Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi girls,

Sometimes I wonder if I have gone insane. I don't mean recently, I mean I have been thinking this from time to time since I was a kid. Since I was a kid and I realized I was transgendered, I have wondered if in fact I was just insane.

People who are insane have irrational thinking. They are not aware their behavior is not normal or even if they do they are unable to control their behavior. For me, needing to dress like a girl seemed to meet all the criteria of being insane. Until I came here, I was totally isolated from the transgendered community.

What I had seen on tv, was not what I was. I was not gay, I was not a prostitute, I was not a female impersonator, I did not consider my behavior to be part of a sexual urge. It seemed I had gone mad. For reasons that are absolutely unclear to me, I really had a need to crossdress.

I tried to stop, but felt terrible when I did not at least under dress, which I did for years as my only outlet for my crossdressing. And in all of my self loathing over the years, I always wondered if I were insane.

So I finally decided to confront all of this, and came here. And for the first time in my life, I found others like me. Heterosexual men, mostly married or in a commited relationship, who had this same need as me. It made me feel totally validated. Kind of the "see? I told you I was not insane, there are millions of men like me".

Until if dawned on me. What if? What if everyone here is having the same dillusions as me and we are validating each other in our desperate need to fit in somewhere. Kind of a "you scratch my back and I will scratch yours", type of thing.

What if? This is more like an addiction? Maybe like heroine, cocain, crank, cigerettes and alcohol. Maybe it is really hard to give it up because we have become so accustomed to using it as a means of relieving stress? Maybe? Like the person who gives up any of these powerful addictions, we will always crave it? Maybe in reality, just like the addict, we are messing our lives up.

Maybe, like a drug addtict or alcoholic who loses his wife, his job, his possessions, and his self respect just to keep doing a behavior that is killing him, we are also losing our wives, our jobs, our possessions and our self respect just so we can live this fantasy that we have all thought about since we were kids.

I am sure I am not the only person to have ever thought this, and I am sure there are many who still do think it. I know there are plenty out there, who do not have this need, that most definitely beleive it is like an addiction. That just like the addict, we do what we do to feel good, at the expense of everything else.

Well, I have to tell you I feel like I am living a fantasy life. I just could not have imagined a year ago that I could be this happy. I totally live as a girl. My wife totally supports me, loves me, and would have me no other way. My kids totally accept me and all thier friends know about me. I don't work because I am disabled with fibromyalgia, so I don't really have anyone I have to answer to.

I really am living this dream life. I don't know how long it will last. Some people say it is impossible to find meaningful employment as a transgenedered person, but others say you can. I will make every effort to get educated and rejoin the workforce. I will do so en femme if there is any way possible. And if not, I will have enjoyed living as my true self, insane or not, for as long as I possibly could.

I have always wanted to live my life with passion, to be true to myself. I am still not certain if we are all insane, if we are all not insane, if I am just insane or if this really is what it appears to be. A biological male that feels this incredible urge to dress and present himself as a woman.

"Ignorance is bliss". If I am insane, please don't cure me because I am having the time of my life.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth .

If we are insane then we must all have the same mental illness common to all of us, plus the many more 100% closeted that we dont know about.

A so called "normal man" is someone who is a a stereotypical conforming to the standards as the majority person.

Since we as crossdressers are all like minded in large numbers then we can argue that "WE" are normal and everyone else is insane.

I have the same feelings as you do Elizabeth, OK my reasons for feeling that I am insane are different from you, but i still wonder, do I dress because I am insane.

I have made a thread in another Cd forum about, can it be we(CDs) are insane in some way, an insanity that makes us want to dress. Because for most of us the desire to dress is very strong, could insanity play a part in our need to dress. I asked others what they thought.

I am not a professional, but I do believe that I have some sort of insanity that causes me to want to be a woman. I believe there was a shock to my system years ago that triggered these desires. I have had events in my life that had an effect on me, which led me to be who I am now. As I get older I can see that these events could cause mental problems or maybe even a bit of insanity. I do know, now that these events have been one reason that I am what I am today. With the help of a few friends and the internet, I am coming to grips with my past and I am trying to piece the puzzle of my life. Still, I do feel that a mental imbalance might play a part in me dressing as a girl. Also for my non-CD problems that I also have.

I am not a professional, so don't take my words as gospel, I am not sure of what terminology to use. I can only use words that I know. And I only use my experiences that I have lived through, to explain how I feel about insanity.

Elizabeth, I am glad that you have found others like yourself, more than likely they are all not insane, the odds are probably too great for that. But I really haven't found many people similar to me. People at these CD sites are nice, but I don't seem to have the same needs or problems as others. My ideas and lifestyle don't seem to match with others at CD sites.
So, this is why that I feel that something might be wrong with me. I read all the posts about the why's of Cding, and none seem to match my feelings.

How does one know that they are insane? I know that there are shrinks, but how does someone know when to go to a shrink? I know when people are depressed or suicidal,they go to a shrink, but what about an insane person, how do they know. Also, can an insane person know that they are insane? If a person has a feeling that they are insane(me), does this mean that they aren't really insane because they have some knowledge of being insane.
I know what I just said sounds confusing, because it is confusing to me and I can't put what is in my head into words.
Also, this is just my experience in life, I am not saying everyone is the same, or that all CDs are insane, I only speak for myself.

Hi ladies

Who states what is sane or insane?

I am me.. some may see me as sane and visa versa.. I am still me.

Pauline

Hi girls,

Merinda,

I have played the "who's to say?" game many times over the years. I mean, who is to say, what is normal and what is not normal? Who is to say, what is sane and what is insane? I personally have survived in this way. Realizing, at least in brief moments, that I have as much right to be here as anyone else and that I have as much right to be who I am, as anyone else does, also.

Amelie,

I think we all feel that our story is not like any other we read here. That we all have our own unique set of problems and circumstances. We all have our own idiosynchricies. I do not think we are all here because our lives are so similar. I think we are all here because we share something in common. We all have this need to crossdress that we can niether explain nor quit. Our reasons are as complex and individual as we are. Our insanity is as unique as our sanity. We need not know why, it is enough just to know we are not alone. I mean? Do we ask athletes to break down exactly why they enjoy thier particular sport, and what exactly happened to make them gifted at it? Not generally speaking. But if we look at athletes we could say they all have similar stories to tell, when in reality they are all unique also. Embrace your uniqueness, it is a gift. It is not what we all have in common that defines us, but what is different about us. That is what defines us as human beings.

Pauline,

Yes, the "who's to say?". I figure as long as I can understand myself, I am ok.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi,

I think when you think you're insane it's a good time to go and talk to a therapist. One because you could be insane and TG'd and two because when you suffer from gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder it's just a good idea to go and talk to someone who's experienced with this.

Well you know, my wife's attorney said I am an "insane pervert!" Honey, if Virginia is insane - don't even think of trying to cure me, cause, what a way to go!!!!
Virginia

Actually over the years I have known a lot of insane people. The clinically locked up "I can't go to work today because the voices told me to clean the guns" type insanity. I haven't noticed any of that here but who knows if that means anything.

Then there is addict insane. The idea of doing the same thing over and over with the same results and then doing it again expecting different results insanity. It's much harder to spot till you know someone. I recognize itin myself-sometimes.

Then there is dangerous insanity of the kind where people feel themselves impelled to pursue a course of action that may be rooted in an inadequate grasp of something or problematic assumptions, and that course of actions could endanger others. This definition leaves most world leaders needing to be locked up as a danger to themselves or others, which is the criteria for institutionalizing people against their will. It probably includes most of us although we lack the wherewithal to launch nuclear weapons and hopefully here among other places are learning restraint. But reading these posts for a while now it is clear that many of us our challenging our own assumptions, which is usually good.

Then there is something I think is not insanity but something else problematic. An inability to accept the universe as it is, which is a neccesary step towards changing it. A lack of grasp of reality? Sure but reality is beyond our puny ability to grasp it.

I'm actually a pretty big fan of treating people against their will when things get to a certain point, since I have witnessed and lived with a lot of physical and emotional mayhem. But I am also very aware of how dangerous this kind of power can be in the hands of someone who does not have a great deal of spiritual and emotional humility.

As for am I insane? No, just stuck sometimes, and for the most part the places I am stuck are not stuff having to do with either what I wear or where I am on the gender spectrum. More along the lines of how can I protect my kids from life and that sort of thing.

I do think strongly that if you're worried about yourself find a therapist you can trust (may take a while) and tell them the truth about whatever, which will be very scary and also take some time. I personally consider the relationship I have with my therapist to be a gift from God. He has had an invaluable perspective on stuff that has baffled me.

Andrea

Hi girls,

Let's not kid ourselves here. There are hundreds of millions of people, perhaps even billions of people, who think that we must be insane, or we would not either dress like or think we are women, when clearly even we can see we are genetically male.

I am sure all of you have heard people make comments to the effect of "how could anyone think they are the wrong sex, that's crazy" or "what's wrong with those people?". How about "what would make someone want to dress up in women's clothes?" and "Don't they know how ridiculas they look?".

I have heard all of those, usually when seeing crossdressers or transsexuals on TV. I have even joined in, so as not to give away the fact that I was a transsexual. I am sorry, but unfortunately John Q. Public definitely thinks we are insane. Perhaps not in the strictist sense of the word, but they do beleive that we have mental or emotional problems that are to blame for our crossdressing.

I hear people talk about GID and GD and how important it is to be labeled in this way by the medical community. Which gets us right back to where I started. Are we insane? Are we mentally damaged? Do we have defects that cause us to be abnormal and hence shunned by sodiety unless we remain closeted?

Or are we just a part of the human experience. Our numbers suggest to me that we are not defective. Our own heredity shows that crossdressers have survived the ages. We appear all through history crossing all socio-economic lines. Obviously this is a part of the human condition. So? why do so many think us to be mentally ill?

Love always,
Elizabeth

I am not defective, at least in this area of my life.

People thought Ghandi was insane, in particular those who opposed him. Not that I am comparing myself with him.

Andrea

Are we insane?

Yes, we are.

















And thank God for that!

Love,
CJ

Who cares what the world thinks ,

insane , mental illness ??

I will just continue to enjoy my obsession

Hi Elizabeth!

There are many things in life that don't have clear answers. When you attend a college, you are likely to find answers to subjects, such as calculus and chemistry, in the back of the book. However, the student will eventually learn that the real world is totally different. Learning to live out on your own, paying your own bills, earning enough income to support yourself, making your own social connections, etc., is learned with "hands on experience." You can't look at the back of the book to every question or problem encountered in life. People will make mistakes and learn from their experiences.

Think of a box of crayons. Are you going to use one color or many? Will you use every color in the box at one time? Are there some crayons that are distinct or different from the rest? All of these crayons in the box may be different, but they all belong together as a group.

Crossdressing is a healthy way to express ones inner self. I don't have the answers as to why I do it, but I don't consider myself insane. I have learned not to let others try to define who I am. Being different from people doesn't make me "insane" or "weird." I enjoy having a distinct and unique lifestyle.

Maria

There's a quotation from Groucho Marx. I can never remember the exact wording, but it goes something like this:

"As long as you can wonder if you're crazy or not, then you're sane. Once you decide that you're 100 percent sane, then you must be crazy."

So sometimes uncertainty is a good thing.