Crossdressers-Haven.com

1. Body and soul don't match (or match poorly)

2. Soul needs to be seen, needs to be related to

3. Body (or appearance) gets in the way

4. Body (or appearance) modified to more closely match soul

5. Soul can then be seen, can be related to

6. Relief, happiness ensue

TG'd individuals find it hard to deal with step 1. Society finds it hard to deal with step 4. Both TG'd individuals as well as society aim for step 6.

TG'ism's simplest expression.

Love,
CJ

This seems like Haiku.
Body wars with soul too much.
It takes time to match.

Since concise simplicity seemed to call for something similiar in response, but mine's a poor echo. What a little gem you came up with, CJ!

Hi CJ,

CJ wrote: Both TG'd individuals as well as society aim for step 6.

I really need you to sell me on this. I an not sure I have seen evidence that society is aiming for step 6. I would like to think this is true, but right now I do not. Could you expand on this and show me what you mean?

Love always,
Elizabeth

Elizabeth,

SO's, Elizabeth, like CD's are society members and we accepting So's aim to make no's 2, 4 (to a degree I must admit)and 5 happen as much as possible to get to 6.

Well at least I hope I try as much as possible but I guess only DH could give you confirmation of that

Jess

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

Your skepticism is well-founded; looking at the world today, it's not automatically apparent that all we (society) want is happiness. Or, at the very least, we're not rightly going about getting it for ourselves.

When any society, for example, explicitly declares in its government's founding documents that every individual has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, it's an instance of what I meant in Step 6, above.

We all want to be happy and, leaving aside for the moment the fact that happiness is a process or a by-product of our activities and attitudes rather than a goal, we all do what we can to secure happiness for ourselves. This is true of TG'd or non-TG'd folks, of DH's or SO's, or of anyone.

This little trick worked for me: my happiness increased the moment I stopped trying to convince myself that society wanted to do me harm. Instead, I worked on selling myself the idea that society really, truly and genuinely, wanted me to be happy. There's evidence enough of this in the people around me... my friends, my family, my SO, my colleagues, and even most strangers who've witnessed my transness (the fact that it's not all strangers that welcome who I am is something I've long been prepared to live with). If there's anything I can take home with me from Darlene's erstwhile presence on this board, it's the fact that I need to keep reminding myself that society is, in fact, friends, family, SO's, etc. That society wants us to be happy is an idea we need to sell to ourselves, not to anyone else.

Jess,

You're absolutely right; as I expounded above, I, we, you, he, she, it, is society. The only "step" we don't share (in regards to gender identity) is Step 1. But even so, as concerns happiness, I firmly believe that our "origins," while important to keep in mind, are not nearly as important as either our journey or our destinaton.

Anita,

Thanks for the compliment. I came up with the idea while watching a trailer on YouTube for a film about a band whose members are all TG'd. The lead singer, in an interview, said there was a great need for the soul to be seen and that the body too often just got in the way. I found it very stirring. It rang so true for me.

Love,
CJ

Well, my initial thoughts are with Elizabeth! Want proof??? Dress your very best and walk into the 11:00 am Sunday morning treatist at the church of your choice!!!! If you can also make yourself the proverbial "fly on the wall!" and hear the snide, off-color, demeaning, and well you know what of I speak, comments of these so-called, "christian, children of God" interpret their "unbiased, and accepting, christian ethics." Do they, that congregation, want you to be happy, I think not!!!!!!!! They just want you gone from their presence, so they won't have to deal with this intrusion into their "right way to do things, or go to hell, if you don't" existence!
Is this not society as well?? I have, like a lot of you, known some of these self-serving, holier-than-thou, people and "our" happiness is the last thing on their agenda!!!
WE, as has been stated numerous times on this forum and is an integral part of our very existence - WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS!!! Yes acceptance by "society" would be nice, but.............. it ain't gonna happen in our lifetimes. All we can do is be the ambassadors for our "closeted sisters" and/or the pioneers and as has been said, "It is the pioneers that take the arrows!" Just one girl's opinion.
Love you all,
Virginia

Virginia wrote: Dress your very best and walk into the 11:00 am Sunday morning treatist at the church of your choice!!!! If you can also make yourself the proverbial "fly on the wall!" and hear the snide, off-color, demeaning, and well you know what of I speak, comments of these so-called, "christian, children of God" interpret their "unbiased, and accepting, christian ethics." Do they, that congregation, want you to be happy, I think not!!!!!!!! They just want you gone from their presence
Virginia

Thats an interesting idea Virginia ,

You would devide the congreation into two groups (1) those who do not stand in judgement and (2) those who claim to be Christian but turn their backs on anyone who doesn't fit their ideals.


Unfortunatly I believe that those in the first group would amount to a bare few.

Hey CJ, Virginia, Merinda, and all you other girls,

CJ,

In the greater context, I can conceed that thier is some truth to what you are talking about. I take advantage of it everyday. Here in Southern California it is politically incorrect to discriminate against me. Open comments or gestures of disapproval are no longer acceptable behavior. It's almost like being noticably diabled. Everyone is super nice to me. Like going out of thier way nice.

This is what you are talking about. Society at large making the statement that I have the same right to happiness as anyone else. However this is masked by underground prejudice. Many of the individuals that make up society have no such desire to allow us to live our lives. It is when those kinds of people get together that we have the snide, rude, or even downright offensive gestures and statements to try to make us feel like it is somehow thier society, and not also ours.


Virginia,

There will always be those who are "looking to be offended". I really discount those kind of people because I know if they were not offended by my transgenderedness, they would be offended because I am overweight and if not that, than because my hair is thinning and I have a bald spot now. Even if I get hair transplants and was my ideal weight, even if they could find absolutely nothing wrong with me, they wil find fault in someone else. If one is looking to be offended, it's easy not to be disappointed. It is already clear to me that my internal worth is not going to be something measured by society. It's going to be something measured by me.

Love always,
Elizabeth