why I like dresses so much

[Ralitsa]

In fulfillment of my promise to start a new subject every week, this is my first one. I'm probably not going to say anything that hasn't been said before, no major news breakthroughs here, but hopefully it will be something interesting to read anyway. If you don't like it, then go start your own subject

So this will cover a range of concepts, I'm not going to carefully define the issue. It will include some thoughts about being a guy in a dress, why dresses are better than pants, why they are better than skirts, why they are not better than skirts, why wearing a sundress that lets your bra straps show is a different problem for guys than for girls, whether anybody cares that your wearing a dress as long as it looks good on you, and whether President Obama would look better in a dress than in a suit. (OK, maybe not that last ) Actually I think Obama would look quite nice in an evening gown of a rich material and color, maybe burgundy velvet, a little off the shoulder, with some white lace at the neck, perhaps with a cute little matching jacket.

I'm going to try to add a new thought to this every day, so today I'm just going to say "because I get more attention from women". With the exception of the one I used to be married to, I haven't met any women that said anything negative to me about wearing a dress. Mostly they are at first very curious, and then supportive and encouraging. If I'm wearing mens clothes then I basically just fade into the scenery and nobody knows I exist. If I'm wearing women slacks and top, then they look at me strangely like they are trying to figure me out, they of course know I am wearing womens clothes, but they are trying to decide whether I know that I am, or whether I care if they know that I am. But when I'm wearing a dress, there just is no question at all. It seems like they are much more comfortable talking to me when I'm wearing a dress, I think they find me less threatening. I'm not sure why they would find me threatening to begin with, but it feels like they do, maybe that's a natural reaction that women have toward men.

So they will actually come over and talk to me, normally they wouldn't. A few days ago I was at a bar & grill having dinner and a very drunk blonde who would have been much more attractive without all the piercings, came over and sat down beside me. She asked me if I was a guy, and then why I was dressed as a woman, to which I answered "just because I like to." You can see how witty and creative my conversation was. So we talked a little bit and then she told me "you look cute". Of course she was really drunk, but even still I was quite pleased at the compliment. I could never be cute wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I have to confess here that I wasn't wearing a dress though, it was a skirt and tunic, with high heeled boots and really it was a cute outfit.

It seems like anywhere I am, women are more friendly and open with me, and pay me more attention. I've actually had a few compliments, sometimes even from guys. And I actually feel more comfortable talking to women when I'm wearing a dress (or even skirt and top), normally I'm a bit nervous and shy about that. But it seems like there is less sexual tension, the normal predator / prey relationship is not there, it's more of an equal meeting. There is not the constant thought of whether I'm hitting on her, whether she thinks I am, whether it's just a friendly conversation or if it's leading somewhere else, and all that. And anyway, it's easier for me to talk to a woman about clothes, and hair, and nails, then to talk at them about sports: because I don't know anything about sports anyway, and I can see from all the guys who do that, that their victims are only enduring it out of politeness.

Which brings up the other subject, that wearing a dress automatically exempts me from all participation in sports related discussions. Otherwise I always feel stupid saying "no I don't watch much baseball.... no not really football either.... no not basketball either...no I just don't really watch sports at all. OK I'm just a freak, now leave me alone!!!!!"

So the great thing is, women are more interested in talking to me, and men are less interested. Even when I was waiting for my luggage at the airport yesterday, a woman (also waiting for her luggage) came up and started chatting with me, just out of the blue.

So for all of you gals who are worried about passing, I would say that it's easier and more advantageous not to. Of course if you really want to that's fine, but if you're only worried about it for the sake of avoiding trouble, then don't worry about it. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to look good though. I think it's of paramount importance to look nice. A few times I have had some comments on my outfit when it wasn't quite up to standards. Most women are too polite to tell a stranger that their dress is ugly, but I think if it's a guy wearing the dress they understand that they are doing the whole world a favor by correcting the wardrobe flaws and aren't so worried about hurting his feelings.

So that's my post for the day, now take courage and wear a nice dress everywhere you go

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{Edited by SL, but only to insert a blank line (aka 'double hard return/enter') between paragraphs for easier reading. http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=10059 }

[April Rose]

Ralitsa, my wife says it's a no-no, so I won't. But you and Steffie are definitely on my list of heroes. The fact that you fly from one country to another in a dress just leaves me with my mouth open in awe....

[Ralitsa]

Thanks April, I'm very glad to hear that. Your reference to flying while wearing a dress reminds me of another reason I like them so much.

Travelling while wearing a dress is a lot more comfortable and convenient. Wearing pants on an airplane is a killer. They cut into ones crotch, and twist up all the things that shouldn't be twisted. Wearing a skirt of dress totally eliminates the problem. Also, wearing good control top panty hose or tights lets one tuck everything away, so that while sitting in a cramped seat for hours they are not getting squished. I prefer a dress to a skirt and top though, because if the skirt is tight enough to fit well then it digs into ones waist after a while. And if it's loose enough to be comfortable, then it gets all out of place and looks bad. It's also hard to keep my top tucked into the skirt on a plane. I do have a few skirts that travel well and wear them sometimes, mostly on shorter trips, but for longer trips a dress is better. It's really easy to straighten out your dress after being scrunched in a plane seat, you just stand up and smooth it in a few places and it looks fine. If you're wearing a skirt and top though, you need to go to the lavatory before you land and get everything fixed. But dresses are just so convenient, so comfortable and so easy to keep looking good, that they are impossible to beat. There is one thing to beware of though, many waist cinchers have enough metal bits that they will set off some metal detectors. So you should pick a dress that doesn't need you to wear a waist cincher. I now wear a shaping panty-slip when I'm flying, and only wear a waist cincher when I won't be going through a metal detector. The panty-slip is great because then you don't need a regular slip which get's all twisted around when flying.

I like to look nice when I'm travelling, none of that sweat pants and baggy t-shirts for this girl, so often I wear a dress that has a jacket with it, especially when it's cold. I also have some skirts with jackets that work well too, there is nothing I think that is quite as stylish as a nice skirt or dress with matching jacket. These are my travelling outfits, I guess I'm old fashioned in thinking that one should wear a travelling outfit. Or maybe I just do it because it's so much fun. Travelling is usually so boring that I need something to look forward to, and wearing a nice dress, jacket, sexy hose, heels, and special bra and panties, makes it a lot more enjoyable. I would just die of boredom if I had to wear jeans (and also I would die of pain), sneakers, and some ugly shirt.

There are a few other benefits too. If you're running late and need to get through security quickly you can ask for a private inspection, and nobody suspects you of anything. Private inspections usually bypass the whole line so you can skip around everyone else. Maybe it's not really fair, so I have never asked for it, but a few times they have flagged me for it.

The best benefit though is that everyone remembers you and gives you special consideration. Some might say that this is in the interest of avoiding possible lawsuits, but I don't think so. Mostly I think people are curious, and genuinely interested, but particularily want to prove that they are not predjudiced and so they take special care. And of course after I've been to a place more than twice, it's really easy to remember the guy in the dress so they think, "oh he comes here all the time, he's a regular, loyal client and we will be extra nice."

I'm really surprised how few women take the trouble to dress nicely while travelling now. Most of them it seems have very little interest in what clothes they are wearing. So now I suspect that there is really not so much difference between most guys and most girls. They are very similiar in that they don't care much how they look and are just going for what's easy. Probably not many women like wearing heels, and hose, and dresses either, so we are unusual among women also. But I do see some women who dress very nicely while travelling, mostly business types, and since I have a weak spot for the strong and confident business-woman anyway they are my inspiration.

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{Edited by SL, but only to insert a blank line (aka 'double hard return/enter') between paragraphs for easier reading. http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=10059 }

[Paula G]

I have to agree on so many levels, when I started to assemble Paula's wardrobe it was mostly skirts often with a male top, then fairly plain but fen tops. In many ways this feels a bit like feminine versions of male attire with the skirt replacing trousers, with a dress there is no male equivalent, it is a totally female garment, both visually and sensuously.

The feeling a dress gives, a single garment moving across your whole body has no equal, personally if I can I like to wear a dress without foundation garment or a belt so I can enjoy the sensations the fit of the dress give me. I am fortunate in that my work tends to keep me pretty trim so a waist cincher only comes out for some of my more formal outfits.

I will also echo your disappointment at how few people make any effort to dress smartly. As I have said elsewhere I like elegance, I try to be elegant and I enjoy seeing anyone who has made the effort, unfortunately a pleasure I enjoy all to rarely.

[Paula G]

I have to agree on so many levels, when I started to assemble Paula's wardrobe it was mostly skirts often with a male top, then fairly plain but fen tops. In many ways this feels a bit like feminine versions of male attire with the skirt replacing trousers, with a dress there is no male equivalent, it is a totally female garment, both visually and sensuously.

The feeling a dress gives, a single garment moving across your whole body has no equal, personally if I can I like to wear a dress without foundation garment or a belt so I can enjoy the sensations the fit of the dress give me. I am fortunate in that my work tends to keep me pretty trim so a waist cincher only comes out for some of my more formal outfits.

I will also echo your disappointment at how few people make any effort to dress smartly. As I have said elsewhere I like elegance, I try to be elegant and I enjoy seeing anyone who has made the effort, unfortunately a pleasure I enjoy all to rarely.

[Lydia]

When I go into my walk-in closet (which is about 80% feminine) and pick out male clothes, I just grab whatever pants and shirt are handy. But when I am to dress en femme, selection is careful and deliberate, especially color coding skirt and top. It is almost like being two different personalities.
I truly enjoy CD. Years ago I was ashamed of it.

Hugs,

Lydia

[Ralitsa]

Yes, Lydia, that's the thing about guy clothes. They are all green, brown, blue, or black so they are all pretty much interchangeable and there is no point paying any attention to it. They are so boring.

Womens clothes are so much more interesting, and even in a particular color there are so many varieties and getting just the right combination takes some planning.
That's another thing I like about dresses, they are easy to get right. They are an all-in-one outfit (except the hose or tights, the shoes, handbag, scarf, hat, jewelry, etc.) and there is no worry that the top may not match the skirt. And they are quick and easy to put on. When you just need a quick outfit to run outside or go downtown for a few things, you can just put on a nice casual blue-jean dress that looks good and takes no time to get ready. When you need a something that looks elegant and stylish even a simple black gown with some nice jewelry will easily fit the occasion. The casual gray dress is the most versatile of all, and should have a permanent place in every travellers luggage. When travelling, having some outfits that are easy, versatile, and convenient is critical. I can fit 4 dresses in my suitcase in the same space that slacks and a shirt would occupy. And it's easy to put on and off accessories. If the weather is cool, I can add a shrug or jacket. When it's hot I can switch the opaque tights for light pantyhose. Sandals for casual occasions can be quickly changed to heels for something formal. A scarf, or sash, or belt can be added anytime for a little color or special effect.
I think anyone can look good in the right dress, without trying very hard. So now should we start the poll: What dress would Obama look best in?

I really enjoy CD also, and like you Lydia was ashamed of it for years. Last night I was wearing my "Annie Oakley" dress when I went out for dinner, and was so happy about how it looked on me, how it felt and fit so well, and really just made me feel good to wear it. I can't imagine any good reason for denying myself that pleasure. Today I am going to try on another dress that the same lady is making for me. It was to be my summer dress, and now summer is almost gone, but I will get a few chances to wear it yet this year.

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Ralitsa, great post! Interesting about women feeling less threatened and closer to you in a dress or skirt - that is wonderful! I know nothing of sports either and am not interested - I do not understand why men are so interested in professional, college, or lower level sports - such a waste of time and money! I am not sure it is healthy either because they are raising their cortasol levels and hence their blood pressure, stress, anger, even fighting! And all over what is a meaningless game which does not mean one area or city is better than any other for crying out loud!!!!! A bunch of steroid abusing men who were spoiled and pampered their whole life like samuri's being grossly overpaid to injure themselves for a bunch of testosterone induced aggressive wannabes many of whom are flabby, fat and on medications for their blood pressure and not far from their first heart attack or stroke! Nuf said! Ok, it is entertainment, strategy, leadership, working together as a team to accomplish a goal, and fun on occasion. Last time I was really interested Tom Landry was the coach, Roger Staubach was the quarterback and people were playing like Golden Richards, Mercury Morris, Terry Bradshaw, and other classic players Kenny Stabler many of whom turn out to have real personal problems in retirement or off the field - probably a result of their clueless sense of what a real life is like for us non samuri out here....

But I am really enjoying your experience with being taken in and included by women when in a dress or skirt! That is a dream probably all of us have, and it does make sense - we are seen as gay and not a threat! the sexual preditor/prey relationship is taken out of the picture - or so they think! Only many of us want to be on the prey end of things, some not.
Then they start seeing us a equals, and isn't that really how we see them too? As our peers - and isnt that a much more healthy relationship. Women are such good friends, and fun to be around too - girls find ways to have fun and they talk! Wonderful...

[Ralitsa]

Wow Anne, you really don't like sports

Yes, it is really nice to be viewed as an equal with women, and to be included by them. Actually I like it just as much as they, that the whole sexual predator / prey thing is out of the picture. Otherwise I am always uncomfortable that what I say will be interpreted somehow as a come-on. If I give a compliment, is it really honest or just a line? If I agree that her boyfriend is a jerk then am I saying it hoping she will dump him and give me a chance? So when you're a guy, everything you say is tainted by the presumption that you're trying to get in her pants. But if they see me as another woman then it can just be a general b!#$ session where we sit around and talk about how guys are jerks and those are really cute shoes you have, and some skirts are on sale down at Macy's.

In other news, I did get my other new dress that Peggy made me, and it's just so cute I can't even explain. This one fits a little tighter in the waist than my Annie Oakley dress, and ties in back. She made it from the same pattern as one other one that she gave me, except I had her put cap sleeves on it because I don't like showing my bra straps if I can help it. The sleeves are kind of floppy which looks really good, kind of casual and chic. I wish I were wearing it now, but I just got my luggage from the airline last night and that dress is all wrinkled, so it's hanging up now. Probably I will wear it Monday when I travel to Bulgaria. I know I promised everyone pictures, so maybe I will do that today.

[Absaroka]

I was thinking about the sports discussion. I don't watch sports much except sometimes baseball. I'm not a sports fan or anything like that, but I think watching baseball is a relaxing thing to do.

However, although I wasn't very good at them I loved to play sports as a kid and teenager. I think the key word in that sentence is play. To me there was nothing like the feeling of running as fast as I could and catching that almost out of reach fly ball on a warm summer day.
It was a very sensual thing. Might have been fun in a skirt even. I remember making a post here years ago about wanting to play volley ball in a skirt and falling in the mud, then jumping in a river to clean off as the ultimate en femme experience I could imagine. Tomboy to the max I guess.

But talking about sports......boring.

Zari

[Rikki]

my take on sports:

baseball = watching grass grow

Nascar = hampsters in a wheel

Climbing Everest = real challenge between self, nature, mind, mountain

Rikki

[Leeza]

I would make a comment, but Nebraska Cornhusker football is about to start and I still have to find the channel.

Leeza

[Anthony Simon]

At school as a teenager, there were two ways for you to become an acceptable person - either by being good at sport or debate. Because of my CDing impulses I always felt I had a kind of "masculinity" deficit to make up, so I was glad I was bearable at rugby. This actually goes back to when I was at prep school (8-12). I had played Titania in a school play and felt I only was "let back in" once I got into the school team aged 12.

As an adult I was kind of interested in various sports. I guess this is because I had enjoyed playing them at school and that carried on, vicariously. After years and years of that, you do build up a backlog of knowledge. But I have become bored and barely pay them any attention at all now. This is contrast to the vast number of people in this country (UK), who seem to have gone the other way. The last time England were in the World Cup (soccer= football), the streets were practically deserted for their matches - I know because I was cycling about on them - so it wasn't just men. And the English team did appallingly - something that, despite barely paying attention, always seemed the likely (and painful) outcome to me.

I seem to have retained enough knowledge about sport to take part in standard male conversation. Which is good, because it allows me to "pass" as it were.

I agree with Absaroka that there is a kind of visceral pleasure element in playing sports. I get that from cycling now.

[Paula G]

Sport should not be gender issue, all sports are just as open to women as men, it is just that old social conditioning that says sport is masculine. Even those games that are considered to be highly masculine ladies can excel - ladies rugby is generally speaking a much purer game than biff bash game that played by the, men these days. I love the sport I am interested in - Rugby, motor sport (proper motor sport not the round and round in circles stuff), Cricket, however as far as some of the others go athletics is like watching paint dry, and soccer just a bunch of nancies prancing around.

For most of us a real minority sport is one of my favorites - a game I don't really understand but love to watch, and would have loved to play, Australian Rules Football.

There are sports that the ladies in my family enjoy, I think it sad that the girls at school do not seem to be encouraged into playing sport. Just as a side though if we accept the 1 in a 100 men are cross dressers, then each saturday when I was playing rugby I had more than was obvious in common with another player ( 15 men in a team, four matches 120 players plus 12 officials should mean atleast two cross dresser).

[Anthony Simon]

Well, I think sport is thought of as a preparation for life - along the lines "The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton" (or whatever was the quote). I remember having this conversation with this young woman working as a receptionist at a chiropractor (sp?). She had actually represented England in a running event. I said to her that from then on she'd have a star by her name, as it were. Like someone who was expected to do well in life and infinitely employable.

The thing about playing sport and talking about it is different. There is no doubt that talking about sport is one of the key ways of including yourself in a group of men. This was particularly obvious to me when I was in hospital recently and that was the central way the patients in my small ward engaged with the male nurses and with each other. The key area of discussion was football (=soccer) which, whatever Paula might say, is still the English national sport.

I also had quite a good conversation with a female nurse who had a kind of similar approach to rugby to the one I had when I played (she still did).