Question

[Sally]

I’d suggest that every family is unique to itself, and your Melissa would be the best one to judge how her parents would react to the knowledge. Each of us have our own unique set of circumstances regarding family, and each of us are in the best situation to sort out the most productive way to handle the situation, so we get the best result for all concerned. My suggestion to anyone is always to weigh up what you will gain by telling anyone, and what you may possibly lose, but we always have to take into account the urgency and the need to tell. For some of us the need to tell is paramount for our mental health and well being, for others it can just be for peace of mind, or to ease a feeling of guilt etc, or it can just be personal preference to round out one’s life.

My experience has been that mothers are more prone to accept the facts than fathers are in regard to their son’s varying gender preferences. It can sometimes be more fruitful to first tell the mother and then be guided by her suggestions, sometimes the mother then may prefer to tell the father herself, in her own good time. It’s a matter of knowing your own family and being guided by what we presume the reactions will be. Having said that, there are no guarantees as to how people will react. It gets back to the fact that if there is indeed any need to tell at all, and what the consequences may or may not be, and how prepared one is to accept peoples reactions.

With myself, the need to tell became overwhelming, although I do believe my mother was aware of what I did and what my preferences were, because of all the years from when I was a toddler and put my sisters clothes on at every opportunity. My mother was the sort of person who never saw bad in anyone, and although she gave her best efforts in trying to stop me ‘being a girl’, she loved me with all her heart and soul till the day she passed.
My father was a different ‘kettle of fish’, and the less said about him the better, but that’s not to say many fathers won’t, or don’t accept the fact.

I wish you both well with it all and hope you both find the best result for all concerned.
It can be useful to always remember that before we can make people around us happy, we have to be happy within ourselves, happy with the situation, happy to accept the person who we are, and have the courage to take charge of our lives no matter who or what we are, so that one day we don’t have to look back with regret and say, “I wish I had of………”

Kind Regards,

Sally.