Why are we not identical to women our physical bodies aside?

[Anne Bonny]

I have a new theory....Why are we not identical to women our physical bodies aside? * I thought this might be an interesting thought for discussion... If not just move it to my journal area apologies in advance...

I am a boy with a girl inside, this is who I am and have always been and will always be and there is absolutely no shame in being who I am. What are those criteria? "Consistent, persistent, insistent"...I have been this way across my entire life...I discovered this and first became aware of it when I was about 9 years old. Why am I not identical to women who were born with a female body? Well that is obvious...I lack the hormones, for one thing (which when given really do make a huge difference in how you feel and think and in things that happen physically diminished strength, disposition of subcutaneous fat, and where that fat is deposited...breasts and hips)...I read something recently that said our brain pathways do change over time so this argument about "wiring" may not be the end of the story on that. Another reason is we were forced into a prescribed role because our body was not female. Hence any thing contrary to those cultural norms or expectations and there was punitive action taken emotionally, and or physically. We could not wear or like or act contrary to expectations based on our body or we were subjected to negative consequences no positive reinforcement acceptance or understanding for us, no one was ever willing to think...hum...what's going on here? This child is at it again. Anybody else enjoy playing with G.I. Joe!? the stealth doll for boys...We were conditioned to act and to dress and to behave and we had to meet expectations. Yet...in our head every day we struggle inside our brain because what is there does not match what is between our legs. This causes stress, suicide, frustration, health problems for us to some degree. We are conditioned to like certain things... We had because of what was between our legs to project and to act and had to adhere to this path set out or we would have been subjected to huge negative consequences...may not have been hired, once hired... fired...and sadly finding the right mate for many is made much more difficult meaning potential loss of your spouse and family and friends leading to a lifetime of heartache and isolation with no partner...etc...but women today have had the doors thrown open to them to pursue whatever they are interested in. Women and we are because of this a large part of who we are, are social. We as women are interested in beauty, we have a sensitive side, we have tender hearts too running contrary to what our physical body would say about us. We were born as we are it was not a choice a great part of who we are inside because we are "Trans" does not match our physical bodies.

So, absolutely right we should stop being shy about who we are inside and we simply have to learn how to step up and assert ourselves matter of fact. After all we have our unique contribution to make in this world I believe the world cannot achieve it's optimum because it is lacking our input!

What about the clothing issues!? Right the clothing we want to buy and wear does not fit the body we are stuck with...so...some are driven to seek all that is needed through the medical/surgical realm the current state of the art solutions available so that the clothing we prefer will fit as it should.

Sadly...Many of us are quite reluctant, or flat out do not have the means or the drive to pursue those solutions for ourselves, and also because we are still struggling inside our head...confused..."Wait! I do have a masculine side...or... are we just unable to untangle that confusing knot in our brain that would say "No...you do not have a masculine side..." Who knows? Nature vs Nurture? I wonder about it all... I am 61. So for that clothing to fit...we use breast forms, some hip pads (not me), gaffs (usually not necessary except in tight clothing, again not me) weight control, toning vs muscle bulking for strength,grooming, hair length or wigs, etc... and measures short of final surgeries. It is a very knotty problem for us but this Gordian knot might be untangled with the right psychiatric help? I do think some of us are in between it is after all only past a certain point ...when the majority of who we are is truly female then it is the correct choice. Surgery should never be pursued until you have your head on straight and you are rock solid certain...and have a burning desire so that you can finally feel as you should.

We will never find peace and happiness and love in this life until we are free to be who we truly are inside and are accepted and encouraged by those who love us, and more importantly until we accept, encourage and love ourselves as well. We should of course also love accept and encourage those around us... and most people do this if their heart is in the right place...we do this without a thought...most of us anyway.

Hum...another worthless I think this I think that piece...but it does relate back to things I have read, to experience over a lifetime, and observation...not sure of the value to anyone else but me...but if it helps anyone else by spurring thought then I suppose it is worth while.

[Diana Michelle]

Interesting hypothesis Anne. Putting aside the physical the main differences are hormones and stereotypes. I will address the hormone issue but let us start with stereotypes. For more generations than either of us want to admit women were "supposed" to be a certain way and men another. It has only been in recent memory that those stereotypes have started to crack and women have been accepted as "equals." I put equals in quotations as many women will tell you yes we have come a long way from those early days of Gloria Steinem but we still have a long way to go. Yes pay disparity is starting to change and the glass ceiling has been broken on occasion but there is still the existence of the good old boy network and it still dominates in many areas from business to sports to entertainment to politics.

Before you start to say this isn't really a dominant factor today I want you to stop, think, and look around you. We give little girls Barbie and little boys GI Joe. Girls get My Little Pony and boys Hot Wheels. We see a couple of little children on the street and we think what a cute little girl and what a handsome boy. As those little children grow up we buy her frilly dresses and consciously or not condition her to be a mother and a wife, the boy we buy jeans and t shirts and tell him what a great man he will be and a leader of men. Once that same little boy and girl are adults and out in the business world and they start to show leadership in a situation she is a b1tch or PMSing while he is a leader and alpha male. Should a man show emotion and cry he is a wuss and yet people think nothing of a woman doing the same under the same circumstances. See where I am going with this? You ask why are men and women not the same? Simply because we do not let them.

Now let us talk about hormones. Having lived on both sides of this as well as in the middle as I started HRT and lived through the emotional roller coaster IMO am in a position to speak here. I say roller coaster because as the two opposing types of hormones, male and female. fight each for dominance you are up one minute, down the next. You want to see things one way and the hormones are telling you different, though that could change in 15 minutes or maybe not. I can tell you from experience I found that once the female hormones finally won out I saw things differently and found myself more at peace with things including myself.

Even hormones can be stereotyped. Think of how many times you have heard or thought she is being hormonal. Yes I went through it during that roller coaster ride but as a transwoman my hormone levels are regular and consistent through HRT, GG's is a very different story. For them their hormone levels vary virtually constantly as they go through their monthly cycle, pregnancy, even as the age up to and through menopause. Yes men can get hormonal but that usually comes out in things like barroom brawls or the infamous statement of "Let's watch TV in the bedroom and we can just cuddle."

Personally I appreciate and enjoy the differences between men and women. First off this would be a very boring world if we were all the same. Secondly that difference can be quite pleasurable. Finally if we were all the same procreation and perpetuation of the species would be a very challenging issue.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

Oh dear me I could play with or on this for months, and the difference ooops difference oh...….

I wont go into detail , so play time. ...LOL,s …..hormones oh how I like them they can be different or all over the place, gee wonder where mine are. looking at myself from a guys point of view, oh he,s a guy all dressed up trying to look like a bloody woman... is he a guy I like the clothes ,.....just some thing not quite right hmmm......body looks good nice shape tall and body figure will look hot...just …

walks well moves qreat interacts with others and no different from other women could be quite sexy as well. wonder what she sounds like oh.... well sure not male yet something there quite feminine yet, has all the manneresims of a female gets excited when talking is a doer gets involved with others large groups on stage in front of many 1000,s well known and quite well clued up dresses nicely not over the top yet smart.

How does she impact others, how does she come over in her talking not the most educated yet has a good knowledge of things of interest, make a good wife …...maybe....LOL,s

What do guys really think about her. feed back sexually is okay not your hot sexy chic one guy is very interested in having me back , I have my moments doubts and days I don't wont to see any one so stay home and do things.


What makes for a feminine woman do you grow into being one is it there from birth mind set is = hard wired, interests can be any thing no restriction one was not programmed in the way Diana has brought up. that was never how it was for myself I was given a free run, boy girl what ever,


Hormones oh yes,,,, them. male and female or if you like the both were mixed together, I was not distracted in ether, I fail in how to explain how it is for me and for men to understand what its really like being born the way I am, its very involved theres just no simple way to explain it, well I,v not found it yet,

Clothes when young had no interest in male or female clothes, a blouse and Kilt would have done all I needed, and even now I need some thing so design my own .


What I see now in difference is in the sexual side of things maybe need -wont- like= or playtime. that is where I,ll have different needs, from a guy. = from a guy,, two meanings there guys needs being different or we are different from ...A... guy. in what sex or sexual needs are being met.

How i am in how i see sex Psycologicaly and Emotionally that of cause is from a woman this is where i,m different from a guy and even that brings into play the Emotonall differences .


This is something that started 2 years ago. long story behind that of cause, and a hard one to get through, some what easer now yet tinged with tripidtion , so can be hard to act on. .

Okay time for tea, hope something there to think about. ....maybe....

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Diane...I agree...so much have been watching a lot of Bettany Hughes a British Historian and she gives real insight into how it was for women in ancient societies...and on up. VERY different. Things are much improved for women in a very few western societies but there are still very real disparities...yeah. Let me clarify that I am not speaking about all boys...I think boys like we were exist in the low single digits as a percent of the vast majority of boys. Should things be gender neutral? I suppose it would be ideal if all children had the nonjudgmental support to choose and to wear whatever they want even if for them it turns out to be experimentation that is eventually put back on the shelf. We were children who never put any of it back on the shelf. and I have no experience with female hormones I only know what I have read, heard, studied as part of my nursing and science education. understand if I switched to estrogen etc I would be kept in a steady state there being no cycle for us to go through.... anyway...thanks for your insight on this.

Hi Noleena...You are a woman...so yeah different experience...and was given the freedom to be whoever which ever wish I had open minded and understanding and supportive parents but my parents would have not understood any of this at all I do believe it would have been completely beyond their ability to take it all in and to comprehend any of it at all...I do understand you have ambiguity and have had to live a life that way. It is interesting how we all face our own individual challenges and survive and overcome...

[Amanda R]

Anne the latest estimates place those who identify as LGBT at 3/12% of the US population and approximately 0.35% of the population identifying as transgendered. These studies have to be taken with a grain of salt as some even in an anonymous survey will not always ne truthful grating being outed. Additionally many CD do identify or think of themselves as TG in spite of its broad definition. Personally I think the figure is probably 25 to 50% low for the above reasons however I have no way of proving it. So yes it is a very small minority.

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Amanda, thanks for the exact figures and thought on those. My thinking about who I am has evolved so much over the past few years and to have arrived where I am currently is fairly amazing considering where I started out at younger ages.

It is...to me a wow! Wow....because this is who I am on the inside so much so I am led to question now what is it that makes up the part of myself that functions as masculine. I question is that genuine or is that conditioning, projection, socialization I am so accustomed to that it is second nature. I was given absolutely no alternative or the negative consequences would have been probably literally beat into me emotionally and physically by my parents, "friends" and society in general especially If I were not to find myself an ostracized outcast who had to go live under a bridge somewhere. What did I have to do? Well, I took the easy way out of course, even came to believe it myself and to find in myself the traits that go along with being a male all along the way. From playmates to school age to college, to my outlook for marriage and a family, starting my career working with others all the way along. Thing is all during this time suppressed inside only let out when I could be alone and in private did I ever give expression to a side of me that wanted to be able to feel feminine and to wear feminine clothing and dreamed of being accepted, supported and encouraged and loved.... You cannot eradicate or ever suppress who you are until it no longer exists...it is there and continues to enter your mind just about all day every day over your entire life! No wonder I am so messed up. My poor wife...she continued to love me even so, though I know she had to have wished I had never told her anything because I really was the man she thought she was marrying...I will always feel bad about that. I thought it would go away naively if I married...you can only be who you are and inside I was covering that up until I told her, but then continued to cover that up to everyone else and continued to project whatever that other part of myself is...genuine or a result of conditioning etc. Now that she is gone, our boys know but are on their own and they still only truly accept and want to see "Dad," I am now alone and in my solitude, and in a comfortable retirement...only now am I able to finally let Anne be who she has always been inside, she no longer has to be compartmentalized in a suppressed, submerged box kept from everyone and from the world.

Yeah, I am now in the position not of questioning my softer side...I am questioning this masculine person I have been forced to project if I want to have any kind of life and love. Am I a girl stuck with a male body? Is the other part of myself a genuine male or is it a conditioned projection I was forced to project and because of all of those 61 years am now so accustomed to, that they seem to be real? We do develop skills, and interests, and a manner of living depending. All stereotypes are false creations even if men and women do tend to gravitate to being a certain way, to like certain things...

This Gordian Knot that exists in my head, this confusion...is my masculine component real or is it memorex? I am now questioning my very masculinity, rather than my femininity. That is fairly remarkable. Ridiculous to those who stubbornly adhere to the BELIEF that our sexuality is our gender and is fixed and is one and the same, when we have finally come to realize sexuality and gender are entirely different things.

My softer side has lived inside of my all of my life...was present every second of every day teasing at my brain as I suppressed it multiple multiple times until I could safely let her out to breath... Who is this other side of who I am then...

That is where I am, I know I am a woman it is my jailer who is now in question...it is a huge tectonic shift of the earth's crust!!! It is an amazing earth shattering realization a reality undeniable... yeah...wow.

Or, am I overthinking this am I now insane? Most would say seriously deluded. Well, who has been suppressed inside all my life is no delusion...she is there and I can't do anything about her or who I am. Poor Soul....Poor tortured soul.

[Amanda R]

You are welcome Anne. I understand you recently lost your wife and may have too much time on your hands right now to sit and think but you are is some ways over thinking this yet in others raise some valid questions. My suggestion to you is to seek the help of a qualified professional to help you sort through all of these. I know I and I am sure others have asked themselves many of these same questions. For me through the help of a qualified therapist and a very special person I found my answers, I pray you find yours.

You seem to harp on your age but what does that matter? There is an individual here who had her GAS (Gender Affirmation Surgery) at the age of 70. I on the other hand first came out to my mother shortly after my 15th birthday and began my transition at the age of 18 right after graduating high school with the support and blessings of my mother and sister although did not have my GAS until I was 22. There is no right or optimal age here and as that special friend says we all have our own time and we will know when it arrives.

One suggestion I would like to make is rather than always question why ask why not? Life is full of possibilities and we are free spirits to pick and choose which of those we opt to pursue to make a reality. No, not all possibilities become reality however how we will know which can unless we try?

[Sarah Rene]

Interesting question but is there as much of a difference between the genders as some believe or better put want to believe? My life partner and I are both females, her genetically and me through surgery, yet we are both what many would term girly girls. When someone thinks of is a lesbian, such a harsh term and many negative connotations but that is for another discussion, the image that pops into most people's minds is the butch type. Yes I know many of the butch persuasion however I also know many who as are girly as Angela and I. Same for males of whatever sexual orientation. One sees a big burly guy wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt and assume he is straight yet if you see a slight man in a pink shirt the automatic assumption is he is gay. Both may be 100% true or 100% false or even somewhere in the middle. As Diana very correctly raised don't get twisted up in stereotypes.

I understand many in the TG community, particularly CDs of whatever sexual orientation seem to associate femininity with the stereotype of the 1950s housewife in her heels and pearls with a feather duster in her hand eagerly awaiting the return of her husband, the bread winner, from work so she can hand him his favorite cocktail and serve him the dinner she slaved away at all day cooking. That is no more right than thinking a butch lesbian isn't feminine. Yes I am a girly girl and love my ruffles and lace yet I am just as feminine in my paint spattered jeans and stained t shirt cleaning out the garage as I am in my frilliest dress and highest of high heels. IMO where the differences lie is inside, don't let the outside appearance cloud your judgement.

As Diana correctly pointed out the differences we percieve between the genders is hormones and stereotypes and I will add a third, our individuality. Most of that individuality can be attributed to environment however there are other factors. The truth is the differences in many ways is far less than we want to think. Yes there are trends of how one gender acts versus how the other does but much of that can be traced to stereotypes or even how we percieve how they are acting. I believe if you look deep inside you will discover both genders want the same things on a core level. How that comes out is in many ways influenced by the stereotypes.

[Anne Bonny]

Yes...it is just a feeling that pervades from within that is always there...an outlook, a way ... brings me back to it merely being a sense of who I am or just happen to be. It is so very nebulous and intangible and undefinable and yet it's just there and it "IS!" It is not personality, or conditioning, or anything else.


Hum...yes. "Why not!?" Perhaps it is a realization that in spite of an entire world around us in bitter and endless denial...it is because they fail to accept a simple fact because this is simply what is!

They want to say sex defines everything else about you and is the only way that makes sense. Yes it is wonderful when it all works out perfectly...But sex does not determine everything else. Sometimes even sex is ambiguous...and sometimes who we happen to be is at odds with our physical bodies. Why are we to be persecuted for it!? Doesn't make any sense at all. Ok your mythical GOD made us then set us up to be cursed and to live in torment trying to deny who we are because of the sex he made us? They want to deny that we are as we are, they want to say we are not who we are that we are just doing it. Well, even if there is a God...then god made us so what are they going to say about that!? Does a loving god predispose and set up a person he created to be tormented throughout their entire life as they fight second to second, or day to day to deny who they are and are completely incapable of being the opposite of who they are? So being who we are is a sin! Hence we must be perpetually in repentance as we try to be the opposite of who we are. Well That is what the religious believe, rather they deny that we are who we are, saying sex determines who you are. We know it is not true.

It is hard when confronted by people who hate and insist we are crazy and immoral and indecent...hide the kids...to brazenly have the courage to live in the face of it all. We have to find inside ourselves the strength to be who we are in spite of a world that hates us and that will always deny what is.

How do so many find the strength and the determination that they are not going to ever let anyone deter them from being able to live their life and be who they are. I wish I had that strength. It comes frequently with consequences and losses and rejections even from our own parents, and siblings, children, and grand children, friends, families, neighbors....
Perhaps in finding that strength ... minds would be changed and respect would come in time from some of them!? Hum. shrink and be down cast and negative and hide in the dark...vs the opposite. If you do not smile people do not smile back at you, but if you are positive in your disposition, if you carry on and smile and are successful...perhaps that is it! You get what you put out there. Hum... but it does not make that courage and determination any easier in the face of the onslaught of those who hate. But then again. The experience and the reward going boldly forward is that you will soon find yourself surrounded by friends and supporters find yourself employed and successful living an authentic life.

As with being a widower... you have to make yourself do things you do not want to do...then eventually the enjoyment of doing them will return, but if you don't do it you will never get out of that hole you are in!

It must be the same way when we push ourselves to be who we are (to be our authentic self) at first it will be so hard we don't want to do it at all....but in time we will be rewarded so much the success will be beyond anything we had ever imagined! So we can continue in our miserable hole hunkered down or we can decide to live and go out there...

I hate it when you have to do something you resist and have no desire to in order to get over that huge hump.

That is the difference...some see the hump and never attempt to travel over it...it's too hard! While others find that determination...I am not going to stay on the beach and die as at normandy! Not me, I am not going to die here! I am going to risk my life so that I have a chance to scale that cliff and possibly live. (sorry horrible analogy).

So that is it! if you never find the strength and determination then you will be stuck in your misery instead going forward to find of a life of thrilling joy at being alive.

Not well said but it is true.

[Amanda R]

Yes Anne that sense of being as a female is something from within and emanates outward and defines us whether we ever act on it or not. Even as someone with an MS in Psychology it is difficult to quantify. It is there or it isn't. I can say for myself and hopefully others who chose to act on it and correct nature's mistake it does take some courage but a lot of that courage is the admission to ourselves we are different. We all accepted when we made that choice that there could and probably would be discrimination, rejection, and the slings and arrows of hatred, fear, and ignorance. I can only speak for myself but it is all worth it to be the person on the outside that you are inside.

I am not trying to get into the there is a God versus there is no God discussion. Nor am I going to get into the issue of religious beliefs preferring to leave that to SCOTUS and your own conscious and morals. I will point out even among Christian religions there are widely varying attitudes towards the entire LGBT community. What I will say though is as one who believes in God, a Christian, and a regular church goer though not what I would consider overly religious I many times through my voyage asked; "Why me God? Why did you make me so different than others? Why can't I be normal?" Never got a direct answer to my queries however I have come to the conclusion we are all given our crosses to bear and God only gives us that we can bear. Perhaps a way of looking at it is we given gender dysphoria are the chosen ones, the strongest of the strong. Something to think about..

Yes there are issues whatever path you prefer to take regardless of what it is. There will always be those who oppose you, some more vocally than others, and as one having been through it I can tell you it is not always easy to go against the tide. The rejection hurts be it from strangers, friends, family, and even those who say they love you. I would love to tell you I was strong but there were many nights of crying myself to sleep but only after thanking God for those who stood beside me regardless. It was not about being brave but true to myself IMO. It is easy to fade into the crowd and act like you are just one of the gang. It takes courage and perhaps a little naivete to say to yourself and others no that is not the only way and my path is just as right as yours. Any movement for change starts with a handful and grows.

So that is it! if you never find the strength and determination then you will be stuck in your misery instead going forward to find of a life of thrilling joy at being alive.

Not well said but it is true.

No Anne it is perfectly said. We as Americans and human beings are granted the freedom of choice. Keeping in mind the fact the worst choice you can make is choosing not to make a choice the question is what choice do you make?

[Anne Bonny]

Well...I do believe I have been able to admit to myself that I am different, I only have to look back over my life to see the consistent, persistent, insistent gender psychologists talk about...over the long view of my life there has really never been a time in which I was entirely free of this pervading internal sense emanating as you have said from within with all the identification, derive interest and desire to give expression to and to be who I am on the inside...but in actually living it out I fell far far short, hunkered down and hiding it from EVERYBODY... into adulthood until gradually from a certain point on to today I slowly began to open up to others about it, and at times even to dress and to be who I am in front of them under very safe conditions, and I have even dared to venture out.

I do go through phases...can't lie...I have been depressed...and my older sister will be coming hell with her I know she will notice the dimples in my ear lobes...my hairless legs...my longish hair somewhere between a true feminine length and long for a typical male...pressures she is Baptist and serious about it, religious and conservative beliefs out of a 50's mentality she is 74! Funny how it can drive who I am inside toward the male expression, presentation I am accustomed to having lived a long life meeting everyone else's expectations so that I could have a life be fully accepted, have a wife, and a career so that I now have the retirement checks that are deposited monthly now.... I am currently in one of those phases right now...things are definitely NOT ok! I am sad.. subconsciously, having lost my wife, and now from having no one to share my life with at all being alone is horrible... so I am not depressed without reason...it is a reasonable logical result. Phases come and go seems at times my feminine is driven down and suppressed, while at others she comes and is there. I am not entirely sure how that fits into trans... except to say if anyone were to ask me even now and I answered truthfully...my only truthful response would matter of factly be I am transgender it is beyond all ability to deny because this is who I am even in the midst of depression with no desire to express any of it outwardly...inside I am a caring person.

I agree...before I slipped back into my agnosticism...I asked those very questions...why? please help me, take it away...and again because I am this way there is no taking it away...we are just left with some who accept us others who will eternally hate us and deny it being the way that it is.

Being true to myself! I will hold onto that! Hum... because you have nailed it. I have come to realize covering on the outside is not being truthful. Clothing and appearance.... reflects who we are. If we are unwilling to be open we are being deceptive out of fear, shyness, enforced conformity from those who hate and deny we are who we are, and the consequences that may come from those people...the losses.

Yes! There is another way, there is one way for you, and there is another way for me because we are not the same your way is not right for me because I am who I am and am not as you happen to be. I love your perspectives they are really really good!

Choosing my own correct way in our society requires courage...courageous.... we should not allow people to shut us down because we have the right to be who we are and they have no right to do that to us. Hum inaction continuing as I am is avoiding the choice because I am scared, or fearful, or intimidated... Not choosing is therefore a choice by default to stay hunkered down in a dark pit of fear.

Thanks Amanda...very good thoughts to carry with me...Going to lunch with my son and his family...I will wear panties...that is something...especially in my current state of mind.

[Sarah Rene]

Anne you raise a lot of points here, some very valid but some more excuses than reasons IMO. You speak of being in the last third of your life, To me that is tantamount to the glass half full, glass half empty argument. Rather than looking at it as an end look at it as a beginning. See it as the start of the next leg of your life journey. I am not saying run out and start into transition or live 24/7 as a woman or even become more open without regard to other's feelings or beliefs. What I am saying is today is the next page of your biography and it is blank. This is your opportunity to write it as you want it to read. It is your opportunity to make a choice as it is everyday for the rest of your life for every sunrise brings a new beginning. What you write on that page is yet to be written hopefully and if it is you have relegated your life to day in and day out of monotony, each day just like the last and the next. Think Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

IMO one of your biggest hurdles to get past is stereotypes. We are all individuals and each unique. Yes there are family traits that can be linked to heredity but much of we are can be traced to environment. You have on many occasions spoke of your military background. While they talk of the military creating leaders and in some cases it does much of what the military promotes is sameness not individuality. Everyone the same from attire to attitudes and actions. Think about uniforms or a long parade of soldiers marching in unison. Individuality would never be tolerated in those circumstances. I believe you were what is termed a "lifer" in the military and because of that their philosophy has shaded your thoughts regardless of your personal position. I don't want to get into a debate here on whether this is good or bad but rather raise the issue for thought. Remember for many years no one in the LGBT community was welcome in the military followed by the fiasco of DADT and only recently have people been free to openly serve. Yes there have been issues raised against members of the TG community in the recent past but all of that thought process was drummed into you for years. Could it have a lingering effect regardless of how you felt and/or believed?

You speak of us being a statistical minority and yes we are. I saw the post on the "official" percentages however like the author I question if this figure isn't higher with deeply closeted individuals. Rather than look at what percentage we are look at the percentage of those who accept us which while up and down has shown a definite trend of rising over the years. Back in the 1950's homosexuality was never even talked about except in whispers and behind closed doors. Back then virtually the entire population were sure they knew no one of that leaning. Can the same be said today? Do you think there has been magically a greater percent of the population with alternative lifestyles?

Recently there has been a greater amount of press given to churches preaching and sermonizing on the evils of the entire LGBT community as though we are the end of civilization. I am a Christian and go to services every week but do you think I believe every word I hear there? I was always taught and cling to we are all God's children and to look for the good in everyone. God gave us minds to think and decide for ourselves what we accept and reject. I recently married the love of my life, yes another woman. I am proud to be transgendered and lesbian. Do you think even if it were legal an organized religion would have performed such a sacred event even 20 years ago? I highly doubt it.

In addition to these alleged Christians there have also been attacks from some politicians, some going as fat as to propose and even in some cases enact all sorts of laws including the need for "bathroom police." They seek to fan the flames of hatred through emotional cries, half truths, lies, and even blatant fabrication and twisting of facts. First off I remind of you of the old joke of "When do you know a politician is lying? His lips are moving." While some are influenced by this rhetoric I pray the majority can see through the smoke and mirrors for what it is.

I raise all this because IMO it has had a negative effect on the entire LGBT community in some cases driving some deeper into the closet and others fearing to come out of it lest they be ostracized and verbally abused or worse. You speak of normal and abnormal. I prefer to think of it as different and on a personal level celebrate and embrace my difference and individuality. Being TG or lesbian or both is not right or wrong any more than preferring a sports car over a minivan.

You talk of how you have done and been what was expected of you and how you yield to the whims and desires of others. Just because the majority believes in something does not make it right or moral. At some time in your life I am certain one or both of your parents said to you and perhaps you even said the same to your children; "Just because everyone else is jumping off a bridge does that mean you should?" History books are full of people who bucked the trend from before Christ through the founding fathers of our country to the leaders of the civil rights movement and beyond. I am not saying you should be one of these unless you desire it however don't you think at one time or another every one of those people said to to themselves "well everyone else thinks ..."?

Anne I am not trying to tell you what or what not to do or even influence your choice. Rather I am attempting to show you all the opportunities open to you and some arguments to weigh as you make your choice. I will go back to my glass half full glass half empty reference. How do you see it?

[Anne Bonny]

I agree. I know to let go of everything in the past, all we can do is hope that we do better as we go forward. The immediate next actions...like this key stroke I just made appears now... is the very edge of my future I am moving into there is always potential as we think, plan and move forward right this very second! That future can be different, exciting, and positive right from this very moment if we are willing. If you have read my past horribly tedious tirades then you know I have used that groundhog day analogy a lot myself...as I was in the horrible situation caring for my wife. I realize I have to change...things are not alright at this time, I sense I am drifting in the doldrums. I did go out to eat yesterday, then walked around a nearby casino which I do because I am surrounded by hundreds of people and I am out of the house. Even though I was alone, my son had to take his wife and children home they could not stand the wait in the hot humidity outside of where they wanted to go, on the way to a different one his wife told him they just needed to take the kids home for a nap...that was that so after I got home I realized, I was dressed, hungry, and had been looking forward to a good meal and a beer (Michelob ultra light) well still 95 calories. So I made the positive move and went out on my own...two Michelob's, a salad with balsamic dressing, fried shrimp, Sweet Potato crem broulet, and cheese cake. ...later I spoke with my sister for a long time, then messaged with a lady in the local FB group that creates events that members show up to like wine tastings, karaoke, comedy or music where locals get together to talk, listen and laugh...it is a life saver for me. I am struggling to get myself out of this house and to do anything that will break this pattern of sitting at home especially because I am now free to begin the next phase of my life.

You are so correct about the military...and it was indeed maddening as time went on and they kept up with all their little rules, you cannot be seen talking on your cell phone which must be black! etc.... True no one could openly serve...but I served! I knew many who ... well the senses pick up on alternative sexuality my wife's doctor for one, and he became her hospice doctor after we were both out. I frequently wore panties under my uniform with my glossy red toenails and shaved legs... It is not like we conformed but we could not serve openly...I dreamed of being able to wear the woman's uniforms...but even if regulations change....there are many supervisors who would subtly assure your advancement was staunched ... oh nothing to do with anything but your performance! Right!! So in such an environment those hoping for a career and advancement would still observe don't ask don't tell and stay covert if they are wise...

Christianity...the texts were written by ancient men who took a very dim view of people who are different. Some say the levitical law against men wearing clothing of the opposite sex was only if worn to evade military service. Some point to the disciples looking for the man carrying a water jar in the market who would lead them to the upper room... He was doing something men absolutely would never do ... fetching water was done only by women! So Jesus here seems not to be worried about his possible being one of us? who knows but you would have huge rails of hostile objections by all mainline religious people who would sat that is all wrong and ridiculous. Still...Sodom and Gomorrah is a stretch saying this story is because they were inhospitable to strangers thus death was rained upon them ... the story very clearly condemns alternative sexuality... Ah! I am an agnostic think I have always been...I respect beliefs, but demand respect in return that I am impartial. Ancient myths from all over asia minor are incorporated into the old testament...rather than being inspired and unique... I am not closed to any of it but basically it is a master slave relationship and data has and never will have any proof one way or the other. If Jesus does in fact come descending on clouds that will be undeniable but... Oh well So I leave an open window but I prefer rational objectivism, what is and can be known and verified beyond all doubt as fact, confronting reality, managing for the best outcomes etc. Sorry off on a tangent.

No doubt actual numbers of our community are severely depressed from the actual numbers. Focusing on the positive of rising acceptance is a better way to view it I agree and it helps me to feel better so thanks for that perspective. Our society is indeed changing, I have seen members of our community even locally who are out and working! That is a good thing.

The nail that is sticking out also gets hammered! Standing up and living openly takes the correct frame of mind, you have to have a hearty personality, a positive one that thinks...well If I am met with "this" I will turn it positively to "that." I suppose if you are ready and are driven then with the correct attitude you will be very able to be out and PROUD! It is PRIDE month... pride? I suppose as opposed shrinking away from those who are against you? Or actually feeling ashamed!? No I do not feel ashamed of who I am so that is something... but I have a way to go before I am walking out the door with all my flags and pennants waving proudly in the breeze...

That discouraging hump we all face is very intimidating...some hearty souls like yourself race over the top with abandon. but there are many in our community who spend years perhaps their entire lives and die still never having lived openly as who they really are ...That is horrible...gee I hope I will not be one of those tragic statistics. I have hopes If I can meet the right partner, someone willing to hold my hand that she will help me to walk over that hump.

[Annie]

This has been an interesting thread. Not sure that anything has been more clear but certainly the questions raised have been inflective for me.
I am not sure that, IMO, the discussion of religion necessarily makes it any clearer. I respect all for their beliefs and would not try to impose mine on anyone. That said, I do have some reservations in using the Bible to as a guide to how we feel regarding crossdressing or if we are right or wrong in doing so.
I have always been a bit suspect of the current versions of Bible due to the era that it was translated from it's source documents and who was doing the translating. I have been leery of the institution that drove the translations over the years. The "church" has always been guilty of control of the masses to fit a certain model that I wonder has been in the best interests of the church rather than the masses. Not trying to offend anyone, just my belief.

Too political? I apologize if it is.

I really was struck with Amanda's comment and suggestion that don't ask why instead ask why not? Much different mind set.......

[Diana Michelle]

Lots of interesting points raised here from everyone and IMO food for thought for all of us. One point I see raised constantly is that the difference between the genders is more in our minds than actual and clouded by stereotypes and our personal expectations. Many seem to be hung up on masculine or feminine which like many of the terms that have made their way into our everyday life are merely labels we use to simplify things on one hand on the other we seem to use them today as almost a rating scale than their actual meanings. Feminine or masculine are to me more of a state of mind and have different meanings to each of us.

Annie and Anne, one of my firmest beliefs is the answers to the mysteries of life come from within. What was and is right for me may or may not be right for either of you or anyone else. It is about finding the answers that are right for each of us and going forward from there. Yes there are fatalists out there who will tell you it it was all written down for you before you were born but I am not one of those. Life is full of opportunities and possibilities, which ones you choose and which you pass on is up to you and you alone. Yes we all look back and ask what if but IMO life is for living and going forward only looking back to lean on experience and what life has taught us.

Full disclosure here I was raised and still am Roman Catholic and have always said "I'm Catholic, what the hell do I know about the Bible?" There is more truth to that that many of my generation will admit as when I was growing up we were taught the teachings of the church and never studied the Bible. The Bible was only cited as a reference if it directly reinforced the point they were trying to make and even that was rare.

The Bible is perhaps one of the earliest examples of the media. Stop and think about that for a second before you jump down my throat. It was not written by God herself but rather by a group of men who saw what happened and wrote it down as they saw it. Sounds like a reporter to me, how about you? No I am not disputing its authenticity nor questioning the sincerity and truthfulness of the authors but always remember that. My preferred choice of reading material is non fiction but one must always keep in mind that anything you read except pure fiction and even then it can occur is skewed by the author's beliefs and viewpoint. If you think about it if Christ walked the earth today we would be enlightened by podcasts and tweets.

There is a variety of denominations of the major churches we consider Christian religions and 100's more of the "independent" Christian churches and more popping up everyday all based on some form of the Bible. Add to the Jewish faith which is based on the Bible even if they didn't read the end of the book. How it is all these religions can have different teachings on a variety of subjects although for here we will limit that to their attitudes towards the LGBT community. Some welcome all with open arms, some have almost a DADT attitude, and some brand us as heathens and close to if not the reincarnation of the devil himself. How can this be if they are all reading the same book?

The answer is simple. It is all in how you interpret as well as your faith's elders and those before them interpreted what they read. I will go further here to say how you interpret what you read is influenced by what you have been taught, told, had preached to you, and experienced through your life. I recently finished reading one of the more recent tell all books that has been in the news lately. I know my BFF was reading it as well so last time I talked to her I asked what did she think of it. Now bear in mind I have known Beth longer than either of us wants to admit and we are of similar leanings. She came away with a very different opinion and we talked about that. Her opinion is no more right or wrong than mine. Now maybe you can see how 5 different individuals can read the Bible and come way with 5 different interpretations. I do agree with you Annie that many of those interpretations need to be rethought and brought into the 21st Century.

I am with you Annie, the question of why not opens us to possibilities where why limits us and forces us into a defensive position. I have spoken before that the greatest obstacle all of us face is the four walls we build in our mind. Why places us squarely within the confines of those walls, why not brings those walls down and opens us to all sorts of possibilities. The question for all of you is which outlook do you pursue?