The horns of a dilemma

[Paula G]

Not sure where to put this, but I would welcome any advise from all my new friends here., I am as I say on the horns of a dilemma.

I have not fully come out but after years of furtive cross dressing I have recently started going out. By furtive cross dressing, I mean at home when alone (my wife does NOT approve) or sneakily at night in quite lonely places. A while back it struck me that I was making myself far too vulnerable, going places at times that I would not want my wife or daughter going to, too risky physically. This is a much worse risk than a bit of ridicule, while risk mugging violence , or worse instead of a bit of laughter. I am now going out dressed during the day in occupied to busy areas, shopping lunching, etc.

On one of my outings I bumped into a couple of old friends (husband & wife) shopping in the same store as me, I was instantly recognised. I have seen G (the husband) once since and we did talk a bit about my cross dressing, he seemed to be accepting and interested, a great relief, but the question is this….How far should I involve them?

I have no other friends who know, who I can talk with or go out with and with my wife not accepting my cross dressing is so far a solitary pleasure. I would love to be able to meet someone I know for lunch or things like that, also G is a very keen amateur photographer, I would love some decent photos of Paula. But I don’t want to push them too far too soon, or risk this important friendship.

I plan to meet G on Friday evening (weather permitting) and think I will play it my ear.

[Erica S]

Paula, be careful, if they are friends you may not want to tell too much. It may get back to your wife even by accident. Good luck.

Erica

[Susan]

Paula,

If you live near to me please get in touch. I can help you with your first outings and I am willing to do so. Don't take unnecessary chances.

[Paula G]

Thank you Susan, that's a very kind offer, unfortunately I am in South East London. To our American sistersthis may not seem far away, but to us Brits it's the other side of the planet. It would be nice to meet any of my sisters from this forum if the chance arrises.

I have the germs of a plan to take a long weekend away on my own early next year, visiting Lincoln and Ely (I'm into Cathedrals), if I manage this it will be full time Fem,

[Susan]

Paula

my best friend lives near Ely, you should come up to Liverpool and see our Anglican Cathedral, its one of the five biggest churches in the world. If you do get up here I would love to take Paula to some of the places I started in.

[Paula G]

Susan,

Thanks about a year ago I played with the Gettys at Liverpool Cathedral, and it's not just big, it's BIG. The Lady Chaple is bigger than most of the Parish Churchs I know, it is an anthem in stone. I am planning my trip for February, if I can get it together I promise I will get in touch

Thanks, Paula

[Absaroka]

Baby steps with friends, just like with family. Even though G seemed comfortable, he may have been doing that out of consideration for your feelings. I'd let them take the lead.

[Anita]

I agree with Absaroka here. Your friend may ask questions at your next meeting with him, because it's uncomfortable not to acknowledge it in some way. In my experience though, most people don't ever bring it up again after that.

After ten years of being who I am, I've have to say that for the most part, only other CDs and TS women are going to want to share this part of your life. (You're already married, so I'm not talking about meeting a supportive spouse--that's a whole 'nother subject.)

So it's tough to take baby steps with friends. I know, because I pushed this on some people because I was so enthused about it. But it's just too far outside most people's experience--they may not mind it, but they don't have any connection to it, either.

You know G, so follow his leads on this. Perhaps you will be surprised.

[DonnaT]

I'll echo Erica's warning about things getting back to your wife.

Also, you might want to think about going to Sparkle. http://www.sparkle.org.uk/

[Davita]

A couple neighbors know, but I doubt Ro knows they know. I won't be telling her. When I'm with the neighbors, we don't speak of it. It's not that they are upset or anything, but not making it an in-your-face thing also means it won't be unnecessarily brought up.

I'm not ready for the hassle with Ro. It's enough she knows I have a full community of people that are with me, but she's not involved so she feels better that way.

The less you do, they less you can be caught doing. I understand wanting friends etc, but each time you involve more people or do more things, there is that chance of the "gotcha"

[Rony]

I'd suggest being very careful about someone else having photos. Not sure how good a friend G is but, if your friendship went sour, and I would hope it doesn't, things could get sticky.

Ronnie

[Tara M]

Do not involve them at all unless they offer to become involved. There is no real need to discuss your cross dressing any more than you would discuss a hobby or lifestyle with a friend who had less than a passing interest.

[Paula G]

We had to postpone our get together on Friday due to my wife's ill health and the awfull weather we are enjoying at the moment. I plan to rearrange and will let you all know how things develop.
Thanks for all the excelent advise, I do plan to follow it

[CathyD]

sorry to hear that your wife isn't feeling well, I hope she recovers quickly.
i just had to make a comment about how much i love your avitar, I am also a big fan of 9 Chickweed Lane!!! welcome to the forum.

Cathy

[Paula G]

I first started following 9 Chickweed Lane when they had a stream with the men wearing high heels, but it is just sooo good, and all the women are so sexy. I feel more than a bit cheeky as I never look anything like Eda