Hi girls,
My best friend called me up and told me that he had a dream about me about night. He said in the dream, he got out to California to see me and when I get there to pick him up, I am dressed as a man. He said I looked like an older version of the old male me. He said he was very upset in the dream because he thought that someone had brainwashed me or something.
He said he questioned the male version of me about being a fraud. He said he told him, "no this is not right, my friend is a woman, she came out five years ago, there is no way she would go back to being a man. He said then the dream ended.
But he told me about it because he wanted me to know that he thinks of me as a girl now. And even when confronted with a male version of me, he didn't believe it. He was my best friend before I came out and he is still my best friend. He used to work for me and we worked together every day.
He knew the angry me. He knew I would never go back to that. He knew because he knows me. He watched me change into Elizabeth. He got to watch my life blossom. He was there for me when I needed him. And I have always been there for him when he needed me.
But the fact that he knows there is no male version of me, really makes me feel good. He understands that is a character I used to play and I could not seriously do it around him. We have talked about it. He knows it's an act. So he would never buy into me going back to being male because it's impossible. There is no male version of me.
And that feels real good.
Love always,
Elizabeth
There is no male version of me
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Elizabeth
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April Rose
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Robyn Katie
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Robyn Katie
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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Hi sisters,
I keep coming back to this startling post of Elizabeth's because I feel it has something original and important to tell us. Something that's hard to put in words and isn't often heard.
Lots of us, I think, buy into an assumption of dualism—that we have a male "side" and a female "side," one of which comes uppermost at a given time. And all sorts of things stem from that.
Elizabeth has conked that on the head. "There is no male version of me."
I have nothing to add, except to say, Wow. There's a clear devastating truth there. It really shines, and really deserves a second glance.
It also has a lot of implications. Anyone want to explore them further?
Love, Robyn Katie
I keep coming back to this startling post of Elizabeth's because I feel it has something original and important to tell us. Something that's hard to put in words and isn't often heard.
Lots of us, I think, buy into an assumption of dualism—that we have a male "side" and a female "side," one of which comes uppermost at a given time. And all sorts of things stem from that.
Elizabeth has conked that on the head. "There is no male version of me."
I have nothing to add, except to say, Wow. There's a clear devastating truth there. It really shines, and really deserves a second glance.
It also has a lot of implications. Anyone want to explore them further?
Love, Robyn Katie
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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Hi Robyn,
I brought this up only because I know there are others out there that feel like me. Most will not, but a few will. I also wanted to emphasize what a good friend I have and how well he knows me and how he is not insecure about his own manhood, despite our friendship. It's a message of hope for those who are weighing whether or not to tell close friends.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I brought this up only because I know there are others out there that feel like me. Most will not, but a few will. I also wanted to emphasize what a good friend I have and how well he knows me and how he is not insecure about his own manhood, despite our friendship. It's a message of hope for those who are weighing whether or not to tell close friends.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Robyn Katie
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 5:02 pm
Hi Elizabeth,
Yes, I admit I chose just one of the several good things you said because it struck me so profoundly and it made me think so hard.
A friend like yours is indeed priceless, and your message is indeed one of hope.
But when you said "there is no male version of me," it was stunning to me. I found myself wishing to hear more about that, hopefully hear from others who feel the same who would explore it.
I've felt a strong need to think it through further, yet I seem stuck fast.
Maybe it's one of those blinding truths that are complete in themselves—like e=mC2 or All Men Are Created Equal—but it keeps whistling at me, just out of sight, like something just around the corner.
For the moment I can't get further, and I was hoping someone else could.
Love, Robyn Katie
Yes, I admit I chose just one of the several good things you said because it struck me so profoundly and it made me think so hard.
A friend like yours is indeed priceless, and your message is indeed one of hope.
But when you said "there is no male version of me," it was stunning to me. I found myself wishing to hear more about that, hopefully hear from others who feel the same who would explore it.
I've felt a strong need to think it through further, yet I seem stuck fast.
Maybe it's one of those blinding truths that are complete in themselves—like e=mC2 or All Men Are Created Equal—but it keeps whistling at me, just out of sight, like something just around the corner.
For the moment I can't get further, and I was hoping someone else could.
Love, Robyn Katie
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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Hi Robyn,
I know why you are having trouble with it. It's because it's a tough admission to make. And once one has made that admission, one must act accordingly. I knew for a long time it was true, but remained in denial. It was sort of an epiphany when I accepted that I am who I am. I am Elizabeth, a girl.
Having accepted that as a truth makes it impossible to ever pretend I am male again. There is no male version of me and most importantly, there never was. It was all just a part I played. A part that prevented me from being my authentic self.
It's difficult to let go of the security of playing the male role. But I believe eventually in all transsexuals, we let go or we kill ourselves, because the weight of pretending to be someone we are not wears us down. This is different from what a CDer feels. CDers are quite comfortable in their male role, they just have another expression of themselves that needs to be let out. Which of course is their female identity.
Indeed it was quite profound when I accepted there was no male version of me, because of the implications. Just remember that there is a lot of pressure within our community to make everyone a transsexual. Don't allow that to influence what you are truly feeling. Of those who crossdress, including myself, only a small portion of those will actually be transsexuals. It's not better or worse, it's just a different expression of the same underlying feelings, in my opinion.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I know why you are having trouble with it. It's because it's a tough admission to make. And once one has made that admission, one must act accordingly. I knew for a long time it was true, but remained in denial. It was sort of an epiphany when I accepted that I am who I am. I am Elizabeth, a girl.
Having accepted that as a truth makes it impossible to ever pretend I am male again. There is no male version of me and most importantly, there never was. It was all just a part I played. A part that prevented me from being my authentic self.
It's difficult to let go of the security of playing the male role. But I believe eventually in all transsexuals, we let go or we kill ourselves, because the weight of pretending to be someone we are not wears us down. This is different from what a CDer feels. CDers are quite comfortable in their male role, they just have another expression of themselves that needs to be let out. Which of course is their female identity.
Indeed it was quite profound when I accepted there was no male version of me, because of the implications. Just remember that there is a lot of pressure within our community to make everyone a transsexual. Don't allow that to influence what you are truly feeling. Of those who crossdress, including myself, only a small portion of those will actually be transsexuals. It's not better or worse, it's just a different expression of the same underlying feelings, in my opinion.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Robyn Katie
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Hi Elizabeth,
Yes. I see. Thank you for explaining.
It's the suddenness of it that is so shocking, like going over a cliff. There's no way back.
I myself feel very close to that gateway, close enough to touch, but will probably stay there and not go beyond it, because of life circumstances I cherish.
But I am grateful to you for putting it so clearly and showing the way past that dualism, which, for me, is worn out. That male role simply does not make sense for me any more, not even as a fallback position.
In my case it has already gone into suspension, an old habit I'm once in a while surprised to find myself dropping into by accident, out of reflex, but other than that ... gone.
"There never was." Precisely.
In my opinion it's one of the most important things ever said on this forum. I hope others are hearing you as clearly ... but I can see that it's something a person doesn't tend to hear until she is ready.
Love, Robyn Katie
Yes. I see. Thank you for explaining.
It's the suddenness of it that is so shocking, like going over a cliff. There's no way back.
I myself feel very close to that gateway, close enough to touch, but will probably stay there and not go beyond it, because of life circumstances I cherish.
But I am grateful to you for putting it so clearly and showing the way past that dualism, which, for me, is worn out. That male role simply does not make sense for me any more, not even as a fallback position.
In my case it has already gone into suspension, an old habit I'm once in a while surprised to find myself dropping into by accident, out of reflex, but other than that ... gone.
"There never was." Precisely.
In my opinion it's one of the most important things ever said on this forum. I hope others are hearing you as clearly ... but I can see that it's something a person doesn't tend to hear until she is ready.
Love, Robyn Katie
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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What a nice friend. It's always special when someone calls you because they dreamed something about you they thought you needed to know.
Elizabeth I liked your description and comments on cd vs ts very much. I thought you hit the nail right on the head.
Absaroka
Elizabeth I liked your description and comments on cd vs ts very much. I thought you hit the nail right on the head.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Robyn Katie wrote:Hi Elizabeth,
...
It's the suddenness of it that is so shocking, like going over a cliff. There's no way back.
...
Love, Robyn Katie
Here is a quote from a post of mine the day after I joined the forum.
Sound familar? I know what you are feelilng and it is unsettling. There is no way back, at least for me. I understood that right away. Perhaps I always knew it and that is why my denial lasted so long. As long as I refused to acknowledge it, I didn't have to do anything about it.Elizabeth wrote: I feel like I am going off a cliff, but I also feel as if it is better than not going. But i am really scared about the future.
Here is the post in it's entirety for those interested.
http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... ght=#18689
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Anita
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Definitely a loaded subject for me. I've been surprised at how three of my closest TG friends, including my girlfriend, have few if any good feelings about their former male selves. They're all fulltime, of course, and two are post-op. Their committment to being female is apparent.
I see that there are two separate “cliffs” to deal with. The first cliff came when I knew that I would go out in the world as a girl if I bought the clothes, shoes, and so on. I jumped off into a new world, for sure, but it still had my male self in it.
The other cliff is still ahead, waiting. If I go over that one, my male self “dies,” and a fulltime woman emerges. That idea bothers me, at this point.
I see that there are two separate “cliffs” to deal with. The first cliff came when I knew that I would go out in the world as a girl if I bought the clothes, shoes, and so on. I jumped off into a new world, for sure, but it still had my male self in it.
The other cliff is still ahead, waiting. If I go over that one, my male self “dies,” and a fulltime woman emerges. That idea bothers me, at this point.
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CynthiaD
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