when does shopping, surfing interfere with everyday stuff
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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LeslyAllen
- Miss Crystal Goddess
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- Location: Florida
when does shopping, surfing interfere with everyday stuff
When is too much!. I am obsessed with this for the past year. As my relationships and job are crumbling the more I have to do it to stay sain, but I also feel real quilty. Yes, I am married, in the closet and have kids. Been in the closet since I was 12. Have good and bad years. When I am happpy I don't cross dress or shop. During the bad times and stress, I do. At the age of 55 it is getting out of hand. Need some comments.. LeslyAllen
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Absaroka
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Mine really blossomed shortly after I reached 50 also, and it probably wasn't a coincidence that it coincided with my children having teenage angst and independence. Sort of a pre empty nest thing and I needed something to fill the void.
Since you are having a bad year with lots of stress try to figure out what to do to address the issues that are causing the stress. Dressing and communicating on the forums are fun and these forums in particular have been helpful to me with self acceptance. But all that other stuff requires a lot of attention. If all this does is fill a void without improving the quality of your life you are treating it like it was a drug.
Whenever I get stuck it is usually suggested to me that I try to find a way to be helpful to someone else, rather than concentrating on myself. I tend to get pretty self centered.
Absaroka
Since you are having a bad year with lots of stress try to figure out what to do to address the issues that are causing the stress. Dressing and communicating on the forums are fun and these forums in particular have been helpful to me with self acceptance. But all that other stuff requires a lot of attention. If all this does is fill a void without improving the quality of your life you are treating it like it was a drug.
Whenever I get stuck it is usually suggested to me that I try to find a way to be helpful to someone else, rather than concentrating on myself. I tend to get pretty self centered.
Absaroka
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Anita
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Hi Lesly--
Well, I guess I'm kind of surprised that when you're happy, you don't feel a need for CDing. I never thought about it that way. I suppose as long as I was successfully doing male-oriented things, I felt satisfied because I was doing what I'd been taught to do. About 35 the male success formulas started to lose their appeal, though it was another 14 years before "this" appeared. I guess you could say I hit mid-life crisis at 35 or so, and didn't know what to do about it.
There was a book I picked up in 2003, by Judith Wright. It was called There Must be More than This and it was about overcoming so-called "soft addictions," like TV, Internet surfing, food, impulse shopping, and so on. I can't say that I was able to apply it well, but at least it laid out what I'd been feeling about my life.
I still struggle with these kinds of diversions. There was a period when I first re-discovered CDing where it became too compelling. I'd never had my own clothes, or makeup, or any accessories like shoes or wigs. It took about two months for the novelty to wear off enough that I could stop distracting myself with CDing. Now I tend to dress only if I'm going out.
Well, I guess I'm kind of surprised that when you're happy, you don't feel a need for CDing. I never thought about it that way. I suppose as long as I was successfully doing male-oriented things, I felt satisfied because I was doing what I'd been taught to do. About 35 the male success formulas started to lose their appeal, though it was another 14 years before "this" appeared. I guess you could say I hit mid-life crisis at 35 or so, and didn't know what to do about it.
There was a book I picked up in 2003, by Judith Wright. It was called There Must be More than This and it was about overcoming so-called "soft addictions," like TV, Internet surfing, food, impulse shopping, and so on. I can't say that I was able to apply it well, but at least it laid out what I'd been feeling about my life.
I still struggle with these kinds of diversions. There was a period when I first re-discovered CDing where it became too compelling. I'd never had my own clothes, or makeup, or any accessories like shoes or wigs. It took about two months for the novelty to wear off enough that I could stop distracting myself with CDing. Now I tend to dress only if I'm going out.
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Carolynn
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Hi Lesly. 
What you say sorta fits with CDing being a stress reduction mechanism at this and earlier points in your life. It acts as a diversion, a hobby if you will, that allows you to step away from the stresses in your life. Such hobbies can be pretty well addictive or obsessive (I have a friend who is a Civil War re-enactor and you talk about obsessive!!)
, but are easier to put aside when the stresses are eased.
My case was a bit different, in that the only unusual stresses in my life was the conflict between the need to be who I am versus the perceived need to maintain the respect of my family and peers. In short, I was TS, and had known it as a condition shared with at least a few others since I was 7 years old. I went through cycles of depression and denial, and worked as hard as I could and played with numerous hobbies and spent money on them to divert myself, so I can understand what you are going through. And yes, I also used some crossdressing as a stress relief, and considered myself a CD. Only I was wrong.
In 1995, I found a rough draft birth certificate for a girl child named Carolynn among some of my deceased Aunt's papers, with my date of birth and other particulars, and this put all the puzzle pieces together as never before. Remembered surgeries and concealed scarring I noted as a child made sense, and corroborated what I felt about myself, but did not decrease the stress, rather enhancing it as it increased the need to be myself, and did not help my relationship with my elderly parents. It was not until I transitioned in 2004 that the stresses went away. My BP fell from mild hypertension to normal in the space of a few months, and my life has eased to only the normal stresses of money and bills.
I don't mean to suggest in any way that you might be TS, because the odds are that you are not. But you might need some help to deal with the stresses you are feeling, and a good therapist might help you find your way through that emotional tangle after a few visits. Sharing the load with a person who is not emotionally involved with your stresses can really help return an stress reducing obsession to a fun hobby.
Carolynn
What you say sorta fits with CDing being a stress reduction mechanism at this and earlier points in your life. It acts as a diversion, a hobby if you will, that allows you to step away from the stresses in your life. Such hobbies can be pretty well addictive or obsessive (I have a friend who is a Civil War re-enactor and you talk about obsessive!!)
, but are easier to put aside when the stresses are eased.My case was a bit different, in that the only unusual stresses in my life was the conflict between the need to be who I am versus the perceived need to maintain the respect of my family and peers. In short, I was TS, and had known it as a condition shared with at least a few others since I was 7 years old. I went through cycles of depression and denial, and worked as hard as I could and played with numerous hobbies and spent money on them to divert myself, so I can understand what you are going through. And yes, I also used some crossdressing as a stress relief, and considered myself a CD. Only I was wrong.
In 1995, I found a rough draft birth certificate for a girl child named Carolynn among some of my deceased Aunt's papers, with my date of birth and other particulars, and this put all the puzzle pieces together as never before. Remembered surgeries and concealed scarring I noted as a child made sense, and corroborated what I felt about myself, but did not decrease the stress, rather enhancing it as it increased the need to be myself, and did not help my relationship with my elderly parents. It was not until I transitioned in 2004 that the stresses went away. My BP fell from mild hypertension to normal in the space of a few months, and my life has eased to only the normal stresses of money and bills.
I don't mean to suggest in any way that you might be TS, because the odds are that you are not. But you might need some help to deal with the stresses you are feeling, and a good therapist might help you find your way through that emotional tangle after a few visits. Sharing the load with a person who is not emotionally involved with your stresses can really help return an stress reducing obsession to a fun hobby.
Carolynn
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JoAnnDallas
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In 2005, I finally accepted my TransGender status. I was 57 at the time. Early this year my wife accepted me and I really blossomed. I used to CD mostly when I was stressed, but since my wife accepted my CDing, I now dress even when I am not stressed. Which why I think I am moving more toward the TS side of things. I have gone from less than 10% dressed,90% male in 2004 to today where it is 55% dressed, 45% male. Yes most of this is because my wife decided to accept my CDing and has become supportive and even joined my Tri-Ess group.
I wear panties and a bra everyday now. On weekends I dress at least one or more days. I also wear fem PJ's or a night gown to bed every evening. It is becoming more natural for me to CD.
I am sure if society was more accepting of us, that a lot of us would be out and about dressed and it would be just a normal thing.
I wear panties and a bra everyday now. On weekends I dress at least one or more days. I also wear fem PJ's or a night gown to bed every evening. It is becoming more natural for me to CD.
I am sure if society was more accepting of us, that a lot of us would be out and about dressed and it would be just a normal thing.
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PattiG
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JoAnn,JoAnnDallas wrote:... I used to CD mostly when I was stressed, but since my wife accepted my CDing, I now dress even when I am not stressed.
You hit on something I've been wondering about. I've been stressed lately and have been avoiding dressing. It hit me last light, wondering if avoiding my femme side is adding to the stress!
Patti
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Tammy R
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Leslie, I know exactly what you are talking about. Closeted since 13 and in my 50s I found that during my most down times I gravitated to what made me feel the best. I put on my femme things and just enjoyed that feeling and forgot about the problems of the world for a moment.
Sometimes it gets out of hand and you need to recognize where the issue really is. Is it your cross-dressing, or is it something else. For me it was always something else.
Sometimes it gets out of hand and you need to recognize where the issue really is. Is it your cross-dressing, or is it something else. For me it was always something else.
Tammy