Disclaimer: There are no sex actions that occur in this story, but there will be usage of a few "not too ladylike" words to help with the story. You have been warned.
So last night, my friend, Connie, and I went to Club Icon, a local LGBT club. No sooner did I meet her at the table, some foreign guy comes up and offers to buy us drinks. We politely declined, but he hung around. He briefly started to tell us about that he was here because a friend recommended it. As the club was sort of dead, Connie felt sorry for the guy and invited him to join us for a few. He started telling us how his wife had cheated on him with other girls and so he was out looking for someone to have "fun" with.
Connie politely told the guy that we were both married but our wives weren't with us tonight. We informed him there were other "girls" that might be here that he could have fun with, but he was barking up the wrong tree as we weren't interested. He started talking about how few girls there were here. We explained that it was still early, but more would show up. He then started asking us where our husbands were. I explained again that our wives weren't here. I had to say "wife" about three times before he was certain of the word I was saying and he still looked confused. I put it a lot more bluntly and said "we're guys, you know, male." At which the lightbulb came on, but that only made it worse for us.
Now he starts getting vulgar, not mean, just vulgar in the things he starts talking about. He starts talking about how he'd make me "happy". He'd gladly suck my c*** and b****. He started telling us how big his d*** was and asked how big mine was. He told me he'd gladly let me do whatever made me happy if I would only go with him. We kept refusing and finally he got up and left. He came back a bit later and tried again, but then after being shot down again, he wandered off.
You know, I was really flattered that he thought I was a girl, but most of that emotional high was crushed when he started talking about how he wanted to have any kind of sexual act he could get out of me. I don't know if a real girl has to deal with guys being that blunt or if it is just something when a guy finds out your really a guy, he thinks the rules of dealing with a woman don't apply anymore.
On another note, near the end of the night, I got asked to dance by a young gentleman who treated me with respect. He was very polite, but he wasn't that good of a dancer. Of course, when I'm a guy, I don't think I'd normally dance any better because I'm too self-concious. Being Michelle, I'm a little less inhibited.
No, I don't want you to make me "happy"
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Michelle M
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Susan
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Michelle
I have been approached more than once by men in the same way. Telling them to go away in whatever manner I thought appropriate worked every time bar one. That only time I had to resort to more than just words. When the man made a grab for me, I grabbed the little finger on his right hand. That stopped him immediately. I then said quietly to him "You are going to leave me and my friends alone aren't you because if you don't I will snap your finger like a twig"
He said he would and when I let go he wandered away muttering to himself.
I like to dress nicely to please me. I know others find my appearance pleasing too which is nice but for me its always "look all you want but don't touch"
These little adventures have not put me off going out.
I have been approached more than once by men in the same way. Telling them to go away in whatever manner I thought appropriate worked every time bar one. That only time I had to resort to more than just words. When the man made a grab for me, I grabbed the little finger on his right hand. That stopped him immediately. I then said quietly to him "You are going to leave me and my friends alone aren't you because if you don't I will snap your finger like a twig"
He said he would and when I let go he wandered away muttering to himself.
I like to dress nicely to please me. I know others find my appearance pleasing too which is nice but for me its always "look all you want but don't touch"
These little adventures have not put me off going out.
Susan
I know some things.
I know some things.
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DonnaT
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Michelle M
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Michelle M
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Anita
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I share Donna's puzzlement at this one--who was he there for in the first place? Girl-me was surprised at behavior like this when I first went out, as I'd never seen it first-hand as a guy. It's totally off-putting when it happens like you're describing, and then it moves up the spectrum to where the behavior may not be so bad, but it's too much, too soon.
This is an unusual board, in that many of us here have been on both sides of this particular "fence." As a guy, I learned that being shy was not going to get me anywhere with girls. If I didn't make moves, they weren't going to come to me. So I had to learn how to approach women at clubs and bars. It's a tough game--too much aggression, you turn them off, and too little, you lose their interest.
Most guys never go on to see the other side of it! We have, and it's painful for me to watch guys who don't know how to approach potential partners. This guy, of course, is way over the top on his "approach." I'm glad you were with others, Michelle.
This is an unusual board, in that many of us here have been on both sides of this particular "fence." As a guy, I learned that being shy was not going to get me anywhere with girls. If I didn't make moves, they weren't going to come to me. So I had to learn how to approach women at clubs and bars. It's a tough game--too much aggression, you turn them off, and too little, you lose their interest.
Most guys never go on to see the other side of it! We have, and it's painful for me to watch guys who don't know how to approach potential partners. This guy, of course, is way over the top on his "approach." I'm glad you were with others, Michelle.
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Anthony Simon
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Years and years ago I had a male come on to me in the middle of a park with no-one else around by rubbing his crotch area. It struck me as kind of bizarre and incomprehensible - I mean why anyone should want to do such a thing.
To me the thing that happened to Michelle seems a bit like that. I mean presumably both these men, at least consciously, thought this was an appropriate way to get sex. But also there's a sort of disconnect - like they don't seem to understand that the person concerned is just not interested.
With Michelle there's an invasive element - like the guy has got into her emotional space with his advances - Basically not respected her. That can just be because the guy's an idiot or it can be something worse - like bitterness at getting rejected or that he was intrinsically unpleasant.
But whatever it is, just the invasion of one's space like that is going to make you angry - and the difficulty is then controlling and managing the anger. At least that's what I find when, in completely different circumstances(non-sexual), men get inside my head.
To me the thing that happened to Michelle seems a bit like that. I mean presumably both these men, at least consciously, thought this was an appropriate way to get sex. But also there's a sort of disconnect - like they don't seem to understand that the person concerned is just not interested.
With Michelle there's an invasive element - like the guy has got into her emotional space with his advances - Basically not respected her. That can just be because the guy's an idiot or it can be something worse - like bitterness at getting rejected or that he was intrinsically unpleasant.
But whatever it is, just the invasion of one's space like that is going to make you angry - and the difficulty is then controlling and managing the anger. At least that's what I find when, in completely different circumstances(non-sexual), men get inside my head.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
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Absaroka
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When I was much younger and in college I used to hitch hike a lot. One time I made the mistake of unknowingly sticking my thumb out in a place near the interstate where guys liked to cruise for other men. I quickly got a ride and the man started to talk about sex among college students. Trying to be pleasant I disussed my experiences with college girls for a while. He then predictably sequed into propositioning me. Still trying to be pleasant I explained why I didn't want to. He took this as an invitation to try to persuade me to change my mind and an arguement followed which I found very upsetting, especially since we were roaring down the interstate in the middle of the night.
Eventually he gave up, and I at least got a ride to where I was going. Talking to friends later they just said well these things happen, next time tell him to stop the car and get out, and by the way didn't you realize where you were?
I continued to hitch hike till I got a car (this was early 70's and many people did this). I was propositioned by men several more times. Each time I responded with a very brief no, that I wasn't interested. This seemed to work the best, coupled with a complete willingness to terminate the ride, conversation, or whatever, the moment the other person wasn't able to accept this. Politeness and explanations are taken as an invitation to keep trying.
As I said, I was in college at the time. The reflection that my experience is one that most teenage girls have to endure now and then, and just in day to day life rather than making the mistake of hitch hiking on a cruising strip, was a powerful one. It's conventional wisdom for many young men that it's a mistake to take no for an answer. This was when I learned that although it meant that I might get laid less often, that I did not subscribe to that conventional wisdom.
I'd agree that it's a bit wierd that this guy was in that bar to pick up women. But if his English was not that good, maybe he had misunderstood something. Or maybe he thought that a gay bar is a place where people of all persuasions go to have anonymous sex. That was another misapprhehension I had in my late teens. There was so much sexual energy in the local gay bar that I found it inconcievable that there were no horny heterosexual women present.
Zari
Eventually he gave up, and I at least got a ride to where I was going. Talking to friends later they just said well these things happen, next time tell him to stop the car and get out, and by the way didn't you realize where you were?
I continued to hitch hike till I got a car (this was early 70's and many people did this). I was propositioned by men several more times. Each time I responded with a very brief no, that I wasn't interested. This seemed to work the best, coupled with a complete willingness to terminate the ride, conversation, or whatever, the moment the other person wasn't able to accept this. Politeness and explanations are taken as an invitation to keep trying.
As I said, I was in college at the time. The reflection that my experience is one that most teenage girls have to endure now and then, and just in day to day life rather than making the mistake of hitch hiking on a cruising strip, was a powerful one. It's conventional wisdom for many young men that it's a mistake to take no for an answer. This was when I learned that although it meant that I might get laid less often, that I did not subscribe to that conventional wisdom.
I'd agree that it's a bit wierd that this guy was in that bar to pick up women. But if his English was not that good, maybe he had misunderstood something. Or maybe he thought that a gay bar is a place where people of all persuasions go to have anonymous sex. That was another misapprhehension I had in my late teens. There was so much sexual energy in the local gay bar that I found it inconcievable that there were no horny heterosexual women present.
Zari
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Paula G
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This is a most uncomfortable situation to be in, it is only through having recieved unwelcome propositions that I can understand what my wife and daughter have to (very) occasionally endure. Thisis another area where being a woman can make us better menAnita wrote:
This is an unusual board, in that many of us here have been on both sides of this particular "fence." As a guy, I learned that being shy was not going to get me anywhere with girls. If I didn't make moves, they weren't going to come to me. So I had to learn how to approach women at clubs and bars. It's a tough game--too much aggression, you turn them off, and too little, you lose their interest.
Most guys never go on to see the other side of it! We have, and it's painful for me to watch guys who don't know how to approach potential partners.
Paula
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
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Kyra
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Some guys just don't get it. Sad.
"No" means "NO".
I've been married for many years, but I still remember what it was like dating. Even then, if I was turned down, I moved on. If there was no mutual attraction, there just wasn't any need to linger. Yet, some guys just don't get it.
I get to go out quite a bit. I like the social atmosphere at some night clubs and have frequented a few GLBT friendly establishments in my area. I've been hit on a number of times (most by guys), and most have been kind enough to just move on when I decline, but occasionally there's one who thinks he can win me over with his charm. I wear a ring on my finger for a reason! So far I haven't had any major issues and have only had to deal with guys like what you've described, Michelle.
One thing I will note, and I'm probably preaching to the choir, is just be careful. Sometimes the "disenchanted" can become unexpectedly radical - especially when alcohol is involved.
Hugs,
Kyra
"No" means "NO".
I've been married for many years, but I still remember what it was like dating. Even then, if I was turned down, I moved on. If there was no mutual attraction, there just wasn't any need to linger. Yet, some guys just don't get it.
I get to go out quite a bit. I like the social atmosphere at some night clubs and have frequented a few GLBT friendly establishments in my area. I've been hit on a number of times (most by guys), and most have been kind enough to just move on when I decline, but occasionally there's one who thinks he can win me over with his charm. I wear a ring on my finger for a reason! So far I haven't had any major issues and have only had to deal with guys like what you've described, Michelle.
One thing I will note, and I'm probably preaching to the choir, is just be careful. Sometimes the "disenchanted" can become unexpectedly radical - especially when alcohol is involved.
Hugs,
Kyra
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
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JoAnnDallas
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Re: No, I don't want you to make me "happy"
A few of us get together once a month for dinner and then we go over to a local lesbian night club. Every once in a while one of us will be approached by a woman to dance or such. One night this one GG came over who we could easily tell was very drunk, and started talking to us. She started getting a little too personal and we told her, "You do know that we are men under all this glam". She looked at us funny and then said, "No your not". We kept on trying telling her and she kept on denying what we said. The waitress did not help matters because she kept on calling us ladies out of respect. This one woman finally wandered off. It is kinda flattery when someone thinks I'm a real GG.