What do you do with your (natural) hair?

[Robyn Katie]

Hi sisters,

About styling our hair. Our own hair. The kind that grows on our heads. (I know there have been quite a few threads on wigs, but I don't enjoy wigs much ... hot, etc.)

I'm looking for modestly fem-style hair ideas I can use when going out.

Ground rules:
I do not present as a female in public, but I want to hint strongly at female.

I don't want to involve a hair stylist—too expensive, too troublesome to keep up.

So we're dealing with long hair here—a few inches beyond shoulder length, ends trimmed only.

The ways I do it fall in two categories:

HAIR I CAN WEAR OUT
Ponytail
Down but sloppy, pulled behind ears
Down, brushed straight with foreparts neatly pinned or pulled behind ears.

HAIR I WEAR IN PRIVATE
Ponytail with scrunchies (marginally OK for wearing out, but I usually don't)
Gathered with a hair claw
Hair ribbons
Double tails
Down, combed to one side
Down, combed forward and divided sideways
"Top tail": brushed straight up, gathered in a tail on top of my head and fastened in one or two scrunchies.

There are probably others, but those are my usual ones, and all I can think of at the moment.

So, what are some fresh ways to wear my hair while out? To recap:

o Modestly femme
o No masc styles
o No cutting my hair shorter
o No professional stylist
o Yet as femme as possible

Suggestions from your own experience?

Love, Robyn Katie

[Virginia]

Hi Robyn,

You do know that there are some of us that have not a clue what you are talking about?
We wish we had such "problems." Some of us would settle for looking like that cutie on Fox News, uh? Katherine? something or other with the real short hair, but she is cute and can wear it that way.
If your hair is long enough for a ponytail you virtually have every option that any girl has. Get some magazine's, Vogue, Cosmo, Bazzar, see what the styles are.
Good luck and hope you find something that suits you!
Love,

Virginia

[Connie]

Have you tried curling it (or straightening it)? Most women that I see have one basic style. Those with hair about your length often use hair clips and such to keep it back. Maybe some colorful or decorative head-bands or fancy clips..


I wish I had enough hair all over my head to have such problems...

Connie

[Michelle Miller]

What do I do with my natural hair?

Pray no more of it falls out.

[DonnaT]

There are a couple of things, like curling the ends under, or a flip curl outward.

Then there's flat ironing it, or just the opposite, iron waves into it.

[Anita]

Hi Robyn--

o Modestly femme
o No masc styles
o No cutting my hair shorter
o No professional stylist
o Yet as femme as possible

I haven't found a good way to do this at all, and it causes me some pain. Yes, I do have long hair that grows out. My girlself likes it, but since it's not styled well, it's hard to make it look good. My guyself is OK with it, but it doesn't look good on him, either. It tends to be wild-looking and unruly.

I don't like using hair gels, but did use some last time I had long hair. It wasn't quite long enough for a ponytail, but too long to just let go.

My friends say that I look much better as a guy with short hair. My girl self does not like wearing wigs, but my guy self does not like being an old guy in a ponytail. This is one area where the two personas do have different needs.

Even if I do go to a professional, they don't know what to do with it. It's hard to cut it just a little femme. So the end result is an unruly-looking guy, and an unstyled girl. You can see one picture of "her" in the photo gallery.

At least half of the transwomen I know who have their own hair don't style it in any way. They also don't pin it. So they have their long hair, but it calls attention to them as a male cue, not a female one. Mine is somewhat wavy when it's long, and I pin it in femme ways. The pinning really does help. It's definitely not something a long-haired guy would do, ever. So it's a strong femme cue.

[April Rose]

For me? Turtle wax , or a Hat!

[Carol Elizabeth]

What do I do with my natural hair?

Well,

I've been keeping it in a shoe box.


Ah----memories.

CE

[Robyn Katie]

Ha ha! Delightful bumper crop of replies. Where to start.

Virginia, thanks for the women's mag suggestions. I will follow that up ... though I expect to find relatively few "dos" I can wear out, which is my main goal.

Connie, those clips and headbands exceed my "going out" goal. (Headbands can be unisex, of course, but I'd want to wear femme ones, and those are a dead giveaway.)

Thanks, though, Connie, for the curling suggestions. My hair is straight, limp, and doesn't wanna do anything. (Yes, gals, I do know I should thank my lucky stars I have any.) You're nudging me closer to biting the bullet and trying a home perm or even just a curling iron (I'm a virgin as to both, so far).

Donna, great suggestion. I like the looks of both an under-curl, and an outward flip—I will try both. As to ironing, I never tried it and wonder how it works. (Which temperature to use, how long to press it, etc.) I'll search techniques for that on the web. If I find something super, I'll report back.

Anita, you somehow always click in with my wavelength. We seem a lot alike, though I could only wish my hair would be wild-looking, because it basically just hangs there like wet spaghettini. My need is for more wildness, not less. I have used hair gels, with the hair scrunched, and they do give it a sort of jagged look. Not really comfortable to wear because the hair is so sticky, but I should make myself try it more, and maybe spray hold would help.

And as you say, going to a hair stylist is just ... well, first I can't manage to convey any of my wishes strongly enough to offset their conviction of what *they* think my hair should look like (and I've tried several) ... waste of time and money.

Pinning: Hairpins don't really hold on my hair (too limp). They do hold better if it's gel'd. "The pinning really does help ... it's a strong femme cue" ... thank you for that, and I'll definitely work on it. Thank you Anita!

Thanks too, everyone, for not suggesting a bun. I forgot to cover those in my no-nos. Buns are pretty horrid.

I also forgot to mention something that's worked pretty well for me: hair additions set in a hair claw. I have three, of varying lengths form 6" to 22", all a reasonably good color match to my hair. Wore one last night and I do like them, they're not hot and confining like a wig is. They're readily available on the web.

I started this thread in the hope it would help those of us (few, apparently) who need ideas along these lines. It's certainly helping me, and I hope some of you, too.

Thanks a million sisters! And keep the suggestions coming. This is a fun topic, and I'm really benefiting from all your ideas.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Bernice]

I haven't really had long hair since 1984. But when I did, I did go out en-femme with just my own hair, and it was nice to be able to do so. My hair is also very fine, and very limp, so it was a real pain keeping it out of my face and eyes when driving on the highway in the summertime (no car Air Conditioning back then), until I discovered the hairnet.

Now my hairline is also receding somewhat, and what still grows is graying. So even with three months since my last haircut, there isn't enough to style - yet... and a single job interview could blow it all away...

I tried ironing my hair back in 1984, mostly to keep it out of my eyes. Another very useful thing I discovered was - (don't laugh) - hairspray. After ironing a curl, it had to be sprayed if I wanted it to remain curled more than a few seconds.

I still struggle with how far up to shave the sideburn area. A GG typically has no fuzz there at all. A regular guy invariably has some sideburns, even if they are very short. I hate to look too terribly clean-shaven in front of my ears if I need to present as an employable male. OTOH, I hated it more when I had sideburns peeking out from under a wig.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Robyn Katie]

Hi Bernice,

Yes, I've kept myself sideburnless for several years now, and let the longer hairs hang down there, as a GG would. I love it that way. Of course I'm retired, so it's easier.

Still I'm not sure an employer, unless very picky, would necessarily mind a male employee shaving sideburns high. Granted it could be a femme token, but a fair percentage of guys with less facial hair have wispy sideburns anyway, and I've seen some guys cut it quite high, leaving them virtually no beard-type hair below the top of the ear.

But we all have to work out for ourselves what we think the world around us will put up with.

Love, Robyn Katie

[April Rose]

At my last hair cut, the haircutter, a woman, in asking me where I wanted my sideburns,mentioned that nowadays a lot of men with glasses don't bother with sideburns at all. This would seem to indicate that it would be a non-event to get rid of them, especially if you wear glasses.

[Jennifer M]

As for me I have had my sideburns removed for years now. Nothing was ever said and I really never thought about it until now.I will continue to have them removed as I dont like them peeking out from under my wig.

[Bernice]

Thanks Robyn Katie, April Rose, and Jennifer M! I guess there is a silver lining to wearing glasses.

I've got over three months growth on my head now, having been inconsiderate enough to pass on my current temporary economic hardship upon the very nice overworked underpaid hairstylist I've been loyal to for 14 years. Also shaved all my sideburns. My wife hasn't complained...

Hugs,

Bernice

[Pat]

At the moment I'm busy growing my hair so I don't have to muck about with wigs, It is amazing how slow your hair grows when you are waiting for a decent length of hair.