Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi, all! I joined up here some time ago and then dropped off the face of the earth. I've been buried up to my eyeballs in work, and haven't taken any time for myself lately. Anyway, I've been wanting to jump into the fray for quite some time, and it's not going to happen just sitting here. So... here goes.

I've been wanting to go out in drag for a while, and as time passes the desire grows. I'm not so sure it's something that I'll want to do frequently, but it's something I feel I'll regret if I never do it. However, I'm a looooong way away from being secure enough to do it. The main reason is due to my lack of having a look, or being able to create a look that would "fit in" at a local gay bar/drag club. Essentially, I'm just your typical part-time crossdresser that has little time to dabble with intricate makeup, I have a so-so wardrobe, and so-on. I do have a wig, but I have no clue how to style it, and so-on. To be blunt, I'm starting at square one.

As stated above, I've been wanting to do this for quite some time. I've taken steps in this direction before, but they were just baby steps. I've had a couple of makeovers done, and one with a wig. However, they did little to teach me how to recreate the look, and to be honest, I'm not even sure if they're the look I was going for. With that said, I haven't been to any drag clubs in a while, and I have no idea what the the typical fare is now in such places.

Anyway, what's the best way to go about this? Yes--I have bought all of Kevyn Aucion's books, and no--I don't have time to teach myself to duplicate his techniques. Goodness, the first time I tried covering my eyebrows I virtually lost all of the skin on my face trying to remove the modeling wax! UGH!!! I would really like to find someone who is truly gifted/educated in the art of stage makeup/makeup application, and work with them to create a look (obviously, someone who does drag shows would be a perfect person to consult with, as well).

I really, really hope I'm not wasting everyone's time here. This is something I'm very serious about and am set on doing. I think it could (must be!) quite a bit of fun, and I intend to approach it as such. I'm quite a bit of fun to be around in general, and have a terrific heart. I think it could be a great experience not only for me but for anyone who's able to assist me.

I'll run along and post this and see where it goes. Again--any advice would be appreciated!!!

The best way to go out is in baby steps. That way your conferdence builds and you build on each outing. Mabey a drive in your car all dressed up will start the ball rolling. Also you really need to sit down and practice with your makeup. Only you know what the look you need looks like. Then practice, practice, practice.

Well, I've done numerous things over the years--partially dressed in public (bras, panties, even a woman's sweater once), and have gone out "all the way" driving before. However, I'm wanting to step out on the Town. This is the hard part about creating a look--I just don't have time to play and tinker with makeup, hair, and so-on enough to really build up enough confidence by myself. Even if I was able to dedicate the time, who's to say the look wouldn't be horrid? I won't get the daily feedback that GG's do on this look and that look. Thus, I'd like to just find someone who is a pro--someone that is very skilled and able to help me put together a look. Does this make any sense?

Hi Brittany --

A couple ideas for you -- was in the same boat you were and had started looking for ways to accomplish it before my wife found out about my activities...and being supportive, helped me do all those things, taught me how to do the makeup and hair etc. It isn't as hard as it looks once someone who know shows you.

So - in many larger cities, there are places that will do "transformations" and teach you etc. Of course there is a price for that...but they deserve to be paid well for teaching. So maybe a long weekend to one of those cities is an option.

Another possiblity is to do a web search for your surrounding area. You might be surporised at what you find a short distance away.

If those don't work or appeal, although I don;t have personal experience with this, I have been told that Mary Kay cosmetic reps are typically helpful. Of course they want you to buy their products, and if they help you, you should.

The most effective thing you can do with clothes and hair etc is to just be observant. Doing this does require more patience than would have in drab, but since it is something I enjoy doing very much, I take the time toobserve and learn whenerver I can.

Hope this is helpful.

Hi Brittany,
Wide open questions - would you be willing to have Merle Norman or one of the make-up people at a department store "work on you?" They do makeovers all the time! They "expect" you to purchase some or all of the items they may show you how to use and that can get expensive. However, if you are in Asheville or Hickory or Boone they may have a Merle Norman there and just call and ask if they do men and if they do set up an appointment.
Another is to use the internet. Most of the make-up manufacturers have websites that give instructions, from the very basic to more detailed instructions, Mabelline, CoverGirl, Seporah, Max Factor, Loreal, Revlon just to name a few.
I hope you have a place to go as the farther you are from passing the more problems that you can get into.
Are there any support groups in the area? I know that there are in Charlotte and some of your sisters here would love to help you out in Charlotte - I would assume!
The first place that I went out was to an afternoon movie matinee. It is not crowded, the only interaction you have with anyone is at the ticket window and that is through (usually) some type of speaker system and all you have to do is "kind of whisper" which movie you want to see. Inside it is dark and you can "practice" your "moves" without drawing attention. That is, sitting properly, crossing and uncrossing your legs, putting on and taking off your coat, where to put your purse, etc.
Just some suggestions, anyway most people are so tied up in their own little universe they pay little if any attention to what is going on around them. I have seen situations where you could have been 8 feet tall, purple, with three heads and no one would notice! I would strongly suggest that you stay away from malls in the afternoon or evening until you get comfortable in going out!
Let us know how you are progressing!
Love,
Virginia

Hi Brittany
You've had some good reponses so far...these darn girls are good! But you bring back memories of myself, and many others I'm sure. How do you go out the first time? Sure...I did the drive...the mail box...maybe even a quick walk in a park. It seemed no matter how hard I tried though, it wasn't enough. Going out to intermingle with others is scary, and having doubts is normal. I would suggest joining a support group. The girls will help you gain confidence, not just in your appearance....but plain, simple confidence. You can progress at your own pace with no pressure. And the advice you will get is priceless! Personally I think trying to do it by ones self might be a lesson in frustration. So many have been there and have the knowledge to help you get over hurdles faster. There are so many resources on the web now for tips (and my first attempts were before the web). Don't get down...don't get frustrated..use all the resources we have now!!!! Good Luck!!!
DeeDee

Brittany, makeup isn't that hard to do, really. And there are online guides which can help, such as:

http://www.videojug.com/category/beauty

http://www.howtobeauty.com/Makeovers/index.html

The main reason is due to my lack of having a look, or being able to create a look that would "fit in" at a local gay bar/drag club. Essentially, I'm just your typical part-time crossdresser that has little time to dabble with intricate makeup, I have a so-so wardrobe, and so-on. I do have a wig, but I have no clue how to style it, and so-on. To be blunt, I'm starting at square one.

First, you don't need a look to fit in at such bars. At bars where TGs hang out, it's very doubtful, like many of us, you'd pass pass anyway, no matter how well you've done your makeup, etc,, because CDs at the bar/club are so common. The trick is, you need to understand it's doubtful you'd pass, and accept it. The time to be concerned about a "look" is when out in the general public.

As for styling a wig, if the one you have is synthetic, it should hold it's style, so all maintenance you have to do is clean it and condition it, using a good wig shampoo and conditioner. Washing it should return it to it's original form, unless it too old. Then you'll want a new synthetic wig. If you get a new one, it's best to get it in person at a wig shop so the shop assistant can help you decide which fits your face (and head ) better.

If the wig is human hair, then you'll need to know how to style it, or take it to a wig shop and have them style it.

I haven't been to any drag clubs in a while, and I have no idea what the the typical fare is now in such places.

It may depend on the club, but from my experience, CDs come in all shapes, sizes and numerous different looks. Wear what you feel comfortable in. If you want to get adventurous, there's always a next time.

Note that if you have had your makeup for a while, it may be best to buy something knew, to avoid infections from old makeup. Merle Norman can help, if there's one nearby, as can MAC stores. Heck, I've seen guys in Hecht's or Macy's getting makeovers. Stand alone MAC stores (not the counters in department stores) usually have a private area for makeovers, so it depends on how brave you feel when going for a makeover.

You could also ask some of the sales assistants at the makeup counters if they have a private area they could use.

Thanks SO MUCH everyone! I never expected so many wonderful and lengthy answers. I also wanted to apologize for taking so much time to reply--I've been in meetings all day today and just got the chance to reply.

To address a few of the comments, I've never really expected to "pass" in public--I'm entire too tall and too broad-shouldered. I'm fortunate that I have great skin, and in the face I might stand a chance at passing, but even if I looked 100% female I'd garner a lot of stares due to my height alone. Nope--I'm totally content with the wild, over-the-top drag--"hoochie" clothing more than practical clothing. Here again, I feel the same with makeup. I'd prefer a more over-the-top look with dramatic eyes, a deeply contoured face and so-on. I think I'm fairly adept at simple makeup, but creating a more feminine face with contouring and so-on is beyond my skill level.

Although I have strictly limited who knows this part of me, my wife has known ever since our first month of dating. I've always tended to be open and honest in relationships, and for once it served me well. With that said, my wife isn't very helpful in the glamour category. She's absolutely stunning with perfect features and skin, and a full makeover to her is foundation and eyeliner. As a matter-of-fact, she's had to borrow makeup from me on several occasions, and more than once I've had to help her put it on. She's supportive of this part of me, and we do have fun with it. With that said, she also has her limits. She was raised a strict Southern Baptist, and as such has a level of comfort that doesn't include visiting a bar with me en femme. I can totally respect this because, heck, I'm not even 100% comfortable with the idea. Here again, it's just something I feel I have to do.

Regarding time, that's something I have precious little of. I'm busy with two businesses, and the time I have at home I want to spend with my toddlers. By the time they hit the sack at 9:00 or so that leaves almost no time for me to do anything more than sit and talk with my wife. No tinkering with makeup, no practicing walking, etc (I want to SIT! LOL!). Plus, with our little ones, my wife and I have agreed that this is something they don't need to know at their age, so I'm very cautious what I do when I do it. It's so true what everyone told us about not realizing the free time you have before kids! (But I wouldn't trade it for the world :-))

I'm about to wrap up my day so I'll go ahead and post this. I hope this may fill in a few more blanks, and I'll definitely check into many of the suggestions posted here. I will certainly keep you all updated as things (hopefully) progress!

Its been a few weeks since you last pposted so I don't know if you've solved your problems yet.. Assuming you haven't .........

Finding someone to help you and teach you how to do your makeup can be problematic especially given the nature of our hobby.... And a lot of girls are looking for more than just helpiing which may conflict with your marriage... And maybe that's not a problem ..... But be warey of that..

I've found out that your not going to get where you want to overnight, at least and develope the skills to reproduce that "look" your after.. And even though you have very little time you still can squeze in some practice in every day...

When I started back into dressing, makeup was a mystery.. And after reading books and checking out the internet, I started into a daily routine where I would wake up 20 minutes every day... Put on my makeup, and mess around with it... Then wash it off in the shower and head to work.. Did this for over a year.. Without my wife even having a clue..

And you don't have the last problem but you should be able to find some time.. Also I'd look into a new wig, synthetic one that is the style you want to have.. Synthetoics keep their style vs human hair which requires a lot of maintenance..

Above all.. Practice... Practice and have fun..

Love Karren