Crossdressers-Haven.com

Can't you just hear someone say: "No it's even worse - HE'S TRANSGENDERED!!!!"

Then you say "Yeah but at least I'm a MALE LESBIAN!!!!!"

OH NOoooooo!!!!!

Well....at least we get grand kids....

Yeah but you can scratch the family reunion!!!! Sniff....

But this is who we are, we were born this way. We may be a low number statistically but why are we considered disgusting? I realize people think that most of us are homosexual or confuse us with Drag Queens in the homosexual community or with female impersonators. When they look up anything on the subject all they see is Pornography which does not help us very much either. We are not understood, and people do not like things they have to figure out but it is not that difficult. Pretty hard when you are invisible, all your press is misleading and untrue and you get picked on with regularity by Hollywood as subject matter for humor which only reinforces the ignorance that is out there. Oh well....

It come down to the same thing as always, we are different so stand out. This make's people feel uncomfortable, so the comes the label's.

As for me I want to look as female as possible to attract a man.

People tend to put labels on things they think they understand. A label most familiar with, but most often wrong. For someone who does not have a gender identity crisis, it's hard to understand those that do. Having just begun to accept that a husband enjoys dressing in women's clothing, then finding out about all the other variations between male and female, it can be overwhelming. I didn't ask for all of this gender question stuff, but neither did anyone else here.
Unfortunately, a few people will act outrageous and ruin the reputation of the majority.
Personally, all I ask is that if a person identifies as male or female, act like and look like the part. At least a good effort.

Eileen

Hollywood makes fun of everything and anything: generals, presidents, blonds, kittens, football players, prison guards, doctors, nurses, scientists, and even entertainers. Being a target of entertainment media mirth is (in a backhanded manner) a sign of acceptance.

The vitriol from the unthinking closed minded lot is what hurts and is potentially harmful. What I do is just wait for them to atrophy while leaving them alone; they don't care for an explanation so it is not worth the effort to provide them with one.

Kelly

Hum...great responses folks.

Some of us are homosexual, bi, and the claims are that most transvestites (I think I am moving away from using the terms transvestite and Cross dresser and now really prefer transgender as the most accurate because it states clearly what I am, or a person of mixed or even blended gender) are heterosexual but we are all part of the GLBT community. I think T could also represent "Tiny" because there we are rare, in the single digits but we are here never the less. We are quite different in that our variation has nothing to do with orientation but with how we are or rather were we are in terms of how we perceive our selves, sense or feel, pretty nebulous isn't it? How does one feel gender? It is something that cannot be pinned down easily we just feel ourselves to be (well for me) softer. Looking back over our lives we see objectively the facts amassed in our memories starting at a young age, persisting, and continuing nearly daily in what goes through our mind and frequency of dressing. Transgendered nails it because my personality is a blend of male and female. Transsexual is also a different group, because they are not a blend but 100% identical to female gender in outlook, thinking, in every way, including orientation.

A crisis...life long struggle there is so much to figure out and having it found out we feel could positively ruin us hence we hide with limited information, thank god for the internet. I am no expert, they are few and far between on this topic so it leaves us to figure it out on our own and to become our own "expert". No we are not "perverts" or "Fetishists" I believe that behavior comes from being forced to hide in a closet and suppress this part of ourselves which I believe explains why when we are allowed to express our gender it becomes a frenzied explosion from having it all bottled up inside ourselves and reflects just how unhealthy it is to have society trying to crush us out of existence so that society can reflect it's arbitrary and simplistic view that there are two sexes, and only two roles, and anyone not fitting these are left to conform as if that is possible for us.

I don't know about looking and acting. For one I am a man. I may be able to allow my hair to grow long enough to fluff into a feminine style (a compromise length that can be combed masculine or styled feminine), I can have my ears pierced, I can shave close every morning and apply moisturizer to my face in minute amounts. I can refrain from things like weight lifting which will build up my muscles due to the influence of testosterone, I can maintain my ideal weight, shave my body hair, etc...but there is a limit to how female I am able to look physically though some of us are blessed. I do not have subcutaneous fat, breasts, and even my bone structure has been influenced by testosterone. But with reasonable - minimalist make up most women do daily, and the right kind of clothes I am able to achieve something like a feminine appearance.

As for "Acting" ....well depending on what is meant it is important for us all to realize that this is not an act for us, we are not pretending, putting-on, or effecting anything at all - this is my/our personality and is a reflection of our/my mixed gender but I am who I am. I suppose It is important to obey propriety that wearing a dress requires in terms of modesty and I wear what the average woman my age would wear so that helps. Today it happens to be a feminine white polo and khaki Capri's and soft black casual pumps with a rubber sole with jewelry and minimalist make up (lips and mascara). Behaving appropriately I suppose is also a rather natural thing to do especially when I am feeling quite feminine - things like not being as boisterous or loud, being polite, I do tend to be more calm and relaxed. Not making loud sweeping movements but in a dress we are not gong to go mow the yard or split rails! Behavior fits the kinds of things we are doing as does style of dress.

Yes...I suppose mirth is kind of a sign of acceptance - there are enough of us in the media so that people know about us. Perhaps in time people will begin to see who we really are? I also agree that those who are not willing to open their mind and to think will be stuck in their frozen view of us and that is very difficult to overcome and takes a major social shift to begin to effect a change. Fortunately like a glacier melting and re freezing and gradually moving so it is with some things in life, change is happening and when we look back we see it but it does not happen fast enough for us who are waiting. I think the fact that we are here on this site talking about all of this and seeing some positive things relating to us out in society gives us some reason for hope.

well I think you would be surprised at how few people there are that are really completely unaccepting. The thing is, they make the most noise so it seems like a bigger problem than it is. I only know of about 4 people who really have a problem with the way I dress, and everyone else I know is either supportive or ambivalent.
The vast majority, I'd guess something like 80%, just plain don't care. They have as much interest in what I'm wearing as I have in what football game is on tomorrow.
Last night I was sitting around the bonfire with some neighbors and a guy I'd never met (but friends of the other guys) came by and introduced himself. So I introduced myself, then he noticed what I was wearing and said, kind of in surprise "dude, your wearing like a dress and stuff." Actually it was a jean skirt and peasant top, but I didn't correct him. I just said jokingly, "yeah, actually I noticed that too."
So everyone laughed and joked about it for a while and that was that. But my observation is that if you are comfortable with it, and are willing to talk honestly and answer questions, and not take offense that some people might be surprised or find it strange at first, that almost everyone will just accept it and just shrug it off pretty quickly.

Ralitsa,

I love your come-back to that guy!!! Perfect. That would be so funny, "Gosh, you're right, I am in a dress, Wow!"

All the best,
Rikki

That's what I figure...We are worried when there really isn't any need to. It's a matter of confidence and being able to say yeah, do ya like it? hahahaha, perhaps not. It is good to hear those with experience telling us we really don't have to be afraid. Thanks.