Crossdressers-Haven.com

I've talked to my SO numerous times about joining this forum. I can see some advantages to it, but also some disadvantages.

I wonder if I would be as open to say the things I've done if she were to be able to read about them.

I've gone out en-femme twice, and I've gotten the advice from this forum many times. I never told my SO of this, since I don't think she is prepared to hear it, that is a number of baby steps to go yet.

I get such tremendous support for my endeavors here, so much so I have gotten the courage to venture out in public en-femme.

Some questions come to mind.

It is to my advantage my SO know it all? Baby steps have been tremendous and have helped me move forward in gaining her acceptance to my crossdressing, my passion. But reading about my endeavors may(?) push the baby steps out the window. What if it is too much knowledge too soon?

If my SO joined the forum, then I don't know if I could really express myself as freely as I do now. What would happen if she became irrated over something I wrote or agitated over something I did and wrote about here?

Have others regretted getting their SO involved?

Is this a question that members are even able to answer, once their SO had joined? What if you are truthful and you SO does not agree or your concern for their response causes you either to not respond or to respond without being truthful?

Hard questions....

Like you, I've asked my wife to join the forum but she isn't ready yet. Your concerns are genuine and as I thought about it I realized something.
For the first time in a very long time I'm being completly honest. Honest with my wife about my CDing and honest with the people I've met here. I feel a sense of trust and understanding with everyone here and this has carried over into our marriage. Since coming out to my wife ( and almost screwing it up with my eagerness to "tell all" right away) I've found that I am extremely honest about who I am and what I do. I've totally adopted the baby step plan and I don't push her but I find that she has been encouraging me.

In answer to your question, no, I wouldn't mind my wife reading any of my posts. Anything that I've said here ( or will) she has probably heard from my mouth already. I can't B.S. her with one thing and then turn around and write something else. We have a special bond and it's built on trust and mutual support in everything. EVERYTHING! It works for us as long as we continuely work on it.

Lisbeth

P.S. I believe that you can delete any of your own posts. You may have to check with SL to make sure it can be done.

Carla L:
A ruff question for me to answer as there are things I say and tell here that my wife would get upset about. I long to go out again and I can understand her point of view. Now if she knew I go out behind her back she would be very P*** at me. I guess the truth is I am cheating on her. No not in that way buy behind her back doing something she ask me not to do. So for me I don't want her to read about my doings.

Lisbeth - I totally understand what you are saying, but having to use the baby steps to get her to accept me slowly, at the same time utilizing this forum for support... they don't always compliment each other.

I guess I wonder what would happen if she did in fact, join the forum. She would surely look up my postings and feel like I was dishonest with her, or at the least, not totally open. That would be entirely true, but not for the reasons she would feel. It would be to try to get acceptance slowly.

I just thought there must be others who have gone through this.

Well, if my SO read what I've posted about her at this forum, I'd probably be served with papers in short time. Her only motivations for reading here would be nosiness and negativity, and I'm glad she's not interested. Honestly, I'm not trying to be a bitch, just being honest about the petty BS she'd likely try to pull. She never made an honest attempt to participate and benefit from counseling a few years ago, and I doubt she'd be a constructive contributor here.

From an SO's point of view - I wouldn't want to have my CD join this group, nor do I wish to be a part of his group, whatever it is. I am totally free here to say things that could hurt his feelings were he to read them. I am totally free here to ask stupid questions, to go on long harangues about the meaning of the term life-style. And I can't embarass him by saying something stupid because ya'll don't know him!

In a more serious vein, there are days when i wonder if I really want to continue a relationship with a man that is a woman about 30% of the time. This is the place that I can come and think about it without it becoming a problem within the relationship itself.

As for being an SO joining this group, uh, guys... if she wanted to, she'd have asked YOU if it was OK. If she hasn't asked, chances are she doesn't really want to and you probably shouldn't push it.

-g(so)

Georgia - I like your comments and I am taking them to heart. I think the idea of her joining is one that has been brought up by this forum when I first joined.

I'm glad she said no, because of the concerns I have now, and the comment you just made supports my concerns.

Thank you so much. I definitely will refrain from talking about the forum and her joining. At least for now.

Well, anyone can read the posts without joining. So, if she were curious then . . .

My wife joined some time back, but never posted. I told her it was ok to join in.

And yes, there are things I've written she knows nothing about. The main reason she doesn't know is she doesn't want to know, apparently.

If your wife is like mine and really doesn't want to know or talk about it, she probably will not join nor read what's been written.

But if she looses trust in you, then she might read what's been written. So always be honest with her, if she asks.

And if she wants to join, then prepare her for what she may read.

Donna, I agree with what you are saying. I no longer ask her to join at all. I am already honest with her, but I only go the baby steps about it. It was a month ago when she offered to show me how to put on eye makeup. It still has not happened, I've asked several times but I don't push it. She says yes, but it never seems to happen. This is typical and I think 'another baby step'.

I am and have always been truthful. She does not ask much though, and that is probably a good thing. Should she ever desire to join the forum, I will have to prepare her for it.

Thanks for the advice.

Carla these are some great concerns. Coming from your aspect of baby steps I understand I where you are coming from. And from this point of view you have the best prospective on how she may take all of the information about you and others. As a thought, maybe have her join another site where you do not post.

Personally I did not have much of a choice. When the CDing issues blew up with my wife she wanted to know every thing. Yes everything.

So one of the many things she got was all of the sites I went to fairly often with my IDs and passwords. And what my wife did was a user ID search and read all of my posts. And yes I did get a few questions. And a few more. And a few more. Many of the questions where on the truthness of the post. She nit picked a lot of details. But I got her looking more at content than details if they really did not matter.

So yes now I do usually look over my post to check the details. But knowing she is here also has not stopped me from posting.

Good luck what every your choice.

KimberlyS-CD