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My view of this has changed a few times as I've progressed, and its been on my mind of late.

At the start, I think I saw acceptance as a 'situation/ideal' where people would see me as a girl, and then reinforce it with comments. It was like some utopia - an ideal to strive for? Tolerance to me back then was if they didn't beat up on me

Now I'm further down the line tho, I think its changed. Maybe acceptance is really where nobody says a word at all, and acts exactly the same towards me. Like they don't even notice? That surely means its truly a non issue and stuff like that?
That then, would mean tolerance would be anything from 'not saying anything but acting awkwardly of differently in any way' through to saying 'that's cool and making comment of any nature' (complimentary maybe but I still don't think thats acceptance tho?)

It doesn't sound like much of a shift but really its monumental, and I wondered if anyone else has any views on this?

*still unravelling the ball of string that is her brain

I'm not transitioning, nor will I ever, so I can't pretend to understand what you are experiencing. I would have to agree with you though on acceptance being where nothing is said, its just who you are you are reconginzed as that, nothing needs to be said. I don't see that happening with everyone who knew you before, some people will just never get it.

You would truely know acceptance by some when you hear someone who is merely tolerant whisper something to someone who is accepting behind your back and the accepting person calls them out on what they said about you as being rude and unacceptable.

Tolerate: To endure: to endure with patience or impunity: to allow, allow to exist
(Endure = To remain firm under: to bear without sinking)

Accept: ...To receive (with approbation, favour, consent, resignation or passivity).

Looked at those terms, it seems like tolerance comes more from actively holding to some sort of general moral code (like it's wrong to hate immigrants) - and acceptance from passively letting the person in.

So I'd say that the passage from one to another, if it exists, has to do with getting to know the person better rather than dealing with them as a representative of a particular group.

The one time I've had where someone was ill at ease with me as a CD turned into something beyond easiness, was when I engaged in conversation and she ended up (for reasons I'm not entirely sure) deciding she liked me.

This of course is a different scenario from the one where you're trying to change society's (rather than an individual person's) view of TS/TG/CDs. I have a sense that it's possible, but it seems like quite a deep level thing - like with major ramifications all over the place.