A Different Approach

[Vincent]

I didn’t know where to post this, so if it’s not in the right spot move it.

This is the first time I’ve actually sat down and wrote anything on the subject of what I do. It really has been hard. It seemed that with each sentence I had to break down my thoughts and rearrange them into words, ejecting the hard-to-explain into something comprehensible. However, crossdressing in all its forms, by anyone, is not the easiest thing to convey.

—

I’m 62 and started crossdressing when I was six, but didn’t become habitually serious until somewhere around 13. It was always sexually motivated surrounded by fetishism and gratification. This went on into my thirties when it took an unusual twist.

By that time the sexual fulfilment wasn’t as intense as a teenager, but still within its own level. I had begun, at times, to appreciate the clothing I was wearing without the clothing being a sexual object by itself. I found this overall to be more pleasurable in many ways, and made the decision that I wanted to change my behavior and pursue a new direction. I came to the conclusion that before I could go anywhere, I would have to stop engaging in any physical stimulation while wearing women’s clothes, which was the primary barrier toward progress. This part wasn’t hard, but defeating the arousal was very difficult and took several years. Indeed, I did overcome and actually “cured” myself of the tendencies of eroticism. Of course, the fetish aspect would always remain, but it was a matter of interrupting the circuit and disabling the automatic reaction. With time, it became easier until there was no effort involved and eventually stopped registering to where it no longer existed. And, after all, I’m not gay, and any turn-on I had could be directed toward the female rather than within myself to be acted out.

When I was approaching my forties, I was truly experiencing a sense of liberation, not only by the lifting of a heavy weight, but a new kind of freedom where I could boldly explore all kinds of possibilities. The first step was to evaluate my feminine side and see exactly where it weighed on the scale, then determine just how much influence it would apply. To do this, I would have to commence with a total male-to-female transformation to the best of my ability, then adjust and subtract to where I would reach a common ground with myself and be able to say, “This is me, who I am and what I want.” And, too, I had never taken things this far and felt it would be foolish to think that I had never tried.

It was fun to a certain extent and gave me the chance to experience the complete female effect, but after a few times it didn’t take long to conceive this wasn’t what I was after. I wanted something more, which actually would place me in touch and eventually hit upon a sweet-spot. I began a process of eliminating the things I felt were not relevant. The wig and make-up were the first to go. The next issue to follow was the brassiere and breast forms. From a visual standpoint, having something on the chest fills out the garment, and along with the hips, produces shape that reduces the appearance of waist size. Without it, the size of the waist can be seen more, but considering my natural chest size and broad shoulders, I discovered that looser clothing draping down overcame that. Instead of allowing the bodice to run contiguous at the belt line I gave it more room for a blousey overhang. In truth, that part wasn’t hard to dismiss either, since it was only for a brief period of experimenting had I ever worn one.

After the elimination of those two areas I felt I was close to where I wanted to be. I became more conscious of what I was wearing, but since my upper body was projecting a masculine appearance, it would play a role in what I looked best in. However, from the waist down I had two things going for me, my legs and a well-shaped rear. I worked for several years trying to find the right style and finally hit on two outfits that worked.

First, 2-piece tailored suits much like those worn from the late ‘40s through the ‘50s. Second, shirtwaist dresses with a full or pleated skirt. I had already made dressing very simplistic. It was only a matter of putting on the outfit, half-slip, hosiery and shoes. I never did wear underpants for the comfort and feel of the clothing draping the body. I do dress slightly different depending on which of the two I’m wearing. For the suits I enjoy the vintage look of full-fashioned, seamed stockings with Cuban heels, and sometimes peep-toed sling-backs. Also, wear the older style garter belt of that period. With my dresses, I wear light support thigh-highs and regular pumps. On dresses with the fullest skirts, I like to wear a soft chiffon petticoat and flats for a look similar to that of the early ‘60s. This comes from fond memories of my rock ‘n roll highschool days. Of course I have several variations of the two outfits, but the main thing is not to look like a woman, only to capture the effect of those styles and still project a masculine image. Ironically, when I stand before a mirror and adjust my clothes I don’t feel all that feminine, just highly sophisticated. Though the concept may be uncommon, the rare few who practice this have the same frame of mind that is not uncommon. That is, we feel as though we’re two centuries ahead waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.

I finally had to face-up to the question, is what I’m doing more of a fashion statement compared to crossdressing? Well, yes it is, but I also have to consider the roots. Whatever the case may be, I had reached a point where I could manipulate and shape things directly expressing how I feel about myself without sacrificing one thing for another. Thus, I’ve named my approach, “The 50/50 Style.”

And, that is my story.

Vincent

[Carol Ann]

Hi Vincent,

Well I would say you have a great intro in much detail. I two like you enjoy the fun of the late 50's with petticoats and full skirts but my wife saids I'm far to old to be dressing like a teenie bopper. She is very supportive but she makes me dress my age so I look proper, oh by the way I'm 69 now so don't feel like your old yet.

You know each one of us has our comfort level and likes and dislikes in the way we dress. Gosh I have been dressing since I was a teenager and now that I'm retired I wouldn't feel right if I wasn't fully dressed everyday, and the wife is comfortable with it. Enjoy your stay here looking forward to more of your post.

[Virginia]

HI Vincent,

Wow! You sure took travelling the "crossdresser"s continuum" to a higher level! I tried to do an internal comparison to my situation and I guess it the end in itself and not the means that we both arrived at our destination. Note I did not say final destination as I am still "exploring" too. My "comfort level" came a lot more internal than what you seem to have experienced. My style of dress is what I have described as "conservatively sexy." And yes, contrary to what the show "What Not to Wear" says, "no Mini-skirts after 35!" ( I scream at the TV every time I see it!) you and I are the same age and I do go out in mini-skrts and like my SO and John Wayne both say "It ain't braggin if you can do it!" I do do it and look good doing it!

Hopefully we never stop learning and searching and seeking what makes us tick! Which makes me stand by my previous statement: "We may well be the next phase in human evolution!"

Thanks for sharing with us!

Love,

Virginia

[Amelie-Laveau]

Too bad it took you into your forties to reach this point in your life,, seems like a long time to me. lol

There were guys in the 80's clubs that i went to that had a similar philosophy as you do, some called themselves adrogenies,, something inbetween man and woman. They wore womens clothes, but no wigs, no breast forms or bras, sometimes they wore make-up, most times at a mininum. Don't really se many of these guys today,, then again, i don't go to the places they would hang out.

Anyway, that was interesting to read Vincent.

[Vincent]

Perhaps my post was a bit lengthy, but I merely wanted to cover the scope of things with the least amount of holes to get a complete picture of my method of practice.

Crossdressing, as you know, cannot be bottled into one single container. It’s a personal thing in which everyone has their own way of doing. Some dress full-time, while others dress sporadic. Some may only have a few clothes and very primitive, others own lavish wardrobes. Then you get into the psychology that motivates it, which I believe is relative through experiences combined with an individuals’s personality. Needless to say, no two people evolve exactly the same.

In my case, I simply prefer to maintain masculinity. Therefore, the satisfaction and fulfilment is creating an atmosphere where, through time, I do what I do with no regard and little thought unobservant only that a dress is just another stylish way of dressing.

Yeah, it's a shame I didn't get it together sooner, but it just happened that way.

[DonnaT]

I can dress just in a skirt and be happy, or I can do the whole makeup/wig rountine and be just as happy.

My wife asked me once why we need the wig and makeup, and I told her that some of us don't, and I would be content to just wear the skirt. She responded, "not with me you won't."

[Stephanie W]

Vincent

It's always nice to see a fresh perspective on how we see this whole cding thang and what it means to each of us as individuals. While your particular motives might not necessarily dovetail with many of your sisters, the important thing is being comfortable with who you are and doing what feels right for you. I've said that before but I do believe that. Perhaps as you said, your dressing perspective is 'way ahead of it's time' but while it may confuse the uninitiated, it shows our individuality and the need for us, whatever we do, to be out there doing our thing. I say good for you.

Donna

My wife asked me once why we need the wig and makeup, and I told her that some of us don't, and I would be content to just wear the skirt. She responded, "not with me you won't."

Perhaps just her usual way of reassertiing her boundaries to your cding. At least she's able to talk about things with you.

Stephanie

[Vincent]

There is another factor I believe plays an important role in how we dress, and that is fantasy. I feel the ability to escape (within reason of course) is very healthy and therapeutic. I would guess that crossdressers have the aptitude and talent to overcome stress faster than average. When you look at all the photos it’s not hard to see there are many levels of fantasies taking place, and each one is relative to that particular person and their exclusive needs. I, too, have my own measure of fantasy. One of the reasons I enjoy “commonizing” my skirts and dresses with my other clothes, is that it gives me the feeling I’m living in something like the 25th century, where men have adopted and meshed that which was once strictly feminine into a higher level of cultured identity. Therefore, whatever the reason, the act of stepping over the line and seizing that of the opposite sex expands not only a sense of relief, but self-esteem.

[Amelie-Laveau]

... is that it gives me the feeling I’m living in something like the 25th century, where men have adopted and meshed that which was once strictly feminine into a higher level of cultured identity.

I got this same feeling of your style from reading your post. I mean no offense but I kinda take you to be a very futuristic person, one that might be seen on a sci fi movie about an advanced race, so advanced that they dress as they wish,, again no offense but similar to a Star trek show. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? You can correct me if I'm wrong.

[Absaroka]

Vincent I enjoyed your lengthy description. Thank you for taking the time to say all this. I fully understand the idea that these things can be hard to find accurate phrasing to describe.

I related to your motif somewhat. I personally have a different style and do often wear a bra and forms. But no wig, no makeup, and I refuse to shave my beard. I look like a man in a dress which is exactly what I am.

In particular I agreed with your thoughts about fantasy. This part is about me and I am not implying that I am speaking for anyone else. Like you this all started out as a sexual thing. I was about 8. Five to Ten is probably the most common time period for this to begin. I've never completely disconnected this from sex. (Is anything ever completely disconnected from sex? I find waterfalls very erotic also....It's classic Jungian imagery by the way) But at this point there is something else non sexual about it. For want of a better way of describing it I equate it most closely to what my children did, or what the folks at SCA or star trek conventions or Viking fairs or any number of other groups do as adults. It's simply playing dress up for me and I am fine with that. Because when we lose the ability to play we lose something very valuable. And so I wear my skirt and undies and tops with a flannel shirt or fleece in the winter and a womens sleeveless tee in the spring and fall. I wander around the house when I'm alone and sometimes take pleasant walks in the woods. Sometimes it's fun to wear all white and glide silently through the woods at night like a ghostly princess. How many different levels of fantasy are going on there?

Many of the people here are of non traditional gender orientation. I'm not, at least not very. I do have a strong artistic, emotional, theatrical side. My daughters are fond of saying that as the only male in our family I still manage to be the biggest drama queen. But I don't see that as a gender issue. As for the clothes, when we consider how much effort is put into preparing an enticing feminine persona both at an individual, societal, and marketing level, to me it's surprising that more men don't experiment with womens clothing. Wear the clothes, wear the woman. Put the clothes on and disrobe the woman who was supposed to be wearing them. Be inside the clothes, be inside the woman. All that being said many here are not really crossdressers. Some are women in mens bodies who are finally wearing the correct clothes for who they really are.

Thanks for your introduction.

Absaroka

[Amelie-Laveau]

I'm sorry to go off a bit here Vincent but I just have to respond to Absaroka's good post.

It is a fantasy of sorts for me to. Well,, I'll always be a girl but the fantasy part is being a goth/vampire girl. This is why i love going out at night,, it's all part of my lifestyle/fantasy. I thought this feeling about being a goth would have died after a few years past my teens but ,,lol,, no it hasn't,, it's strong as ever.

[KimberlyS]

Vincent, like you I have gone to full feminine dressing in the image of a woman only to figure out I am more of a guy in a dress type of CDer. I still go out in full femme when I need or get a chance to get out in more feminine attire. As my wife wishes, when I am out in public I will present a male or female image in line with society. No mix mode image.

Most days I am in a mix of male and femme attire with the outer femme being androgenyous. Most days I am in at least one feminine clothing item some days all and still presenting my male self. Some day I do hope to add more feminine attire to my mix like skirts and feminine tops. But for now this works for me and my wife.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Anita]

Vincent wrote:

I, too, have my own measure of fantasy. One of the reasons I enjoy “commonizing” my skirts and dresses with my other clothes, is that it gives me the feeling I’m living in something like the 25th century, where men have adopted and meshed that which was once strictly feminine into a higher level of cultured identity.

That struck a chord with me, Vincent. It brought of the memory of fantasies I had that had little to do with gender. But...gender is one of the few outlets for acting out fantasy in public as an adult.

Doing something as radical as crossing gender lines makes it easier to open the doors to 'side' fantasies, too. I like Absaroka's ghostly princess gliding through the woods, for an example. Where 'playing' female is just a starting point for something else to start happening. One night I got up at a jazz club and sang an old Broadway tune, and I was up there as a gal. It was a totally different feeling to singing and performing--I felt like I'd walked into a time machine. One fantasy lead to another.

Thanks for sharing your experience of breaking down CDing into basic building blocks, and then re-assembling them in different ways.