Crossdressers-Haven.com

I enjoy enormously my forays out into the world as Paula, I enjoy the whole process of preparation as well. The feeling of pampering of being special, the sensuous nature of the whole thing.

But... every now and then it crosses my mind that the whole thing is ridiculous. So much fuss and stress and potential problems (social and physical) just to wear some clothes. In the old days this feeling would lead to purging and self loathing, these days the thought passes and I get on with my life, but at heart I can't help sometimes thinking we are really rather silly.

Yup, it's completely absurd. So is my job. So is my industry. So is the concept of masculinity or femininity at the dawn of the 21st century. As I type this, I'm listening to Sinatra. He's completely irrelevant, and a bit of a macho pig. but oh. what fun.....

It is consuming much time and effort not to forgetting money BUT what do we feel happy. Why we do it can have many reasons But we are showoff,s ,fishing for a complement.

I'd have to agree that what I do is pretty silly. To put it more positively, it's a fun game for me.

I knew a guy who liked to play golf, played almost every day after he retired. There were alligators on the course and one bit his friend on the leg while they were golfing. Was it silly to continue playing? Was it silly to put so much time and effort into hitting a ball into a hole?

That's me. As always I'll follow this comment the the idea that for those here who are truly transgendered, this is not a game, it is not silly, and in fact is close to being a life and death issue.

Zari

I think self-doubt is a very under-rated emotion these days.

In that "dress/stress" thread a while ago one of the posters described dressing up as a "daft game", to which I added "but fun". "Serious but daft fun" is that what this is?

Interesting question!

I often wonder what it is that keeps drawing me into the stupid, silly, absurd activity we now call crossdressing! And that's the real problem. Something keeps "DRAWING" me in.

There is nothing remotely comfortable about dealing with a really poufy skirt filled out with petticoats. The bra is tight, I have to shave every day, and after a while, it seems....well normal? Dissappointingly normal actually! And yet, back in drab, I am drawn to dresses....again!

I'm afraid none of us will ever understand it all. I do wish I could figure it all out! All in all though, it IS better than getting our leg bitten off by an Alligator while playing golf.....

Hope,
I love your answer and I agree with you, just what is it that keeps makeing us do what we do?.

Expain to me why every morning I shower, shave, put on my makeup and dress?.

Maybe not that we are silly but that the activity itself is silly?

I say, let's go out and put things on top of other things!

But... every now and then it crosses my mind that the whole thing is ridiculous. So much fuss and stress and potential problems (social and physical) just to wear some clothes. In the old days this feeling would lead to purging and self loathing, these days the thought passes and I get on with my life, but at heart I can't help sometimes thinking we are really rather silly.

I think that, too. It'll hit me from time to time when I'm out there. I long ago got used to it, and it usually makes me smile, rather than get me upset.
There are social settings where I really feel the ridiculous part of it, and like any game, I keep playing and it changes to something else.

Sometimes this is especially true if I meet someone I know, but that someone hasn't met this side of me. That can feel awkward, to say the least, but it happens. I don't let it embarrass me, though. I'm not going there.

Hi All

I have never had self doubt or a purge. My CD activity is a way of life, a pleasure, a stress reliever and a blessing. Never ridiculous.

Must admit that i recently (and never before) had a thought that if i thought of clothes (all clothes) as just material then the interest would wane. I have not been tempted to follow that thought process as if that happened it would be a great loss for me.

Joan

Silly??!!!! Silly is an individual judgement call like what jokes are funny. Do I think I'm silly going through all the aggravation it takes to get as presentable as possible to go out en fem and not scare the public while I'm out there? Some days yeah, but most times no. Do I think it's silly to be drab and wear a tie? Always...

Some of the silliness I feel isn't what I'm doing, but what I decided to wear to be "current". Yesterday was Halloween and I specifically made an effort to be silly. This 58 year old lady was dressed for school -- plaid pleated skirt and all. That was my outfit for the entire day without necessarily having a party to go to. BTW, silly me got called sexy by a guy about my age. That was fun.

Sure, who doesn't feel silly at times - like "what am I doing - this is just silly, I'm not a girl!" But the feeling passes and I always want to dress again, I have never purged because I know better - I just put things away. When I am feeling male - well lately I dress male but may still have my brilliant dark pink toenails - I was in the hospital Sunday and Monday and had to worry that the Nursing geeks would remove my socks for a dorsalis pedis and a tibialis posterior pulse with capillary refill! A young aid offered to help me off with my socks and into a pair or hospital socks with the nonslip sole - I declined and told her I would do it. Laying on the bed with my thin socks if you looked closely you could see shiny nails or so I thought, my men's dress socks were thin and black - not sheer. But, made it through and thank God I was not wearing panties. I got lightheaded and euphoric in church, tried breathing faster, shifting my position but it went on and on, I felt my pulse there was an occasional pause of several seconds, and the rate over a minute was 39, 42,46 - I told my wife we needed to go to the ER - I was throwing PVC's, had a widened PR interval (1st degree AV block), even a run of PVC"S and during the night some trigeminy! No chest pain. BP 110 over 67 at one point. But I have lost 27 pounds and have been running. At worst, If I become symptomatic alot they would want to insert a pacemaker! But I am fine today.

Anne, I am glad you are fine today.

Leeza

I hope you don't have those attacks anymore, Anne. Did they suggest it might have been an electrolyte imbalance due to your running?

Thanks Leeza and Donna. My mom used to have "flip-flops" on occasion, and I have a sister in her 60's who's having some issues - But I believe I will be alright - unless I'm not - Ha! But silliness comes and goes....
I did joke that I should start drinking beer and put my weight back on, and take up smoking and eating hamburgers as this trying to get healthy is not working out so well - LOL.