pinion and desire to keep my cd'ing between us only.