Hi girls !
I haven't yet been able to get the courage to go out. I've been dressing for a few months and I really wanna meet new people while I'm dressed instead of staying in my house. I don't know how to get over this fear of being "caught" as a woman.
How did you girls get over this ? Any advice ?
Love Lexie
How do I go out ?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Carolynn
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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Re: How do I go out ?
Hmmm. I'm not real sure how to explain it since it was some time ago. Going out the door for the first or even the 10th time can be nerve wracking but even so, it's a matter of accepting that you may not be perfect but nobody is likely to care (other than the nosy neighbor or a family member and you can sorta control that). After a dozen or so times, the stress is much less and it starts being more fun, really. And you will get a high from going out dressed. Some people do the almost obligatory night-time-drive-while-dressed-thing, using the cover of night to try to lessen the chance of discovery. Just got to be really careful of the nieghborhood you drive in for that. Others start with the night time walk around the block or sitting on the porch or patio while dressed. Just things to reduce the stress and get used to being out of the house dressed.
Essentially, the women in this area are really casual in dress when they go do the family grocery shopping. So, when I went grocery shopping, I emulated them by wearing jeans (girly but not real striking or uber tight) and either a girly polo or a sweat shirt with a cute design on the front, and comfortable flats. I was not out for attention, so didn't wear real apparent breast forms, but did wear a bra and small forms. I was kinda nervous at first, but I had let my hair grow long enough and I looked androgenous enough to either pass or not, but not so female as to be noticable at first. Then as my hair continued to grow out, and as my features softened from hrt, I started adding more and more (like eye makeup and foundation, a bit of blush, and lippy just not real obvious) until the scale was tipped and I was consistently being addressed as "ma'am". Then the tops got more girly, and it was a done deal.
Shopping in the mall was a different deal, as usually women in this area make an effort for the mall crawl. So after I was more comfortable, I started also making the effort, with better makeup, though still understated, and nicer and more lady-like clothes, though still pants and a very nice top, and hair styled. Older women, which I am one of, do not usually wear a dress or skirt/blouse out shopping around here, though some will (and I have a few times).
And really, that was what I did. OH, and smile, and look into a mirror for awhile at home and practice the kind of smiles you see women give (while you are doing your research for this and typical clothes worn in your area, sit in a chair or bench to watch so that you seem to be waiting for someone and are not being pervy.).
Smiles. The disarming acknowledgement (yeah I see you looking at me but I am not interested) smile is a good one to get down if guys are looking at you, and the "fellowship" smile between women (hi, yep we are both out shopping and you look nice, but just don't have time to get acquainted), and the smile of greeting to the clerk if you have a question or the clerk at the checkout. That one especially has to be expressed in the eyes too, as you are engaging in a temporary relationship with another human being and you might be seeing them often enough to become familiar.
Sustained eye contact is a no-no, as it can be seen as a come-on or a challenge and attract attention. If you notice a stare by another woman or a man it may be that they are reading you, or are suspicious, and the disarming smile seems to at least relieve the situation. If you are read, sometimes the person doing so will deliberately stare to get your attention and then may smile at you to let you know they know, and all you have to do is smile back and you invite them into the little "game". So then they feel superior since they are just sure only they were perceptive enough to see that you're a guy that is dressed.
And especially, just relax. Nobody really cares if you are dressed when they are out and about doing their chores or shopping, and will not go out of their way to challenge you, normally. And your money is money and the clerks will not be interested either.
Young kids are the ones most likely to ask loudly "Mommy is that a man or lady?", and teenagers or teeny tweens are more likely to stand in a group and snicker while dissecting what you are wearing and how you look, but they do that to other women too. It is important to both the young kids and the tweenys to do this as they are learning first about gender (the kids) and about what looks good to wear (the tweenies) so are more perceptive. Other adults tend to ignore the latter. The kids may get you a few looks and reads, but if you are doing your business in a relaxed manner and with a smile then all is well.
Enjoy.
Carolynn
Essentially, the women in this area are really casual in dress when they go do the family grocery shopping. So, when I went grocery shopping, I emulated them by wearing jeans (girly but not real striking or uber tight) and either a girly polo or a sweat shirt with a cute design on the front, and comfortable flats. I was not out for attention, so didn't wear real apparent breast forms, but did wear a bra and small forms. I was kinda nervous at first, but I had let my hair grow long enough and I looked androgenous enough to either pass or not, but not so female as to be noticable at first. Then as my hair continued to grow out, and as my features softened from hrt, I started adding more and more (like eye makeup and foundation, a bit of blush, and lippy just not real obvious) until the scale was tipped and I was consistently being addressed as "ma'am". Then the tops got more girly, and it was a done deal.
Shopping in the mall was a different deal, as usually women in this area make an effort for the mall crawl. So after I was more comfortable, I started also making the effort, with better makeup, though still understated, and nicer and more lady-like clothes, though still pants and a very nice top, and hair styled. Older women, which I am one of, do not usually wear a dress or skirt/blouse out shopping around here, though some will (and I have a few times).
And really, that was what I did. OH, and smile, and look into a mirror for awhile at home and practice the kind of smiles you see women give (while you are doing your research for this and typical clothes worn in your area, sit in a chair or bench to watch so that you seem to be waiting for someone and are not being pervy.).
Smiles. The disarming acknowledgement (yeah I see you looking at me but I am not interested) smile is a good one to get down if guys are looking at you, and the "fellowship" smile between women (hi, yep we are both out shopping and you look nice, but just don't have time to get acquainted), and the smile of greeting to the clerk if you have a question or the clerk at the checkout. That one especially has to be expressed in the eyes too, as you are engaging in a temporary relationship with another human being and you might be seeing them often enough to become familiar.
Sustained eye contact is a no-no, as it can be seen as a come-on or a challenge and attract attention. If you notice a stare by another woman or a man it may be that they are reading you, or are suspicious, and the disarming smile seems to at least relieve the situation. If you are read, sometimes the person doing so will deliberately stare to get your attention and then may smile at you to let you know they know, and all you have to do is smile back and you invite them into the little "game". So then they feel superior since they are just sure only they were perceptive enough to see that you're a guy that is dressed.
And especially, just relax. Nobody really cares if you are dressed when they are out and about doing their chores or shopping, and will not go out of their way to challenge you, normally. And your money is money and the clerks will not be interested either.
Young kids are the ones most likely to ask loudly "Mommy is that a man or lady?", and teenagers or teeny tweens are more likely to stand in a group and snicker while dissecting what you are wearing and how you look, but they do that to other women too. It is important to both the young kids and the tweenys to do this as they are learning first about gender (the kids) and about what looks good to wear (the tweenies) so are more perceptive. Other adults tend to ignore the latter. The kids may get you a few looks and reads, but if you are doing your business in a relaxed manner and with a smile then all is well.
Enjoy.
Carolynn
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
Re: How do I go out ?
First time I went out I just dared myself. I was an adrenalin junky anyway 
After that, it got a little easier each time.
So, if you need to, take small steps. Try a late night drive, or a walk in a safe area. Work yourself up to going out in the day light. go to quiet places, then try a grocery store or mall.
Others try meeting others at support groups, like Tri-Ess, or similar.
After that, it got a little easier each time.
So, if you need to, take small steps. Try a late night drive, or a walk in a safe area. Work yourself up to going out in the day light. go to quiet places, then try a grocery store or mall.
Others try meeting others at support groups, like Tri-Ess, or similar.
DonnaT
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Re: How do I go out ?
<Grins> Donna, I never thought about that--but it is an adrenalin rush the first few times. Try telling that to bungee jumpers, speed skaters, drag race contestants--"Hey, guys, I know a really intense activity..."First time I went out I just dared myself. I was an adrenalin junky anyway
Carolynn, that's just a classic post. You hit all the main points of going out for the first times. The only thing I would add is that a woman out on her first expeditions has to break the habit of wanting to "scan" everyone to see how well she's passing. It's a temptation to look at people to see if they're looking at you. This is partly for protection--you want to see if anyone is being hostile. But you also want to see how people are reacting--is it good, is it bad, are they all staring?
The sooner you can break this habit, the more you can blend. It's not like women ignore their surroundings--they don't. But they don't generally scan, either. The women I've seen scanning are either teenage girls, or older women who are dressed in a provocative way. Both of these groups are like you; they want to know how they're going over. But it's really obvious to me that they're doing that--it's a different kind of eye contact than women usually do, and the difference stands out.
This is a big deal. This is at the heart of going out into the world.Smiles. The disarming acknowledgement (yeah I see you looking at me but I am not interested) smile is a good one to get down if guys are looking at you, and the "fellowship" smile between women (hi, yep we are both out shopping and you look nice, but just don't have time to get acquainted), and the smile of greeting to the clerk if you have a question or the clerk at the checkout. That one especially has to be expressed in the eyes too, as you are engaging in a temporary relationship with another human being and you might be seeing them often enough to become familiar.
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CharLee
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 366
- Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 7:50 pm
- Location: Cape Coral, FL
Re: How do I go out ?
Lexie,
The best advice I can give you is for you to get it out of your head that everyone out there knows you are not a woman. If you dress appropriately and go about your business with confidence and attitude just as a woman would you will probably find no body notices you. Most people are too occupied with their own things that they really don't take notice. But if by chance you come across someone who stares at you, just smile and nod your head, don't panic and run away in fear, you have every right to be doing what you are.
If you can do this you will be fine and your confidence will increase and it will become easier for you to venture out more often.
Good luck and have yourself a wonderful time
The best advice I can give you is for you to get it out of your head that everyone out there knows you are not a woman. If you dress appropriately and go about your business with confidence and attitude just as a woman would you will probably find no body notices you. Most people are too occupied with their own things that they really don't take notice. But if by chance you come across someone who stares at you, just smile and nod your head, don't panic and run away in fear, you have every right to be doing what you are.
If you can do this you will be fine and your confidence will increase and it will become easier for you to venture out more often.
Good luck and have yourself a wonderful time
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Paula G
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1407
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:40 am
- Location: SE London, United Kingdom
Re: How do I go out ?
I have to agree with all of the above, but however you do go out dress appropriately and be prepared for some human contact.
Remember that you need to be safe, so avoid lonely secluded places, especially at night, you are safest around people, as long as you are confident and appear assured then you will be fine. Don't be too ambitious to start with maybe just give yourself a simple little shopping trip to a local town centre. If there is a place known for liberal attitudes that may be a good place, round here I would recommend Brighton. And remember that most people really don't care how you are dressed. When I first went out I was very self conscious so much so that I didn't wear my glasses so I couldn't see if people were staring at me, the only trouble was that I expect they were looking at me because I kept bumping into lamp posts.
Even the quite drive at night time can result in contact. A few years back when I was still very nervous of going out, I was driving along at night wearing a nice mauve top, pink animal print tights with very short denim shorts and high heel black leather knee boots I was alone in my own car I could wear what I liked - right? and of course I didn't need to put n any make up jewelry or a wig - right? all was fine until I was stopped by the police for having a bulb out! They were perfectly fine and polite, and managed not to laugh too much until they got back into their own car.
Remember that you need to be safe, so avoid lonely secluded places, especially at night, you are safest around people, as long as you are confident and appear assured then you will be fine. Don't be too ambitious to start with maybe just give yourself a simple little shopping trip to a local town centre. If there is a place known for liberal attitudes that may be a good place, round here I would recommend Brighton. And remember that most people really don't care how you are dressed. When I first went out I was very self conscious so much so that I didn't wear my glasses so I couldn't see if people were staring at me, the only trouble was that I expect they were looking at me because I kept bumping into lamp posts.
Even the quite drive at night time can result in contact. A few years back when I was still very nervous of going out, I was driving along at night wearing a nice mauve top, pink animal print tights with very short denim shorts and high heel black leather knee boots I was alone in my own car I could wear what I liked - right? and of course I didn't need to put n any make up jewelry or a wig - right? all was fine until I was stopped by the police for having a bulb out! They were perfectly fine and polite, and managed not to laugh too much until they got back into their own car.
Paula
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
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LeeAnn
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
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- Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 10:11 am
Re: How do I go out ?
Well I just recently went out as Lee Ann. I live on the Mississippi Gulf Coast (the south not being the most tolerable for us ladies) and do some work in New Orleans. I decided yesterday I would drive as Lee Ann. I put on some makeup and a nice skirt abd blouse combo I picked up at Walmart of all places.
The biggest nerve took when I left my apartment thinking I would see someone like the landlady. The only person saw was a new neighbor that I have not met yet. He did not even give me a second look. I thought to myself "Wow!" The rush was with such force that I felt a natural high.
I got in the car and hoped no one like my sister would see her bothers car being driven by a strange women. But there was no worry. I took the Interstate and just drove. No one gave me a second look as I drove. I had purposely drove with not enough gas to make it to New Orleans meaning I had to stop somewhere for gas. Needless to say I found a gas station that was not real busy but there were a few cars. No one there gave me a second look.
I can sat this, I feel that 50% is attitude. You have to feel that you are a women and that you can perceive yourself as such. Of course you have to take the time with your makeup and they way you dress. That is maybe 25%, I am not so sure on that as I know that the voice you use is also important. I have yet talked to anyone as I have not found my voice.
When I got to the hotel I was staying at for my job, I saw some people outside. I just got out of the car and acted as best as I could as a women (I have been watching women at work and seeing how they present themselves, their attitude, their walk, their makeup and anything else I can pick up. It is very interesting to view it all from a different perspective, one that is 'Hey I want to emulate how they are" and not for any other reason.
There is one women that I have watched with interest. She is a very sweet women, maybe a little rough on the edges but where i work a woman has to be. She is funny, she can be jokeful but also she can be soft as a women needs to be. I like her a lot and have studied her a little bit. I don't want to emulate someone like her but she is someone I truly look up to. I think she thinks I have other interest but I do not as she is married and I do not go after married women. Plus as I a interested in both sexes and I do have a thing for someone else ( a guy). He has been supportive of my CD intentions.
I probably can't give you any real advice as i have just started out being Lee Ann myself. But take your time and find yourself first. That is the most important thing as you travle this road. Without the help of the other ladies here I would not have done what I did and I am glad I took that first bis step. Good luck dear in your endeavor to be the woman you are meant to be.
The biggest nerve took when I left my apartment thinking I would see someone like the landlady. The only person saw was a new neighbor that I have not met yet. He did not even give me a second look. I thought to myself "Wow!" The rush was with such force that I felt a natural high.
I got in the car and hoped no one like my sister would see her bothers car being driven by a strange women. But there was no worry. I took the Interstate and just drove. No one gave me a second look as I drove. I had purposely drove with not enough gas to make it to New Orleans meaning I had to stop somewhere for gas. Needless to say I found a gas station that was not real busy but there were a few cars. No one there gave me a second look.
I can sat this, I feel that 50% is attitude. You have to feel that you are a women and that you can perceive yourself as such. Of course you have to take the time with your makeup and they way you dress. That is maybe 25%, I am not so sure on that as I know that the voice you use is also important. I have yet talked to anyone as I have not found my voice.
When I got to the hotel I was staying at for my job, I saw some people outside. I just got out of the car and acted as best as I could as a women (I have been watching women at work and seeing how they present themselves, their attitude, their walk, their makeup and anything else I can pick up. It is very interesting to view it all from a different perspective, one that is 'Hey I want to emulate how they are" and not for any other reason.
There is one women that I have watched with interest. She is a very sweet women, maybe a little rough on the edges but where i work a woman has to be. She is funny, she can be jokeful but also she can be soft as a women needs to be. I like her a lot and have studied her a little bit. I don't want to emulate someone like her but she is someone I truly look up to. I think she thinks I have other interest but I do not as she is married and I do not go after married women. Plus as I a interested in both sexes and I do have a thing for someone else ( a guy). He has been supportive of my CD intentions.
I probably can't give you any real advice as i have just started out being Lee Ann myself. But take your time and find yourself first. That is the most important thing as you travle this road. Without the help of the other ladies here I would not have done what I did and I am glad I took that first bis step. Good luck dear in your endeavor to be the woman you are meant to be.
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Ralitsa
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1165
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:54 pm
- Location: center of North Dakota
Re: How do I go out ?
As the crazy one of the bunch, I will give you some alternative things to consider.
When I go out, I don't exactly try to pass. It's evident to somebody paying attention that I'm not a woman. I don't consider that fooling everyone is a big concern of mine, I'm just going where I want while wearing the clothes that I like. OK, that's just me, I don't know what is important to you. My only point is that "passing" doesn't need to be your primary objective, maybe having lunch is your primary objective, or shopping for a new dress. If someone figures out that you're not a woman, it isn't necessarily a big deal. Guys wear womens clothes all the time, just ask me
Now what I think is more critical: avoid the temptation to go out late at night in a deserted area. A lot of people mistakenly think that they can avoid trouble that way. But late at night in a deserted area you are more likely to run into all those characters that you didn't want to run into. Instead, go to a very public place early in the morning. I would suggest a shopping mall, before most of the stores open. It will be populated by all the retirees doing their morning power-walk, and that must be the least threatening demographic imaginable. You could just put on a simple skirt and top and pop in for a quick coffee.
I travel all over the world dressed in womens fashions, though clearly not a woman. Almost nobody cares. I have only met about 3 people (that I recall) who cared. It will be pointless to tell you not to be nervous, because that is natural and normal, but I will tell you that it is incredibly fulfilling and satisfying and that you will quickly get over your initial fear.
Then, the other option is the men-in-skirts approach, where you wear some denim or leather skirt with boots and a flannel shirt. This is OK for the winter, but you will die if it is hot out. Then everyone thinks you are from Scotland, if you happen to have a broadsword handy then you should carry that along just to chop a few random heads. But I personally don't have a broadsword that matches my purse, so I don't go for that.
When I go out, I don't exactly try to pass. It's evident to somebody paying attention that I'm not a woman. I don't consider that fooling everyone is a big concern of mine, I'm just going where I want while wearing the clothes that I like. OK, that's just me, I don't know what is important to you. My only point is that "passing" doesn't need to be your primary objective, maybe having lunch is your primary objective, or shopping for a new dress. If someone figures out that you're not a woman, it isn't necessarily a big deal. Guys wear womens clothes all the time, just ask me
Now what I think is more critical: avoid the temptation to go out late at night in a deserted area. A lot of people mistakenly think that they can avoid trouble that way. But late at night in a deserted area you are more likely to run into all those characters that you didn't want to run into. Instead, go to a very public place early in the morning. I would suggest a shopping mall, before most of the stores open. It will be populated by all the retirees doing their morning power-walk, and that must be the least threatening demographic imaginable. You could just put on a simple skirt and top and pop in for a quick coffee.
I travel all over the world dressed in womens fashions, though clearly not a woman. Almost nobody cares. I have only met about 3 people (that I recall) who cared. It will be pointless to tell you not to be nervous, because that is natural and normal, but I will tell you that it is incredibly fulfilling and satisfying and that you will quickly get over your initial fear.
Then, the other option is the men-in-skirts approach, where you wear some denim or leather skirt with boots and a flannel shirt. This is OK for the winter, but you will die if it is hot out. Then everyone thinks you are from Scotland, if you happen to have a broadsword handy then you should carry that along just to chop a few random heads. But I personally don't have a broadsword that matches my purse, so I don't go for that.
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Paula G
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1407
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:40 am
- Location: SE London, United Kingdom
Re: How do I go out ?
yep, what she saidPaula
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
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Jacqueline Landau
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2012 9:07 pm
- Location: Montreal
Re: How do I go out ?
The very first time I ever got out of the house dressed, I was heading for another crossdresser's appartment. So it wasn't really an official outing but it did make me walk up to my car, drive around the city, find a parking place and nervously walk up to my girfriend's door.
The idea, I think, is to throw yourself out of the house! You want this. At some point, you have to take the dive.
What helped me immensely was to take pictures of me in a public park very early in the morning, in the summer, like at 5 o'clock. At that time of the day, the streets are bound to be desert and risk very little to be seen.
Then the rest is history.
One time, I remember, I was talking pictures of me again at the Botanical Garden. Usually, at around 8h30 am, i would head back home, because more people would start to come in and I would feel "crowded". But then, one day, it dawn on me that I could go to my favorite thrift store dressed en femme! I was nervous as heck but it afforded me much needed self-confidence. Believe me, it's all about self-confidence.
The idea, I think, is to throw yourself out of the house! You want this. At some point, you have to take the dive.
What helped me immensely was to take pictures of me in a public park very early in the morning, in the summer, like at 5 o'clock. At that time of the day, the streets are bound to be desert and risk very little to be seen.
Then the rest is history.
One time, I remember, I was talking pictures of me again at the Botanical Garden. Usually, at around 8h30 am, i would head back home, because more people would start to come in and I would feel "crowded". But then, one day, it dawn on me that I could go to my favorite thrift store dressed en femme! I was nervous as heck but it afforded me much needed self-confidence. Believe me, it's all about self-confidence.
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Davita
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1613
- Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:42 am
- Location: Baltimore/Annapolis Metro area
Re: How do I go out ?
My 1st time was Halloween. It was a no-brainer. If I passed --waaaayyy coooolll. If I didn't pass -- it was Halloween; what were people going to say?
I have the whole event on my website, but suffice it to say that I didn't quite make it but I was darn close. The fact that mommies with their kids were giving me tips was telling me I was supposed to keep trying. Getting out the 1st time through a bunch of them was always a scary moment. BUT as soon as I got past a few people, I relaxed.
You have to decide what you're going to do, the infamous drive at night, the sneak down to the mail box, the drive thru fast food. There are so many ways to get out and build the confidence that avoid people. You can go from a few people to millions at whatever pace you're comfy with. But know this. The fewer people you're among, the more time they have to study you. A busy place is a hectic place with little time to study you because everyone has to avoid collisions and everyone is blocking each others views.
So how do you get out? With a friend always the best way.
Good luck, Lexie
BTW, invite us all over to go out with you
I have the whole event on my website, but suffice it to say that I didn't quite make it but I was darn close. The fact that mommies with their kids were giving me tips was telling me I was supposed to keep trying. Getting out the 1st time through a bunch of them was always a scary moment. BUT as soon as I got past a few people, I relaxed.
You have to decide what you're going to do, the infamous drive at night, the sneak down to the mail box, the drive thru fast food. There are so many ways to get out and build the confidence that avoid people. You can go from a few people to millions at whatever pace you're comfy with. But know this. The fewer people you're among, the more time they have to study you. A busy place is a hectic place with little time to study you because everyone has to avoid collisions and everyone is blocking each others views.
So how do you get out? With a friend
always the best way.Good luck, Lexie
BTW, invite us all over to go out with you
{squeezes}
Davita
Davita
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Ginny Jones
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:53 am
- Location: United Kingdom
Re: How do I go out ?
Lexie - Wow, there is some great advice here. For on the fly advice, don't forget you can use chat. I found that really helpful and encouraging.
I am new to going out en femme too! I've been doing it for about 6 weeks now and it is such a thrill! That might be difficult to believe I know, but honestly its a buzz! I had an issue about neighbours and the like seeing me dressed so I hopped in the car and drove to the next county. That seemed to release me from worrying about people seeing me. Crowded places are best - I know that sounds counter intuitive but its the truth.
The thing you learn real quick is that nobody pays attention! Honestly, its like "Shaun of the dead" out there!
My next step is to meet up with other Cders. There are plenty of resources around and they are surprisingly local! Or at least, that was my experience.
There are lots of people here who can give you good advice. Thing is - what worked for them might not for you. Take small steps. Don't put yourself at risk. And don't be pushed into something you are not happy with! Listen to the advice and then make your own mind up!
And have fun!
I am new to going out en femme too! I've been doing it for about 6 weeks now and it is such a thrill! That might be difficult to believe I know, but honestly its a buzz! I had an issue about neighbours and the like seeing me dressed so I hopped in the car and drove to the next county. That seemed to release me from worrying about people seeing me. Crowded places are best - I know that sounds counter intuitive but its the truth.
The thing you learn real quick is that nobody pays attention! Honestly, its like "Shaun of the dead" out there!
My next step is to meet up with other Cders. There are plenty of resources around and they are surprisingly local! Or at least, that was my experience.
There are lots of people here who can give you good advice. Thing is - what worked for them might not for you. Take small steps. Don't put yourself at risk. And don't be pushed into something you are not happy with! Listen to the advice and then make your own mind up!
And have fun!
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Latanya
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1479
- Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:25 am
- Location: Brooklyn, NY
Re: How do I go out ?
i am going to follow this thread carefully cause i also haven't been out yet! expect that it will happen!
one thing i know is gaining confidence in ur fem persona and for me what is helping is having professional makeovers and photo sessions! but with some one real good preferably one of the gurls! each time i go i again more confidence and really learn a lot about my fem side
one thing i know is gaining confidence in ur fem persona and for me what is helping is having professional makeovers and photo sessions! but with some one real good preferably one of the gurls! each time i go i again more confidence and really learn a lot about my fem side
The fem side of me is ever evolving and growing.
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Karin
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 931
- Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:18 pm
- Location: Middle Earth, England UK
- Contact:
Re: How do I go out ?
The first time for me was similar to Ginny...
I had the works on , wig full face etc, weather was iffy so it was a black coat, jeans and flats with raspberry tights hahaha. I dashed to the car to avoid detection and went three towns over so that nobody would know me...
After a while of driving I noticed that nobody could tell as I drove past. A few dudes even kinda admired from a distance hahaha. Town was busy and like Ginny says, it's much easier to blend that way. Everyone goes about their business and in the corner of their eyes they don't notice a thing. I went into four or five shops and even then, most people didn't notice. I got made by a girl in the carpark who just smiled.. An ' oh thats cool' kinda smile... There was an older guy in greggs bakery who did a double take as I passed him on my way out and that was it. The guy in the chipshop called me luv hahaha.
Whenever I go out, I start out all cautious, keep the coat buttoned etc and kinda hide a bit, but as the day goes on, to heck with it, coat off, and meh. By the end of the day I just don't care if I pass or not. I've never had a bad experience. Shop assistants are helpful, moreso than ever before too.
I think the world has changed a lot lately, and it's easier now than ever to be ourselves in the big cities. What's there today, spreads out to the smaller towns tomorrow IMO...
I had the works on , wig full face etc, weather was iffy so it was a black coat, jeans and flats with raspberry tights hahaha. I dashed to the car to avoid detection and went three towns over so that nobody would know me...
After a while of driving I noticed that nobody could tell as I drove past. A few dudes even kinda admired from a distance hahaha. Town was busy and like Ginny says, it's much easier to blend that way. Everyone goes about their business and in the corner of their eyes they don't notice a thing. I went into four or five shops and even then, most people didn't notice. I got made by a girl in the carpark who just smiled.. An ' oh thats cool' kinda smile... There was an older guy in greggs bakery who did a double take as I passed him on my way out and that was it. The guy in the chipshop called me luv hahaha.
Whenever I go out, I start out all cautious, keep the coat buttoned etc and kinda hide a bit, but as the day goes on, to heck with it, coat off, and meh. By the end of the day I just don't care if I pass or not. I've never had a bad experience. Shop assistants are helpful, moreso than ever before too.
I think the world has changed a lot lately, and it's easier now than ever to be ourselves in the big cities. What's there today, spreads out to the smaller towns tomorrow IMO...
Karin 
"It's Kind Of Fun To Do The Impossible" -
CharLee
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 366
- Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 7:50 pm
- Location: Cape Coral, FL
Re: How do I go out ?
For what it's worth I have found out that most people don't look or care about you. They have other things on their mind and generally don't give you a second glance.
The main thing i to go out with attitude and confidence that you are just like any other woman doing her thing, ie. shopping, going to the mall, having your nails done. If you encounter a strange look, just smile and continue what you are ding and in most cases things will be fine.
The main thing i to go out with attitude and confidence that you are just like any other woman doing her thing, ie. shopping, going to the mall, having your nails done. If you encounter a strange look, just smile and continue what you are ding and in most cases things will be fine.