What a boost!!!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:02 pm

Last night my training partner, her So and I were in the gym training. We were discussing something that would take too long to explain, but it had to do with "roles" and I was seeking additional input from these two ladies about whether or not what they were recommending that I consider taking on a certain task. My training partner - without hesitation and as sincere as I have ever seen her, simply said. "Well your part woman!" She was not trying to stroke my ego, she was just telling me how she saw me and how I would fit this role we were discussing!!! I thought my head would explode!!! This is where Virginia has taken me, I was, am elated and feel that I have made another giant stride on my "Magical Mystery Tour." No one will ever convience me that having this "gift" is anything but one of the greatest things one can be blessed with!!!!!
Virginia

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:21 pm

Virginia,

I am so happy for you. There is nothing like validation by others of what we already know. I know that for me it is very uplifting when I am called maim or her or she or when people refer to me and Raven(SO) as Ladies. While I am fairly certain my gender dysphoria is stronger than yours, as I have no desire to present as male at all, the feeling is still a great one.

Thanks for sharing this very uplifting story with us. I am enjoying your magical mystery tour almost as much as you are. You are very deserving.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Wed Nov 02, 2005 10:11 pm

That's nice for you Virginia. I sometimes wonder whether women who say those things to us really know just how much we enjoy and appreciate comments like that.

Enjoy your time up there on

Stephanie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 12:03 am

Virginia - - You are part woman - and it's great that your friend(s) recognize that, too! It sounds like your "Magical Mystery Tour" is on a wonderful tour of the galaxy - yay!

I sometimes wonder whether women who say those things to us really know just how much we enjoy and appreciate comments like that.

Well, Stephanie, you know that *I* am one of those gg's that you must have been referring to - - because I do. {And you're right: I don't get my pronouns mixed up, either!}

Enjoy your

Virginia - - it's well-deserved!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:18 pm

I will briefly give you the substance and follow-up to this story. My training partner was asking me if I would consider taking the job of taking care of her mother. The lady is, I don't know how to describe it other than it is NOT altzimers she just can not do much of anything for her self. Can hardly stand , one of two shuffle steps at a time, no voice communications, has to be fed. has to wear diapers. IT is sooo sad as I knew her before, a math major in college, brilliant, healty, eager, happy, etc. now to just be relegated to a wheel chair, or bed. But there is a light on I can tell, she know what is going on around her, but just can not participate in any of it. The beauty of this is that my training partner is totally comfortable with my taking total care of her mother, changing her, putting her bra on, cleaning her intimate parts, feeding her, That I am a male, albeit a crossdresser, it is a wonderful yet humbling experience and to have the trust that she puts in me to take care of her mother -- If anyone ever questions the value of being a crossdresser tell 'em to look me up!! I can tell the good side of it!!!!!
Love to you all,
Virginia

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:13 am

Living in a 'senior park' - yeah, I know, 43 and in a senior park? long story! - it sounds like your friend's mother has ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's Disease) or something similar to it, possibly combined with another debilitating disease.

But there is a light on I can tell, she know what is going on around her, but just can not participate in any of it.

If she can move her fingers - to any extent - consider using a laptop pc for a form of communication - the good 'ole hunt-and-peck method of typing for the mother. If it's ALS, there are special systems just for that type of communication using eye movement.

Some of the best caregivers are male, and you have the added bonus of being female, too. Your physical strength combined with your more feminine caring and compassion - I think that makes you the perfect caregiver. A win-win situation.

Go for it, Virginia! Keep us posted, and if I can be of further assistance with any tips or tricks for the caregiver, give me a shout!

CJ · Post by CJ » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:33 am

Hi all,

Viriginia,

I agree with Silver Lady; power lifiting and, uh, "power caring" seem to be a good combo when it comes to looking after a person who isn't very mobile. That you can be both gentle and strong is a good thing. That others can recognize this is a boost, indeed. I've seen this side of you last year when you were caring for your ex-wife after her hospital stay.

Heh, true, you may have been "taken to the wood shed" occasionally but it was certainly never because your heart was in the wrong place. You have a big soul and the muscle mass to match it. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do regarding your partner's mother.

Love,
CJ

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:42 am

God you girls are the greatest! Here I sit crying again with my soon to be ex coming to the door!
I will take a shot at the computer thing sounds great!!!
LOve you all!
Virginia

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:11 pm

Those had better be 'happy, crocodile-size' tears, Virginia!!

Keep believing in yourself - - we do!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:40 pm

Gotta tell what I did today and how it affected me. I sat my charge in front of her mirror, and started making her up. Some foundation, a little blush, some light eye shadow, then it hit me - what am I doing??? Is this for me or her, is she enjoying it or am I taking advantage of her for my benefit. Then she looked at me and an ever so slight smile, almost like a MonaLisa smile. Both appreciation for my making her up and I could almost sense her thinking "I know why you are so good at this too!" A bit of lipstick and some perfume and off we went for a tour around the house. Definitely made my day and when her husband came home and saw her, even he was impressed and hugged her and told her she was as pretty as ever!!!!
I would not change what I have discovered about myself for anything!
Love,
Virginia

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:07 pm

Yay, Virginia!!

You are giving her the personal, one-on-one attention that she needs, and letting her know by your actions - and obvious caring - that she is not just a shell of a woman sitting in that chair. Am I making sense?

I bet she would have given you a great big hug and a kiss, too, if she were able!

You certainly deserve one - - so here's a few cyber hugs and kisses from me to you!

I just 'knew' you'd be great at this - - continue to believe in yourself, like I do - - and the only tears you are allowed to shed are those big crocodile-size tears of happiness and joy!

Stephanie H · Post by **Stephanie H** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 9:12 pm

Virginia:
I think that you realized immediately that ensuring dignity is important.
I have been dealing with a handicapped sister for 18 years. Once a month I take her to the beauty parlor for a hairdo and manicure. She always brightens up when we do it. This is the sister that I came out to several months ago, and just last month, when we went to have her hair done, she commented that now she understands why I am caring of her and understanding of her issues.
That comment has made me feel better and more self assured.

As for communication, my sister is speechless.
We communicate in this manner.
She has a board with all the letters on the alphabet on it in the layout of a keyboard (typewriter).
She simply points (spells) to the letters for each word that she wants to say.
Currently, for common words, there are very few vowels being used and it is amazing how quickly the mind understands to words.
If the lady was a math major, she has a high vocabulary and this might be a great way for her to express herself

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 10:05 pm

Virginia - -

First, instead of referring to her as your 'charge', how about using her first name, or pick a name to call her here; either way, it will sound a lot better, and it's more dignified, too. {Just a thought, my friend, that's all!}

Second, another idea came to me this afternoon. You said that she is unable to talk; okay, here's a therapy that has worked on stroke patients and the like with great success {I should know, dh has had 2 strokes himself that affected his speech}: music therapy.

Sounds weird, but it does work in some people, so it's worth a try. Find out what her favorite type(s) of music are, and then start playing that music, for about 4-6 hours each day. The music affects a part of the brain where the language skills are stored, and it has been known to trigger the brain to say hey, let's start talking again... If this works, it will not be an overnight thing, but gradual.

Another therapy, and you should be familiar with this: cross-walking, or cross-crawling, but it may require 2 people at first. This works on the principle that it gets both the right and the left sides of the brain talking to each other. Again, this has shown significant improvement in many stroke patients.

I know that she cannot walk much, or crawl, so this is what you do. Lay her down on her stomach on a narrow table - like the ones massage therapists use, or a work-out bench - you get the idea. You start the therapy by moving the right arm and the left leg at the same time, then repeat with the left arm and right leg. Start with maybe 5 reps each, and gradually increase.

If you'd like to discuss any of these ideas further, pm or email me!

You're doing great, my friend - keep reaching for those stars!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 7:51 pm

Thanks for the ideas. I had thought of getting her on the floor to see if she could support herself in a crawling position and see what happens, I like the bench idea better, so I think I will give that a try also. Oh, the name - your correct - Her name is "Betty" and I have seen some pictures of her in her early 20's brunette, 5"2" 40DD - 21 - 35. She had the guys lined up at her door!
I will let you know how the music thing works out also, she is a Frank Sinatra fan from what I hear and they have several of his albums!
Saturday I was trying to brush her teeth with this battery operated tooth brush and evidently have not been doing a real good job at it. She actually took it out of my hand and brushed her own teeth with it. I like to have fainted - it was wonderful to see that! It was gratifying to say the least!
Virginia

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 10:05 pm

You're very welcome for those ideas, Virginia!

Do you (or the family) know what is causing Betty to be in this condition - ALS, Dementia, Parkinson's, etc., etc. - or just 'old age'? That would help in determining what, if any, therapy may be useful for her.

Hmmm......5'2" with 40DD-21-35 in her hey-days? Well, I'm 5' 3", can't imagine the 40DD as I'd topple over (36B is enough, thank you), and the 21-35 - well, let's just say those days came and went, but I'm trying to get them back, or at least close to it! LOL

It's great that Betty's brushing her own teeth - - it shows that she just might be able to feed herself again (with assistance in cutting the food...).

All in all, it sounds like you are doing her a world of good, Virginia - so don't stop now! On the other hand, Betty is doing YOU a world of good, too, and aiding you on your Magical Mystery Tour! {Alright, now, I told you - only crocodile tears of joy and happiness! Here's a kleenex, dry your face, blow your nose, and enjoy this hug!}

Hugs, my friend, hugs!

- SilverLady