Is this just a phase?

[Shelby]

I have just started to explore my fantasy and am having fun with shoes at the moment. I know the shoes I have are way over the top (6" platforms and 1 pair of thigh high boots). Is that just a phase we all go through when we first start to explore this side of our personality? Do we eventually start to purchase more sensible clothes at some point or is being able to wear the sexy, slutty stuff part of it (I think it is for me).

[Eileen (SO)]

Cross Dressing is not a phase, the sexy, fantasy hot babe look hopefully is. You've said that you can't pass and will never go out. Given some time, you will want to be in public someday, even if only support meetings. Might as well develop the wardrobe you'll eventually wear and be comfortable in.


They still sell 6" platforms? I thought they went away with disco.

Eileen

[Eileen (SO)]

I've just been informed/reminded by my husband that in his early days of trying on woman's clothing brought on intense arousal. Eventually, as dressing became more familiar, his emotions became more ladylike. A good looking outfit should be satisfying, not self-satisfying.

Why did I have to discuss this so early in the day? Now I'll have images of a bulge under a skirt all day. Yeesh. Come on noon time, it's going to be a tipsy Eileen day today.

Eileen

[Anthony Simon]

It depends. It probably depends on your wife too.

[Shelby]

Sorry, didn't mean to put disturbing images in anyone's mind. We can't all be attractive ladylike CD's. I am having fun with this at the moment; you all may not have gone through this or, if you did, have grown out of it and if that's the case good for you. As far as the sexy babe part is concerned; sure I may never be able to convincingly pull that off but, I have no desire to dress like an old lady either.

I also doubt very much that I am ever going to want to go out in public dressed as a woman. As I said, I am not built like a woman and you'd have to be blind to miss me as a man in woman's clothing.

[Anthony Simon]

A high proportion of CDs experience your sort of feelings. Including me. Don't feel guilty, there's no need.

[Ralitsa]

well we all go through some various stages, of course everyone is different on the specific details. Probably the 6" heels are a phase, they certainly are not something you can wear every day and I agree with Eileen that there will come a time when you want that.
In the meantime, have fun and don't worry about it. You're not hurting any one (maybe your bank account though) so who cares what you wear?
One other observation, just because you think you can't "pass" isn't a valid reason to hide yourself. I really don't fool anyone, if they are paying attention anyway. I wear the clothes that I'm happy in, not for the world to approve of. Maybe there are people who can't handle the idea of a man wearing women's styled clothing in public, but in my experience the supporters far outnumber the haters. It takes a while to bring yourself to do it, so I'm not expecting that you'll rush right down to the local mall today in cute dress. But don't feel like you need to limit yourself to the closet either.

[Anita]

Wanting to dress “hot” can be a phase, for a lot of us. I had to go through it.
I never had a girlhood where you experiment with doing that, and learning what works and what doesn’t. Eventually, I settled down to clothing that fit the age I look. But in my experience, I’ve seen a lot of trans women go through this, so you’re not alone.

[Shelby]

Thank you for the kind responses. I shared some of the thoughts with my wife and she encouraged me to just have fun; we're not hurting anyone and we're both having a good time. Sure, there will probably come a time when I'll want to wear more sensible clothing / shoes but, until that time comes, we're enjoying our newly discovered passion for dressing up.

[Lacey Hadley]

Hi Keay,


My opinion on most crossdressers including backed up by my life long thoughts is that we dress for numerous reasons. Some benign others even sexual.

A: I dress in some femme clothes even when dressed in drab to know and feel that bit of femininity with me. I will look, act and be a typical male outside and my mind will be mostly "Ugh Me Man!" but by wearing some femme clothes it keeps my femme persona just under the surface to moderate my male thoughts and to be more at peace with myself.

B: I dress in femme clothes up to full on dressing to at times be in a sexual mindset and let many male/female type sexual thoughts and fantasies come forth in my erotic mind. To deny sexuality is to deny one's self of sexual peace.

C: I dress up fully made up as Lacey, everything, including hair and makeup to look and feel like a woman. Lacey is a part of me and who I am and she needs her time. To deny Lacey her time will make me miserable. I want to feel as girly as I can when dressed fully as Lacey. Often I will binge dress over a short period of time it could be days in a row or a number of days over say a week or two or more where I will refresh my makeup skills and learn new makeup ideas. I will play mix and match like most GG's do with my wardrobe and my shoes and boots. This is usually heightened when I go on a shopping binge and have new stuff to wear. IT'S SO MUCH FUN!

I let the little narcissist Lacey star in having many photos taken of her. She then revels in looking at them. Conversely the male in me will see her looking "fine" and be attracted to her as Lacey dresses in ways from formal, semi-formal, casual and even Ooh la la la sexy at times, that I wish to see more women today who would dress as good as she can. By all means neither I as a male nor Lacey are fashionistas nor do I know all the styles and trends. But as a crossdresser I feel I often know more about such than most guys do. As a guy I know what I like in females and their look, style, clothes etc. and that is typical among hetero males. But Lacey being a part of me see's fashion and style in another way too.

But these three points are big about what, why, and how I crossdress. If I want to sex it up I will but I will make sure I still look good. If I want to be feminine from casual to formal I will try to fit that range. If I'm in drab and want to wear some femme stuff I will but will be discreet.

My two cents.

[Noeleena]

Hi

is this just a phase,

depends how that is seen and by whom and what their expections are or wont to be.
as most know I go and have been over in Australia a lot so get to see whats going on,

Concerning week ends with 80 other who are dressers included maybe 5 trans and 3 of us females so most are dressers ,
I will say most did and do dress in lovely clothes makeup and so on and yes the full range of clothes from the maid to the ball gown, now I don't know who would be out in public, I only know some do.

My style of garb = clothes is very different from those here and on other forums plus I travel over sea,s dressed in my German styles .do I look out of place well from people I talk with seem to think its lovely and well with in our dress style long skirts blouse.s and head wear . ,

Okay I know most dresser,s wont wear what I wear because they have a 20,s on style they like and go for it, high heels would be out and skirts that are very short so you get the idear and I never was interested in these I,ll say more modern style clothes of to day don't interest me like you and others .

I think I know why in some aspects and that has been put forward.

Though I know I have to wear the mundane style of todays clothes that are ...just... okay .yes they look nice and all, good for meetings and outings and such like long skirts of cause, and no heels though when I have designed sew and make some more I have idears on '' German'' I will wear those as my normal day to day wear so I look around for more fabric and getting quite a lot so when I start I,ll get a few made,

What I was looking at is as said some of us are sure not sexy so in my case this is why I design my own clothes as I know how it will look on myself and if I don't think its right then I,ll redo it ,

any way a little different maybe ,

...noeleena...

[Debbie Jean]

Lacey, it looks as though I could have written your reply to this thread--my thoughts exactly. Very well written, concise, clear and to the point. Good job!

XOXO,
Deb

[Paulette]

Hi Keay,

The image in my mind that I try to recreate in the mirror is the one I had when, at age eight, I first felt the urge and compulsion to dress in women's clothing. It was intensely arousing and soon lead to my first orgasms and to a lifelong association of dressing and sexuality.

But I knew that this behavior was not acceptable to my parents. So I tried to keep it a secret. One result is that I never learned how to dress, move, sound, or respond as a girl. So for most of my life I've dressed as a child's image of femininity and female sexuality.

Only my last wife accepted and even gently encouraged my cross dressing, so only in 2010 did I have the courage to come out of the closet, and even to dress in public occasionally. The avatar to the left is how I looked then, after my wife dressed and wigged me, and made my makeup. It's pretty age-appropriate.

Because my wife died shortly thereafter, I still don't know how to dress myself as an adult woman, or to move and sound like a woman of my years. Had she lived I might have continued to learn under her guidance. But at 76 I lack the motivation to do so. I am simply not that obsessed, and I'm content to keep my dressing to lingerie in the privacy of my bedroom.

Had my family been more sex-positive and gender role accepting when I was growing up, I might have fully transitioned long ago. I would have gone through puberty and adolescence free to be publicly feminine, and learned how to be a woman in the same way that all girls do. But I feel it's too late for me now. I envy the children in such families today, who can grow up to embody and live out their dreams!

So yes, Keay, it's a phase. But it's a phase exclusive to my generation and probably yours, and to anyone who grew up in a repressive and sexually conservative milieu. It's there because we didn't learn how to be ourselves as a female. We were not allowed to grow, experiment, make mistakes, and become a woman. Instead, if we were found out we were punished and ridiculed, and became less than we might have become. We became cross dressers, men with an obsession for seeing and feeling ourselves to be as we might have been.

[KimberlyS]

It was once explained to me as the teenage experimental stage. We have all been through it when we were teenagers. And many of us CDers go through it again later on when our CDing blooms. Just try to keep it in check. But if it work for you and your wife then I just say go with what works. If it does not work for your wife then you need to back off and find a balance for both of you. And most of all ENJOY.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Emily]

We all need to start somewhere, and I believe that we all go through different stages as we develop and explore our fem sides. Some find their comfort zone while others continue to develop and evolve. I told myself for years that what I was going through was just a phase... that eventually I would lose interest in women's clothing and just simply move on.

Wrong.

For me personally, in my earlier years, I got my kicks wearing women's underwear: bras, panties, hose, stockings... which then evolved into the "hot" look: mini skirts, sexy shoes. Yes, there was a sexual aspect to it, which eventually faded. But as it faded, my crossdressing went to a whole new level. Yes, I am talking about the more sensible clothing options.

Dressing for me now is a normal part of who I am. The only time I am not dressed up is when I am at work or out with friends, family, SO... I don't always do the full hair and makeup, but I love it when I do! When I dress, its because I want to look and feel fem. At the end of the day, we all have our reasons, and we need to do what feels right. Life is about exploring and finding yourself - and having fun!

So have fun, Keay... Indulge. If this phase is just the first step to something bigger, then don't try to deny that (it never works). If you are happy with the fantasy side of it, then that's fine too. For some, that is their comfort zone and they feel no need or want to move beyond that. Just enjoy the ride,no matter where the journey takes you!