Outed myself on a Dating site!
Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:21 pm
God help me!... deep breath... I cannot lie about this and must openly admit this because though the percentages are in {link removed by SL} this is a trust issue and I cannot keep this hidden from any woman who would be interested in dating me. OK! I am going to ruin it all right here and now. Not sure this is a good idea but I am about to make 99.9% of every woman on this site vanish.
"Pervert!!!" That's the usual epithet tossed our way usually with an equal mix of rejection, disgust and anger all in one. Just what is "perversion" but that which varies from what is considered to be "normal" or acceptable by society in general. It is therefore a deviation from the norm and hence unusual and therefore frequently not understood, "strange and 'unnatural' " or unusual. But that we are misunderstood and though our desires are not generally held and not for everybody does not make them wrong or sinful by any means - just misunderstood. Clothing is clothing. What we find erotic or sensuous and pleasurable sexually is as individual as a fingerprint (though most of us fall within the range of normal sexual activities for who we happen to be (Whips and chains are not anything I desire at all).
Cross dressers have an extreme love of and devotion to women. We long for understanding, acceptance, encouragement, assistance, and a love of all of who we are as human beings. We long to have all of ourselves embraced and desired no matter how we happen to be presenting at any given time. Speaking for myself I can and usually am quite masculine, my masculine brain is hard wired and hence I think and reason as a man but on occasion (40% of the time??) This feminine desire surges through us and we long to experience some of the feminine world to the extent that is possible. We would love to feel beautiful and we are to our own mind if not to others hahaha! (mirrors would shatter for most of us!). There is humor and laughter here it is a light-hearted and loving activity for us. It is impossible to explain how this feels for us it is an exhilirating rush of satisfaction to have even a small sliver or taste of the very best part of the feminine world and what that may be like. And yes that includes some stereotypical thinking - I do not mind doing housework, or being held and loved by my woman. But do not expect me to care for small children or give birth!!! We are not nor will we ever be women no matter what, it is just a brief visit into a small part of your world we desire. There is nothing to fear from us.
This does not make us bad people, immoral, or law breakers. We are the same loving person you married. This does not make us harmful to anyone. Men's clothing is so boring! We have nowhere near the variety of pretty colors, clothes, and luxuriously sensous fabrics that are soft against the skin, etc. Women are so lucky in that respect they are allowed to wear anything they desire, and to be more assertive etc. Men are only allowed to be monolithic, and to enjoy only a tiny range of emotion, no tears, we are to carry the full weight of the heavy expectations placed upon us. So I suppose being allowed a brief vacation so to speak is like a sensous reverie of luxurious relaxation, pleasure, and relief for us that is just so amazing!
We are not sexual predators, molesters of children, or rapists, or murderers because men who have a feminine streak or side are none of these. There are such people and they are rightly labeled as criminals who should not be allowed to roam free in society.
Society though is slow to change and resists us because they want to perpetuate the "acceptable norm" society does not want the idea spread to others, or to children who are growing up that there is nothing wrong with someone who wants to wear or be what is not generally understood or accepted. We are just born this way (who would choose this? we cannot help who we are). We are normal people with normal desires for who we happen to be from moment to moment. Psychiatry classifies this as within the normal rhelm of human behavior as long as it does not interfere with our ability to function and live our lives. Sure we hide because we know society in general does not understand how this can be, and our very lives can be endangered simply for being who we are.
Our numbers are small (in percentage) but we exist and we are who we are. People would be shocked that they have crossed paths with us never knowing it - we are best friends, brothers, sons and nephews. We are faithful and loving husbands, doctors, lawyers, and Indian chiefs. We may be your Deacon, Minister, or Priest. We are heroes and hard workers we are just normal people. Politically, financially, and in work we span the spectrum.
Our Personalities are the same as everyone else's, again we span the spectrum. We range from being extremely rough and masculine to extremely feminine, we can be aggressive and competitive or passive. Leaders or followers. Keep in mind these feelings and presentations just shift inside of us according to how we happen to be feeling at any particular moment it is just part of being who we are. for the past 47 years barely a moment or a day does not pass that these thoughts cross our mind and desire but it comes and goes but NEVER EVER goes away. Basically we are you only you are not persecuted for being yourself while we are.
It is a fact that Women went through something like this, they gained the right to smoke, to wear men's clothing, to vote, to work in men's professions to the limits of their abilities to do so safely and today society accepts and defends a woman's right to be perfectly free and independent to live and be as they please, no limits are placed on them, only their strength limits them. So, we have to do what women did and society is beginning to change.
Some definitions: Trans sexuality or gendered (those who from early childhood are indeed born with a brain that does not match the body they were born with). Cross dressing those who are born with a dual or full spectrum of sexuality that shifts along the full spectrum from feminine to masculine with no desire to change their sex yet are most definitely heterosexual - though transvestites as a group do include those who are bi or gay the occurance of these are only to the same percentage that which presents in society in general.
People are learning and some are even beginning to understand and to accept us. Some are even fighting for us, God bless them, that we have a right to exist. Think about that - having to fight for the right to exist, to live freely and openly, and to hold a job and pursue a career, build a life, have a family and dreams and desires and goals! Free from redicule.
Education is the key. Many are beginning to learn to their surprise that we are indeed, most definitely heterosexual (yes I know it seems so contradictory but it is so never the less). We ourselves do not understand why we have this desire or compulsive need let alone the contradiction this all presents. Though we are not frequently encountered many are learning that they have nothing to fear from us because we are not a threat except to the rules of society. We simply have to push society to loosen up and to get over it. I believe that in the not too distant future (20-100 years) it will passe' to see men walking around openly and freely expressing their femininity when they desire, beautifully adorned and dressed and working side by side with women in appropriate "womans'" professions if they desire and involved in "feminine" activities if they choose to do so. We will also be allowed to be approached by women for dating and to ask for our hand in marriage so that we can start a family and have a full lifelong relationship together until death do we part. (who will wear the wedding dress, both? one of us? or will it be the genetic female - most likely.
We are really no different in this respect than most men. We are much more secure with our sexuality than other men. We are merely men who enjoy a full spectrum of sexuality we are truly whole beings. We can be rough and tough in the morning and soft and feminine in the afternoon and there is nothing wrong with that and if we have a woman who loves us we will be in "heaven" until we die and go to heaven. God cares only about what is in our heart, and what is in our heart but love, honor, and in that respect for our partner? We are no different than any other man or woman on this earth. I think that's a good thought for the day. Anne (George).
Hum...Anne George in the mid 19th century was perhaps one of us! Because an equally small percentage of women are just like us. Think about that. No I am most definitely NOT bi or gay, do not desire to transition or to alter my body (well with support and encouragement I would have my ears pierced, and allow my hair to grow out if desired). Again, I am very definitely and solidly, heterosexual and usually quite masculine in personality if not always in dress.
I am and have an over 21 year track record of faithful matrimonial bliss. I have two boys who are quite wonderful and quite normal - good boys (I have only disclosed this to my 19y/o because he tells me he is "gay" so turn about is fair play and he is technically an adult now. I am retired and had a successful career in the military (20 years) with deployment. No one ever knew but my wife. If there is one mistake I made it was believing this would go away when I got married and trying to bury it. I did not tell my wife until 7 years into our marriage. She accepted/tolerated it but it was very very unfair to her and I have sworn never to do that to another woman. We truly love each other very much which is why she used to tell me "You're stuck!" I wish she were not dying, but I can only take care of her as best I can to the end and then move on. Because of who I am I will most likely face the next 30 years alone. But I do know that there are women out there who will embrace me and not care about how I am dressed on occasion.
No I do not parade myself in public because it would definitely not be a good idea where I live, San Francisco/New York - might be ok, but I am not sure I would ever find the courage to do it though I do not need to work as long as the market's hold.
God blessed and looked out for us and most definitely made provision for me to be a full time care giver, and she can not receive better care than that which I am providing - well...I am doing the best that I can to the death! Till death do we part. marriage is a sacred bond, and I am a man of honor! I am proud of that chivalrous bit of myself - I am basically old fashioned and traditional in all other respects but that in which I had no choosing. If anyone who knows me sees this - well so be it - I am beyond the tyrant's stroke as Shakespeare stated in Cymbeline. If I lose friends because of this - so be it I cannot help being who I am. God cares what is in our heart, and not about what we may be wearing on occasion. So there you have it. Stalk me down and kill me you can kill the body but not my soul. George.
And no my sisters do not know of this and at least one would probably have nothing to do with me any more, my church would throw me out, and my neighbor would have no more to do with me. My parents never knew and they are now both buried at Arlington VA. My father was a Full Colonel I could not tell them what would have broken their heart, they could not have stood it and would have rejected that part of me, but not me because they loved me and I was their son, one of their children - they would have just been very very disappointed in me but that was their generation, a new generation is coming and in the future this will all seem quite silly and unbelievable. Really It is NOT a big deal, but it is still to my generation. Ok, I'm out and know the potential is there that I will most definitely be out to all who know me too. So be it. I am beyond blackmail I only have about 30 years left to live anyway more or less. If my church throws me out it is their loss not God's.
Like that line in Angels in the outfield my cross dressing is "a capricious thing" that comes and goes, right now my hands are dry, rough and tender at the cracks from running an electrical line out to my pier and having to tunnel through the vintage 1920's driveway under the modern driveway over several days to run the wire under there. I have not even worn a dress or skirt around the house or even under dressed for probably over 6 months and it has dropped substantially in the past 3 years because of my wife's condition, but it will definitely return when the stress levels drop in a year or perhaps two and after the grief has subsided. I have dressed 24/7 around the house for as long as a week or so until I begin to feel silly ("what are you doing!? You're NOT a woman! This is silly - change clothes!), and my masculine side moves back into place, Or it could be a few days a week. What clothing do I wear when feeling feminine? well typically lingirie when desired, and clothing I see other women wearing, may include jeans and a top with tennis shoes or sandles, or top and matching skirt that falls about knee length with flats or heels and hose, or a dress. Jewelry things I would wear had I been born a woman nothing wild. I just want to dress like a mainstream girl including Nail polish, make-up and a feminine underarm deoderant, rarely a touch of perfume. But usually I dress in regular guy clothes 60% of the time and I am just an average guy guy. It varies but I would say I am probably Masculine Masculine 60% of the time in normal circumstances. That is as best and as honest an answer as I can give. it really does vary but I would not be beyond wearing a bikini out at sea if there were no other boats in sight! Ha! wouldn't want to scare anybody hahaha! A one piece covered with a large t shirt would be more appropriate. Obviously I only make a so so appearence as you can guess from my pictures.
Oh, and one parting shot. As best I can recall I discovered this about myself at about age 9 when in a vacant rental house of my grandmother's I opened a cabinet left by some previous renters and laying there were a pair of pantyhose and a maternity dress, the thought came to mind and I was excited and felt electric after stripping and trying them on, that was it the switch was flipped and over the last 47 years pray, abstain, try as I might that switch could not be unflipped. Through the internet I discovered I was definitely not alone and at age 40 I came to complete self acceptance, there was a period after that that I struggled with this spiritually. I finally realized why are people born with ambiguous genitalia? God accepted the Ethiopian eunuch - God made me this way for a reason, and God only cares about what is in our heart. Perhaps this is a rationalization and I will be going to hell, but I believe God loves me and if it is a sin Christ covers it for me with forgiveness. I do not effect a falsetto voice, or develop flamboyant mannerisms when I am feeling feminine. I am just myself but in a dress or skirt I do of course sit, walk and move appropriately, and the large sweeping mannerisms go as well. As any woman knows a dress dictates you sit and move in a certain way, legs together or crossed at the knees with the hem pulled over the knees, and heels change how you walk or you wind up painfully on the ground! My inner feelings may be a little softer, and my speech may not be as booming and loud, and my interests might change slightly or be somewhat different but basically my voice and personality, and mannerisms etc are always the same. I am not flamboyant or swishy, or effeminate as a person. I am masculine. My brain is after all largely male (hard wired that way by God) - I do not effect anything or put on a false act like a drag queen. Don't want anyone interested wondering about that. the desire to dress is quite genuine as are the feminine feelings which sweep over me from time to time. By the way...how the hell can I be considered less kinky on my personality!?
Note to CD forum:
This is my personal treatise I believe by being straight forward, truthful and honest with women perhaps this message will raise my chances of finding someone.
** Edited to separate paragraphs (and remove link), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 31&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL
"Pervert!!!" That's the usual epithet tossed our way usually with an equal mix of rejection, disgust and anger all in one. Just what is "perversion" but that which varies from what is considered to be "normal" or acceptable by society in general. It is therefore a deviation from the norm and hence unusual and therefore frequently not understood, "strange and 'unnatural' " or unusual. But that we are misunderstood and though our desires are not generally held and not for everybody does not make them wrong or sinful by any means - just misunderstood. Clothing is clothing. What we find erotic or sensuous and pleasurable sexually is as individual as a fingerprint (though most of us fall within the range of normal sexual activities for who we happen to be (Whips and chains are not anything I desire at all).
Cross dressers have an extreme love of and devotion to women. We long for understanding, acceptance, encouragement, assistance, and a love of all of who we are as human beings. We long to have all of ourselves embraced and desired no matter how we happen to be presenting at any given time. Speaking for myself I can and usually am quite masculine, my masculine brain is hard wired and hence I think and reason as a man but on occasion (40% of the time??) This feminine desire surges through us and we long to experience some of the feminine world to the extent that is possible. We would love to feel beautiful and we are to our own mind if not to others hahaha! (mirrors would shatter for most of us!). There is humor and laughter here it is a light-hearted and loving activity for us. It is impossible to explain how this feels for us it is an exhilirating rush of satisfaction to have even a small sliver or taste of the very best part of the feminine world and what that may be like. And yes that includes some stereotypical thinking - I do not mind doing housework, or being held and loved by my woman. But do not expect me to care for small children or give birth!!! We are not nor will we ever be women no matter what, it is just a brief visit into a small part of your world we desire. There is nothing to fear from us.
This does not make us bad people, immoral, or law breakers. We are the same loving person you married. This does not make us harmful to anyone. Men's clothing is so boring! We have nowhere near the variety of pretty colors, clothes, and luxuriously sensous fabrics that are soft against the skin, etc. Women are so lucky in that respect they are allowed to wear anything they desire, and to be more assertive etc. Men are only allowed to be monolithic, and to enjoy only a tiny range of emotion, no tears, we are to carry the full weight of the heavy expectations placed upon us. So I suppose being allowed a brief vacation so to speak is like a sensous reverie of luxurious relaxation, pleasure, and relief for us that is just so amazing!
We are not sexual predators, molesters of children, or rapists, or murderers because men who have a feminine streak or side are none of these. There are such people and they are rightly labeled as criminals who should not be allowed to roam free in society.
Society though is slow to change and resists us because they want to perpetuate the "acceptable norm" society does not want the idea spread to others, or to children who are growing up that there is nothing wrong with someone who wants to wear or be what is not generally understood or accepted. We are just born this way (who would choose this? we cannot help who we are). We are normal people with normal desires for who we happen to be from moment to moment. Psychiatry classifies this as within the normal rhelm of human behavior as long as it does not interfere with our ability to function and live our lives. Sure we hide because we know society in general does not understand how this can be, and our very lives can be endangered simply for being who we are.
Our numbers are small (in percentage) but we exist and we are who we are. People would be shocked that they have crossed paths with us never knowing it - we are best friends, brothers, sons and nephews. We are faithful and loving husbands, doctors, lawyers, and Indian chiefs. We may be your Deacon, Minister, or Priest. We are heroes and hard workers we are just normal people. Politically, financially, and in work we span the spectrum.
Our Personalities are the same as everyone else's, again we span the spectrum. We range from being extremely rough and masculine to extremely feminine, we can be aggressive and competitive or passive. Leaders or followers. Keep in mind these feelings and presentations just shift inside of us according to how we happen to be feeling at any particular moment it is just part of being who we are. for the past 47 years barely a moment or a day does not pass that these thoughts cross our mind and desire but it comes and goes but NEVER EVER goes away. Basically we are you only you are not persecuted for being yourself while we are.
It is a fact that Women went through something like this, they gained the right to smoke, to wear men's clothing, to vote, to work in men's professions to the limits of their abilities to do so safely and today society accepts and defends a woman's right to be perfectly free and independent to live and be as they please, no limits are placed on them, only their strength limits them. So, we have to do what women did and society is beginning to change.
Some definitions: Trans sexuality or gendered (those who from early childhood are indeed born with a brain that does not match the body they were born with). Cross dressing those who are born with a dual or full spectrum of sexuality that shifts along the full spectrum from feminine to masculine with no desire to change their sex yet are most definitely heterosexual - though transvestites as a group do include those who are bi or gay the occurance of these are only to the same percentage that which presents in society in general.
People are learning and some are even beginning to understand and to accept us. Some are even fighting for us, God bless them, that we have a right to exist. Think about that - having to fight for the right to exist, to live freely and openly, and to hold a job and pursue a career, build a life, have a family and dreams and desires and goals! Free from redicule.
Education is the key. Many are beginning to learn to their surprise that we are indeed, most definitely heterosexual (yes I know it seems so contradictory but it is so never the less). We ourselves do not understand why we have this desire or compulsive need let alone the contradiction this all presents. Though we are not frequently encountered many are learning that they have nothing to fear from us because we are not a threat except to the rules of society. We simply have to push society to loosen up and to get over it. I believe that in the not too distant future (20-100 years) it will passe' to see men walking around openly and freely expressing their femininity when they desire, beautifully adorned and dressed and working side by side with women in appropriate "womans'" professions if they desire and involved in "feminine" activities if they choose to do so. We will also be allowed to be approached by women for dating and to ask for our hand in marriage so that we can start a family and have a full lifelong relationship together until death do we part. (who will wear the wedding dress, both? one of us? or will it be the genetic female - most likely.
We are really no different in this respect than most men. We are much more secure with our sexuality than other men. We are merely men who enjoy a full spectrum of sexuality we are truly whole beings. We can be rough and tough in the morning and soft and feminine in the afternoon and there is nothing wrong with that and if we have a woman who loves us we will be in "heaven" until we die and go to heaven. God cares only about what is in our heart, and what is in our heart but love, honor, and in that respect for our partner? We are no different than any other man or woman on this earth. I think that's a good thought for the day. Anne (George).
Hum...Anne George in the mid 19th century was perhaps one of us! Because an equally small percentage of women are just like us. Think about that. No I am most definitely NOT bi or gay, do not desire to transition or to alter my body (well with support and encouragement I would have my ears pierced, and allow my hair to grow out if desired). Again, I am very definitely and solidly, heterosexual and usually quite masculine in personality if not always in dress.
I am and have an over 21 year track record of faithful matrimonial bliss. I have two boys who are quite wonderful and quite normal - good boys (I have only disclosed this to my 19y/o because he tells me he is "gay" so turn about is fair play and he is technically an adult now. I am retired and had a successful career in the military (20 years) with deployment. No one ever knew but my wife. If there is one mistake I made it was believing this would go away when I got married and trying to bury it. I did not tell my wife until 7 years into our marriage. She accepted/tolerated it but it was very very unfair to her and I have sworn never to do that to another woman. We truly love each other very much which is why she used to tell me "You're stuck!" I wish she were not dying, but I can only take care of her as best I can to the end and then move on. Because of who I am I will most likely face the next 30 years alone. But I do know that there are women out there who will embrace me and not care about how I am dressed on occasion.
No I do not parade myself in public because it would definitely not be a good idea where I live, San Francisco/New York - might be ok, but I am not sure I would ever find the courage to do it though I do not need to work as long as the market's hold.
God blessed and looked out for us and most definitely made provision for me to be a full time care giver, and she can not receive better care than that which I am providing - well...I am doing the best that I can to the death! Till death do we part. marriage is a sacred bond, and I am a man of honor! I am proud of that chivalrous bit of myself - I am basically old fashioned and traditional in all other respects but that in which I had no choosing. If anyone who knows me sees this - well so be it - I am beyond the tyrant's stroke as Shakespeare stated in Cymbeline. If I lose friends because of this - so be it I cannot help being who I am. God cares what is in our heart, and not about what we may be wearing on occasion. So there you have it. Stalk me down and kill me you can kill the body but not my soul. George.
And no my sisters do not know of this and at least one would probably have nothing to do with me any more, my church would throw me out, and my neighbor would have no more to do with me. My parents never knew and they are now both buried at Arlington VA. My father was a Full Colonel I could not tell them what would have broken their heart, they could not have stood it and would have rejected that part of me, but not me because they loved me and I was their son, one of their children - they would have just been very very disappointed in me but that was their generation, a new generation is coming and in the future this will all seem quite silly and unbelievable. Really It is NOT a big deal, but it is still to my generation. Ok, I'm out and know the potential is there that I will most definitely be out to all who know me too. So be it. I am beyond blackmail I only have about 30 years left to live anyway more or less. If my church throws me out it is their loss not God's.
Like that line in Angels in the outfield my cross dressing is "a capricious thing" that comes and goes, right now my hands are dry, rough and tender at the cracks from running an electrical line out to my pier and having to tunnel through the vintage 1920's driveway under the modern driveway over several days to run the wire under there. I have not even worn a dress or skirt around the house or even under dressed for probably over 6 months and it has dropped substantially in the past 3 years because of my wife's condition, but it will definitely return when the stress levels drop in a year or perhaps two and after the grief has subsided. I have dressed 24/7 around the house for as long as a week or so until I begin to feel silly ("what are you doing!? You're NOT a woman! This is silly - change clothes!), and my masculine side moves back into place, Or it could be a few days a week. What clothing do I wear when feeling feminine? well typically lingirie when desired, and clothing I see other women wearing, may include jeans and a top with tennis shoes or sandles, or top and matching skirt that falls about knee length with flats or heels and hose, or a dress. Jewelry things I would wear had I been born a woman nothing wild. I just want to dress like a mainstream girl including Nail polish, make-up and a feminine underarm deoderant, rarely a touch of perfume. But usually I dress in regular guy clothes 60% of the time and I am just an average guy guy. It varies but I would say I am probably Masculine Masculine 60% of the time in normal circumstances. That is as best and as honest an answer as I can give. it really does vary but I would not be beyond wearing a bikini out at sea if there were no other boats in sight! Ha! wouldn't want to scare anybody hahaha! A one piece covered with a large t shirt would be more appropriate. Obviously I only make a so so appearence as you can guess from my pictures.
Oh, and one parting shot. As best I can recall I discovered this about myself at about age 9 when in a vacant rental house of my grandmother's I opened a cabinet left by some previous renters and laying there were a pair of pantyhose and a maternity dress, the thought came to mind and I was excited and felt electric after stripping and trying them on, that was it the switch was flipped and over the last 47 years pray, abstain, try as I might that switch could not be unflipped. Through the internet I discovered I was definitely not alone and at age 40 I came to complete self acceptance, there was a period after that that I struggled with this spiritually. I finally realized why are people born with ambiguous genitalia? God accepted the Ethiopian eunuch - God made me this way for a reason, and God only cares about what is in our heart. Perhaps this is a rationalization and I will be going to hell, but I believe God loves me and if it is a sin Christ covers it for me with forgiveness. I do not effect a falsetto voice, or develop flamboyant mannerisms when I am feeling feminine. I am just myself but in a dress or skirt I do of course sit, walk and move appropriately, and the large sweeping mannerisms go as well. As any woman knows a dress dictates you sit and move in a certain way, legs together or crossed at the knees with the hem pulled over the knees, and heels change how you walk or you wind up painfully on the ground! My inner feelings may be a little softer, and my speech may not be as booming and loud, and my interests might change slightly or be somewhat different but basically my voice and personality, and mannerisms etc are always the same. I am not flamboyant or swishy, or effeminate as a person. I am masculine. My brain is after all largely male (hard wired that way by God) - I do not effect anything or put on a false act like a drag queen. Don't want anyone interested wondering about that. the desire to dress is quite genuine as are the feminine feelings which sweep over me from time to time. By the way...how the hell can I be considered less kinky on my personality!?
Note to CD forum:
This is my personal treatise I believe by being straight forward, truthful and honest with women perhaps this message will raise my chances of finding someone.
** Edited to separate paragraphs (and remove link), as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 31&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL