To be Male or Female?

[ChristineK]

I was reading old threads and came across one that was locked that had great potential for growth. I will start a new for people to express their feelings and share.

Me I have little interest in men but I know I should be a woman and YES I have thought about sex with a man. I have met a few I thought I could go threw it with but the possibility was remote. For most men I find them revolting and I could not deal with that. I love being with my wife and I am comfortable with her completely.

I think I am a real woman trapped actually, not just a man who likes the look and feel of womens clothing. I so envy my wife and love the opportunity she has in her wardrobe that I can not wear in public. She on the other hand finds many cloths I love to wear restrictive and uncomfortable and I see them as less constrictive than pair of jeans.

Perspective, I think its all about perspective!!

Please share your feelings about the same or opposite sex and the choice of clothing or mis gendered feelings.

I am a woman in a mans body, but I love my wife and would never change that either. Does that make me a psuedo lesbian??

[MsJoann]

I'm with you hon.... I feel the same way. Most if not all men are gross. I have a loving GG. Certain guys may catch my eye here and then but I'm not desperate. I prefer someone who is akin to me.

[DonnaT]

You are attracted to who you are attracted to. I believe it to be hardwired.

I know someone that recently transitioned, and separated from her wife. She's not had much luck in finding another female to date, so she's expanded her options and has tried dating men. So far, she's not felt any attraction to the men.

Myself, I've only ever been attracted to females, and have only been attracted to my wife since 1975. Sure, there are a lot of nice, cute, pretty, etc. women around, but I've not been attracted to another since meeting my wife.

[Sunshine Girl(SO)]

Hiya Christine...

I know I keep bringing this up, but out comes those nasty little boxes again.

Society loves boxes because it keeps things neat and easy. Just put everybody in a box, and everything else about them is easy to figure out. To the point that even our own being is convinced we belong in that box.

If you dress in women's clothing, than you must want to attract a man. If you wear men's clothing, you want a woman. See, it's that easy.

I hate boxes. I grew up on a farm. Wearing jeans, boots, T-shirts and sweatshirts. And I have no desires to be with a woman.

But that's just me. We are all different. Gender is not Black & White, but a sliding scale, as it has been noted in this forum many times.

And gender doesn't even have to involve clothing. Many men love needle point, knitting and sewing. And I have several girlfriends that can name all the drivers in nascar.

As for one's sexuality, it has nothing to do with one's gender. You might be a soft, sensual person who loves wearing pretty things and be attracted to females. So, just be yourself. Please, don't try labeling yourself self with society's labels. They won't fit.

For if you get trapped in one of their little boxes, it will only limit your own growth.

Sunny

[Nancy]

After a life time of trying to figure out where I fit in, which has been one long chase down many a dead end corridor. I Recently, with the help of therapist, came to the understanding and resolve that I am a woman that was born and brought up as a male. At best I have always said I am a F2M CD that passes really well as a man.

In my late teens and early twenties all I knew was, I wanted to be a woman, a female and wanted to do and experience as much as I could as a woman. Even the part about being a woman with men. Now, although that part of my life is way far behind me, I, to this day, cannot say I disliked it nor can I say I am sorry I did what I did. However, that part of my being a woman, being with men, is not who and what I am about anymore.

I have been married for 39 years to the same wonderful woman and have never felt the need or desires to go back to where I was in my late teens. Except to be a young girl again but that is another story. I now know I am a woman within and will always be her in whatever way I can.

I am recently retired and with my wife's acceptance and understanding of who and what I am. I mostly live full time at home as a woman. In fact, I am in my feminine role so often at home that when my wife comes home and I am presenting masculine she wants to know what's wrong?

What stops me from going full time as a woman? Over the years I have allowed my self to live a male life and in doing so have developed relationships and made commitments as that male. As a responsible person I accept and honor my choices. There has been no struggle or regrets for me to love and be in love with my wife as the man she married nor has there been any difficulty in my being the father and grandfather I am, as these too are things I have allowed and wanted to fill my life with love and companionship.

As for the labels and terms of how we choose to be identified and how we describe our selves? Like I mentioned before, I am a woman that lives in a male body. What does that makes me? Am I a CD, TG, TS, or what have you? I no longer know or to be honest, nor do I care. I am a person and no matter who and what I am, I am that person. I am just me. I had to come to an understanding that I am the one that chooses who and what I am in order to give others the opportunity to know and accept me for who and what I am. I am not everything all rolled up into one for all others. Rather I am to others what I have chosen to be to best suit the situation or relationship with those whom I am with.

[MsJoann]

Just today, a TG friend had a few hours to kill so she stopped by to visit with me. We talked about her pending transitioning. All it takes is to make that final decision to go through with it.
She still is attracted to females and CDs but not men in general. We both admitted there have been some exceptionally cute guys that we have come across in our lives....and for the both of us, our crushes have been fantasy.
She is at a crossroads right now. If she fully transitions, her potential for both males and females will be greatly diminished and limited probably to two choices....be with another transgender lady or possibly, like most TGs, live alone.
She's at the point to where in male mode, people look at her strangely. I can understand as I get the same with the way I present myself as male.
I told her that it's not easy to go back once you've transitioned fully. It can be tough living on that "fine line" between genders, but if you understand who you are, have patience, you can enjoy both genders as I do.

[Carol Ann]

Nancy, I know and understand as I feel the same way

[KimberlyS]

.... If she fully transitions, her potential for both males and females will be greatly diminished and limited probably to two choices....

If I am understanding the situation correctly she is struggling with SRS. This is one thing that really upsets me about TS's and others on the thoughts of fully transitioning. To me, so many think if you are a TS there is only one ending point. Yet we talk about the infinite variety of the TG Spectrum. To me if a TS is struggling with something maybe their ending point is different from other TS's There are many intersexed people in this world that seem to live their lives with a body that is both or neither male or female. Why can not a TS have an ending point that is somewhere in the middle. I know there are some out there, but the feel I get from many is there is still only one stopping point if you are a TS. To me that is BS.

Often I think those of us within the TG spectrum are as hung up on the bi-gender system as the rest of the general public is. What is wrong with being a TS that has some male and female parts. We recently have had a transistioned FTM and legal male, have a baby because he retained some of his female organs.

And as CDers, I hear so often that it is "all male or all female" for the CDer and can not be anywhere in the middle. If that is who you are that is great. But to me is seems like some people are obsessed to pass to stick to the bi-gender system. What is wrong with a pretty boy or sissy boy that may be hetrosexual, or a butch gal that is not a lesbian. I hear it over and over that they are just clothes.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[MsJoann]

I don't know why but at least she's thinking it out before the hammer drops. For me, I'm just happy and content being in the middle though it's tough at times.

[Amelie-Laveau]

I like men. I liked men before I knew anything about myself being transgender so when I became aware that I was transgender I still stayed with my taste for liking men. I didn’t choose my transgender as I also didn’t choose my sexual preference. That is the way I am, and I won’t tell others that they should be one way or another,, one usually knows what they’re into without others making specific rules on the correct way they should live their lives.

Just one note, I know it’s just words that are used to describe things on the net, but men aren’t gross. OK one might not like to have sex with men but to say that men are gross is kinda the wrong term to use. It would be just as bad if I was to say that women are gross or revolting, just because I am unattracted to them. I’m not saying this to cause trouble or argue,, but it’s all boils down to taste, what one prefers over another,, one might not find men attractive but men aren’t gross, I love men. Well,, rich men.

[DonnaT]

Kimberly.

[DonnaT]

Bisexuality is on a scale, much like transgender is on a scale.

Accordingly, somewhere along that bisexual scale, one can be romatically attracted to one sex and sexually attracted to another sex.

[Virginia]

Well, you know I mentioned about how any of us would react if we were "out at an event" and were asked to dance by a male, be it gay or straight. I don't know if we even addressed being asked to dance by a GG or what if it were another CD? This may not be in keeping with the thread, but it goes to the heart of the matter for those of us who do go out, even if it were just to a "cosmopolitan" club. I still believe it is a lady's prerogative to choose whether or not to accept an invitation to dance and she can do it with class or not! I would choose to do it with class. I know I have been in that situation and was asked on a couple of occasions by Gay Guys. They could read me, of course, but they were sooooo suave and debonair and on the dance floor they were perfect gentlemen and after the dance, escorted me back to my chair, pulled the chair out and thanked me! I tell you they are just soooo smooth, they can charm your panties off!!! Uh! that's a figure of speech!
Would I consider going to bed with a guy, I have actually thought about it and in difference to my friend Amilie, I don't think I like guys that much! As I have "evolved" if you will, all that macho bullcrap really does turn me off as a woman, but and this is freaky, even to me, I have to call upon that macho bullcrap when I step on the platform in a powerlifting competition.
Anyway, we have to all find a balance in our lives and in searching for that balance we will have to learn as Dirty Harry said, "Man's got to know his limitations!"

Search on ladies it is worth the investigations.

Love,

Virginia

[ChristineK]

Just one note, I know it’s just words that are used to describe things on the net, but men aren’t gross. OK one might not like to have sex with men but to say that men are gross is kinda the wrong term to use. It would be just as bad if I was to say that women are gross or revolting, just because I am unattracted to them. I’m not saying this to cause trouble or argue,, but it’s all boils down to taste, what one prefers over another,, one might not find men attractive but men aren’t gross, I love men.

You are completely correct!

I find men completely un attractive! That would be a better term! I also find mens mannerisms and daily posture not to my liking. I am a man that does not like the general view my friends portray if I was looking for a relationship!

I am happy being a guy in girls cloths married to my wife.

Just to add I love my wife!!!!

[Sally]

I’ve said this many times on here over the years ( and elsewhere), my life’s experiences have taught me that there’s a high probability that there are more bi- sexual men and women in the world than heterosexuals. I include all those on a scale of one percent to a hundred percent bisexuality.

As for myself, well I think it’s common knowledge that from my earliest memories I aligned more with females than males. Of course in my childhood days I never knew what it was all about, and I could never understand the fuss my mother made about me wearing my sisters clothes, and it wasn’t until puberty that things started to fall into place. By then of course it all started to go off the rails because I had learnt that according to many people, what I wanted and needed to do was a ‘bad’ thing, so consequently then we’re driven ‘underground’ and sentenced to a life other than the one we were supposed to live.

I’ve never had a sexual attraction to males and even though I’ve been transitioning for over 8 years, the female hormones have produced many physical and psychological changes in my mind and body, but my attraction to females has never waned.
I’m a firm believer that when we’re ‘hard wired’ before birth the blueprint is created and nothing can change that. I accept today that there are male parts and a male side to me which hormones or surgery could never change, but I’ve learnt to adjust and live with those facts. Self acceptance is paramount I believe, and as I always say, nobody should allow their ambitions to get ahead of what the reality is. See things as they really are and not how we’d like them to be. Some things are achievable and some will always remain a figment of the imagination. I’ve come to accept that I can live an enjoyable productive life without having SRS, also by not having it I am not risking losing my wife, who I love more today than the day we married all those long years ago. Sure, I’ve danced with males at events such as TG Balls, and the experience was enjoyable, but even then there was never any attraction which would make me persue the experience.

I believe that every person is different and what a persons sexual preference or preferences are, then it’s unique to that person, I’ve said it over and over that individuals are the best judge of what’s right for them, it just comes naturally, and with these types of things we’re governed by ‘the blueprint’. If we go against nature and what comes to us naturally just to appease others, then isn’t that just ideology and we’re not being true to ourselves, and I just got sick and tired of that. I’m a firm believer that it’s quite alright for a person to think of themselves sometimes, there are times when it’s a necessity.

Kind Regards,

Sally.