Practical femininity

[CJ]

Hi all,

Two of my GG friends had these questions for me this week: Why does the male-to-female hetero crossdresser typically associate femininity with impractical styles and fashions (heels, garter belts, mini skirts, makeup, etc.)? Why is it so hard for him to indulge--even if only occasionally--in "practical femininity?"

"Practical femininity"? What's that? I'd like to know what you all think.

Love,
CJ

[Shenica]

To some extent, the crossdressing is a fantasy trip. There is nothing 'practical' about it. We seek to be a feminine as possible, in the way that we visualize femininity. Sometimes I think I am in love with the image I am trying to achieve. That may explain becoming as attractive and desireable as possible.

Sometimes we take it to extremes, and become almost a caricature of femininity.
We are not seeking just to be ourselves, in terms of age, surroundings and the activity we are doing. We are seeking to be someone else - the female personality which we may know well or less well, depending on where we are on that journey.

There is also the matter of primary and secondary indicators of femininity. Primary indicators would be things like skin texture, natural hair, body size and shape. The GG is 'loaded' with these, so femininity exudes naturally.

The secondary things would be the 'trappings' such a makeup and clothes. The GG does not really need these to appear feminine. My wife will look feminine wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts. So, practical femininity would be simply relying on the natural gifts of being female. Looking totally feminine with no make-up, a simple pink t-shirt, small embroidery on the jeans, and so on.

For me, I need all the secondary items to compensate for not having the primary items. Too tall, wrong body shape, rugged face, etc. The secondary items also help at the level of feelings and sensations. I do not feel very feminine wearing ladies' jeans and t-shirts. Adding the right underwear & shoes makes a big difference. The physical sensations help the internal feelings.

Does anybody agree?

shenica

[Elizabeth]

CJ

I think if it were up to us crossdressers to decide, GG's would not be permitted to indulge in "practical femininity". It is my beleif we have a distorted view of femininity and we project that view.

If a GG does not feel like getting all dolled up, she can throw on some jeans and a t-shirt or some sweats and not be mistaken for a man even though she may not be wearing any makeup and may have her hair pulled back in a hair tie. She is in no danger of losing her gender identification.

I on the other hand do not want to be mistaken for a man. If I wear jeans and a t-shirt and no makeup, even if they are girls jeans or girls sweats there is going to be no doubt that I am male. Furthermore, no one will even know that I don't feel like a man. I will be treated like a man. I will lose my gender identification.

The difference is, GG's don't need the clothes and makeup to identify them as female, or even as in my case, not male. I beleive many crossdressers feel this sense of loss of gender identity when not dressed distinctively female.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Virginia]

CJ,
What my sisters, Elizabeth and Shenica said!!!!!! Any question??
Another way of putting it is when that GG rolls out of bed in the morning and her feet hit the floor she is all woman. We OTOH have a great deal of "catching up" to do.!
Virginia

[Shenica]

Thank you Elizabeth and Virginia

I have been reflecting on this topic and my earlier post, and have come up with a few things

1. I have got to spend less time reflecting. I am afraid I will wear out the mirror.

2. There is a matter of the gender association of clothing.
There are very few items that are totally 'male only'. Some are mostly male, like business suits, but these are borrowed by ladies' fashions quite a bit. Many items of practical clothing are equally male or female in basic design, sometimes with a bit of female trim or colour. There are, however, many items which are totally female in basic design, from lingerie to skirts & dresses, pantyhose and high heels.
For me to feel feminine, it is not just having on feminine items, it is having NO male or partially male items. Therefore it must be skirt, pantyhose and all. I can (and often do) go out wearing ladies' jeans and t-shirts, but I still look and feel quite male. The shoes I bought the other day help turn the feeling to more feminine

For example, that is why the jogging suit with a skirt appealed to me. With the usual jogging pants, it would be a feminine outfit by colour and trim, but it would be too male to really be interesting.

3. There is the matter of practical clothing.
Pretty much all practical clothing is of the male or 'unisex' type. That is a function of our western culture and history, and of the jobs we normally perform. Many of the traditionally feminine items are not particularly practical for everyday living. They can be very exotic, erotic, and appealing. They tend to flatter the female figure and many things yell or whisper 'look at me!". Practical femininity would be being feminine in practical clothes. Achieveable for a gg, not really achieveable for us.

shenica

Code: Select all

[Gelinda]

I disagree somewhat, we are all different in our CD and our Drab world. Just as the real GG's are in this world. My wife has never worn makeup, she does like it much. My wife is the type that is more tom boy than total female is a little on the large size. See does not feel she has to put on makeup to feel totally female and beautiful. My wife is not a beauty queen in the natural sense of the word but to me she is the most beautiful lady in this world an she knows it. Know to my point.

Ladies when they are in their natural element and know they are loved an do not need to prove anything to the world. In male mode most of us men are the same way, I know that I do not have to prove myself to other ladies and dress up to get one as I am not in the hunt for another one. So to me whether I was en femme or en drab I dress to please myself only. I wonder sometimes if others are in the hunt for the opposite sex all the time. It does not matter whether they are married or not.

I quess what I am attempting to say is that it is an individual thing, I believe if I ever get to go out en femme. I would attempt to wear the same things as the ladies in the area. I would learn to wear a little bit of makeup just enough to soften my hard male face. I would wear jeans and a plain top that is very feminie but not sexy to the point of over board.

This is me and this is my opinion of what I would want to do. It may not be what I would really do. I think it would take a ten pound paint brush to make me look femmin. Later Gater, Gee

[Anita]

I agree with all above--I've got to stay away from the practical, because it's almost always used by both genders. I look like a man, so if I wear unisex clothing, I'm a man.

The closest to practical I can get is to wear dress pants that look distinctly femme--the long stripes on them are nothing a man would wear. I also bought a two-piece ankle-length dress. To me, that qualifies as practical femininity, because I look closer to my age when I wear that outfit, and it's not too dressy for the supermarket.

But jeans and a t-shirt? No thanks. I get read enough as it is!

[Beauty]

Hi there,

I kind of debated if I should even post here, but then I decided I should because although I may be a TS, I'm still TG'd.

So, for me I'd rather wear jeans and a cami any day of the week than wear hose or a dress. Dresses are nice and are very airy, but for me I feel limited. I feel limited to how you can sit, the extra material can get caught on stuff, it's just more care to wear. When I was dressing to express myself I always wore dresses. However, I still love dresses, but not so much for everyday wear. I also love skirts too, but again I'm limited to my movements and I'm not used to wearing them day to day.

When I went to my last support meeting about a year ago I wore the coolest pants suit. I swear it was soooo cool. I loved it! My hair was up too. I got lots of cool compliments from GGs too. It felt so good and not just because of the compliments. It felt good because of the freedom I'd finally obtained for myself. It was a kind of liberation for me. Hair up and slacks. For me it was "who'da thunk it" moment.

My last order of femme clothing was one or two pairs of really nice slacks too. So I can see that I've kind of entered another phase of fashion for myself. For all I know I may go back to dresses in a few years, but for now I feel pretty femme in slacks as much as I do in a nice skirt or dress. With working out again my legs are more slender too so they fit in women's slacks better too.

If I'm going out to a social event and that doesn't mean a banquet or a ball, I mean even a cookout, I think I'd be happy with any outfit. Then I'm just thinking about something to wear and that it match or be presentable for the occasion.

When it comes to makeup, I really don't want to use makeup that often. I apply it if I'm going out of the house and feel the need to look somewhat presentable, but not so much at home anymore. That means light foundation and a light powder. Maybe some mascara and eyeliner, but it would depend on what I'm wearing. Yes and I know CJ might rib me about this :: nudge ::, but because facial hair doesn't grow anymore I don't wear as much makeup. If I still had facial hair growing I'd be with everyone here who does wear makeup at home. I wouldn't want to see facial hair and my female visage. I think it's cool that some people don't give a "who shot John" about facial hair, but I wasn't one of them.

Now, this gal who I used to go to get makeovers from and learned about applying makeup with told me that every single day and every single morning she did the same routine. She told me she didn't care if she was going to do laundry or to a club. She said, she woke up, put on mascara, foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, false eyelashes, did her hair, and all of her other routine things. She usually wore jeans, but when it came to getting made up she said she wanted to look the best for her husband and even if her husband wasn't there, she wanted to look the best for herself. She had been married over a decade so this wasn't a newlywed thing. It was just who she was. So lots of gals here identify with her too. She was a very strong woman and knew who she was and didn't let anyone walk on her. She was a great mom too! So her makeup and the way she chose to look didn't mean she was weak, it just meant it's the way she expressed herself. I thought she was awesome. My wife doesn't wear makeup for the most part, but some days she does and it enhances the incredibly gorgeous woman she already is without it.

I know ladies(GGs) who are in between and I know ladies like my wife. People are different, men and women. I do think there's a norm, but it's in pockets of norms and if you really dig into those you'll find differences too. I also think it's cool to get to know more about the people here.

Thanks CJ!

Beauty

[Anita]

Hi Beauty--
Getting rid of facial hair really makes a difference, from what I can see. I would dress a lot more if I could just throw on an outfit and go do errands. Putting on foundation takes some effort, although I've gotten it down to a quick routine.

I've always prided myself on being practical, and here is one area where it doesn't work very well. As Shenica pointed out, I'm not built in a way that gives me as much choice about what I can wear. For women, practical often equals appropriate. For us, practical often equals overdressed, since we have more that needs covering up or de-emphasizing. Summer wear is especially a problem. If you put me in enough layers, my broad shoulders look like they could have padding. Put me in a tank top, and children say, "Look, Mommy, over there!"

But aside from going out, there's that "hot" aspect to consider. When I first discovered that yes, I could buy these clothes, and yes, I could wear them, I went out and bought the tight, the short, and the tall (as in heels).
The teenage girl in me wanted to look as hot as she possibly could. There are few CDs who don't go through this at the beginning, at least. I still like doing it for onstage, but I don't need to go to the hardware store looking like that.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I agree that it's in large part because we're trying to clearly distinguish ourselves from our masculine selves -- so we often err on the side of the extremes. Particularly since GGs are allows more latitude in they can wear there's fewer "male only" items of clothing, which means we seek the out things that are clear "not male."

It's similar to the hyper-femme phase many teenage GGs go through. I don't necessarily mean girly, but teenage GGs often over do the make-up and wear things a little too short and too tight as way of establishing they're now a woman instead of a girl.

I disagree that we universally share a distorted view of femininity. There's definitely some who would ban "practical dressing" by GGs if it were up to them. But I'm not one of them. (Then again, I don't have a problem wearing pants en femme -- especially when going out it's often more realistic.) For me CDing is often more akin to special occasion dressing, when even GGs who normally dress practically get glammed up. Particularly if you aren't able to dress frequently, you're not likely to want to trade one form of "drab" clothes for another.

And I'd argue that in some senses CDing as escapism has less to do becoming femme than being "not homme." For example, a lot of CDs seem to act as if feminine = passive. I'm not sure that they view this as the proper role for GGs. Rather, if you're tired of being the one who has to risk his ego asking someone to dance (with the possibility of being turned down), it's appealing to be the one who sits back and waits to be asked, passing judgement on your would-be suitors. Of course that ignores the realities of having to wait to be asked, including the potential pain of being never asked.

In a way, it's a parallel to the idealized version of what being a man must be like that you see in some feminist writings. Similarly drag kings almost always affect hyper-masculine characteristics -- they love, love, love facial hair and pack rather obviously precisely because these are the clearly "not female" attributes.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

Two of my GG friends had these questions for me this week: Why does the male-to-female hetero crossdresser typically associate femininity with impractical styles and fashions (heels, garter belts, mini skirts, makeup, etc.)? Why is it so hard for him to indulge--even if only occasionally--in "practical femininity?"

"Practical femininity"? What's that? I'd like to know what you all think.

Love,
CJ

Hi all,

Well I don’t think I fit that mold. I think I did at one time. I don’t think I aspire to achieve femininity. I aspire to be who I am (at least at a conscious level). For me when I was young I thought I had to try and be like a woman, and that pushed me to dress in a manner described above.

In my opinion it pushed me to attempt to be someone who I was not. And that revealed itself in the impractical styles, fashions and combinations that I wore. I guess the difference today is that I dress to feel good as opposed to looking good, and that takes the form of anything from slacks and blouse to dresses, skirts, etc. very seldom any make up.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Wow! Very interesting replies! Thanks.

That, in a nutshell, is also what I told my two friends. That we--because we are men and not women--needed to find ways to highlight and enhance what is typically (and, yes, stereotypically) feminine in appearance as far as clothing, makeup, and even mannerisms go. Androgyny is often not the goal.

Heh, that reminds me; sometimes feminine mannerisms are eminently more practical than are masculine ones: anyone remember the scene in Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn where Huck (who's dressed as a girl) gets "read" by the old woman because of the way he caught in his lap a pencil she threw at him? He quickly held his thighs together to catch it whereas, the old woman said, girls spread their thighs apart so that they can catch a falling object on their skirt. I, myself, still have a piece of a lead pencil tip embedded in my right inner thigh that dates back to my school days from having done precisely what Huck did in that scene. Would that I had had more feminine mannerisms (and that I'd been wearing a skirt!). It would've been , um, more practical.

Seriously, though, I agree that feminine clothing, by and large, is designed to be appealing rather than practical. I did say "by and large"; there are exceptions. As it is, there are trends these days (perhaps influenced by a voguish androgyny) that seek to marry form and function; feminine clothing is becoming less showy and more practical than it used to be and men's clothing is slowly becoming more flashy and, well, "impractical." I've even seen ads in magazines and on the net for men's lingerie and clothing (and I mean garter belts, stockings, panties, skirts, high heels, etc.) that are specifically aimed at the mainstream shopper and not at anyone in the transgender community. Of course, I imagine it'll take a while for this to catch on.

Beauty,

I hope you never prevent yourself from contributing to a thread for the reasons you mentioned above. Your motivations for adopting feminine dress (amongst other things) may be a bit different than many people here but that doesn't invalidate any insight you have to offer. Not by a long shot. As anyone here will tell you, your input is always valued.

Love,
CJ

[Phylis Anne]

dear girls as i am on view every wed afternoon when i go into new york city to cdi i try to wear as much practical clothing as i can.whether its a dress or skirt and top i have to blend in with all the other women on the subway ,i usually dress my age and sometimes a little younger than i am but not much as i do not want people to stare at me and then i loose the illusion that i am trying to project. all my love phylisanne

[Absaroka]

First off, I don't go out so the idea of passing or whatever is not relevant. Thus if I don't like it I don't do it, a luxury most GGs don't have.

For example I never wear makeup. I haven't even gotten rid of my beard. It's part of me.

I don't wear heels or anything except unisex sandals.

Most of my favorite femme outfits are pretty casual. Sports bra, Walmart panties, slip, casual skirt, casual top, sleeveless or long sleeve depending on the weather. Stockings, either stay ups or garter belt because panty hose makes my crotch uncomfortable. I like stay ups the most-they are less trouble. Sometimes the tops are actually guy shirts that could pass for unisex and happen to go with the skirt. I guess I am almost a tomboy in spite of the stockings.

If you asked me what I would wear to a CD event if I should ever go (and the idea is appealling to me, I would like to sometime) I would probably want to wear the same thing although I would probably shave my beard for the occaision.

Andrea

[Joanna_S]

Hi girls!

I think you already said it all but in my opinion , even the word "practical femininity" sounds boring. For me crossdressing would always be something extraordinary even if I did it 7 days a week and that`s the way I like it. You may call me narrow-minded because I don´t have one single pair of female slacks, only skirts and dresses, but I just think they are male clothing
I always try to look classy and beautiful when en femme, wear matching clothes and do my make-up carefully. For me being a female doesn´t mean tiny thongs, 8 inch heels, fishnet stockings etc.etc. but practical femininity isn´t my cup of tea either.

Joanna