Long Journey-Small Steps

[Alana]

Hello to everyone,

First, I would like to say thank you to all of the girls on this forum and for the forum. If this had been available thirty-six years ago I would probably be at a different location in my journey as CD. I appreciate the responses I've gotten from all of you and hope that I can make a difference in someone else's life.

My journey started out about 45 years ago and it has been interesting, though often rough. About 5 years ago, I finally came to grips with who and what I am and decided to work towards presenting myself in the best light possible. To me, that means fashionable and tasteful clothes, hair, and makeup suited to my age; not frumpy or trashy, but classy.

I have noticed that many of the threads recommend small steps and I recognize the need for them, particularly with a less than accepting SO. However, right now and because I've been in the closet for so long, I want to take giant steps and enjoy the full me while I still can. To that end, I've started to work on my appearence and my voice in preparation to going out in public and not avoiding people. My goal is to do the best job possible in order to pass, but at the very least to have people think or say, "He makes a good-looking woman."

I have had practically no GG help in getting to this point. I have researched and studied techniques and methods for transforming my appearance through fashion and makeup. Have used the library, women's magazines, and the internet to get advice and tips. This forum is another tool for that.

In 2004, I dressed as a woman for our office Halloween luncheon. I was scared stiff as to how some of my co-workers might take it. Any way, even though my makeup wasn't as good as I had planned (was shaking uncontrollably), most everyone did not recognize me at first. My appearance at a distance was very convincing; less so up close. However, one incident really hit home for me. While I was in the break room, cutting up apples for the luncheon, a woman from one of the other offices in the building stopped by to use our microwave. We were less than 5 feet apart, face to face; apparently she did not realize I wasn't a woman until I spoke to one of my co-workers. Most of the women in the office felt that I had done a good job and were doubly amazed when they found out that I had not had any GG help.

As to some of the GG co-workers that I had reservations about (they are strongly religious Christians) they were some of my biggest fans. Three of them became my unofficial Secret Santa and gave me girlie stuff. So much for preconception as to people's acceptance of us. One of them even thought it would be fun if I dressed in her wedding gown the next year. None of them are aware that I am CD, though at times, I would love to tell them.

Any way, I don't know where or how this journey will end, but I want to make up for lost time and enjoy what is left. With that in mind, I'll take giant steps whenever I can, but small steps in getting my SO to accept me for who and what I am. While I would like her to participate in this journey, I'm willing to accept a minimum of roadblocks and detours for construction.

Love ya all!

Alana

P.S. I keep photos of me from the Halloween luncheon up in my office cubicle. They show me that I make a reasonable attractive woman and they remind me that things probably won't turn out as bad as I think they might. They remind me to go ahead, recognize the fear, but don't give in to it; take a risk, and enjoy life!

[Kyra]

Hi Alana,

That was a very nice post. It really does make you feel good knowing that you can pass, doesn't it? I recently had a similar experience, although not as close. I still feel euphoric over the whole thing. I posted about it here:http://www.crossdressers-forum.com/foru ... php?t=6172

I know what you mean by wanting to take huge leaps instead of baby steps. I sometimes have the irresistable urge to just be myself. But then I remind myself of what happens when I don't think before I act. Because what I do affects others in my household, I have to caution myself before acting on impulse. It's so difficult to control my urges, sometimes I feel I'm going to explode. I just keep reminding myself: Patience, Kyra, patience. ::sigh::

I have to say the internet has helped me by leaps and bounds as well. Like you, I wish I'd found it years ago. But I'm glad it's brought me to where I am right now. I've very happy just being who I am. I'm glad you are too.

Thanks for sharing with us.
Hugs,
Kyra

[DonnaT]

I believe I know how you are feeling, wanting to take those giant steps when appropriate, Alana.

Go ahead! But do it safely. And that includes letting your SO know where you are going and when you'll be back.