Crossdressers-Haven.com

I went to another wedding this weekend. This was more conventional in that it was a mixed marriage-one partner was male and one was female. But the groom had a maid of honor and the bride a best man. Kind of interesting.

Anyway later on there was a group photo of many of the gay couples at the wedding. I had been having an enjoyable conversation for a while with a woman about other stuff and when that particular picture was posed she said that her husband should be in it because he is basically a lesbian trapped in a mans body. We talked about this for a while and I told her about having read Jenny Boylans quandary about what to call herself after her SRS-she was a woman in love with her wife but didn't consider herself a lesbian. She couldn't think of a word that fit her. The woman discussed this animatedly for a while and then all of a sudden she said excuse me and disappeared to talk to someone else. I didn't think much of it but later when most of the guests were gone I approached her again to talk about something more neutral (how good the band sounded-we'd been discussing music before) and she seemed to want nothing to do with talking to me at all.

I figure there are three possibilities. One is that she just didn't feel conversive. The 2nd was that I took what was an off hand joke on her part too seriously. The third is that she realized she had been on the verge of saying far more than she meant to and was uncomfortable with that.

Maybe when the newly weds get back I'll ask them about it. The groom and I are fairly good friends and his wife seems completely unflappable. It was one of her very good friends and I was thinking maybe some sort of apology was in order although I don't know what for exactly. i do have a way of being too out there in conversation which sometimes puts people off.

Absaroka

Weddings are emotional events for some people, so that might enter into it. Aside from that don't read everything as being personal. And don't jump to conclusions. Next time you talk with her, it might be different.

Hi Absaroka--
I'd say the hardest part of this is to keep all possibilities open, until you've had a chance to do some asking around. That said, there's a strong probability that something personal is involved--if you sensed it, I trust your intuition. In my own experience, I'm usually not overreacting when I sense these things. Later events and/or asking will often lead to finding out that there was something more to it. The tricky part is not having expectations about the answers when asking the questions.

When I say, 'personal,' I don't mean just your side of it, though. It could be that she indeed felt she'd 'said too much.' But it would be personal in that it did have to do with the two of you in conversation, and not just things about the wedding in general that might have gotten to her.

The subject of SRS might have hit too close to home. If her husband had made comments like the one she mentioned, he might also have some other issues like ours. It would be very upsetting for her to suddenly "connect the dots" while she's standing there talking to you. but it could have happened.

After all, one of the first questions after a wife finds out about crossdressing is, "Do you want a sex change?" She might have put together some very trivial incidents with her husband, and blown them way out of proportion.

A friend of mine once told me that most people are having conversations with themselves, you are only being subjected to it.

I would echo Anita's thought that this woman suddenly connected the dots over something with her husband. That is NOT your fault, nor could you have predicted it.

If this is just some woman that you met at the wedding, I'd let it drop unless someone else brings it up, wanting to know why you said such and such to this woman. See, if you start asking around, you are gossipping about her - in a way, outing her reaction to people she knows. And speculation on your part that possibly her DH wants to transition is non-malacious gossip - but gossip nonetheless.

If she's a friend, I'd also let it drop unless she brings it up with you.

If you run into her again, be your charming self, without mentioning the event. If she wants to talk about it, she will bring it up. If she doesn't want to talk about it, there's probably a reason and common courtesy means that you don't go there.

You didn't do anything wrong. She brought up the lesbian in a man's body theory, not you. Your response, as far as I can tell, was well within conversational norms for the event you were attending.

My two cents,
-g(so)

Georgia you're right as are the others. I guess part of my fear was that since this was an attractive woman she automatically gets tired of guys trying to talk to her.

For all I know it was mostly a joke-it was the sort of gathering that such a joke would not be viewed as off color.

When I left I did say to the bride that I might have offended one of her friends and if it came up to please extend my apologies. She replied that most of her friends were pretty difficult to offend. That should be it I would think.

The whole episode got me thinking though.

Absaroka