Another day, another therapist...

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:41 pm

I had an appointment to see another one today, a clumsy, awkward first stumble through psychoanalysis...

Another one had referred me to this one, and about halfway through our "tell me about your parents, feelings, relationships, favorite recipes, and so on and so forth", she says "I noticed in the other doctor's notes, something about transvestism, would you mind elaborating on that for me a bit?"

So I gave her the Cliffs Notes, the 'short-short version', how I got started, how it is a part of my life now and so on and so forth. She asks how involved with it I am, percentages and all that, about how much of my life it encompasses, so I reply that it's always with me. "See the jeans I'm wearing? They're a size 18w"

She seems taken aback slightly, so I ask the obvious question, if it bothers her, and that I assured her that I was telling 'the god's honest truth', as grandma would say. "I'm not trying to present as female, that much should be obvious"

She replies, "But aren't you worried about wearing female jeans in public"?

"Are you worried about what folks think of your pantsuit?" I respond.

She says: "Well, these aren't my husband's pants!"

"And neither do these jeans belong to my estranged wife."

"Point taken." she quips, and the demeanor of the interview changes, seeming as if I've made another see the light, that it's not dependent on needing a SO to run errands, and deliver the feminine goodies in secret, like some stereotypical movie drug runner from the 80's.

I did make it a point, as I was leaving, to apologize for my quip about her pantsuit, I thought it was rather lovely, and made sure I told her.

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:52 pm

Absolutely fantastic, Michele!

Virginia said, "I taught her everything she knows!"

She also said that the therapist/psychoanalyst must have been a graduate from ETSU!!

((HUGS))

- SL

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:17 pm

When I went for therapy, I specifically asked for one with experience with TGs. Our sessions were not about being crazy and therefore I dressed. We were working on other issues and she was then trying to see if my dressing was an effect. She came to the conclusion that my dressing was unrelated to the issues at hand. We did explore my dressing but we did not look at it as me being crazy, we looked at it as I do it as part of other things for which I was there.

She had me come en fem and she critiqued me. I think that was to help her decide if I really dressed to pass because I needed to or I was simply making a statement. Had my makeup and attire been an obvious statement, then I probably wouldn't have been diagnosed as trans. She never did figure out why I dressed just that I did it and it was basically necessary, but there was no "causal relationship" with my life or actions.

Post by **KimberlyS** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:54 pm

Way to be open and honest with her. When is your next appointment.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:10 am

It seems that therapy is much more common in the USA than the UK. The only people I know of here who have had counselling are people who have had or are planning SRS.

I came to terms with this all by myself and by reading forums such as this. I am happy where I am now.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:38 am

There are a lot of reasons why one might seek therapy other than gender dysphoria, even for people who have gender dysphoria. PTSD is a common reason, sustained depression is another.

When people have gender counseling here, often the reason is to be sure there are not other underlying personality problems pushing a person toward transition - such as borderline personality disorder, or a bipolar disorder..

Carolynn

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 7:42 am

I hope therapy is helful to you. It sure seems a mixed bag here. I had a very good experience with my therapist. He was flat out wrong about some stuff, but I just figured this was his chance to be wrong, just like everyone else. I didn't go to see him about what I wear, but when we got around to talking about it he had some very interesting ideas that I hadn't considered.

Mine had a gift for really pissing me off. It was one of the reasons I choose him after the first meeting.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:35 am

I think you have to take responsibility for yourself. But, within that, there's all sorts of things a therapist can help you with. A lot of time that's just a general supportive thing (which is more like therapy - and how my first analyst was). Other times it's a thinking through stuff (which is analysis - how my second analyst is).

Like I've said before, my current analyst sees my CDing as secondary to the main problems in my life (partly, I suppose, because I only came back to it some way into the treatment).

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:19 am

Hi girls,

Hoping to be a gender therapist myself at some future date and having been in therapy, I can tell you my perceptions about therapy.Therapy can't fix you. Only you can fix you. However, therapy is really good for getting oneself "unstuck" so one can "fix" oneself.

What happens is that some people, like myself, get "stuck". We become unsatisfied or disillusioned with our lives but feel powerless to change it. Not because we are actually powerless but because we fear the unknown. For many of us it's because we were carrying a secret. Transgender feelings, homosexual feelings, physical or sexual abuse as children can halt us in our tracks.

Eventually the fear becomes so overwhelming that someone might find out who we really are, or that someone might see the pain behind our practiced smiles. We need someone to help us play out the "what if" game. And what happens in the "what if" game is that there are consequences for our actions, but we do not control what others think, say, or do.

The whole idea is not for the therapist to guide one's life or make decisions on one's behalf. But our barriers that keep us from playing out the "what if" game, need to be removed. That is the therapist's job. Sometimes we put up barriers like "my parents could not take it if they found out" or "it would be the end of my life". Both fatalistic and untrue.

One's parents may be upset and may kick you out of their home or even disown one, but it will not end one's or one's parents lives. One can then weigh the possible negative consequences against possible benefits and make a decision to move one's life forward.

It may be unpleasant, hurtful, sad, or lonely but it may be better than living in the limbo of not being able to make a decision. That feeling of being trapped with no options. Sometimes the outcome can be quite positive. People feel liberated by their ability to take back control over their lives. To stop feeling helpless and to start feeling empowered.

Therapy won't solve your problems, you still have to do that yourself. But if you are honest with yourself and your therapist, it's amazing how fast one can start feeling empowered and start making decisions again.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:46 am

So true, Elizabeth. I wish everybody in the world understood the goal of therapy. People are starting to change opinions, though. When I was a kid, if someone was seeing a psychiatrist, that person was immediately labelled as "nuts" or "disturbed" (or some other such nonsense). Today's perceptions are much more relaxed. The world is changing, albeit slower than I'd like in some areas.
My situation is similar to Susan's. I'm very happy with where I am today and at this juncture in my life, I don't believe I need assistance.

Michelle, I hope you're not seeing this therapist in hopes of resolving any gender issues. From what I gather, she's not very experienced in this area. I believe a dedicated professional can help, but lack of experience will most likely prolong the outcome. Of course, this is just my opinion. In any case, good luck with finding someone who fits your needs.

Hugs,
Kyra

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:02 pm

SilverLady(SO) wrote:She also said that the therapist/psychoanalyst must have been a graduate from ETSU!!

Nah, I could tell she wasn't. The diplomas on the wall weren't signed in crayon.

Kyra wrote:Michelle, I hope you're not seeing this therapist in hopes of resolving any gender issues. From what I gather, she's not very experienced in this area.

My lawyer sent me to her, for a bit more ammo in my disability case, depression, and all that jazz. I got the same impression, that she seemed nice and all, but a bit uninformed about t-folks in general.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:09 am

Kyra and Elizabeth have it right for me. I wasn't exactly stuck, but my head was racing and I was getting out of control. I was on the edge of self destructing with wanting to come completely out to the world. It would have end the marriage, may have goofed up employment, etc etc.

I needed a sane 3rd party, calm person who wasn't involved with me to provide a sounding board and some common sense. I had decide to get help. I had to listen and I had to decide to follow through. I had to change me; no one else could do that.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:27 am

Susan wrote:It seems that therapy is much more common in the USA than the UK.

You're right there, I wonder if that is anything to do with the National Health system, or maybe our much flaunted reserve

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 2:08 am

It is much more common to go to therapy in the states than elsewhere.
I did it for a while right after the one I used to be married to filed for divorce. None of it really had to do with CD, but she will say it did. That's a long story nobody wants to hear.
My goal was really to find out if I was insane. I figured that maybe I was, because nothing she said made any sense at all. And if I was insane, I would be the last person to know it, so I needed a professional opinion.
The therapist didn't really care too much about the crossdressing. I told him, and always wore women clothes, but they were slacks and somewhat plain tops that weren't so recognizable. I think he asked one or two questions about it, but I really had the impression from him that he thought it was more or less irrelevant. Maybe it's because I didn't make a very big deal about it either, since I really had already come to terms with that. But it turned out that I'm not insane, just crazy.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 8:04 am

Not insane, just crazy. I like that.