Crossdressers-Haven.com

I happened to think Imagine I find Felicity Kendal's twin. Honey blonde, petite, beautiful, wonderful, amazing personality, a kind and loving woman of quality with a killer english accent who loved me to death. Who actually desired seeing me dressed and wanted me to an actual 40% of the time, yet also loved me as a man 60% of the time. A woman who loved sailing, and like most women is also a much better cook than my best of Steak Potato and a vegetable, or Sockarooni salsa with a small can of mushrooms added over spagetti with some english peas and a piece of buttered toast, or a ceaser chicken salad, or a chicken Manderin salad, red beans and rice with some mexican cheese, Hamburgers off the grill with frozen crinkle fries out of the fry baby....Pretty pathetic isn't it. Imagine a woman who knows how to cook and add some real dishes to our dinner and lunch fare. A relationship what was shared and equal I can move primarily back to the yard and Mr Fix-it, but still willing to continue but in a more assistive role of rinsing dishes as I load the dishwasher, washing floding and putting away clothes, vacuuming. Her retirement to add more descretionary spending to our independent solvency allowing us to travel to the Keys, or Sabastian Island, perhaps places I have never been - England, France, etc or to the mountains to see the fall leaves. Imagine. Let's go shopping for lingerie, women's wear or here's a nice men's wear I picked up for you. I am dreaming of a future as I am watching my current life partner die a slow horrible death we had love but for those 20 years we were always burning the candle at both ends, bouncing around the country during my military career as an RN, she would have to find a job at yet another university to teach Nursing, Our boys were small - struggling with bills and house work always stressed and burning the candle at both ends. I have my retirement and then inherited my share and have a colonel's retirement coming in - as long as the market holds....Living on waterfront with my small yacht at the end of our dock on the bay. Perhaps she would spur me to give more to our church, and to minister by my side. Yet tell me darling could you wear a dress today on occasion...hum..... Alzheimers has hardened my emotions, the woman I loved is no longer there she is totaly dependent on my care and it is demandng. At times it seems she knows only one volume which is talking as loud as she possibly can ALL DAY at times. There is daylight between us now - yet sadness in memories, a tearing up when I see pictures of bits of our life together and the memories flood in - the grief is there I forget that I loved and still care but cannot do a damn thing about a process that is completely out of our control. remember the day we both came home from the doctor and cried and held each other which went on for several days but that is life.

My sincere best wishes. I also care full time for my wife.
There are those times when I look at her and just want to cry
so I need to shrug it off and tend to the task at hand.
I feel your pain and am sure there are thousands of us in the same situation. I hope this finds you having one of your better days.

Gee...no wonder there were few replies, I keep letting my situation bleed into nearly everything.

Which was the idea of the "To Anne Bonny" thread, to give you a place to talk about that stuff.

I know, I am will stop, I guess I'm a little dingy sometimes. sorry.

Ah, c'mon Anne. It's not a question of you stopping or having to be sorry. You're bound to get upset periodically - and sometimes you're going to want to talk about it...

Anne , you don't have to stop. Go ahead and vent.You are entitled. We are all getting older, and will all have to face some variation of this, short or long term, sooner or later, as time goes by. Your perspective, in that sense is invaluable, and your comments are always interesting.

I went on Canadian content and was slapped down by several people one stated I don't feel sorry for you, you have stuff, you're not doing anthing more than any of us do when we take care of a sick family member. My psychologist told me otherwise, validating me stating those people are wrong, they probably have never had to take care of a family member with Alzheimer's. Good Psychologist. so I do not feel so sorry for myself because in reality what I am doing is indeed very demanding and very very hard I am 7 years into this now each year is worse than the last - huh c'est la vie!

But my main point here was what is YOUR dream? I thought it might be interesting to know what is your dream life??

Anne

I am back after the passing of my wife. The service is done and the rest of the family has gone home.

As you and I have discussed I too have been a care giver though not with quite the same demands that have been made of you

As I watched my wife's health fail, one of the hardest times was when we had to admit that we were not going to be able to travel in retirement as we had planned. It was nothing fancy, but it was our plans.

As her disease progressed there were more and more days that she was confused and we weren't able to discuss anything. It is hard watching your loved one as they lose their mind and body and along with it the plans you made together for you future gone.

There were many times I had to leave my wife's room so I could cry as it bothered her to see me cry. There were many times that I would go into her room with red eyes.

Anne, keep venting here. I know that sometimes when things are hard or the subject a tough one there may be few responses, but that does not mean we don't care or feel your pain. Sometimes we don't know how to respond or we may be hurting to the point where it is hard to respond. Still we read your posts and feel your pain.

I had better stop for now as I am about to empty the tissue box and I have another post to do that I am sure will require a lot more tissues.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I understand, remember she is not longer suffering, try to take some comfort in memories when she was healthy, Grief at the loss and in the first year will be tough. In time it will pass the memories will be there, and you can visit and leave flowers. Sorting through her clothing, and possessions will be tough, but again if you donate them to good will they will be used, hope you have someone to help you with that process. In time you can move on give it time. Anne