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Military man: I get a thrill wearing panties

Dr. Saltz says this behavior doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong

By Dr. Gail Saltz
TODAYShow.com contributor

updated 4:06 p.m. ET, Wed., Jan. 14, 2009

Q. I am in the military and had to attend a formal function while mywife was at work. My trousers for my uniform were a little tight. Iguess I had gained a few pounds.

I normally wear boxers, which weren't working with the trousers beingso tight. I tried the trousers on without underwear but was afraid ofgoing without, because what would happen if my trousers split becausethey were so tight?

I had the idea to use a pair of my wife's underwear, as they aresmaller and allowed me at least to have something on underneath. Iused a pair of white nylon bikinis and didn't think much of it at thetime. But I found I got a thrill of the secret of having on ladies'underpants under my uniform. I got home right around when my wife wascoming home so I had to get out of them quickly and put them in thelaundry.

Now, when my wife is not home, I go in her drawer and put on a pair ofher panties. When she is working late, I will wear a pair all daylong. I started to worry because her friend was visiting and they wentout together for the day, and I went into our guest room and put on apair of her friend's sheer black undies. I tried to put them back theway I found them, but they came home quickly and I had to throw mypants on over them. When I took them off, I snuck them back into herluggage. I was worried that her friend may have noticed her pantieswere gone for a few minutes.

Is there something wrong with me? I really am afraid my wife willthink of me as a weirdo, and I love her more than anything. Please help.

A. Men enjoying women's underwear, including their own wearing of it, is not as unusual as you think.

In terms of whether something is wrong with you, the question is whether it interferes negatively with your intimate relationship and your life. How compulsive does this get? How much secrecy surrounds it? Is it a prerequisite for feeling erotically stimulated?

Only if you must wear women's panties before you can get aroused are you talking about a perversion or fetish. While that is not normal, is it a problem? Again, it is only if it interferes with your life in a problematical way.

The question for you is what your wife will think, which is hard to predict. It depends on how communicative and trusting a couple you are and how open-minded she is. Only you can be the judge of that.

Is your wife interested in your ability to enjoy being sexually stimulated and does she like to keep your sex life interesting and enjoyable, even when that includes thinking outside the box? Does she like sharing things that matter to you, even if they seem not quite mainstream? If so, then it should be fine to explain to her that you find it sexy to wear women's underwear.

Women's underwear is erotic to men. If you and your wife have an honest relationship and you understand each other, it shouldn't be hard to tell her that you had this experience and now find wearing women's lingerie a big turn-on. It's similar to any other sex toy or fantasy. If you have a good marriage, she should support things that are positive in your life, as you should for her.

That returns to the question of whether or not this is positive. If your attraction to your wife is being replaced by wearing her panties, that is a problem. On the issue of secrecy, in general, there is a thrill in risk-taking, which enhances the erotic nature of almost anything. So trying on her friend's undies and risking getting caught is upping the ante.

You can, though, get into dangerous territory if you keep pushing the envelope so that the risks you take are potentially damaging. For example, would you rather tell your wife about dressing in her underwear or have her find out by accident? Only you can assess this for yourself.

One reason this topic is uncomfortable is that it makes you wonder whether you are homosexual or transgender. Again, only you can assess this for yourself. I detect a lot of defensiveness in your note. You have given a long explanation of why it was "okay" for you to try on your wife's underwear in the first place.

Ask yourself what your defensiveness means and how great are any feelings that you might be gay or transgender. If your feelings about being aroused by men or about wishing to be female are significant, then that would be something to explore.

But your erotic enjoyment of women's underwear alone doesn't necessarily mean anything. Again, it depends on whether it interferes with your life and becomes a negative for you. It is all a matter of degree.

It is sad that, when you love your wife more than anything, there is something going on that you feel you can't share with her. This can create a distance. So I suggest you consider broaching the subject. If you have open communication and you can share your secrets with her, you should both be fine.

Dr. Gail's Bottom Line: Some men are turned on by wearing women's underwear. It doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.

Nice reply, but she forgot to admonish him for wearing his wife's panties, and especially for wearing the friend's panties. And sneaking into the friend's luggage. She should have also told him to buy his own.

I jus the the feel and cut.

As I was reading her reply, I suddenly had a flashback to the old Gregory Peck film, "Gentleman's Agreement". The film seems almost quaint, now, much like "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". But it was very cutting-edge in the late '40s. In it, Peck plays a writer who, in order to examine the issue of anti-semitism, passes himself off as Jewish. Late in the film, his young son comes home from school, crying that the kids in school have been harassing him for being Jewish, and Peck's girlfriend (he is either divorced or a widower in the film, I don't remember which) immediately consoles the boy, assuring him that he shouldn't get upset because he isn't really Jewish. And she can't understand it when Peck becomes angry with her.

I had the same thing here. Dr. Gail's bottom line: it's all right; just because you like wearing panties doesn't make you transgendered.

i got the same drift Erin, and Donna's point about buying his own is spot on too!

so i imagine we can assume this fine man of uniform will be lurking on this and other sites in the years ahead, if so, come on in the panties fit better when you buy your own - and bra/panty sets are the real BOMB!

cheers!

Whoo, uniform of the day. Fall—IN!

Interesting. Hey JoAnn - do you have the link to take me to the story where it was originally posted? I want to send it to my wife. While she already accepts my dressing, whenever I find a more mainstream source that describes it as being "more normal than you think" I try to pass it on.

Sending her link after link of CD sites, created and run by CD'ers, can be a little less convincing since the author usually has it in their best interest to say it's normal!

MandyBird wrote:Interesting. Hey JoAnn - do you have the link to take me to the story where it was originally posted?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28657984/

I try to were fem undergarments every chance I get, If we go out or work around the house, i have on a nice pairs of panties. The other day I realized that I was almost out of mens briefs. I have been purchasing bikini underware for a change from my briefs and wearing panties when possible, throwing out pairs that didn't fit or was worn. As I've stated , now I have very few briefs left.

Im getting to the point where i a never hardly wear mens at all, (apart from Work). Go out with panties on everyday and for every reason now.

I wear panties 24/7 and a bra and cami under my drab clothing. In fact the only items of clothing that is drab is my shirt and trousers. Even my socks and shoes are fem items.