Crossdressers-Haven.com

Well, first things first, My SO and I have been doing some really deep soul searching and talking about me comming out. We, for the time being, agreed on limits and conditions for me. Which for me is fine. Also we agreed to go to marriage and individual counseling to better cope and try to help me find my true self. Also, I must admit that I have not been the greatest husband either...I have faultered and almost ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm afraid that she will one day leave me. That might seem foolish of me to say, because she says she won't leave and will stand by me because she loves me so much, but yet I have hurt her deeply and do not think I can ever make up for what I have done to her.

Today was our initial counseling session and saying that I like to CD was a big step for me. My SO says that I have to fix the inside before I can fix the outside. She and the counselor agreed. So We will be doing both marriage and individual counseling and hopefully we can be together as one once again.

I might have said this before but the limitations are that it is only limited to the undies, shaved legs and crotch...this part, she does not care about...she can handle that. But when the time comes, The support groups in my town are considiered my "Activities" I leave the home a man and return as a man, I go to bed as a man.

Before you all go off on me, let me explain something...I did something horribly wrong and broke one of the rules...instead of telleing her easily, I dumped the whole thing in her lap and basically said for her to deal with it...it was not my intentions do so. Plus, on top of that, I keep having a reoccurring dream that I am fully dressed as a woman, out in public and shopping for clothes. I have had this dream about a dozen times, always a different outfit and alone, but the last one my SO was with me. When I told her about this, I tried on two of her outfits and then it just came out...so, don't be mad at her, be mad at me. I know I did wrong and it will take a lot of time, patients and deep conversations with her to help us come to grips with it all.

Anyway, I will keep everybody posted on how things are progressing and if any of you gals have any feedback for me, please feel free to write me and one more thing...please be honest.

Have a wonderfull evening and hope to hear from you all soon,

Hugs and kisses,

Erica

Why would anybody be mad at you or your wife?

We are here for support. Sometimes it may be criticism and other times not. But support never the less.

Sounds like you two are working things out, and participating in the all important act of communicating.

Hi Eric--
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you and your wife are trying to make it work. Having both individual and marriage counseling is a good thing.

Hi Erica,

As Donna said no one gets mad, we may criticize or critique but only from a desire to help. We all make mistakes in how we deal with our "gift." As you read the various threads you will see that we each deal with this in various ways as do our SO's.

I think I speak for the majority when I say that in searching for a counselor, please ask if they are familiar with CD, TG, TS etc. If the first thing they do is pull out the DSM IV == run for your life!!!!

Be proud of who you are and the gift that you have, it can be the greatest instrument you have in your life so learn to play it to the best of your ability and hopefully to share it as you learn what a gift it really is!

We look forward to your continued sharing with us and, when she is ready, you know your wife is more than welcome to join the forum as well and share with other SO's.

Virginia

Good morning Eric,

You're brave and good to be so open about this difficult time for you.

Of course we're not mad, we've been there. I personally know the feeling that makes you worry we will be mad at you. It's the guilt and shame and fear we've been taught to feel for our "female tendencies," however we may express them. I have had terrible struggles with that, struggles I didn't think I was going to make it through.

It feels as if the world is going to crush you, come down on you like a ten ton truck, raging, pointing fingers, crying "Shame!" As if everyone who loves you is going to turn their backs on you ... and so on. Of course the reality is, a few people somewhere might act like that — out of their own fears and shames — but not here, and not us.

On the contrary, this community is full of people who understand your needs and anxieties because many of us have had to go through the same.

In time we learn—or try to learn—to feel less guilty, less shamed, less fearful, and more at ease with our different kinds of femaleness (for we're a very diverse crowd, and no generalization covers us). I hope you will reach some degree of self-acceptance, and that your wife will, too. In trying to come to terms with this, she's being loving and brave and good, just as you are being loving and brave and good, and we feel for her as we feel for you.

You will find this forum a safe, supportive place to come and feel welcome as you and she make it through. If it helps her to know there are many of us whose SOs love, support, and even shop for "girl clothes" for us, by all means let her know.

If it will help at some point, think about introducing her to these threads so she can know she isn't alone. Here and elsewhere on the web there are some touching statements from wives of crossdressers, talking about how it feels for them, what their fears are, etc. She'll learn she isn't alone, and that there's life, love and happiness beyond this point for many couples.

I don't mean to run on and on, just wanted to let you know we're here for you and your wife too, and wish you both every success in finding a way through this.

Love, Robyn Katie

DSM IV ?

Hello Eric.

I do not have a SO at present nor have ever told one that I CD in the past so I am of no help there.

I do think the counseling is a great idea too.

I can tell you this, most CD'ers don't get mad like men whom are not in touch with a Femm side. Some part of the gift is seeing things for (for the most part) a more tollerent view. Not sure if it is just the Femm side or in part due to the intolerent view so many have of us.

Anyways, I doubt you will get any here who will get mad at you our your wife. Just the support and help we can give you

Jaimee wrote:DSM IV ?

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition

DonnaT wrote:

Jaimee wrote:DSM IV ?

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition

The reason you should run is that this (and the proposed next edition) each have some very bigoted views on gender variance. The authors of some of the relevant sections feel that gender variance is something that needs to be cured. Their personal opinions are not shared by the better counselors (who study more than just that one reference), nor by most anyone here.

That isn't to deny that some who have been here claim that their variance figuratively "went into remission". I don't care for that characterization, because I don't perceive the variance as a disease.

Life is complicated, more-so for those of us who are "gender-gifted". We are not confused. We are not crazy. We are not out of touch with reality. We acknowledge our body parts. We merely protest that we are more than the sum of our body parts. For some of us, we are reasonably sure we have been fitted with the wrong body parts, and hence unfairly labeled as male (or as female). I am not 100% male or female. People should not have to be assigned exclusively "male" or "female".

Hugs,

Bernice