Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all,

Okay, following on the trail of Susann's thoughts on hiking (yes, pun intended! ), I thought it might be a good idea to get this whole "exhibitionism" topic out in the open. I've heard it said that many people find our behaviour exhibitionistic. Okay, okay, I've also been directly accused of "flaunting my stuff" when I'm en femme. The question is: is it true? Are we exhibitionistic when we crossdress? And, if so, why this need to be showy, to flaunt, to shock, even? What can it even mean, in a culture steeped in exploitative images of the human form, to be exhibitionistic?

All are welcome to participate--SO's and CD's (both "closeted" and "out")--but, please, please, please, KEEP IT CLEAN AND CIVIL.

Love,
CJ

Hi CJ.

One thing that I have observed by looking at pictures of CDs on the net is that they seldom dress as a woman would. They usually dress very flashy or very sexy. Also their body language is seldom that of a woman. (But I am sure they would disagree) I am not sure why that is but I am not comfortable with that. (For me)

With one of the definitions for exhibitionism being “the act or practice of behaving so as to attract attention to oneself” I would have to say definitely (IMO) those who dress with that intent are Exhibitionists.

Well as I have expressed, in another thread, and I am sure I will be "taken to the wood shed" by any number of people, all I can say is to quote that indominable sailor, "I am what I am and dat's all dat I am!" As I have said, my chosen style is "conservatively sexy!" I like very feminine, pretty dresses, and if they happen to be a bit tight in the hips or slightly above the knee or my slacks show my rump then that is the way it is. I am not an exhibitionist!! I dress how it makes me feel comfortable and want to appear. As I have stated in another thread, however, my chosen style does make me stand out from the "slobs" that I see, so I have not been going out as much lately. I. like most of you here, would prefer to blend in and not draw too much attention to myself!! I can not bring myself to go out looking like a lot of the GG's I now see in the stores, malls, restaurants, movies, etc.
You want exhibitionist, you should have seen the ones at the SCC in Atlanta, last year. 6"heels, fishnet stockings, black cami's with garter belts strutting around - absolutely riduculous looking, but that was their thing - Transvestites, I believe they are called. Some of us may dress overly sexy at home, but I doubt that any of my sisters here would dare to be seen in public dressed in that kind of attire!
As I have said and using some of CJ's words, I want to appear, confident, empowered, and attractive,not look like a $2.00 whore, or a beached whale and I will NOT appear that way under any circumstances!!!
Remember when we go out, we are ambassadors not only for our sisters, but for our "cause = acceptance" so do what is right, girls!
Virginia

How we dress reflects how we feel. I wonder if we dress a little explotatively because we are shouting inside as to who we are.

I know in the past I have gone through phases where I want to be the sexiest I can be. Then after a while it dies down and I am looking for more ordinary clothes.

I notice that a lot of GGs dress to attract attention. A few weeks ago, 4 of the young women in my office had so much cleavage showing that I was hard pressed to do work. Several also wear padded bras often enough, and change padding, that someone observant (like me) can see the differences. Actually, go look in any department store and see the assortment of padded bras. Isn't this a form of exhibitionism?

Of course we have the teenagers who are trying to find their style, and often are a little out there. Perhaps we who missed that phase are trying to make up for lost time? I know if I were suddenly transformed into a woman, I envision myself throwing all caution to the wind, and having one he** of a time!

Susann

Hi all,

Hmmm... Interesting. Thanks for the replies. I think Darlene (our own "Lady Lexicon," as it were) is right to bring out the definition the way she did. Here's a puzzler: many of us would want nothing more than to be accepted and to be able to "blend in" (assuming we dress fully en femme) but, when we do dress, many of us do so in a manner that attracts attention to us, that makes us (or our breast forms--sorry, Susann... couldn't resist! ) stand out. What gives?

I'll go even further. I saw an otherwise "regular" guy walking down the street the other day; he was wearing sandals and his toenails were painted a bright shade of crimson. The person I was with--a GG--said, "What an exhibitionist!" I was surprised. I asked her what she thought the difference was between a guy painting his toenails and a woman painting hers. She replied that it's part of a woman's appearance to be able to have her nails polished and bright but that it wasn't part of a man's look. "A woman does it to be (and to feel) pretty and attractive." I then asked her: "Okay, and how is wanting to be 'attractive' not related to being exhibitionistic? Aren't women also being exhibitionistic when they so much as paint their nails?" Her reply floored me: "Women don't do it for sexual reasons. Men do."

What do you all think about this?

Love,
CJ

I have heard and I still am not sure what I believe, but what I heard was that women dress for other women. It is a competitive thing....... well at least it use to be. From what I have seen lately, if they are dressing to keep people away a lot of them are doing a great job!!!!
Virginia

Hi all,

I can only speak for myself as to my own choices.

I just dress around the house and so far haven't used makeup often.

My wife doesn't use makeup, never has been to a hair salon and wears her dark brown hair in a bun or ponytail, goes for non flashy, non revealing clothing, mostly pants and tops, except for church or special occasions. She has one pair of heels.

I go for bright blonde wigs, colorful dresses, tops, skirts, jewelry, petticoats, heels (under 3 inch), etc. , but not for really revealing necklines and my skirts are (usually) at most a couple of inches above my knees.

When I was a teenager, I dreamed of looking in the mirror and seeing a blonde girl looking back. The dream comes true in a small way when i put a blonde wig on.

My femme dressing plans for the future include paying more attention to makeup. I want to eventually change around the computer room to allow a makeup/photo area.

I don't feel like trying to pass or go out, it's not in our comfort zone.

If I were ever going out, it would be to a gathering far from home.

Just one girl's view,
Jadeanne

Hi all,

"Women don't do it for sexual reasons. Men do."

I wonder what ever gave her that idea? This man does not fit that label, and yes I have painted my toe nails, but did not display them for others to see.

Virginia,

I have seen lately, if they are dressing to keep people away a lot of them are doing a great job!!!!

Yes some of them are (intentionally) doing exactly just that.

I could have posted this in the "slobs" thread but I guess it works here too. . .

Maria and I were talking about a friend of mine one day, about the way she dresses, birkenstocks, stretch pants and loose shirts. He said women like that are essentially invisible to men interested in a relationship. I thought, ok that's good to know!

Believe it or not there are many women who prefer to be invisible to most men. They do not want you to be impressed nor do they want your attention.

Now for work I dress professionally, I get compliments very often for the way I put myself together. I get the attention of men and women too. I am not putting myself out there to catch a man. The reason I dress the way I do is out of respect for my clients and profession.

But there are many, many times when I prefer to be relatively invisible.

There are men who do not even acknowledge me if I am not dressed for work. no hello, no look in the face. I can tell you that I'm the same person regardless of whether I'm in a business suit and heels or yoga pants and a baseball cap. For that very reason that kind of man does not get my respect.

Very Good post Terri.

Very well said.

However having said that there are men that are attracted to an inner beauty, That shows in your body language. Meaning carrying yourself in a manner that shows there is self confidence, which makes a statement that, one is at peace with who they are. But some how I don’t think Virginia is referring to those kinds of people in her post.

Well I do think exhibitionism that men often feel they can't express in guy-mode is one motivation for dressing (although I think most people have multiple motivations). Certainly that's true of myself. Back when I was in college I told a girlfriend I wanted to dress sexy for her and ask her what she'd like to see me wear. She thought about it for awhile and suggested a suit....um, that's not really what I had mind.... (I was in great shape at the time, so I was hoping she'd say something like a tight tanktop.) A guy in a tight shorts or an open shirt is generally assumed to be gay or more likely just sleazy.

To put it more positively, for most people it's probably better described as wanting to look good and not being afraid to let people know it. Much like the GGs Susann mentioned. And there are definitely GGs who are truly exhibitionistic -- there's been more than a couple GGs on "What Not to Wear" who were baring way too much flesh. OTOH, as Terri said, there are also women who could care less about attracting attention (male or female).

Of course there's a bit difference between being able to put yourself on display and being expected by society to do so. I think if Virginia's SCC show-offs had to do their make-up every morning, I think they'd quickly find it loses a lot its appeal. (There's a way to curb your husband's dressing... )

CJ, while I'm not sure your friend was being entirely honest with you -- or herself -- several good GG friends have told me there's a lot of competitive dressing that goes on among women that's intended for each other's approval, since most hetro men aren't observent or interested enough to notice.

Another key factor in the slutty look is the fact that while we may have a feminine side, we weren't raised as girls. A number of CDs, especially those who don't seem to get to dress much, seem a bit like teenage girls to me. They're revelling in their budding womanhood and enthralled by hair, make-up and dressing as a "woman." Va-va-voom.

So you see the same sort of overdone make-up and too short, too tight clothes that you see with teenage girls. I've heard of one girl who refers to this as her Bozo years. And because they typically dress alone, there's no parents to tell them: "You're not going out dressed like that." Nor the fear of being labelled the class slut. Both of which tends to cause most teenage GGs to tone things down after a bit of experimentation. Even if they get out to support groups, the problem is that support groups are often a be a bit too supportive. It's very rare that someone will give you honest feedback about your appearance. Sorry girls, but no one over 50 except Tina Turner belongs in a mini-skirt.

Going out in public on your own does tend to result in a quick reality check...

Darla

Darla Dahlstrom wrote:Sorry girls, but no one over 50 except Tina Turner belongs in a mini-skirt.

Well then, I still have a couple of years left!

Darla, Darla, Darla: Yes Ms. Turner does look great, but........... she may well NOT be the ony exception to the rule! I will leave it there!
Virginia

Hi girls,

This is just a wonderful topic for a thread. I have given this so much consideration over the years and particularly in the last year that I have dressed full time.

My brother said that "[I was jamming it up society's a$$ in retaliation for what I percieved as wrongs done to me by society]". I remember thinking he could not be farther off. How could he be that far from understanding. I told him that I was going to live my life how I saw fit. He responded '[that everyone wants to live thier life how they want, why was I special. Why should I be able to when no one else can?]"

However, I do feel a sense of satisfaction that I am living my life as I please despite the fact that it violates "social norms". I like the irony that when there are those who say negative things, or point and laugh, that it is me who is the only person living my life as I see fit. Those who use social norms to persecute others, indeed are suppressed by society. They do feel angry that I have chosen not follow social norms. I seen it in my brother.

So knowing that, it is hard for me to say that it is not a motivating factor. Having said that, it is more like a consequense of my dressing than a motivating factor.

But still there definitely is some exhibitionist motivations that I can not clearly put my finger on. I know that I dress more like I would expect a woman my age to dress. I don't beleive woman dress as I do on a daily basis, when thier emloyment or other obligations doesn't call for it.







So? Am I trying to attract attention? I think I am. I think I want to tell, no!! SCREAM to the world "I AM NOT MALE". I am not really attractive so I don't feel an exhibitionism about my body per se, but more, who I am.

That is the best I can do. I still need to think about this issue a lot more. The jury is still out, as least as far as my dressing is concerned and how I wish to appear in public and what I want to say with and/or how I dress while out.

Love always,
Elizabeth