Crossdressers-Haven.com

Talking about Cross Dressing. What we desire is recognition of who we are inside so that we are free to openly wear the clothing that reflects that. Not everyone is destined for the scalpel or the Endocrinologist. Those who are in the mid ranges of transgenderism typically have two wardrobes...male and female. Many of us are married heterosexual men with children. The first challenge for us is to understand who we are and to come to terms with that and accept it. We accept that we are not able to live our lives full time in the the role our sex would seem to dictate for us because our mind is divided. Most of us are not able to or do not desire to live full time in the gender which should be opposite the sex we were born with. For that reason we require acceptance by those around us that our appearance will vary depending on where our mind happens to be from time to time. I am not a woman, I am not able to live full time as one because a substantial part of who I am still pulls me back into a masculine world that matches the sex I was born with. But I do live part of my time as a woman because another fairly substantial part of who I am pulls me into the feminine world but this is transient and never sustained permanently that is pretty much it.

Therefore we are not trans sexual. We do share much in common with them but we are not able to live consistently in either gender for us surgery and hormones will forever remain a bridge too far. This does present some discomfort at times if we are not allowed the freedom to change and are forced to hide it...then we too suffer some dysphoria but It is nowhere near as bad as that experienced by a trans sexual who is not free and relaxed and happy until their physical body is altered to match their true gender.

Well put Anne, and I mostly agree with you. I still think that while I am not destined for transition, I still feel the effects of dysphoria as acutely as many others do. I just have no way to live as I would wish and must do what I can when I can to satisfy my desires.

Hi,

Depending on where our mind is.....Hmmm.....and our mind being divided.

Doubt I,ll be able to understand that concept or even write down what I think,
I know what I can do and think about such as doing things like building gardening painting and of cause my music and play like we did on Thursday just gone with our Orchestra of 21 members playing at the boys school mid winter concert and went well with more surport this year,

So how do I play percussion would it be seen like a male would or just a female how do we think would it be any different for us or between us I don't know how a guy thinks when he,s on stage playing we have 5 young men play the rest of us are young girls and us women I really don't see much difference in our playing,

What I do do is focus on the person more so women of cause yet men as well how do I see their Emotions how do I see into their being and how does that come out in their music ,I look far beyond their appreance or look and get a feel for them in how we express our self as single and to gether,

To me so many beautifull people yet we are so close in what we do,

Emotions can run pretty high I know for myself its after we have done our part and straight after I am doing the gear get it on board ready and packed so I can then go back in and watch and listen to the others and then my emotions do run high, and later when I talk with our people and friends , I wonder do guys get emotional ,I know myself I,m a professional in what I do after that I,m sort of back to normal well hope I am any way, okay music is my detail I can only do it as a female structured disciplined and know what I,m about .

I think if I had to think in a male mode or way and then change back to my female mode or way , I,m not so sure I could quess being born female I cant think any other way, maybe from what your saying is , I,m so glad I,m just a female born ,

Okay not sure I got it right , makes it interesting .

...noeleena...

Dysphoria is I believe misunderstood, Listening to a psychologist explain it on youtube it is described as if you are trapped inside an outfit you want to get out of you look down and your body causes you to wish there were a zipper on the back of your head and down your back so that you could take it off then looking down you see what should be there or not be there.... seems to be an actual loathing of the physical body you are inside of only their is no zipper to take it off and you know your brain does not match what you are seeing...so you are distressed etc.

We may feel as non op transgender people at times a realization that how we feel inside is different, we are disappointed not to have a body that allows us to look our best and to match the way we feel inside and we want that but we also realize...it is a transient feeling that by the afternoon most likely will be gone as we are out carrying on with our day for instance...only to have our feminine self perhaps return later perhaps we will sleep in one of our night gowns with our ear rings in? If we are not able to be who we are this distress may worsen....When my sister who I can never tells comes I find after several days part of myself wishing she would leave and go back home because I am not free to be who I am. Still our distress does not rise to the level of our loathing our physical body to the point of depression.

noleena...
Yes, I understand the difficulty because Gender is not personality or anything else...I call it "the this is who I am sense". That is really all there is to it! Sounds overly simple...so that we would say wait a minute! It can't be that simple! There has to be more to it than THAT! It is nothing more than this nebulous (cloudy) intangible... some call it a "pink fog" like a mist that is just THERE! It is a difference inside yourself that just happens to exist within yourself it is just there...it is nothing more than this internal awareness and you sense this is who I am! When I am in the male I do not sense who I am in the same way at all...In fact the masculine this is who I am sense will certainly tell me I am not in my feminine sense and vice versa.

It is this different sense that just happens to be there. and everything that I am changes depending of this sense of who I am...my personality does not change, beliefs ... everything remains the same but how I sense everything changes and is different. As I say this internal shift is transient and moves nearly like a light switch flipping...suddenly I am saying to myself...ok lets go change, take all of that off, clean your face, comb your hair, put all of that away and get into your guy stuff we've got to go run and then we have things to do! Or...it works in the reverse too... hence gender fluid...it is like flowing one way and then in the other.

So it is not as If I am playing an instrument or beating a drum and thinking I am playing it like a male...or playing it like a female...not at all has nothing to do with it...though I might be inspired to play something pretty? Or, I might experience it emotionally in a different way perhaps... Yes it is very hard to explain.

Now noleena...you are a woman...when you get up in the morning...nothing crosses your mind...you get up without any thought about any of it and get ready for the day following your morning routine, putting on what you put on...and you go about your day...right!? Well how this works is I may get up and not that there is any thought about anything...but just depending on the sense ... the routine I follow may differ as I reach for and do things...clothing selection may differ...perhaps make up goes on...and I proceed my this is who I am sense varies but much of the morning remains the same...make the coffee, feed the dog...etc...

Reading your post further...RIGHT! That's it how we experience things, how we think of others around us and experience them, our emotionality and it's depth, how we feel, how it inspires us....yeah this changes my female side experiences all of these with a little more depth...more acutely...while my male is cut and dried...hum...that was good, noleena is talented....etc my masculine is different has a harder edge my female tends to flow and soar...

Anne,

I am going to apologize in advance for what I am going to post here.

I assume after what I read in your last post that your feelings as to how you identify change as the day goes by. I also have to assume that you do not know me well enough to say that I misunderstand gender dysphoria and how it impacts my life.

It has taken me a long time to and many years of just not feeling "right" to find myself where I am today. Have I got it all figured out? Not at all. I just know that when I can present or identify as a female I feel a "fit". My body image has always been an issue for me and I was never quite sure what it was and I am sure I am still figuring it out. I know that the physical body configuration I have is not what I want it to be.

No, I am not a candidate for transition. Too many other issues there to deal with including my health as well as family. Would I if I could? Not sure, maybe, possibly, don't know. But I do know that I just hate how I am configured and sure would love to be able make changes, even if they were superficial as clothes and being able to present as female all the time. It just feels "right" Can't explain it further than that.

I think as we do our research we have to keep in mind that while some psychologist or psychiatrist might say something that hits home for us and that is fine but may not hit home for others. I tend to want to walk away from people that see things all "black and white". That is just not how life is. For someone to define dysphoria in absolute terms IMHO is not someone who needs to be listened to. That type of analysis is how we ended up with orientation counseling to "fix" a person's orientation.


I admit, your last post made me angry at first, and that is my problem. I wanted to respond yesterday when I first read it but I was not rational. I have since calmed down and thought it out. I just think that we are all affected differently by our dysphoria and suffer it in various degrees.

I am sorry Annie...I will have to review that post...I believe It came from something I had read or seen ...think there was a psychologist on youtube? So I was flying off of an expertise I certainly do not have. Personally when I heard him stating that dysphoria comes from feeling you are stuck in a body opposite of the gender of your brain so that you feel disgust about it. I have heard that before. I do not fully understand dysphoria I have never spoken to a gender therapist so I am certainly completely unqualified to speak in such a way. I am anything but fixed on issues which I believe to be difficult to comprehend fully and for myself dysphoria is certainly that! I certainly have no desire to anger or to offend so I do apologize Annie, that is not what I want ... I want to feel amicable and open with everyone here. Now it is of course to like or to be liked by everyone is simply not possible but I hope we will be ok?

Dysphoria for myself ...is this angst or feeling that I should be able to be who I am...when for one reason or another I am not able to do so so that I have to suppress and hide who I am inside....It does cause internal stress, and it is distressing somewhat and uncomfortable but I acknowledge .... this is probably not what professionals working with Trans sexual's would call dysphoria. I could be wrong or maybe what I am experiencing is a valid form of dysphoria in a mild form but because I find I have never been able to go full time and because I am fluid meaning internally I shift back and forth between being more on my male and other times more on my female side and because on balance I believe I am more on the male 55-65%?? I would never ever be a candidate for reassignment surgery. True I may at times fantasize about really having my own breasts, smooth skin and bottom...but I am simply not a candidate never have been and I do not believe ever will be. I would have to be consistent, persistent and insistently fixated on it all having had dysphoria since I became aware at a very early age...2-3 years old...that simply is not and never has been myself.
I became aware at about the age of 8-9....after 61 years I am still where I have always been...floating between feeling one way or the other.

We are all different so I certainly will apologize I have no desire to speak for anyone but myself. Anne


OK! I read the Post. So! Yes my second paragraph should definitely be confined to me personally. We are all different and non op people do vary...they are not all like myself and many do live full time exclusively in the female and always feel that way? we are all different and unique. I often wonder...gee suppose I find the perfect partner a wonderful lady who leads me into living full time, discarding my male wardrobe - goodwill, and coming out to the entire world is that a possibility for myself? I doubt it but who knows perhaps I am suppressing and I am more to the female that I have ever realized???