Crossdressers-Haven.com

The funniest thing happened this morning. I say funny, but on one level it would probably scare the hell out of most of us who crossdress on any level.

The other night, I had taken the wife out to the theatre, and of course we were formally dressed for the event. As for me, I was wearing panties, bra and breast forms (Amona Personally, 651's in size 4. . See them here:http://www.lucys.net/detail.asp?product=62)

We did not get back home until around midnight. I should probably as an aside tell everyone that I have two step children living at home. . a nine year old girl and a brother that is 13. Given the circumstances, we have elected not to let them in on my crossdressing yet, as they are not old enough to understand.

I should also mention that I work nights and sleep during the days.

So, we come back late. I take off my bra and forms and lay them in the chair by the computer in our bedroom. Wife and I are soon fast asleep.

Later during the day, the daughter knocks on the door and speaks softly. The wife tells her to open the door, which she does. She asks whatever question she had and instinctivly comes over and sets in the chair. I was just waking up at this point. Since the room was dark, neither of thought or reacted quickly about my brest forms laying in the chair that she was about to sit on. . . .

OOPS. . .

Was my first thought as she picked one of the forms up and asked,
"What is this?" . . .. followed a moment later by

"Cool"

Oh great. . At this point I did not know HOW to react. . My wife, while not large busted, is certainly adequately endowed. . . not likely that she would use "Falsies" but that probably never even entered the equation.

At least she was awake and with it as she immediately told the daughter,

"Melissa*, put that down and go out side. . ."

"Momma, what is this?" she started. . .

"Never mind, Melissa*, its not important. . .why don't you go over to your friends house for a while." and started ushering her out of the room.

luckily, like most children that age are easily distracted and Melissa* is no different.

MY FEELINGS WERE ABJECT FEAR. . .

Until she got Melissa* out the door, and returned to bed. Strangely, my reaction was to bust out laughing. . .

"You know, that is a Problem I NEVER would have anticipated" I offered during my laughter. . .

What else could I do? Had this been anyone else, Might have been busted. . . but like everything else, Que Sera Sera. . .

My Wife then offered,

"What I can't figure," she said, "Is how the only underwear around here (We hang panties and bras up to dry rather than subject them to the dryer) is womens. There are several pairs of panties that are exactly alike and lots more bras than I wear. ." (she rarely wears bras around the house)

"That no one has ever noticed" She continued. . .

"You know, sooner or later, they are going to figure it out," I added. . .

We both knew I was right about that. I decided many years ago that I would not let my cross dressing be used against me. I had an ex girlfriend during the early eighties try her best to smear me to everyone I knew and my cross dressing was a predominate issue.

I decided then and there that I would not let my cross dressing be used as a weapon. I told my father, and my closest friends that it was true, I did cross dress.

Surprisingly, the reaction was the same. . . no one really cared. .

BACK TO MY STORY. . .

Here it is, some time later. The issue has not been breached again, as the wife and I consider how, when and what to tell them.

At some point, they are going to figure out that I wear lingerie, the shoes I wear around the house are ballet slippers (Bloch prolite II in pink) and some of the other shoes I wear are womens as well.

We have more questions than concerns. The issue is complicated by the fact that they are not my natural children. Relations with the natural father are often less than cordial.

I have been long resolved not to hide my cross dressing, but also realize that there are times when discretion is the better part of valor. And we both feel that now is not the time to tell either of them. .

I hope this gives everyone a moment to pause and laugh. If we can't laugh at ourselves we are doomed.

But I would love to hear from others that are in similar predicaments and how they have handled them, or plan to. . . .





*The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Wesley,

First, I must commend you and your spouse on your handling such a delicate situation regarding "Melissa" finding your forms. Second, I would like to offer you some advice as I found myself in a relatively similar situation when my own step-daughter was 9 years old.

She had begun asking questions like 'What is that you're wearing under your t-shirt'? We would tell her "It's something that "K" wears to feel comfortable", for a while that worked, however she kept asking more often and wondering what it was called etc.. (I'm sure you see where this is going).. ANYWAY, to make a long story even longer, first, we called her father and told him she was starting to figure things out and that it was getting time to tell her. He agreed and said the next time she asks about it, you ask her what she thinks it is and if she is right, tell her so, if she is wrong, correct her and tell her. Needless to say, within a week, she asked again, and when I asked her what she thought it was, she was dead on by saying "It's a bra, a ladies bra". Well, we all sat down (her, wife, and myself), and we spoke about it for the next three hours, answering all her questions and when all was said and done the only question we hadn't answered for her was "When can I buy you a bra and panties". (yes, she actually asked that).

Fast-Forward to this year now (she's now 12 and her brother is 14), and they (brother and father) now live with us. and to help alleviate some stress, the father decides it is time to tell the boy. His only statement was "Oh, okay. I thought it was going to be something weird".

My point is, children are not stupid. They do figure things out for themselves, and when they do, it is best to not lie to them. Good luck to you. I know I cherish it now that I can be comfortable wearing anything I want to around the house at any time.

Heh.. similar story, well sort of. Since I started CD'ing again last December, I've definitely moved away from a total masculine presentation to more androgynous.... started working out every day and lost 20 pounds (size 16 to a 12 now yay!), wearing brighter colors, shaving everything, clear-coat nails, use facial cleansers and such daily... Well, I have an 18 year-old step-daughter living at home whom my wife and I had chatted about telling...

One day a couple of months ago, my wife tells me she told her! Major panic.... well, the reason why is that my step-daughter asked her if I was gay! Not that there's anything wrong with being gay - have several friends who are and I support fully our "sister" community. But, in order to diffuse the question, my wife had to "out" me.. response: "oh, ok..." We don't talk about it really, and I don't presently present fem around others at home, but it's a relief that she knows at least.

Kandis,

Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences and thoughts on this matter.

It would seem that, yes, kids are pretty smart. She has made some comments in the past that indicated she thought I had "boobies" and of course I was under dressing with breast forms. But it has largely been a non issue. . .

I suspect that will not be the case for long.

But we have two issues to complicate things. One is the less than amicable relations with the kids natural father, and their innate ability to run their mouths to everyone. Of concern is more the issue of my wifes family. . her sister and brother would probably freak. And although her father is deceased, her mother is remarried and I am not sure how she would deal with it.

So the big question is how to make them understand the issue of keeping some things at home only. How do you give them the understanding that there are things that are personal and you don't share with everyone?

The really funny thing, is that the older son has not shown any inkling of interest or asked any questions. He is starting thought puberty now and who knows how that will change. . .

Once again, I look forward to hearing from ANYONE with similar circumstances.

My husband told my daughter, his step-daughter, about his CDing when she was fifteen. The reason being, similar to you, she had seen stuff and thought she's guessed anyway.
As it happens, she had no idea and was completely not bothered about it, thought it was all cool! I did post about it but have searched for the post to no avail
Ed doesn't dress fully in front of her but is quite happy for her to see him in femme tops and they talk about CDing very openly and casually. It really is no big deal to her. Don't know if she's told anyone else, more than likely! But we don't know about it so don't really care
I wouldn't worry what the natural father woud think....you're not committing any crime
You know your kids, I'm sure you'll know when the time is right and how to tell them. Just keep it simple and answer their questions honestly and above all try not appear embarrassed or the kids will pick up on it and feel uncomfortable too!

Love,
Curly

Since they are your wifes children (I'm not trying to negate any bond you have with them as step father; it sounds like it's a good one) you want to defer to her needs in this area. Especially if this could have ramifications as to custody. But I'm sure you know that and all the other complications that can ensue.

Telling your children is tantamount to telling the world, especially when they get mad at you.

Absaroka

I am not a lawyer, but I play on this forum ---- NOT!
I would (pardon my paranoia) worry about the father finding out and calling the child welfare people and saying his daughter's step-father is a freak! or something to that effect! I am probably over-reacting, but it is something that would concern me, if he were a vindictive type of individual!

Don't necessarily mean to stick my nose in anyone's business, but "its a girl thing!"

Virginia

Yeah, you probably don't need the hassle....I would leave it a few more years....be on the safe side, the extra panties, bras and forms, just pass them off as your wife's...I certainly would have not looked deeper into it at her age....no daughter is going to be particularly interested in her Mother's lingerie IMHO The last thing that would occur to her is that that are yours! When I thought my 15 year old daughter would have sussed the wig she saw in our room I was wrong, she never thought it could have belonged to her bald tattooed step-dad
But, as I said before, you will know when the time is right, for them as well it being safe enough to not worry about causing hassle with natural father etc.

Love,
Curly

Hi all,

Wesley,

You might want to take a peek at the following thread (it could be that it's also the one Curly's referring to): My daughter found out; although it's now more than a year old, it holds up well, given the topic of this thread.

I wish you the best of luck in your own particular situation.

Love,
CJ

Well, it finally happened. I have to admit, I was surprised it took so long for them to figure it out. I say that because I had tucked them into bed and been given hugs and such for a long time and they never seemed to notice I was wearing a bra and forms. . .

I was having a late night chat with both the now 14 year old step son and the now 11 year old step daughter. I was wearing a Tee shirt (loose), bra and forms My stepson was sitting down and looking up at me and said, "are you wearing a. . . " and stood up.. .before I had a chance to react he pushed the neck of my tee shirt aside and grabbed one of the bra straps and pulled on it and said, "You ARE. . .You are wearing a BRA. . " With little sister sitting near, I was busted.

I explained that yes, sometimes I did wear a bra and that it was no big deal, but I was surprised they had not figured it out yet as I often did wear a bra and forms.

I tried to explain that sometimes guys like to wear feminine things and that it did not mean I was gay. . (step mother joined the discussion at this point). It just meant that I liked to wear different cloths. We answered a few more simple questions and they went to bed. Nothing more was said. . . for a while. . .

THEN ONE NIGHT
it happened. Brother popped sisters bra strap. I popped off and told him not to do that as it was annoying and got old. . . it took a moment but the light went on and he realized what I was saying. He started kidding about it and we chatted a bit more about the issue.

This time, mom and I decided to make sure they understood that there are certain things that happen at home that do not need to be broadcast to the world. (I realize the dangerous water here due to sexual abuse, but bear with me) Since the daughter has not reached puberty but will very soon, mom told her, "For example, when you get your first period, you would not want your brother or one of us to go telling all your friends would you?" She got it. . .

IT WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT
with the son, but we have a good relationship and he talks with me about things he never discusses with his father for a verity of reasons. I pulled him aside and explained that he would not like it if we broadcast his "private time" during his bath (you can guess what he does being 14). . and he understood. ..

A MONTH LATER
all is good, the kids accept without really understanding all the facts but are comfortable enough to joke with their mother and I. . . so far, so good. .. Looks like I was worried about nothing!

How we planned to tell the daughter? Well that was ages ago and Ro wasn't going to tell her until after college, saying she has enough to worry about. I decided I didn't want to pop and keep hiding so I came out to her in her junior year, the day before she returned to college. I don't know if there is an easy way to do explain one's self but I got the point across. I do have some links on my web site, see http://davita-farley.webs.com/how_to/howout.html. Actually, the links were checked a few months ago versus the date listed on the page.

As for times to get caught? Some how, we managed to get away with me not getting caught and not leaving traces of this girl laying about. I think I would have loved to get caught and gotten it over with. Anyway, all has worked out just fine.

I suspect your kids will be fine too and the one thing is, to me, isn't that they understand so much as they recognize family secrets like income and other information. If the can keep a secret, then any time, to me is ok.

AND THEN, LAST NIGHT

The stepson comes out and says he had a really funny thought.

Ok, I'll bite. . . What? I asked

"What if a little girl came up to you and asked, 'How do I get boobies like yours. . .?'"

Interesting question, grasshopper. . .Is this something you wonder about or just a funny thought?

Well. . .

I looked at my trusty wife, "Any thoughts here, dear?"

She gave me this funny look and retorts, "Your on your own on this one. . "

After taking a moment to compose my thoughts, I told mom to please close the door. . (younger daughter is in the other room and not quite ready for this much detail.)

I was wearing a Tee shirt, bra and forms, so I reached under my Tee shirt and pulled one of the forms out and showed it to him. .

"What tha?" he says, "I didn't know you even had those" followed by "I never noticed."

Great, at this point I am thinking, did I just make a tactical error?

He looked at it for a few moments, and then held it up to his chest and seemed to be lost in thought a moment.

"they are very real, and sort of expensive. . .They make things like this mostly for women"

"Why do you wear those?" he asked.

"That is a little harder to answer. .I don't know that you will quite understand this, but it started out as one thing many years ago and has turned into something different."

"It started out as a dare one time when I was about your age. (I was 12 IIRC) and turned out I liked wearing things like that. . ."

"But as I got older, It turned into something that I do, mostly for stress relief. Different people have different ways to deal with stress. . .some people drink. ."

At this point he inurrupted and said, "Like mom smokes and I play video games?"

"Exactly" I said, as he handed me the form back and put in back into my bra.

At this point we talked a little more about stress and how we deal with it.

THEN SOMETHING REALLY UNEXPECTED HAPPENED

Well, not totally unexpected. Stepson is still in the process of learning boundries, and accecptable/unacceptable personal space.

He reached over and grabbed my boobs. . .Alright, forms anyway, as I am wearing them.


Another aside here, This is something I would have NEVER pictured as happening. Since mom was in the room, and I was not really bothered I concluded it was alright this time.

Mom and I both had to laugh a bit here.

We chatted a little more, and I brought up the previously discussed topic of there are things that did not need to be talked about, personal things like his sister having her period, heated "Discussions" between his mother and I and such.

Long story short, he understood. He is accepting and non judgemental on the issue.

At least I don't have to worry about being "Found out" around the house.

Truely amazing. This problem has worked itself out, I was worried about nothing!

He reached over and grabbed my boobs. . .Alright, forms anyway, as I am wearing them.

As long as he knows not to do such touching to anyone else.

Exactly Donna.. . .

He is getting there. . .

Youngsters nowadays are just equally smart and stupid. We had to put up a presentation for various gender issues for the freshmen this year due to numerous quite biased remarks, and the hour-long presentation ended up turning into an afternoon-long debate as to how not all transgenders are homosexual (from the chromosonal point of view) and that most crossdressers aren't fetishists, transgender or homosexual. This MTV generation, though quite accepting, seems to be as accepting of misinformation and stereotypes than new ideas. It's scary.