How old were you

[Carolynn]

I can't recall if we have explored how old we were the first time we dressed up as girls -- whether in mother's or sister's clothes or not, just dressed in clothes that we considered girl's or woman's.

I have a reason to ask the question, because for many people with gender dysphoria, it started early, even if the initial dressing was in items that might be considered girls clothes in imagination.

I am placing it as a poll, but comments are certainly welcome.

I will start it off. I had a doll given to me by the woman who was the midwife that attended my mother when I was born. She often baby sat me while my mother and Aunt would go shopping at the PX at Ft. Sill. I played with my doll (named Angel because the woman who gave her to me said she was an Angel to watch over me), but often felt that she was not only a friend, but at times I pretended I was her mother. There were no clothes that came close to fitting me at the age of two into three, but I could use a dish-towel, tuck it into my shorts for a skirt and wear a t-shirt (I always felt I had to be decently covered and not go bare chested), and use another dish towel for "hair" by tying it around by head and letting it fall behind my back. I would then be a mamma to my little baby.

What about you?

[Anita]

Hi Carolynn--
I had a pink blanket (and why was that?), and I remember wrapping it around me, trying to make a "dress" out of it. I was three--it's one of my earliest memories.

By age 4 I would sneak into my sisters' rooms and try on their crinolines. That's a forgotten piece of clothing outside of square dance circles, but they were big in the fifties.

[Carolynn]

Yes, I recall crinolines, though I never had the opportunity to consider wearing them. My sister was 11 years younger than I was, and though styles were changing, she did have one crinoline that she wore maybe one or two times more as costume at school than anything else. My neighbor, Barbra had several and I saw them on the line drying a couple of times. Her folks were involved with the Masons and she was a "Rainbow" girl and had to wear formals to various events.

My sister last wore one with a "Poodle Skirt" in a skit in her last year of school. Remember those?

[DonnaT]

I chaecked the 10-11 yrs old, but I first had the desire when I was 6 yrs old.

[Paula G]

I ticked the 8-9 but to be honest I can't really remember. Being the youngest of three boys I did not have many opportunities. I do recall "borrowing" items from my cousin and other GG friends but find it difficult to put a date on.

I do remember the last year of junior school we had a major musical production in which I had a major role, I was the largest boy in the class and could sing so I played the King, others being princesses, prices and sundry other courtiers. The whole thing was written for us and was a little home spun, especially the costumes. The teacher who was responsible for costumes had obviously never studied the history of fashion, her idea of medieval dress was to put all the girls in long straight dresses, and the boys in tabards and tights. All the other boys complained about the tights "ergh girls tights!" but I remember rather liking them, I do know that this was my first time in tights not however the last.

[Anthony Simon]

I first wore a slip of my mother's and pranced around in front of her in her bedroom in a playful way when I was 4 - so I voted 4-5. It's not entirely clear (except fom my subsequent history) that this was CDing, in that I'm sure a lot of kids wear the "wrong" sort of clothes in a kind of playful way and nothing ever develops out of it.

The posts from Donna and Anita (and Paula's, to a degree), as well as Carolynn's comments, indicate the (potential) complexity of this subject. I mean the first time I I count as me CDing was when my grandmother put me in a nightgown when I was 4 (just before the above). This is both someone else's initiative and my mind making the leap from a unisex garment - the nightgown - to a female one - a nightdress. I made the connection at the time, because as 4 year old in the 50s I only knew pygamas as suitable male sleeping attire, whereas in the previous generation(s) nightgowns had been perfectly acceptable. To answer Anita's question "Why (did she do it)?", I mostly have her track record to go on - and she was a manipulative, power hungry person with a substantial amount of malice in her character.

I remember hunting around in my mother's drawers when I was 5 with that very characteristic CD guilt, but don't remember putting anything on - and also imagining constructing breasts from cushions for myself when I was 6 - as well as trying to involve my brother in a fantasy about being saloon girls in a Western story we were making up at the same age (he wasn't interested).

However the first time I unequivocally CDed on my own account was in a corset destined for my grandmother around the time I was 12. It was a sexual experience. I had previously had one of those, at the same age, but with bedclothes. Although not with women's clothes per se, I guess it fits with Carolynn's definition.

The first time I was fully dressed as a woman (Titania) when was when I was 9 for a school play. Again, not my initiative. But there must have been something feminine about me, or why was I chosen?

[ArleneMcCarthy]

I was about eight when I fist wore my mothers undies. As the years have worn on I have dressed on and off, I dressed 24?7 since 2003 - 2004.

[Susan]

It was certainly before I started school, I do remember that.

[Absaroka]

Interesting how there are certain age clusters in the poll results.

[Lydia]

I must have been 5 or 6 when I was fascinated with my mother's bra hanging up to dry. I tried to put it on but was caught by my mother who beat me severely. In spite of more such incidents and beatings, I just got smarter and more cautious, until I grew too big to beat physically.

Hugs,

Lydia

[Carolynn]

Interesting how there are certain age clusters in the poll results.

Yes it is, but the numbers are kinda small yet. I would expect that there would be similar clusters no matter the numbers, though.

I am wondering if I should have worded the poll as "the first time you felt the urge to crossdress"? It has been suggested as well that there might be a difference in motivation between the earlier, sorta play dressup times, and the later ones. However, for me, it was a matter of opportunity. But this was about the same age I realized I would grow up to be a woman, this after bathing with my cousin and seeing her and comparing us. I do recall trying to scuff around in my Aunt's and Mother's heels, and being admonished for it while dressed to be my doll's mamma.

[Rikki]

I too wore Mom's petticoats when I first dressed back in about 1957 or '58. Never lost that passion for poufie fashion and now have about a dozen of my own!

Rikki

[Absaroka]

I didn't know I had the urge till I did it.

You're right about it being a very small sample so far.

Low numbers in some age groups make sense. Most of us don't remember that much before age 3 anyway, and we are still learning to dress ourselves. Clothing that age is often more unisex anyway, and wanting to wear opposite sex clothing may be dismissed as merely confusion or wanting to wear grown up clothes. And in later age it makes sense that the first time has already happened. It is intriguing that no one said age 15 to 18, when so many things seem to happen, but a signifigant number checked post adolescence.

THe cluster around age 8 corresponds to a lot of what I have read about this. I would guess something internal is happening with us at that stage of our development.

Zari

[Carolynn]

Yeah, there is. According to endocrinological research on hormones as we grow up, males have one pre-natal and two pre-adolescence peaks in our hormonal development. The pre-natal peak comes during the physical attribute development, between 8-20 weeks. One ante-natal peak is the first couple of years after our birth. The second is often called pre-puberty, and is characterized by a rise in testosterone in boys with little more than increased body mass and bone size to mark the event, well mostly. More recently, it has been noted that male kids of around 9-10 and into 11 may actually start growing soft facial hair and experience soft erections, and their interest in the opposite sex starts to change, and some want to have girlfriends they can "practice" kissing with. Not full blown puberty by any means, but it is a change. Of course, the second peak is when true puberty hits and the world is a confusing mess of emotion and physicality, and often rapid body growth that can be too fast for the body map to keep up with and they feel clumsy and awkward.

Increases in sensuality, sensitivity to touching some things (which might explain focuses on certain items as puberty and adulthood continues, maybe the birth of fetishes?), have been recorded as well. And it is about this age that there may be some confusing dreams that are kinda arousing. I have been told by one (now 19) that at that age he used to take a silky scarf, slip or nightgown from the dirty clothes and sleep with it beneath his pjs, but not be wearing it. That way he could hide it in the bedclothes and not be caught wearing it, but experience the softness and silkyness of the item. He would slip it back into the dirty clothes when he got up.

Girl's estrogen levels are in more of a steady rise through childhood, and may have little effect until 9-11. For girls, it is about the age that chest puffiness can start and nipples start to expand and maybe be a bit sore now and again, especially if they have excess body fat. Boys are still officially icky, but there is recognition that there are some that are "cute", and there may be fumbling attempts to let one or a few know they like them, especially if the boys pick at them so they can chase and hit them. They are growing faster than most boys do, and their bodies are indeed changing. There are rare cases of early onset menstration, but these are so rare as to be considered abnormal. For the girls, sensuality does increase, most start paying attention to their appearance, and they are observing ever more closely and most perceptively the older girls and their older sisters in particular. The turning point may come with their first bra, as it is an item of clothing that sorta welcomes them to the adult world, and they have likely had "the talk" with their mothers or sisters. Nowadays, they may have been "playing "with make up a good bit as well, and they may bug their mothers to wear some when they are dressed up to go somewhere..

So yeah, things are happening in child bodies about that time.

[Absaroka]

The increase in sensuality might explain a lot of the crossdressing beginning around 8. For many of us it is a very sensual experience. Sensuality and sexual sensation can of course often being confused since the later is very sensual.

I suppose that for those for whom the hormones do not kick in around age 9, the lack of them might produce some sort of effect. Alternatively increased male hormones seem to lead to a heightened state of a great many things, which can lead to both greater awareness and greater confusion.

Simple body growth can have quite an effect as well.

Zari