Are you the "other Woman"

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:54 pm

Absaroka said something in another post that has got me to thinking.
One of the descriptions of some CDs is simply that they manage to be their own "other woman". Many women, if they discover their husband has bought some lingerie that is obviously not for them, are not all that reassured the first time they discover it was for him and not another woman.

So I ask myself, am I my own other woman? I have to face the fact that my dressing up and masterbation is and has been very closely linked together. Have I been cheating on my SO with myself? Now don't get me wrong, I love my SO and would never think about literally cheating on her, but when I get dressed up seeing me in the mirror gets me going sexually. The range of reasons individuals have for CDing within this forum varies greatly. I guess I am addressing this to those who have CDing as a fetish interest, rather than as a femme life style. I still can not get over the fact that with me sometimes I dress for pleasure and sometimes for self sex. I think that the difference is related to stress, as to which is the reason for dressing. How could a SO deal with that "other woman", when it is you? I still marvel at my SO's understanding of my underdressing behavior. I wonder if she has ever thought about the "other woman", as being in competition with her? Best to let this one be unsaid. Any thoughts on this?

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 4:36 pm

I have often wondered about this, the drive to dress is stronger for me in periods of stress, or sexual frustration. Now I am married and self employed that means pretty much all of the time

When I was single I certainly think that there may have been times when I was my own "girlfriend", and I can certainly identify with the excitment of seeing myself dressed, or maybe part dressed.... However that is not all of it, since I find increasingly that I am dressing for pleasure, a sort of inner peace, going out in particular gives a totally non sexual satisfaction that I find difficult to explain. If I am the other woman, then maybe my wifes attitude is more understandable. If our cross dressing is a threat to our partners position and security rather than just an espression of our feminine side then we right to tread carefully

Rikki · Post by **Rikki** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 5:10 pm

When I have had periods of self-guilt about my passsion for fashion, that same question creeps into the backroom of my Catholic guilt conscience center: "Am I the Other Women?" That's been a real brain teaser for me on long car rides or periods when I'm down and feel, maybe life's problems are my fault because I'm cheating on my wife, who I love dearly. Don't know and I doubt seriously if any expert could really answer that question.

my 2 cents,

Rikki

Wendae · Post by **Wendae** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 7:14 pm

Paula G

I am dressing for pleasure, a sort of inner peace, going out in particular gives a totally non sexual satisfaction that I find difficult to explain.

These are words I've been searching for to explain how I feel as well.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:49 pm

Am I my own other woman? Well let's hope we love ourselves

Here's a little different take. When I'm drab and talking with friends in public, I refer to Davita in third person. I did it so often that at one point my nut doc thought maybe I had a split personality. Friends also wondered why I did it. The simple answer is that I can talk about her anytime anywhere as 3rd person, which means she isn't me. No one has to make the connection.

Now back to the original question... Yes I am my own other woman in so much as I need Davita to have a complete, full life and so I make an effort to give it to her. Will I maybe short Ro to make me happy? Ummm yes, but not very often and only when it's important to my well being. It may sound selfish, but we have to take care of ourselves to be better able to take care of others.

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:15 am

Well, sometimes, I felt like the 'only woman', as my ex-wife tended to dress like a cross between a steelworker and a softball player.

I mean, she had to borrow a top and skirt from me to wear to my father's funeral for christ's sake.

I don't really see my 'feminine side' as an object of self-sexual desire...maybe objectification/gratification, Pokemon-"gotta catch em' all"-heel/purse collection syndrome maybe, loving the clothes, accessories, all that jazz, but being turned on by myself as a woman? Nah, not me.

Erica S · Post by **Erica S** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:14 am

My wife once found some items I was looking at to purchase ( all very fem and not her size ) and wanted to know who the woman was I was planning to buy for. Fast forward to now, looking back at that I see her point and now I wonder if she thinks I am the other woman. She knows I like feminine clothing, I wonder if she has put it together and wonders if I am the other women in her life? In a way I am, at the same time I need Erica to be there when the time allows so I can be free in my expressions. I am not turning away from my wife but at the same time I need to be able to express how and what I feel, sometimes for reasons I can not readily explain to her...

Erica

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:36 am

Sometimes I am my own other woman. Other times I am my own non sexual imaginary friend. Sometimes I dress just because I can when for so long I thought I couldn't, and this is a part of who I am. Sometimes I feel like I dress simply because why not dress? And sometimes have no desire to dress at all. In times of real stress I have a strong desire to wear my male clothing (preparing for battle?)

This can get very confusing very fast.

Post by **KimberlyS** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:54 pm

My estranged wife has told me in the past that I am the same person when enfemme and my actions and traits are the same.

But her actions are that I am the other woman and that she can not handle that. She could not even discuss my CDing. Thus the estranged part and divorce in process.

kimberlys - cd
joe in a skirt

Azurielle · Post by **Azurielle** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:51 pm

Paula G wrote:I have often wondered about this, the drive to dress is stronger for me in periods of stress, or sexual frustration. Now I am married and self employed that means pretty much all of the time

When I was single I certainly think that there may have been times when I was my own "girlfriend", and I can certainly identify with the excitment of seeing myself dressed, or maybe part dressed.... However that is not all of it, since I find increasingly that I am dressing for pleasure, a sort of inner peace, going out in particular gives a totally non sexual satisfaction that I find difficult to explain. If I am the other woman, then maybe my wifes attitude is more understandable. If our cross dressing is a threat to our partners position and security rather than just an expression of our feminine side then we right to tread carefully

I totally agree.

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:18 pm

I am reminded of when I came out to my SO. She had concerns about me looking prettier than her. I did have a slight advantage though, as I look alot younger than my age. I have always looked 10 to 12 years younger, and dressing up I can get away with it also. She at first was OK with most things, Make up and Bras were her stumbling block. So I made a point of avoiding those items. Over the years she has softened a bit. I never would put myself in direct competition with her. When we did talk about self pleasuring oneself, she did make an interesting point. Her words were basically that I knew exactly how to touch myself, by how much, by what pressure, or gentlness. How could she compete with that. This has slowly changed to her looked at it more from the point of you give me 1 or 2 times a week, and the rest of the time you do what you want. The thought of my alter-ego being another woman has probably never come into her thoughts. Interesting everyone elses comments, they speak in a similar thought to my own.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sat Jan 08, 2011 1:18 pm

It would be hard to avoid there being some feeling of competition when we take on some traditionally "feminine" traits and ways of behaving. I would say that this is one of the reasons my ex-girlfriend does not 'take' to my gal self identity, even though she hasn't specifically said this. All I know is that she isn't comfortable, and that includes not being comfortable talking about it.

I'm old enough to have been dating and having relationships in the early 70s, when women started questioning gender roles and stereotypes. To take just one example, women started learning how to fix their own cars, rather than relying on men to do all of it.

We can say that overall this was a positive thing. In the short-run reality, there were arguments and hurt feelings. It was not easy to learn new behaviors and ways of relating, for either the men or the women involved.

So we are doing something similar, and it makes for some "ouch" moments. In the big picture, it really can be a positive thing, but when it is first introduced, it doesn't feel that way at all. I can see an angry SO reading this and saying, "What are you talking about? It's never going to be a positive thing!"

But there are examples on this forum where it has been worked out. We can continue taking this issue one baby step at a time, hopefully.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:28 pm

Hmmm, this post topic would play into Blanchard's Autogynophile definition of narcissistic, latent or outright homosexual description, or recent modifications to that theory. It's the reason he has it in the paraphillia section of the revised DSMv.

Carolynn

Erin Francis · Post by **Erin Francis** » Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:38 pm

i was the other woman with my wife untill i came out to her but since then i feel we have been cheeting with each other and its a heck of a lot better than being with my self i think she would agree to.

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:00 pm

I've been working long and hard at accepting myself as a subservient, effeminate man. I don't want to be the other woman. I want Nancy to understand that her husband loves her, even if he lives like a housewife.