This morning on my way in to work, I received a quite nice compliment. Most of you know that I'm down in Arizona, staying at an RV park for a while as I'm working here. And you might remember that when I first arrived there was a bit of consternation amongst some of the populace that I am a CDer. So this morning I stopped by the office to see if I had some mail, and the first thing the lady said to me is "you look very nice today".
I was rather surprised. I had just started to ask about the mail, but then sort of paused when she said that. So she said again quite pointedly "you really do, you look very nice." Well I was pretty happy to hear that, as you can imagine. And I wasn't wearing anything special, just black slacks with heels, and a grey blouse. I really think the make-up is the difference, I'm getting better at make-up and I think it makes me look a lot better.
I've never before thought that my looks were much, so I guess I'm still surprised that anyone else thinks so.
a nice compliment
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
-
Ralitsa
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1165
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:54 pm
- Location: center of North Dakota
-
Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
" You look nice" is a comment loaded with subtext.
I tell my wife this a lot, but only when it's true. I have a few close female friends that I tell this to occaisionally. But it's usually with a subtext of your are a pretty, attractive person, not your outfit looks good today. The implication being they always look good, and as such it's the sort of thing I feel like if you say it too often it loses it's validity. I'm careful only to say this when it's true.
I don't tell my daughters that often, although if the subject comes up I tell them I think they are 2 of the 3 most beautiful women in the world. They are quick to tell me that I'm supposed to think this as I'm their father, and I always tell them that they are right but they still are. This also has the advantage of being true.
On to men telling each other they look good. I've had my boss tell me this a few times, usually right after I got a hair cut or something. It was not so much a compliment as approval, telling me I'm sending the right message to the world with my appearance. Complimenting me on what I am saying really, not on how I look.
Women tell me I look cute. But mostly my wife or close friends. I had the bank teller tell me I looked nice one time and it made my week. I told her so. Kept wondering if she was hitting on me.
Women tell each other they look nice. It's an overture of friendship and of support. Sort of saying don't give up the fight. Like a guy telling you that you made a nice catch playing baseball or something.
Onto women telling us we look nice while dressed. First off it's reassurance, since for so many of us that can be difficult to achieve. But more importantly it's acceptance. The subtext is that our appearance does not upset them, it's okay that we are wearing a dress, not to mention wearing it well. Or for some of us, maybe you Ralitsa, I don't know, it's just treating us like another woman, in which case it means we are "passing" even if they know we are a guy.
Then there are men telling us we look nice. It's probably either acceptance, subtext you aren't upsetting me, or they are hitting on us. Because that's what men do. We see someone who looks nice, we are attracted to them. The more mature among us merely look.
Got further in Chaz Bono's auto bio last night. He talks about how hormones changed his feelings about sex. As a woman he liked sex, it was nice and meant something. As a man, it went from something she liked to something he needed. Reminiscent of Max Wolf Valerio who said that when he became a man he realized that sex is a kind of food for men.
Nothing wrong with this, it's just how we are. One of those cases where all feelings are okay, but not all actions.
Glad you enjoyed the compliment.
Zari
I tell my wife this a lot, but only when it's true. I have a few close female friends that I tell this to occaisionally. But it's usually with a subtext of your are a pretty, attractive person, not your outfit looks good today. The implication being they always look good, and as such it's the sort of thing I feel like if you say it too often it loses it's validity. I'm careful only to say this when it's true.
I don't tell my daughters that often, although if the subject comes up I tell them I think they are 2 of the 3 most beautiful women in the world. They are quick to tell me that I'm supposed to think this as I'm their father, and I always tell them that they are right but they still are. This also has the advantage of being true.
On to men telling each other they look good. I've had my boss tell me this a few times, usually right after I got a hair cut or something. It was not so much a compliment as approval, telling me I'm sending the right message to the world with my appearance. Complimenting me on what I am saying really, not on how I look.
Women tell me I look cute. But mostly my wife or close friends. I had the bank teller tell me I looked nice one time and it made my week. I told her so. Kept wondering if she was hitting on me.
Women tell each other they look nice. It's an overture of friendship and of support. Sort of saying don't give up the fight. Like a guy telling you that you made a nice catch playing baseball or something.
Onto women telling us we look nice while dressed. First off it's reassurance, since for so many of us that can be difficult to achieve. But more importantly it's acceptance. The subtext is that our appearance does not upset them, it's okay that we are wearing a dress, not to mention wearing it well. Or for some of us, maybe you Ralitsa, I don't know, it's just treating us like another woman, in which case it means we are "passing" even if they know we are a guy.
Then there are men telling us we look nice. It's probably either acceptance, subtext you aren't upsetting me, or they are hitting on us. Because that's what men do. We see someone who looks nice, we are attracted to them. The more mature among us merely look.
Got further in Chaz Bono's auto bio last night. He talks about how hormones changed his feelings about sex. As a woman he liked sex, it was nice and meant something. As a man, it went from something she liked to something he needed. Reminiscent of Max Wolf Valerio who said that when he became a man he realized that sex is a kind of food for men.
Nothing wrong with this, it's just how we are. One of those cases where all feelings are okay, but not all actions.
Glad you enjoyed the compliment.
Zari
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
-
Anthony Simon
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 2347
- Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:16 pm
- Location: London, UK
Strangely, I repeated the conversation you had today, Ralitsa, (sort of) when I went and bought something to make my lipstick stay on. I thiught the woman behind the till had just amazing lips - and said I thought her lips looked really good (or equivalent). She looked at me dubiously and I said "I really do, they have this kind of POW effect" and she was pleased.
So, anyway, I don't know where that fits in Zari's admirable thing...I must admit to have been kind of worried when you started with the makeup Ralitsa. That doesn't seem to have been a great day - like usually you seem on top of things, but didn't then. But I guess if you can negotiate a difficult (somewhat) situation like it seems in your trailer park - and the makeup is helping you, that can't be bad.
Anyway seems like the woman was trying to say she approved of you - was on your side. That's my read. You did sound like you'd be able to deal with whatever came up where you're staying and it seems like it's working out like that.
So, anyway, I don't know where that fits in Zari's admirable thing...I must admit to have been kind of worried when you started with the makeup Ralitsa. That doesn't seem to have been a great day - like usually you seem on top of things, but didn't then. But I guess if you can negotiate a difficult (somewhat) situation like it seems in your trailer park - and the makeup is helping you, that can't be bad.
Anyway seems like the woman was trying to say she approved of you - was on your side. That's my read. You did sound like you'd be able to deal with whatever came up where you're staying and it seems like it's working out like that.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Ralitsa--
That's got to make you feel good about the situation, overall. Sometimes I think that women appreciate it when we know how to be subtle, and look good in slacks and a neutral-colored blouse.
Women are the ones to give compliments. As Zari alluded to, if I get compliments from men, it's generally coming from "hitting on" territory. Except one time--I passed a guy on a busy commercial street, and nothing was said. After he'd passed, I heard from behind me, "You're doing a beautiful job!" I think I lifted a hand; I didn't turn around.
That's got to make you feel good about the situation, overall. Sometimes I think that women appreciate it when we know how to be subtle, and look good in slacks and a neutral-colored blouse.
Women are the ones to give compliments. As Zari alluded to, if I get compliments from men, it's generally coming from "hitting on" territory. Except one time--I passed a guy on a busy commercial street, and nothing was said. After he'd passed, I heard from behind me, "You're doing a beautiful job!" I think I lifted a hand; I didn't turn around.
-
Carol Ann
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3296
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 7:23 am
- Location: Southeast Missouri
I remember one time on a Sunday afternoon when Carol went shopping, I was in JC Pennys.
After looking around for a while the SL came over to ask if she could help me with anything. I said NTY and she just smiled and said " for a man you do make a very nice women".
She just smiled and walked away., needless to say I was blowen away. 
After looking around for a while the SL came over to ask if she could help me with anything. I said NTY and she just smiled and said " for a man you do make a very nice women".
She just smiled and walked away., needless to say I was blowen away. -
DeniseL
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 283
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:05 pm
- Location: Ottawa, Ontario
I can remember one time Just not long after Denise started coming out, I was in a nice Restaurant in Virginia.
Had just bought a new outfit the day before and I was wearing it.
The waitress commented how nice it looked. I was on a real high cloud for the rest of the day
Denise
Had just bought a new outfit the day before and I was wearing it.
The waitress commented how nice it looked. I was on a real high cloud for the rest of the day
Denise
Denise_Love
a girl that likes Camping
a girl that likes Camping
-
Ralitsa
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1165
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:54 pm
- Location: center of North Dakota
Considering Zari's analysis, I guess I would say that her compliment to me had a good deal of the "overture of friendship and support". I'm pretty sure she wasn't hitting on me but then I'm really obtuse about that anyway 
It really made my day. I felt like the effort I spent did in fact have a good result. I guess women do have an instinct for trying to make people feel better. But it was very nice to feel attractive and noticed.
It really made my day. I felt like the effort I spent did in fact have a good result. I guess women do have an instinct for trying to make people feel better. But it was very nice to feel attractive and noticed.
-
Erica S
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 7:13 am
- Location: Sparks, NV
-
Paula G
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1407
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:40 am
- Location: SE London, United Kingdom
It is nice to receave a compliment, and yes sometimes there is a subtext, but sometimes we have to take them att simple face value as well.
The other day I had to go to a trade association AGM ~ all dressed up in suit and tie, something that happens very rarely these days. While chatting to an older lady in the bar before lunch she paid me a very nice compliment on my choice of shirt and tie. This made me feel so much better about myself, even more self confident. As men we need to be validated in how we look just as much as we do as women.
I am always a little nervous about paying compliments as I can't be sure how they will be received, but I am making a conscious effort to do it more often. I know I like to receive, therefore I have to give as well.
There is also the thought that says if you tell them when they get it right this also gives you the chance to tell them when they get it wrong
The other day I had to go to a trade association AGM ~ all dressed up in suit and tie, something that happens very rarely these days. While chatting to an older lady in the bar before lunch she paid me a very nice compliment on my choice of shirt and tie. This made me feel so much better about myself, even more self confident. As men we need to be validated in how we look just as much as we do as women.
I am always a little nervous about paying compliments as I can't be sure how they will be received, but I am making a conscious effort to do it more often. I know I like to receive, therefore I have to give as well.
There is also the thought that says if you tell them when they get it right this also gives you the chance to tell them when they get it wrong
Paula
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Compliments are very easy to give to women, IF I'm dressed as a woman. I've not seen women think twice about it when I compliment them on clothing--I'm 'safe,' as a woman. They're not wondering if I'm really coming on to them--it just doesn't seem to apply to me if I have the right appearance going on.
I still have to tread rather gingerly when giving compliments to women, if I'm dressed as a man. I want the compliment to make them feel good about themselves. I don't want them to be off in their heads, wondering about my motives. As an older man, it’s easier. Like it or not, we become seen as more harmless when we get older.
I still have to tread rather gingerly when giving compliments to women, if I'm dressed as a man. I want the compliment to make them feel good about themselves. I don't want them to be off in their heads, wondering about my motives. As an older man, it’s easier. Like it or not, we become seen as more harmless when we get older.
-
Anthony Simon
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 2347
- Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:16 pm
- Location: London, UK
I enjoy the whole business of giving complements to women. With me, there's a kind of "I'm not terribly serious about this" attitude that I bring which disarms (most of) the idea that I'm coming onto them. There is still some sexual energy left, just enough for me and the woman to enjoy it as flirting. Of course sometimes it's a bit more than that, but that's still the rule...
Sometimes when I buy women's clothes I will get into a discussion with the SA - that's just when the SA is female. Occasionally they will say something complementary about the thing I'm buying - about half the time I reckon that's just a general statement that they think the thing is nice. The other half, I get the feeling they're saying they approve of me buying it for myself. I think there's an awful lot of nuance in these interchanges - I really like that subtlety.
Sometimes when I buy women's clothes I will get into a discussion with the SA - that's just when the SA is female. Occasionally they will say something complementary about the thing I'm buying - about half the time I reckon that's just a general statement that they think the thing is nice. The other half, I get the feeling they're saying they approve of me buying it for myself. I think there's an awful lot of nuance in these interchanges - I really like that subtlety.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
-
Bernice
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:24 pm
- Location: Northeast Kansas
Anita wrote: I still have to tread rather gingerly when giving compliments to women, if I'm dressed as a man. I want the compliment to make them feel good about themselves. I don't want them to be off in their heads, wondering about my motives.
Fear of lawsuits and verbal abuse and general hostility have all but silenced me.
Hugs,
Bernice