Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all,

Several times while I was dating, my girlfriend at the time told me that I was not like other men. I never really understood what they meant by that. At the time that statement was made, they were not aware that I was CD.

Have any of you ever had similar statements made before you revealed your CD'ing? If so, was the reason behind the statement ever explained?

SOs and GGs, did any of you make a similar statement to your boyfriend/date before you knew the whole truth? What prompted you to make such a statement?

I often thought the statement was made because I wasn't agressive sexually and wasn't trying to get her into bed from the getgo. I was usually very reserved around women and tried to treat them with respect. To tell the truth, I was usually scared to death; afraid that I would say or do something that would make me look silly and cause her to walk away.

Since participating in this forum, I've wondered if they perhaps were seeing a more feminine aspect of me that I wasn't aware of at the time. Any thoughts or insights?

Alana

Hi Alana,

In a way, the question is a bit irrelevant to my own situation as, except for my very first GF, all my SO's have known about my CD'ing even before they hooked up with me. I participated in this thread anyway just to say that they've certainly made the comment (and most emphatically so!) after we started going out.

Love,
CJ

In my case no, my mother was a wonderful women but she demanded that it stay at home. No one even during high school had a clue.

Hmmmm.... interesting question. Yes, I did tell him that he wasn't like *anyone* I'd ever known before. It was because there was something magnetic and full about him - electric actually. He came across as such a daring individual. *Very* male, (in its best possible way), very sexually aggressive without being cloddish or macho... Very Bogey, with a lot of Bill Clinton charm thrown in. Stole my heart in like 10 seconds flat.

So, was I surprised when he told me? Sorta. Not entirely, because his GF at the time I met him had confessed that she thought he had a thing for keeping his date's panties as souvenirs - she was putting away laundry one day and found a drawer full of panties and figured they were souvenirs. I found that sort of odd, (and more than a bit creepy) until she said something about he must really like them all thin because the panties were all like a size 2 or 3, and since she was *much* larger than a size 2 (like a 2XL), and he hadn't asked for hers, her feelings were hurt. With all the panties the same size, and he didn't ask for hers, and he just didn't have that creepy keep-their-panties as a souvenir air about him, I had just about figured out he might be CD. Sorta kinda, not quite, didn't quite realize what all it entails.

What *really* surprised me was the whole dual-gender thing. I thought that CDs just had a thing for the clothes. I knew about TSs, of course, but had no clue about "the woman inside" or how fully most CDs want to dress and present as a woman. I doubt I'd ever even heard the word "present" in that manner. So yeah, it was a pretty big surprise on that end.

What also really surprised me A LOT was that this is part of who he is, not something he *does*, or something he has done in the past. It's a state of being, not a behavior.

Even when he told me, I thought he meant, "I have done this before and just want you to know." I did not begin to grasp that it meant "This is part of me that will never go away." I kinda figured it was in the "I used to be into goth/I used to do crack/I used to be a nerd" kind of thing. My misunderstanding wasn't his fault. He didn't say "I *used to* do this." I heard it that way because I was telling him some things that I used to do but didn't do anymore so I thought we were doing past confessionals. Boy, was I surprised when he got up and put on a dress the next morning.....

-g(so)

In the mid-1980s, I dated a lady while working in the Chicago area for a few months. After our first two dates and our first night being intimate together, she very directly commented that I had a feminine sensuality. She found it strange but interesting, and didn't mind at all. She was a great lady and a wonderful friend during those months.

I voted no, because I only have told a few GFs well..hinted for reaction....its best to be upfront and back in the 80s it was not a topic to broach, and probably most girls here hoped a realtionship or marriage would "cure" us. We all know now thats not the way it is. So, on this question, I can just relate what my sister said when I told her about DeeDee. She was really good about it and it takes a lot of nerve to tell, but Dee is so much of me, I had to. She commented that now some things made sense...that I was so caring about family.....and other things that i was sensitive. I guess it is a feminine trait but its not so bad. If more people cared about others, this would be a better world, and I'm proud that I have that trait. I haven't posted much lately, but something wonderful is happening (I hope) but I'm still here
Wish me luck..heck..I might be the next Virginia. In closing..we are different..but in a nice way
Hugs DeeDee

I have to say I noticed Elayne was different because I met Elayne before Wayne. I love the differences though. He is more intune to my needs....better be or that woodshed will have another occupant.

Well, obviously I knew about Virginia before I met her . . . we met through the Forum . . . so I was not surprised at all! She was all I had hoped her to be, and a whole lot more! Love at first sight . . . oh, yeah, it's real and it does happen!!

DeeDee - I can only hope that your Magical Mystery Tour is as wonderful as Virginia's, so please keep us posted!!

Lisa - Um, sorry, hon - but Elayne can have that woodshed all to herself . . . I'm keeping Virginia too busy to get herself taken to the woodshed!!

Love ya'all!!

- SL

Blush and cry!!! Yes, you girls are the sweetest! I am trying to not "hog" the woodshed as there are others who have, are, or will need a trip or two! However, this gal will still "say it like it is" but perhaps more diplomatically now.

DeeDee, you know, honey, I wish you only the best but as I have said, where I am and what I experience - well, no one would believe it any way, so I will just take SL's hand and we will continue to share our "Magical Mystery Tour" and damn, it is exciting!!!!! What's around the next turn????

Love you all!

Virginia

I related to Lauren in that sometimes it seemed all the caring and trying to be thoughtful seemed to turn women off-they wanted someone more exciting and dangerous. I was a wuss and not desirable.

I got told I was different from other men for a lot of other reasons also. I didn't take enough drugs, didn't take the right drugs, didn't have the drugs they wanted, took too many drugs. I was a doormat or far too pushy. I acted like a MCP or I didn't put them high enough on the pedestal. The list of things I was able to do wrong seemed endless.....so glad I finally found someone half ways reasonable and married her.

As for the CDing and having a femme aspect to my personality, a lot of women had trouble with how emotional I could get. But I think that mostly had to do with other stuff, not CDIng

Absaroka

Alana
Just to expand a bit on my response......a lot of GGs kinda like me a lot, not as a boy friend, but as a friend. Its hard to explain, but I was accepted as one of the girls and always en drab. So there is something they sense about us, something, I have no idea what, but its there.

Virginia and SL
Thanks for your kind thoughts, it is a magical mystery tour..LOL..but the next line in the song is "we're coming to take you away". Well, I'm ready for that if it takes me to happiness, and so far I'm living something I never thought possible. Theres been side complications since I met my new partner (if it pans out that she will be), not with her... but in my caregiver role....things that have to be worked out. Mom told me life wasn't gonna be easy. But its time to think of DeeDee for a change....and I'm entering my Magical Mystery Tour with eyes wide open and hopefully not being stupid.

This is the best site for support..and I thank everyone here

Wish me the best,
DeeDee

Hi Ladies
You have to be yourself or you end up as no one at all. I spent 54 miserable years making everyone around me happy at my expense.

Coming out is not easy but life isn't easy. Call me selfish but I want a life and too bad if others are upset by it.

It's not been easy but it always could be worse. I just never felt comfortable being a man. That's just me. It's not a hobby, a sexual thrill or an on again off again thing for me. I like to make to light of it and have fun but it's serious business with serious consequences . I accept that.

I can't tolerate being with someone who can't deal with it. This is me and if you don't like it get out. Simple.

Am I being cruel to the ones around me? I think not. They get to live their lives as the person they were born. Why shouldn't I do the same thing?

All of us here have to really think of what we want in life and how bad we need it to feel whole. If you can keep it secret or stay with a partner who knows but barely tolerates it that's fine. It's just not me. You have to do what makes you happy sometimes. 54 years was long enough to wait for me.

Hugs, ladies.

Love
Jeannie

Jeannie.....you wild and crazy gal
I read your last post a number of times it hit home so much. If I was as tactful as you and able to express my feelings in writing as well, that could have been written by me. Thanks for (at least for me) a great post. Hope we're not hi-jacking a thread, but sometimes its interesting where they go.
hugs
DeeDee

Hello all: I did not vote because I've never had a long term relationship nor have I dated much at all.
I have had (and do have) women friends and our relationships are more like brother/sister.
But I have never figured out the romance/dating/love thing. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, etc. etc. that's all there. I was not able to get help from my father in this area and high school years were difficult, so I never got a good grounding in this area of life.
An interesting thing that has happened since "hippie cheerleader" sarted appearing at protests and other public events is that I have met women while cross dressed in cheerleader outfits -- at the very least it's a conversation starter. Whether or not dating "relationships" would evolve from any of these meetings I don't know. When I do try, the results are so confusing I don't want to bother any more. The whole thing just seems too difficult.
I've also "lost" a few friendships that were promising due to physical distance (one person moved to the opposite coast) or my inexperience, fears, and reluctance to push further. I also had an experience with a woman who showed me more affection than I was used to-- but since she was "with" someone she should not have done that. Of course I enjoyed the attention, but that situation was ill fated from the get go-- I should have seen the crash coming. Even technology makes things more difficult these days-- with CALLER ID people know you've been trying repeatedly.
I must say that dating was always difficult for me, even before I started CD'ing.
Those of you who've had success in this area-- congratulations!
I'll close with this. Several months ago, CODE PINK (women's anti war group) hosted at a party at a Washington, D.C. bistro after a big peace march. I went in full cheerleader drag (was dressed that way for the march) and was treated ... like "one of the girls." Many of the CODE PINK activists are ageing hippie types, so we did have that in common. I really enjoyed hanging out with them.
Have a great summer!
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader")

It's been over 25 years since I last dated, so I don't recall what my dates said. LOL