Body imagery

[CharLee]

I put this question out there for anyone to respond too.

Is it just me or do others feel this way also. When in male mode I just don't care how I look, I don't give a second thought about the shape of my body or how it looks to others. Since I always wear long pants and a shirt it doesn't seem to matter to me. But when enfemme, the mindset changes.

When dressed I take the time and effort to make sure that I present a believeable female image. Then a different sensation comes over me. I love the look of my body, the curves, the legs in high heels embrassed with my pantyhose. The different sytles of clothing I get to wear, the patterns, the fabrics, the array of colors.

I get a sensual feeling showing off my legs while wear pantyhose and heels, wearing a skirt and blouse accompanied with all the jewelry I get to wear. Then to top it off, to make the transformation complete, applying my long false nails to my fingers.

When all this is done then I feel like the woman I should truely be and love to show off how I look to others. I especially love the way my legs look and feel caressed in silky pantyhose, that's when the feeling of wanting to be a " real " woman comes over me in a huge way. Not to say that I don't get this feeling wearing my female clothes or after putting on my nails, it is just more intense when I look down at my legs and see how they look in pantyhose and heels.

Maybe I get this feeling because deep down inside I feel I should be a woman rather than a man, I don't know. All I know is that given the chance I would choose to live my life as a woman 24/7. Unfortunately for me that is not an option at this stage in my life. So I will enjoy my femme time as much as I can for as long asw I can.

If anyone else has these types of feelings I would like to hear from you so I don't feel like such an idiot for the way I feel[/b]

[KimberlyS]

CharLee, you are not an idiot for the way you feel. Each of us feels different about our CDing. And actually about everything in life we each feel a bit different about things and our life situations are different also. And while we are able to explain many things in life, many more we are not able to explain. I use to worry and think a lot about the why. Then one day realized I was missing out on a lot of life. Yes I still wonder why at times and think about the why. But most of the time I am enjoying who I am and what I have in life. It makes life much easier to live.

Do we really need to know what came first; the chicken or the egg? Enjoy life instead.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Jennifer M]

I agree with Kimberly.Everyone and their situation are different,if only just slightly.We are all part of the human race and all of us here are deserving of respect.Well said Kimberly!

This could be a completely different thread but I feel that the chicken came first.Without the first chicken who would have sat on the first egg to hatch it?

[Jeannie]

Hi Charlee
First of all,like Kimberly said you are not an idiot. A certain unnamed President is but not you Hon.
Gender comes in a rainbow of colors and shades. Humans always want other humans to conform to the norm. The much heralded and overated Hetrosexuals are a good example.
If you happen to fall into what I call"No womansland" you're screwed. Other so called normal people short circuit and freak out. They point out disorders or better yet,passages from the Bible and other holy books. Yeah! That's good. Look where those publications got us.
I have to run Charlee. I have marinated chicken breasts on the grill and I have to Email Dr. Phil to see if he likes my new outfit.
I do feel for Dr. Phil. He reminds me of a night manager at a creepy motel or the security guard a concert venue that strip searches every ticket holder. Hugs ladies. The chicken is calling me.


Love
Jeannie

[CherryLynn]

hi Charlee

my male and female side crash together all the time. i don't mind being a male but i do love femmy things like lipstick and mascara. I can't being femmy all the time, even us girls have to make a living. I do love shaving my legs from time to time- they do look so much better withouth hair and to be honest i love the feel of nylons stockings.
Hugs
Cherrylynn

[Azurielle]

I agree with KimberlyS. Stop cracking your skull over it and just enjoy yourself. If it makes you feel good, why in the world should you feel like an idiot?
I mean I just LOVE going to the office on sundays (we're closed weekends) simply to skate on the fereshly waxed floors with woolen socks. Why should I feel like an idiot? I have the right to do it and it's fun, so I just go ahead and do it no matter how zany-looking it is. I have to admit the janitors were puzzled when I asked them to switch back to their old wax when they tried another kind, but I just went ahead and said I spend all day going back and forth from my office to the fax machine (which I do).

In the end, life's about what makes you happy, so go ahead and do it.

[CJ]

Hi all,

CharLee,

No, you're not an idiot, and you're definitely not the only one who feels the kinds of sensations you mention. I do, too. Not always, but often enough so that it matters.

There's an indefinable sumptousness, an intoxicating voluptuousness, that comes over me when I feel the caress of silk or nylon against my smoothly shaven legs; a shiver runs through me when I feel the long hair of my wig brush against, and weigh upon, my shoulders; the scents and aromas of cosmetics, creams, delicate perfumes intoxicate me; the curve of my hip, as it gently arcs into my narrowed, girdled waist, is a bliss to behold; the soft, melodic chimes of thin bracelets hanging on my wrists and of dangling earrings barely touching the skin of my neck are a siren song to me; the snug stiletto that has the power to lengthen my leg (and to shorten my stride) as the heels click ever so daintily on the sidewalk are a paroxysm of sex appeal and an ode to the power of an attractive leg and foot; and, of course, the very apex of sensual delight... the profusion of gossamer fabrics or "second skin" fibers that go to make up this or that skirt, this or that dress, this or that blouse. It all works for me, too, this heady stuff. The question remains, though: is this what it means to "be" a woman? That, I'm not so sure about. Similarly, I'm not really sure what it means to be a man. Like you, I don't really pay all that much attention to my looks when in boy mode. But that's a topic for another thread.

A long time ago, I had a running, ah, "discussion" (often over private lines) with a GG who used to be a popular and well-liked member of this forum (and whose online company I very much enjoyed) on the subject of sensuality. Whenever I tried to convince her that, against her own view of things, it is possible for a man to feel the kind of voluptuous sensations described above (or in your own post, CharLee), without those feelings always being, by necessity, associated with sex, she'd jokingly say that I was being delusional. Sensuality, in men, is always sexual (she'd say). Alas! I never managed to convince her otherwise. Yes, for many, there's a sexual element in crossdressing, a purely fetishistic element. I'll never deny that. But it isn't always the case. I tried to describe my own feelings to her in terms of a profound yearning to BE; moreover, a yearning to be FREE. It had nothing to do with the state of my genitals nor the level of my libido. In the end, I guess that her own experience as an SO dictated that she just had to see things otherwise. And, well, I could (and can) accept that. I have to.

Anyway, CharLee, again, you're not alone in this. I'd think that many CDs have felt like this, as well. No doubt, some do, some don't. And all is well with the world.

Love,
CJ

[Lydia]

I envy your abilities to wax so poetically about such mundane things as clothes. Charlee and CJ: you express my own feelings with magical phrasing. It is delight to read and empathize with you.

You are far from being idiots. And if you are, then I join ecstatically in your idiocy.

Hugs and Love,

Lydia

[Diannna]

CharLee,
All I can tell you is this. It took me many years to understand that I'm really not any different then anyone else. If you'll alow me to say.........
"normal" people and "us". Everyone is different. This is what makes the world go round. Everyone deals with things in they're own different way. Everyone believes in different ways. You and I are the same, yet different.
Your not an idiot. On the contrary, you're quite normal. However, after reading what I just wrote, I'm not quite sure if I might be the idiot

[Virginia]

Acceptance! acceptance of your self as who you are! That is why the cross-dresser's continuum is so (pardon the pun) broad! We have room for everyone. I can, as a lot of our sisters can, identify with your conflicted feelings. For me, in my particular situation, I can dress rather androgynous every day. I wear short-shorts, a long sleeve silky top virtually everyday and even have a couple of pair of heels that I can wear where I work. (No Jeannie, I don't wear the heels when I ride my bike - but its and idea --Naw!)

The thought is always in the back of my mind about "what if," Virginia had made her presence more strongly felt would I have -- but I am not one to dwell in/on the past. I just deal with today, and I have found a balance in my life, and Virginia is happy with it. I have had my few epiphanies and they were wonderful. When I dress it is not a sexual thing, it is just a girl getting ready to go out!

It can take time to "find ourselves" so just enjoy Charlee and it will all come together. You have take the first few important steps so just enjoy the ride it is ssssoooooo much fun!!!

Love,

Virginia

[Stephenie G]

i'll have to agree with all the other girls Charlee ,each of us seem to progress a a different rate & some will always be conflicted with there fem side . although i haven't been a cder long ,i feel i'm a fast leraner & know how to see good advise when i read it like post from , Kimberly or CJ or Virginia & many others .Each in there own way have helped all along our journey imho ocourse. I don't know if i'll ever pass but i still love my stephenie time & have come to accept who i am , i consider my self blessed finding this forum & blesesed with a wonderful wife & son & had some wonderfully surprising outings . so in short just enjoy yourself & be Charlee. Stephenie g

[Amelie-Laveau]

First off you're not an idiot,, the others out there in the world are the idiots,,lol

I guess it all depends what one considers a woman to be, what is in ones eye what a women is, and we all have similar but also different ideas of this.We all can't have the same idea of what makes up a woman, even women themselves are not all the same.

On one hand, you talk about the sensuality of wearing women's clothes and how you think that it is because you should really be a woman. Yet CJ's GG friend and some other GGs don't get the same sensuality from clothes as men do, quite a few GGs don't even like hose. but to you, being a woman is having this sensuality, which is OK, all are different.

For me, the sensuality comes when a man views me. This is where I feel most like a woman. I don't get it by looking at myself, I get it when men make comments, when men notice me, in a good way of course. So sensuality would be defined differently for me, but it's still sensuality non the less.

I guess what I'm saying with all that garble is what everyone else has already said, we are all different with different ideas, but some of these ideas do sometimes match with others.

Again, I don't care much about smoothness of fabric or how the fabric feels on my skin. I only care if my mind feels like a woman, and of course if some guy grabs my butt on the bus.

[Jenny Alice]

I found this discussion most interesting partly for what it did not say. Amelie-Laveau came close though. I know married people are different from me. I live alone and find the most exotic experience is to have a man look at me with interest after I have gone to a great deal of trouble to appear as a classy stylish woman. The surge of delight which comes with that is adorable and naturally is associated with the soft feminine things I am wearing. I wonder if others have the same delight in obtaining masculine attention. The point is I suppose-I would not be the smalless bit interested if not in Jenny Alice mode.

[LeAnnL]

leann

[Absaroka]

Charlee

You're not crazy or an idiot or any of those things. You do write well. And your feelings are just your feelings.

I find that I enjoy the sensuality of womens clothing. Sometimes I enjoy the sensuality of mens clothing, which is something I didn't do before I started to crossdress a lot. It's a different sensuality but it's there.

I do care what I look like as a man. Part of that caring manifests itself in appearing not to care. But there are a lot of mens clothing I won't wear simply because I don't like how they look. Likewise I don't shave my beard because I don't like how I look when I'm clean shaven. Obviously this makes it hard to revel in my looking like a well dressed attractive woman but it's still fun to hang out around the house in a nice comfy skirt.

Absaroka