Crossdressers-Haven.com

It's odd of how one will see, read, or hear of people especially online who have no clue about crossdressing or transgenders are quick to talk as if they know more than us.

I understand of how sometime religious people will use their indoctrination to not be supportive of the trans life be it transvestites or transgendered people. Fine, believe what they were taught but a maybe for peace and decorum, keep it to themselves. Sure they can choose to be belligerent and antagonistic verbally to us. But when they often talk as if they know about the lifestyle we CDers have and enjoy in peace, as well as for TGers their choice to transition, I find it laughable but try not to be insulted, as we each choose to be insulted.

To read, see or hear their arrogant rhetoric is eye rolling for me in their ignorance. They have no idea about what drives us as persons to crossdress or for some to transition, but they surely know in their minds it's wrong and sick, it's not natural. What the Hell does natural mean?

For me from my earliest childhood thoughts to developing these as a teen, normal for me was to crossdress. I did not dress in girls clothes until I was about 12-13 and got into my moms stuff. Like many of us probably did, or if you had a big sister her stuff. I did not fully understand it back at that age, but I knew it was apart of who I was, even if puberty at times made me confused and angry at such. As I became an adult I began to realize that crossdressing was NOT going to stop for me. As hard as it was to be at times, I just knew I had to go with it. If I tried to stop it, I'd be miserable (I tried many times especially when I was married and the misery was intolerable) or worse I'd likely commit suicide. I did not want to be miserable nor to commit suicide. My life as such has been always a stormy one of my love and need for being feminine and dressing girly to wishing I could stop.

My crossdressing has advanced through they years from putting on clothes to now doing full makeup and wigs. I feel I kill it looks wise. I love seeing my femme side when all dolled up. The girl in me loves seeing Lacey and how she appears and acts, The male in me wants to date a girl like her and I would date her if that was possible.

It gets me back to those who are quick to cluck tongues and condemn us. They have opinions OUT of their butts but will tell you, me, us that they know better than our own minds and hearts, IT'S SICKENING! People in all your judgement, sometimes keep you opinions to yourself ok?

If a CDer or a TGer says they feel as such and are who they say they are as it's not a game to them, then dammit believe them. We all should have the right to pursue each of ours journey to happiness. But those who condemn and want us stop and to live for them as if they own our lives. These very people would likely not allow others to try to have them do so but with us they will twist us around and make demands on us to do so just for them. They are the ultimate selfish persons.

One does not have to like a CDer or a TGer, one can choose to not partake in said lives. But it may be their loss and IMO families and good friends should care enough for us to be happier in our lives and not have to feel the often crushing weight of disapproval. We harm nobody, we only try to find balance in our lives like most others do. For me it's crossdressing, for some other it may be transitioning. SO BE IT! Love your family, love your friends.

Hi.

Okay as you know I move in a lot of circles of people well over 2000 people who are members of quite a few groups im a member of, and have many work for me help me and I them plus I work with them not as a kitchen manager as sometimes I don't get called on to be there for that so I have many roles I can perform plus also in other groups as well..

Bottom line is im just too well known by many people plus other responciblitys so no chance of just hiding away ,
and in two weeks I,ll be with our Waitaki Girls Youth Orchestra on stage with hopefully 27 of us at our Waitaki Boys High School concert most of us are female with 7 Lads and two men we will perform the first two music items then over to the Lads , well I,ll say this they performed last year so our 2 nd year for myself , well I was so impressed with the playing and ...SINGING...It was just SO SO ....lovely , I was really moved that evening , so I don't expect any less this year .

Those attending some 350 people , and most know me .

I interact with many of them and during the year as well . this is about being accepted , ...for who you are ...

Plus ...in my case anyway , its about no one really cares you get accepted and life goes on even those who know all my background don't care we just work together and just get on with what we are doing and out side or a way from our detail it,s no different .

I belive the approach will depend on each one in how they or you go about interacting with people ,

Are we all accepted no matter who we are wether you dress differently or not I know women who I get on well with and they dress very way out side what you may call normal so don't just think its about those who dress in womens clothes or like them or wont to live life in a way that appears different ,

im different and was born different ...did that effect my life not really for a few yes , yet in the main no and why should it , well maybe some people were taught wrong for starters and why well who knows and who cares if you look at every person some where a long the line you will find some thing different in every person and does it matter ,

...NO... just what I see is some people just are afraid of them selfs and have lacks they cant face or self esteem is lacking self worth is not there so any details can be a part of their life and they don't wont to tell any one and those who do have the guts to face their issues and may be try and work through them so ...some...others don't wont you too... so reject you say things about you and belittle you so they look better or think they are ,

It takes a woman some time years to become strong because we have been abused put down and life is pure HELL...... thing is those of us who are female we are very strong just we need to see it and belive in our selfs and know we are complete in our selfs , so any bullshit that is thrown at us , we don't have to throw it back .. and why ... we don't have to come down to their level and be in the same muck where they come from ,

And yes I,v had it from those I thought would accept difference , as you said, they are taught wrong so why bother with them I don't any more and I don't need to , any way I have so many lovely neat friends why would I bother,

Really its about you have a life that does not involve them .

If we spend time talking about others of this nature we spend less time growing to become a strong person and we find it harder to accept our selfs

............ So.... who,s living Life ,............
...............To it,s Fullest........

...noeleena...

When I read the comments to one of those mass media articles about TG-related stuff, you can get endless profoundly venomous comments - often quite at odds with the content of the article, which can be positive. It can get depressing, reading those comments - as though the whole world is against us.

IMO what's actually happening is the opposite. It's becoming harder and harder for the individuals who vent online to do it in person because people are going to look sideways at them. So the venom of their response is simply because they're losing the battle.

Right on!!

You rock girl

There will always be people willfully ignorant and full of hate. Best to ignore them.
Having never questioned my gender, I'll offer the 'other' side perspective. What I knew about cross dressers were that they were gay guys performing in cabarets. Until I found out I was married to one for near 30 years! My first internet searches on this subject produced mainly gay hook up sites and porn. I had to do further research to keep our relationship, something the vast majority has no need to do.

I can never fully understand the need for my husband to dress feminine, accepting that it's not his choice and needs support is all I can do.

Eileen

[quote="Lacey Hadley"]
My crossdressing has advanced through they years from putting on clothes to now doing full makeup and wigs. I feel I kill it looks wise. I love seeing my femme side when all dolled up. The girl in me loves seeing Lacey and how she appears and acts, The male in me wants to date a girl like her and I would date her if that was possible.

Lacey, I think that pretty much nails it. Expanding on that, I might want to say this: Hetero men enjoy it when women tease them, flirt with them or otherwise "hit" on them. Ditto for hetero women when men do the same to them. That said, I think cross dressing lets my female side flirt with and tease my male side and vice-versa. Flirting is so much fun, and is reason enough for me to be a CDer.

XOXO
Deb

Deb, I will second that emotion. My tagline below says it all, or part of it.

It's really to bad peopleseem to know how others should live there lives. And think there way is the only way.
Angie

Deb,

What an amazing insight!! You nailed it and I totally agree. My desire to be flirted with, teased, cuddled by my pretty lady is satisfied by dressing up and doing it myself, you might say.

I remind my wife that I crave affection, hugs, a kiss on the cheek, a cuddle on the couch; but without reply.

Your analysis fits me so well. I feel warm and fuzzy when and after I've spent a day en femme. That "other girl" provided the attention the male-me wants and needs.

Well done, Dr. Deb.

Rikki

It's true that crossdressing, which I love, and which is a big part of my life, does seem to trigger something atavistic in many people.

But the kicker is that those people, when I was younger, included me. Something bristled terribly when I was around a male CDing as female. It just absolutely wrenched my head, my scalp prickled, heart rate up, tense—could almost feel my teeth wanting to bare themselves, just like a guard dog.

So I wonder if the anti-CD reaction is some sort of innate fear/hostility response, at least in some groups of people. Something left over from caveman days??? Scientists talk about outlines, in the human/animal world, registering in a very primitive way. Like lions' manes. That's one reason why Afros changed the interracial picture: big hair is power. Boobs are power. So could it be that a female outline overlaid on a male outline jars something deep and personal in many people? Equally the costume detail feels deeply *wrong*, I imagine.

Well, I'm over that! But scads of people are not over it. I think the reactions—fear, feeling threatened, hostility, jeering, wish to defame or attack, you name it—are only partly conscious, partly coming from a deeper, unexamined layer. I suggest a great people never get over that reaction. And the ones we hear from are only the vocal onces, probably by far the majority just silently seethe.

So I can't foresee a day when we won't trigger the Yahoo in at least some other people. I remember too well how it felt to me, once upon a time, before I got over all that.

Love, Marissa Mae

I carpool with several people who have a mix of views. We often have some interesting conversations about different topics and the news for the day. With the NC bathroom bills, the county clerk down south, the FL night club shootings, and other headlines, we have had some interesting conversations. They do not know I am a CDer, but I do side with the TG's in the conversations. Funny how some will take the TG side one time and against the next time.

Hi Kimberly,
I think you brought up a good point. Maybe people who switch sides on a topic depending on who they're with will fall into one of two categories:
1) A "devil's advocate" which can be a good thing (in my estimation) because it keeps discussions honest by allowing more than one point to be heard.
2) A "people pleaser", not a good thing in my estimation.

That's all, I'll get off my soap box (at least for a little while).
Deb

Deb i think in this case it is more of number 3. This person can accept some transgendered things but not other transgendered things. It may come down to education. But for some people, IMHO it is a mix of how they have been raised along with what they have been actually have dealt with on a personal basis. Some times when people deal with something on a personal level and have a good experience it has the possibility of changing their views. Or at least make them think about their views.