Who's reading this

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:55 am

On my various postings here I have been quite frank and honest, to me there does not seem to be much point in being on this forum otherwise. I am also grateful for the honesty and openness of other members. As well as some quite revealing comments relating to places and events I have listed my (non gender related) Blog which anyone can visit, and if anyone who even vaguely knows me visits here they can work out who I am. Indeed in a couple of fields that come up on my Blog I am vain enough to think that I am sufficiently well known that anyone who just knows of me can work out my identity. The question is does this matter? Well as you may know from various comments I have made as far as I am aware only my wife and a couple of friends know about my cross dressing. I would like to come out to a few more people, but maybe limited, selected people; my wife does not want anyone to know. Should I then make more of an effort to conceal my identity?

Well that leads to the next question, who is reading this forum? Since the excellent policy to avoid anything of a sexual nature (as opposed to gender related), especially in the photo galleries, is strictly enforced is there reason for anyone not directly effected by cross dressing in one way or another to be here, I suspect not. At the moment there are 12 users on line 5 registered, and 7 guests, what are the chances of any of those 7 being members of one of my bands or orchestras? If they are why are they here, maybe I could find a fellow CD, maybe I could help them come to terms with their “interest”. I know that there are some very sinister people out there who use the internet for nefarious purposes, and I also maintain that there is a need to protect the privacy of younger and vulnerable people, particularly in our situation, but for us supposedly mature adults?

So many of us spend so much energy and effort in concealing this part of our nature that it is such a great relief to find somewhere to fully be this side of ourselves (even if only virtually) that it would be sad to come to the conclusion that even here we had to still conceal.

Andrea Elise · Post by **Andrea Elise** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:36 am

Paula,

If I were a cross dresser who was deathly in fear of being outed, I would lurk. Reading the posts but afraid to end any part of my denial.

If I were hoping to blackmail a coworker or acquaintance, I might lurk here in hopes of a discovery.

If I were a predator...

The list goes on.

I would hope we help more than harm. Extending a virtual hand of understanding, compassion and acceptance. As SilverLady once said to me, if you were hoping for privacy and anonymity, the Internet is the last place you would want to be.

There is that element of danger in posting here. Perhaps it is a factor that contributes to the draw?

Then again, if one has no interest in such behavior, why would one lurk?

I have met one CD through this forum and I am certainly the better for it. I have made a new friend. Not with out my fair share of fearful anxiety.

Some will conceal to their utmost! I lived with that fear and to a lesser degree, still do. It lessens with each passing day and for that, I must thank this forum. made up of people who have taken the time to offer whatever help they could give. Friends who have been there and done that.

How much you reveal of your life is your choice.

Andrea

Andrea Elise · Post by **Andrea Elise** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:50 am

OH... sometimes I come here to only read, or look for things of interest and I do not log on.

So there is that.

Andrea

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:11 am

I just keep logged in all the time, sometimes I will just browse and not comment, but another thread got me thinking about this, we naturaly try to protect minors, and must encourage them not to divulge anything that will identify them to anyone. However we can be a little more cavlier with ourselves if we choose, at least in part I think we should be making an informed choice

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:55 am

I read the forum everyday, agree or disagree each to thier own.
I have a lot of friends here and enjoy chatting,

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:02 am

Like Carol, I pop in every day to read and contribute to the fora and enjoy my chats here with friends I have known for days or years. You might want to pop into the chatroom some time Paula and say hello, your sisters there are some of the nicest people you could wish to meet.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:47 am

I do pop into the chatroom occasionaly, we just havn't co-incided yet

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:06 am

I figure if anyone who knows me pretty well happens to read the forum, they'd have to piece together a good number of posts to ascertain that it was me who posted. Meaning then that they'd be here for their own gender questions, and not looking to out someone. If they were looking to out someone, they'd have to have some inkling that that someone was a CD in the first place.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 10:20 am

Someone who knew me well could come here and probably recognize my posts quickly. The question would be why would this handful of people come here?

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:23 pm

Absaroka, I think that is the crux of the question, and as such the reason why this is a safe place

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:45 pm

Does it matter whether people can figure out who you are? The answer is going to vary from person to person based on a lot of factors. For many the worst case scenario is unthinkable, possibly resulting in loss of job and alienation from friends and family. I can understand why anyone who sees this as a possibility would be very, very careful when it comes to revealing personally identifying information.

For others, including myself, it was more a matter of controlling the timing of coming out to people. Accelerating the timetable because someone found out early wouldn't be the end of the world. In fact I did have one accidental outing along the way, not associated with this site but with my blog. I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction: "you're the second person I've tried to find online only to find them under another gender." It was a non-event.

As for who is reading? I honestly can't see anyone lurking here hoping to find someone for blackmail reasons. There are just too many communities and it's an absurdly time-consuming activity. I'd be much more worried about someone doing a Google or Bing search and discovering posts here through comments I'd made about aspects of my life that they recognized. The posts here and on several other forums are visible to guests, so they're also completely indexed by search engines.

Andrea Elise · Post by **Andrea Elise** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:47 pm

Having an imagination , I can come up with all sorts of scenarios as to why some one would come here and lurk.

Seriously, people worry about things that will never happen. For me, the fact that I might help someone feel better about themselves far outweigh being discovered on this forum.

I may have already blown it, simply by having this site up when my neighbor came over a few days back. I casually reached over and clicked it off. He said nothing. He may not have noticed. I am not sure I care if he did. He and his wife may have seen me dressed. I find that I don't care if they have.

There are many, perfectly reasonable, possibilities why someone would lurk here. Testing the waters, or just learning.

I get an email every time one of my watched threads has a new posting. I follow the link and I do not log on to read.

If I truly were concerned about someone discovering me, I would throw away my computer.

Andrea

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:01 pm

Andrea Elise wrote:There are many, perfectly reasonable, possibilities why someone would lurk here. Testing the waters, or just learning.

Agreed. I'm sure I lurked for a while before joining, but I have a much harder time believing the idea that someone might lurk here solely because they hope to catch someone else in the act. Unless you're running for public office in which case your opponents will likely go to any lengths to make you look bad, in which case you'd better cover your tracks obsessively.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:59 pm

Some day when I learn how to read, I may post.

But then that would mean learning to write as well.

I have never worried about who finds me on the Internet. That's why I actually posted a boy pic or two on my web site.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:13 am

Both my real and femme names are extremely common. Doing a Google search on either returns about 100 million matches. Its the old swarm trick, safest in a crowd.

Because I work with this stuff I am careful with what I put on my own website and I am careful what I post here and elsewhere. My own website is blocked from being searched by search engines bots. I also distrust (as I have mentioned many times) so called social sites like Facebook, Flickr and such ilk so you will not find me there. Emails are safer as the contents can be encrypted and they are not usually kept after they have moved from the server.

I had a web savvy friend try and find Bob on the internet - the only thing he found was a website I did in 1997 about a family holiday and I left that ISP eight years ago.

It probably is impossible to completely hide your tracks on the internet but following my steps makes it much harder for any miscreants to find you.